Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 1 of 3: Gossip Girl is Dead, and so is Bart

Bart's second death opened the door for Blair's second wedding (featuring #1 better hair than her first, and #2 Meester Chuck), Georgina to find her one true scheming love, and Lily to spend her days blissfully drunk with her first husband. We didn't get the answers to all our questions, but we did get the answer to the biggest of them all: "Who am I?" Well, that one secret Gossip Girl would never tell turned out to be Dan Humphrey. Plot holes, shmot holes. But the YKYLK staffroom is oddly okay about it (some of us called it. Others had thought it was Jenny. We're just glad it wasn't all a Dan Humphrey dream). 

This episode treated us both to flashbacks (Dan's buzz cut! Chuck's scarf!) and a flash-forward wherein Nate has rubbed two brain cells together to become a viable candidate for mayor, Serena has married the man who made her teenage years miserable, and Henry Bass wins all the medals for Best Dressed Child.

It took two tries, but they finally did it.

They killed Bart Bass.

If the series wasn't ending, I would say he'd be back to win a 2013 man of the year award. But we'll assume they got him this time. 

Unlike Bart's previous death, the family wasn't feeling it. Sure Blair and Chuck had a moment in the alley - but that had more to do with guilt. 

The beaded purse was probably a bit much with that dress from last week, but I'd love to see it on it's own. 

The feelings of guilt over Bart's death didn't seem to last too long, as Blair was able to sleep peacefully and keep her purple eye makeup looking perfect. 

Unlike the police, former adversary Uncle Jack was able to get back into the country and find them within hours. He did so in style with a tailored grey suit, pink shirt and a full tea service.

He's looking a bit worse for wear these days - a little gaunt wouldn't you say? Maybe a return to New York will be good for his health. 

While Chuck and Blair were stuck in last night's clothes, Jack was full of good ideas. Namely this:

I'll give you a moment to squee and collect yourselves.

...

Okay on to what's really important: what does Blair Waldorf wear to her second wedding?? Turns out it's the something blue in a stunning Elie Saab. 

Her hair is also back to its former glory. Wearing it down hasn't done B any favours over the past season or two and I get it. Your hair changes. Sometimes it gets oilier. Stars! They're just like us! But when you're Blair Waldorf, you have the luxury of daily access to stylists and sending Dorota to hair styling school. Regardless, wearing it up like this is beautiful. And that's a very grown up version of the headbands she once rocked like a champ. 

I know she said this is the perk of a lifelong relationship with Elie Saab, but how the hell did they tailor it to fit so well? I'm no seamstress, but I know this is the kind of tailoring that takes time.

Whatever. She looks amazing and as improbabilities go, this is the least of our concerns. Although, does a lifelong relationship also get you the perk of your dress being your "something borrowed"?

More Deepa Gurnani...

 

Over the past few seasons, the flamboyant Chuck we once knew and loved toned it down. Sure there was purple (there was always purple), but there were so many suits and so much grey. But Chuck heard our cries of boredom and brought it hard for the wedding of 2012. 

A white tux! It will look dated in future wedding photos (if any profesh photos exist. Will they all be on Instagram?), but that's okay! He's Chuck Mothereffing Bass and he can do whatever he pleases. Pale pink shoes? Yes. He's Chuck Bass. A sparkly blue tie to match his brides dress in under an hour? Yes. He's Chuck Bass.

Other dudes can try, but they will never measure up to his style when he puts the effort in.

I know the cops are hot on his heels, but I kind of want to tell him to slow his roll just a bit. Because as lovely and a conniving as she can be, he's got a lifetime of this face and these friends to contend with.

This is years of judgement right here, my friends. Eleanor in her leopard print wrap strikes me as a formidable mother-in-law. You'd want to be on her good side at all times. Serena? Well, we all know how those Best Frenemies work. At least Lily will be drunk most of the time, so her well dressed and bejewelled judgement will be easier to handle. But hidden from the picture is Dorota, who'll likely be judgier than all of them combined. Chuck doesn't want to mess with that if he values his ascots. Cross Dorota and suddently the dry cleaner "accidentally" "loses" them. 

All my reservations aside, they do make a well dressed pair. 

And I'm sure it's all worth it for this:

You need another squee moment, don't you? 

...

Of course, none of this would be what it is without the other high school sweethearts of the UES. S, after reading the unpublished feelings of Humphrey, cancels her flight to LA, gets the girls out on full disply and heads to Dan's new place to confront him.

The coat itself is fine enough, but the Missoni dress? I probably could have given this a Worst Outfit nomination.

It's like she wore a well tailored carpet bag that is doing her décolletage no favours - other than making sure we know she's got some serious cleave action going on. 

Now, even if you disagree with me on the dress, I bet we can find common ground on the shoes. What do you think you'd wear with that dress (keeping in mind you've also paired it with a rather plain 3.1 Phillip Lim grey coat)? Maybe a pair of knee high boots? Or a great pair of black pumps? Or some adorable booties? All of those choices would make sense. But this is what S wore.

Yes. Glitter Louboutin stilettos with black tights. A+ for seasonally appropriate hosiery (not usually her strong suit). D- for the out of place daytime glamour. If she knew she was headed to a wedding, maybe. But since she was just headed over for a come to Jesus moment with Gossip Girl Dan, this is an odd choice. I know because I've seen what everyone else wore. 

Sure Georgina wore bondage booties, but they kind of make sense since she's usually wearing a plate of spiky armour. 

And what was S greeted with when she headed back to the city? 

God Dan. Enough with the chest hair already. You can be an artiste and slightly less furry. Or at least stop wearing so many damn V-necks. I do like the blazers though. Mostly because I love what is happening here.

I mean, holy crap Dan! What is this? You've got some mad Oscar Wilde steez happening here. Well, you know, considering you're straight, not dead and probably not quite as talented. But steez. Yes. The long burgandy coat with the grey blazer lapels layered over it and the leather satchel make up for all of your other fashion crimes this season. Of the entire series for that matter.

You really went out on a bang Humphrey. Quite literally, considering you were Gossip Girl all this time.

Can't say I saw that one coming. Not even a little bit. Well played, Humphrey. I bet if we went back and re-watched all six seasons, we still wouldn't guess it was you. 

Raiders of the Lost Art - Part 2 of 2 - Les Hommes

Chuck has a whole handful of issues--trust issues, mommy issues, daddy issues, Blair issues. . .

. . .but at least we can consistently count on him for not having any sartorial issues.



What a gorgeous paisley robe.  Blair, I hope you are taking notes.

And of course, when you show up to ask a lady a favor, you always look your best.  



Like this wonderful gray overcoat.

Or this gorgeous navy pinstriped three-piece suit. 



The pop of color in his lavender pocketsquare and the periwinkle tie is just perfect.  Nobody wears a suit like Chuck Bass does.

Can you really blame Dan for not trying, then?

At least he's wearing a color that isn't blue or gray.  Still sporting that ridiculous hair-mop though.



Minus 50 points for not tucking said shirt in.  Seriously Dan, you are not in high school anymore.

Unbelievably, Nate might be able to give his buddy Dan some pointers.



The slim-cut suit was really designed for a build like Nate's.  Chuck couldn't wear these because he's a bit stockier, but they are sex-on-a-stick for Nate.  Can you really fault Lola for turning her back on a lifetime of UES-hatred for a chance to get into those snug pants?  I don't think so.



I see, though, that Nate has returned to his favorite place -- Island Blue.  That's okay, I'm prepared to be rather indulgent because of how good he looks.

Uncle (Dad?) Jack would feel right at home on the Hairspray set.  He's sporting a serious control freak hairdo.



As if he didn't already look slimy enough.



That is one thing that Bart and Chuck always had in common:  they could wear the hell out of a suit.  Jack just looks sloppy and careless, as if it doesn't matter what's on his body.

As for Mr. Bass himself, he looks fairly good considering that he's spent the last few years in a coffin.

OH WAIT. . .



Still dapper as ever.  Love the blues and grays in his tie, and how his suit picks up the miniscule pinstripes in his shirt.  For sheer genius at complementary matching, Bart needs to be Chuck's dad, dead or alive.

You've Got Yale - Part 2 of 3 - Cutting Class

Good morning, sunshine!

Lily emerges from an encounter with the rugged Rufus looking charmingly rumpled. Her face is bare and lovely, and she looks comfy – comfy, on the UES! – in an olive green shirt and grey cardigan. Half the reason I love Lily is because she’s toting around a huge pair of diamond studs first thing in the morning.

Then she changes into a pair of more fabulous earrings…and a muumuu. Can’t they just stand Kelly Rutherford behind large bits of scenery rather than swathe her bump in layers of blah?

Elsewhere, Jack Bass is busy being hot. This family has a flair for suits, mixing pinstripes, paisley and a popping red pocket square in this case.

But his nephew has a pastel coloured place in my heart. The mix of large and small checks on the shirt and blazer is glorious, especially as it ties in the soft pink of Chuck’s sweater vest. Mr Schue, he certainly is not, though he looks like he could do with a little glee.

Rufus possesses enough willing for two, but in his favourite faded blue shirt, enough style for zero.

He cleans up nicely, I’ll admit, but any man can pull off a tuxedo (or, more likely, every tuxedo can pull off a man).

As to Lily’s dress: from the bust up, the pleating and sequin detail. Below that, I spy with my little eye something beginning with baby. As previously mentioned, I loathe dressing pregnant women in sacks – but not even bothering to conceal their bumps from the camera is worse.

Uncle Jack, tux-less at the opera. A poor showing.

At least Chuck does the family proud in classic, if not flamboyant, attire. I love his polka dotted bowtie.

It’s the morning after the night before when Jack failed to get his rapey hands all over Lily (and got punched out by Chuck in a strange Hamlet parallel), and Rufus is still wearing his dress shirt with an amazing lack of wrinkles or creases.

I like the idea that kind fairies – AKA Jenny and Eric – ironed him while he slept.

I decided to cap this facial expression because that is exactly how I feel about robes and muumuus. If you’re small, get it fitted. If you’re big, get it fitted. Don’t dress in curtains!

Chuck reappears to display filial love and nurse his sore knuckles. He goes for pink and neutrals again, this time more muted but with similar checks in the coat as the blazer of earlier. The preppy neckline of his sweater vest makes for manly chic.

Gone With the Will - Part 2 of 3 - The Bad

I think we all know what Blair was thinking when she selected this empire waisted dress for her private "not a date" dinner with Chuck.  I have to applaud her way of thinking, and even though she looks fabulous, I think Chuck would have agreed with me:  it's not her.

Frankly, it looks just a little too much like a slip for me.

Jack Bass is the epitome of a wolf in a sheep's skin.



Why?  He's wearing the Bass purple, and the nasty streak in him a mile wide proves he doesn't deserve it.

Oh, Serena.



While Blair's dress might have looked vaguely lingerie-like, at least she didn't have an easy-access zipper.  And despite the field trip to Dylan's Candy Bar, stringing rock candy onto your necklace is just plain tacky.

This is, unfortunately, not much better.



The sequined sweater dress usually ages just about anyone 10 years, unless you're 40, and then it looks like you're just trying too hard.

I don't hate this studded gray coat of Jenny's, but for some reason I still find it odd.  Still, Little J is headed the right direction with the bejeweled collar.  I think the problem is all the decoration plus the extra detailing. It's a lot of look for one simple coat.

As for the Mean Girls, they don't get it right, either.



The individual parts of Nelly Yuki's school uniform aren't bad, but as a whole they don't work that well together.  I love her red glasses, and it would have been great to see more color in general instead of that sad looking black and white furry poncho.

Isabel looks great, though, in this smart plaid trench with coordinating purple tie.

I hate to say it, but Penelope would be much better off dropping the headband schtick.  They aren't flattering on her.  Otherwise, her hair would be really pretty on her, and I do love the nubby pink and gray plaid coat.

This tryptic of outfits begs the question: do they have rules such as "On Wednesdays we wear plaid coats"? I would very much enjoy an Insider's Guide to the CB Mean Girls to explain such things.

In the Realm of the Basses - Part 1 of 2 - We are (Estranged) Family

Episode Synopsis: In a plot which more resembles the Lion King than Gossip Girl, Chuck mourns his father with a bender and the beginning of a grudge match with his evil uncle while Blair hovers off to one side, restraining herself to some Emmy worthy tears over Jim Morrison Chuck. The Jenny and Eric Tag Team champion Nelly Yuki, while I bemoan what’s become of the minions. Lily and Rufus hunt their long given-away-in-a-private-adoption-lost son, making Dan and Serena’s rekindled romance yet creepier.

Blair is working on building a life without ‘Meester Chuck’ after he vamoosed from her bed and Manhattan last episode. She does so wearing a skirt suit with kitschy and adorable puff sleeves, but the colour is a little dowdy. The boxy red purse helps, as does her gorgeous hair, but Blair’s buttoned up outfit ends up seeming just as repressed as she is.

Thank heavens for timelessly smart coats, especially Dorota’s recurring fur concoction. May God have mercy on us, however: the curse of the white tights hath returneth!

Someone else in need of a little grace is Chuck Bass, busy smoking opium in an embroidered green silk robe. Enough with the suits, he needs to live and die in robes. Preferably not die, though.

…except that self-destructing is one of Chuck’s favourite occupations. Once again, we are gifted with the lovely sight of Chuck in a sweater, this one pale yellow, not to mention a classic double-breasted coat. The spliff is optional and not half so chic.

Bringing Chuck home from the wilds like a stoned Labrador is Uncle Jack – the first rule of being a Bass is, it appears, to have a one syllable name, and the second is to know the value of a good tie and a Wall Streeter white collar.

But bad little pot smoking boys have to be punished by Headmistress Queller, who ‘could do better’ as she probably likes to tell her students. If you’re going for a pussy bow blouse, go all the way, go vintage Chanel. Don’t let your collar hide away and pretend to be a string tie.

Rufus isn’t looking too bad this episode, since a leather jacket is usually a winner and there are a lot of great shades going on his scarf.

He might scrape a five out of ten if he weren’t wearing his favourite denim shirt underneath. Also, his stubble seems to disappear and reappear between scenes.

Someone with as unimaginative a wardrobe as Rufus really has no right to go for Lily, whose heavy jewellery ages her a little, admittedly, but who looks classy and trim in this high-necked black coat. Her hair is a little messier than usual, which is nice.

Speaking of classy coats, Blair wears a wonderful one in teal tweed, cut flawlessly to reveal her ruff-necked blouse. I actually really like this outfit, despite how fussy it is. It’s tres regal, as is her hair: smooth and pretty and topped with a trademark red plaid band.

Alhough this coat loses Queen B points. It’s too big, and the shape looks too much like a towelling robe. The diamante collared shift dress is most majestic; I have no idea as to the purpose of her beret, especially indoors, but I do go mad for millinery. Snaps for Blair.

Meet the Cardigan – I mean, Colony Club. They’re supposed to look like grown up Blairs.

They end up looking like Evangelists who’ve just heard a naughty word.

While not quite as moral, Lily is just as much of a let-down as the club ladies in this baggy cardigan – trying to hide Kelly Rutherford’s bump should mean fab, not drab. Her blouse is both pleated and embellished, but the colour should be warmer so it doesn’t wash out her skin.

I love a man in a good turtleneck. Particularly when his sweater is flesh coloured. And when he’s got the plainest brown coat in the world over the top.

Luckily, Chuck is here to tempt us over to the dark side. This suit jacket has skinny tuxedo lapels, which would look cheap on an actual tux but which are sharp in this case. Add a crimson shirt for our devil du jour and a deep blue ascot and we’re away – away up to the roof, that is, with a bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label and suicidal tendencies.

Uncle Jack, working those stripes! Just like his late brother, Jack Bass knows his patterns. Unfortunately, he has no idea about not yelling at someone standing on the edge of a building.

Luckily, Blair does. For future reference, grab a pair of dominatrix worthy leather gloves, wobble your lip and entice that boy down with your big Bambi eyes and undeniable sexual chemistry. For best results, hug it out until he begs you to stop.

Luckily, Chuck is around to tempt us over to the dark side. This suit jacket has skinny tuxedo lapels, which would look cheap on an actual tux but which are coolly rumpled in this case. Add a crimson shirt for our devil du jour and a deep blue ascot and we’re away – away up to the roof, that is, with a bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label and suicidal tendencies.