Carnal Knowledge - Part 1 of 3 - The Warring Factions

Episode Synopsis:  Rachel, Corn Queen and Teacher Nemesis Extroardinaire, takes her war with Blair to another level with her newest idea--no cell phones in school.  Blair and the Constance Minions fire back with a salvo that might destroy all the Queen B holds dear.  Chuck wakes up from his own Eyes Wide Shut experience and enlists the not-so-helpful Nate and Vanessa to assist him in tracking down the masked woman he cavorted with the night before.

We open with Blair finishing her community service picking up trash in Central Park, and I'm reminded of convicts who do similar work on the side of the highways. Only, instead of a bright orange jumpsuit, Blair dons this orange double-breasted coat with a very flattering empire waist.

 

And I love the extra buckle detail on the back.

Underneath, Blair naturally has on one of her fabulous school "uniforms".



Or rather, it's fabulous from the waist up.  Blair's cream cardigan complete with navy blue bow-tie is charming, but the bulky, ill-fitting blue brocade skirt isn't.

Blair wears some really beautifully vibrant colors this episode.  I don't like the overt shininess of this top, but the color is sumptuous...much like her "I'm not a convict" orange coat.

And then what does she do? She hits it out of the park by pairing it with this gorgeous deep teal coat.

Even her devastation over losing Yale to Nelly Yuki doesn't stop Blair from scheming or from looking her best.



You can only figure out just how depressed she is by the droopiness of her brunette waves, but as usual she does no wrong with her cream and navy embellished shell and cardigan set.

Blair's adversary, the sickly sweet Rachel Carr, actually dresses somewhat similiar to the Queen B, except that she lacks Blair's knack for color and details.

This simple ivory blouse with gold buttons isn't so bad, except when Rachel pairs it with this bland khaki skirt straight from some Midwest mall:

You'd think adding some color would help the situation, but...no. The one color she boasts all episode is this violet sweater with oversized sleeves, but even then it's not quite the jewel tone she's looking for. The fit is just unfortunate, making her flat where she should be curvy, and vice versa.

But, maybe this is just conservative daytime wear? You might assume that she dresses up a bit more at night, right?

You know what they say about assuming. When the sun goes down Rachel gets out the bland argyle.

Harold is his usual dapper self, rocking the argyle in a way Miss Carr can't. It's perfection with a blue and gray sweater, complete with plaid pants.

In fact, Harold seems to greatly enjoy plaid pants, as he chooses another pair for the Constance-St. Jude teacher's meeting.



Love the mixed patterns here--you can definitely see why Blair digs Chuck's wardrobe, considering what she's used to at home.  

The Mean Girls have taken a page out of the book of their namesakes, except instead of wearing pink on Wednesdays, I bet you the Constance girls have a conference call every morning to decide their uniform for the day.

Today's theme?



Brightly colored coats.  I especially love Nelly Yuki's sunny yellow with the exaggerated frog closures.  And how gorgeous does Penelope look in that shade of purple?

After their cell phones are confiscated by Miss Carr, the Mean Girls are more than on board with Blair's plan of Shock and Awe.


 
It's too bad that what's really shocking here is Isabel's hideous orange ruffled sweater.  On the other hand, Penelope and Nelly deport themselves admirably, opting for simple clean lines and more bright colors.  The Mean Girls, Isabel especially, need to favor a more streamlined approach. Perhaps they can take a cue from Nelly, with her simple navy tie and subtly detailed gold cardigan.  Topped off with some gold cat-eye glasses, she's purrr-fection. (Sorry, can't resist a good fashion pun.)

You've Got Yale - Part 1 of 3 - Wait Listed

Episode Synopsis: Yale early acceptances come around in a twist of timeline which baffles viewers and causes Blair’s hair to curl from sheer rage at not getting one. Instead, Serena gets in, amazing those of us who were still unsure if she could write her own name. Dan has will they/won’t they tension with Corn Queen Miss Carr in the hope of breaking yet another taboo this show hasn’t tried yet. Elsewhere, it appears Chuck has given up on both education and multiple facial expressions and is instead focusing on bringing down Jack with the help of Girl Scouts and anthrax. Lily surprisingly assists; Rufus is unsurprisingly ignorant.

When I applied to university, I got a balloon. Blair gets this, with the size of each letter denoting each person’s interest in her: Dorota wants what Blair wants, Harold wants his daughter at his alma mater, and Roman just wanted to organise a brunch and wear appallingly fitted jeans.

Blair-Bear looks wonderful in pink, white and grey, perfectly tailored to conceal her drab skirt. Her ascot and fluted collar add a touch of uptightness – I’m going to have to give up mentioning the white tights. She’s not giving them up, and I’m not giving up hating them. Kind of like an evil stepchild.

The only redeeming quality of the aforementioned Hose from Hell is that they match a glorious white winter coat with heavy black patterning and large buttons. Gorgeous.

Nelly swipes not only Blair’s spot at Yale but also the award for best outfit this episode. This pale salmon coloured confection of a coat is adorable, with particular pulling power in the puffed frills running along the collar and button fastening. Being a Power Puff girl is way cooler than a Queen B.

Miss Carr is this episode’s teenage mutant ninja cougar. She's sweet looking, but a boring navy cardigan and olivey-grey top do absolutely nothing for her.

And speaking of cats, meow. Check out the minions’ death glares.

They emulate their leader with pale, neutral shades and accessories in pink and purple, just like Blair’s blazer. Hazel resembles a gingerbread man, but Penelope’s fuchsia is fierce and Iz’s pared down look is elegant and a little frightening.

Did I mention the minions are all wearing animal prints? You get the cat metaphor now?

Strangely, it’s Blair who loses her way this episode sartorially.

This is her greatest faux pas; the sugar plum fairy dress has a tutu skirt and shimmery bodice which are striking but out of character. Her headband confuses me. It's a pale blue braid that doesn't even match her purse.

Blair regrets hazing Miss Carr (a mild atrocity involving fake reservations) and goes to make amends. To do so, she dons a bed jacket – either that, or an overgrown tulip is eating Blair alive. All these bizarrely vibrant colours makes me wonder if Eric Daman was on an acid trip that day.

Unstyled and possibly unbrushed hair, grey wool coat over who knows what…Rachel, why don’t you go stir a pot of something for needy children rather than trying to stir things up on the UES?

Instead of visiting your students at the weekend in a shirt with straining buttons? You know, if you’re not hoping to be arrested for paedophilia?

Blair’s gone mad.

I’m not kidding.

Is it a dress? Is it a blouse and a skirt? Either way, it appears the Plaid Monster has vomited tartan the same shade as her hair all over her. She pulls it off only because Leighton Meester is clearly trying so hard to make it work. She literally looks like she’s about to pop a blood vessel for this outfit’s duration.

Even Queller, desperately trying to pretend she’s the same actress from two episodes ago, thinks Blair looks hilarious. While dressed like Mr Darcy.

A plaid overdose is this ensemble’s surprise saviour: this coat has clear lines and a brighter colour which livens Blair up, though I’m still none the wiser as to why she’s dressed as a rug.

And neither is Dorota.

Roman Holiday - Part 2 of 3 - A Homecoming for Harold

Oh, Eleanor.  How many times must I tell you that shiny does not equal luxurious?  This gray shirt with the attached scarf is just hideous, and unbelievably unflattering.

Shall we look at it again from another angle?

Case closed. I think this alone should be enough to turn Eleanor off shiny tight fabrics, but we all know she’ll be back again next week, wearing the same ugly blouses.

This is about a million times better.  I mentioned earlier that Eric Daman did a wonderful job with red touches in this episode and this is one of those.  Eleanor’s red plaid wrap is flattering and beautiful with her skin tone.  I also love the fur hat perched rakishly on her head.   She looks fabulous here—alive and much younger because of the bright color.

Even better—no shiny in sight!

Oh no.  More shiny.

Shiny jackets are even worse than shiny shirts.  I do like the shade of dark red, but the fabric itself is terrible.  Can’t Eleanor pull out a fabulous dress like the one she wore for her Moroccan party back in “The Handmaiden’s Tale”?  She's a famous fashion designer and this is the best she can do?  I find this difficult to believe.

Even her peignoir set is shiny.  But I’m going to give her a free pass because she’s lovely and glowing after her hookup with Roman’s friend.

As for Eleanor’s ex-husband, Harold looks classic and elegant in his sweater and slacks combination.

Again, more great red from Eric Daman.  I love this maroon sweater paired with the light pink polo and gray slacks.  He looks fantastic.

Harold looks even better during the ice skating excursion.  Love the layered light blue and camel shirts, topped by the perfectly cut gray blazer.  Extraordinarily classy.  Male chic without looking overly ridiculous.

Unfortunately he too swings and misses at his ex-wife’s Christmas get-together.

The red and green is subtle and well-done.  Not too cheesy.  I especially like the striped pattern with olive greens and browns in his sweater.  Casual but dressy enough for a party.

However . . . 

Plaid bell bottoms?  Really?  Harold, I am disappointed.  Blair should have said something.  She definitely would have if it had been one of her St. Jude's boys.  But I guess this really does prove love is blind.

The next morning, he changes into a much improved outfit.

Harold gets my Chuck Bass Man-of-Fashion award for this episode, mostly for this inspired ensemble of plaid shirt, Fair Isle sweater, and that wonderful gray jacket.  Mixing patterns can be a risky business, as Vanessa has learned, but clearly Harold Waldorf is a master (just make sure that plaid and pants are not involved).

As for Harold’s lover, Roman, I can’t say that I’m honestly impressed.

We’ve been hearing about Roman since the premiere episode of Gossip Girl, but this is the first time he appears on the show, and after such a buildup, this is kind of a letdown.

I find it difficult to believe that this man was a model as recently as a year prior.  Not that he’s ugly necessarily, but he’s old.  And his face looks well...not very model-like.  Also, that heavily patterned shirt underneath his staid gray sweater looks like something you’d wear to Miami South Beach, not a Manhattan penthouse.  No wonder Blair was upset at his unexpected arrival.

For ice skating, he does a little better.  I really think this leather jacket looks good on him, and the gray turtleneck is moving in more model-chic direction.  Plus, whatever he did to his hair was a vast improvement.

For the party, he goes the simple route again.

Nothing to complain about.  Again, red looks great on Roman.  It does glisten slightly, but I think it isn't quite shiny enough to invoke the same wrath Eleanor does on a routine basis. I’m not sure about the blazer—it’s hard to see but I think it might be a very dark brown, and perhaps a velvet.  If I’m right than this is much worse than I thought it was, but because I’m not sure, he also gets a free pass.

Definitely my favorite look of Roman’s from this episode has to be this one, worn on Christmas morning:

The smartly tailored, navy blue military jacket is wonderful, and I even love the white and blue knit sweater he’s wearing underneath.  Take note, Dan, this is what you should be wearing when you pull a sweater and/or cardigan out of your closet—if closets even exist in the fashion black hole that’s the Humphrey loft.

Finally, we have the most important Waldorf of all:  Miss Blair herself.

Christmas might not be Thanksgiving, but Blair’s still putting her best foot forward, since her dad’s coming home this year.

Unlike Serena, sometimes Blair’s schoolgirl outfits border on fussy and overdone.  Of course, also unlike Serena, Blair believes in covering up the goods and that sequins aren’t for every occasion.

Regardless, this is still a bit much.

I like the idea of the outfit, but in execution, it all becomes a bit much.  The ruffled placket on her shirt and the cute red bow belt might have worked on their own, but together, it’s overkill.  The blue jacket and its matching skirt are good simple pieces.  The headband is a nice touch, but again, it feels like one cute accessory too many.

Without the bow belt, the headband looks like the perfect finishing touch—a red ribbon pulling together Blair’s wonderful red patent leather bag and the navy in the plaid echoing the blue in her coat and skirt.  I can’t tell what the emblem is, but it looks festive.

Unfortunately the full view is even worse.

The clashing blue of the tights combined with those butt-ugly shiny black boots push this into a hot mess zone.

I went back and forth on this next outfit, and I finally decided that even if it’s twee even for Blair and the overall cheesiness is excessive, I don’t care.  I love it anyway, if only because it’s such a Blair thing to wear.  Of course she would own figure skating outfits.  This is Blair Waldorf we’re talking about, whose wardrobe is only slightly less obsessively-complete than Cher in Clueless.

Is it ridiculous?  Absolutely.  But in my mind, this is a very pre-series outfit, which makes sense.  Harold’s back in town, and suddenly Blair morphs back into his “Blair-bear.”  There’s a lot of over-dressed similarity between this and the jumper/turtleneck combination Blair wears in the flashback sequence of “Blair Waldorf Must Pie!”

To start at the top, the beret is Jenny levels of adorable.  Love the little puffballs, like tiny marshmallows.  Even the ivory gloves have tiny bows on them. 

But just in case you actually believed that Blair owned a matching tulle-lined plaid skirt and a capelet, you are wrong.  The pieces, which I always assumed matched, don’t.  No, if you look closely, they are similar plaids, but they are not the same.  Matchy-matchy crisis averted.

I don't know what happened at Eleanor's Christmas party but there was a serious lack of good sartorial decisions.

Unlike Blair’s figure skating ensemble, I have absolutely zero compunction in saying this is a horrible outfit, unflattering and downright ugly.  I hate the ivory and gold brocade of the dress—it looks exactly like the tablecloth my mother uses at Christmas.

Even worse, it fits poorly, hanging on poor Blair more like a sack than a dress.

And the final insult?

That awful red headband.  Why is it so puffy?  God only knows.  The whole outfit is just a mistake; in retrospect, Blair should be pleased than neither Chuck or Nate had to witness this fashion disaster.

I know I laid into Serena pretty heavily for her Christmas morning nightwear, calling its scantiness inappropriate.

Well, I’m going to be hypocritical now, and say that Blair’s is awesome.

Does Blair get a free pass because the red and white polka-dot pattern of her very short nightgown is reminiscent of innocent Disney characters and therefore permissible?  I don’t know, but I do acknowledge that my opinion of Blair’s appearance is probably not very fair to Serena.

Also, I think I need to point out that this is the same white filmy robe we see Blair wear for almost all of season 1.  Props to Eric Daman for consistency—even Blair wouldn’t have more than one or two robes in her wardrobe.

Blair Waldorf Must Pie! - Part 1 of 4 - The Waldorfs

Episode Synopsis:  Blair Waldorf has her macarons, Serena her parade of unsuitable men, Chuck his prostitutes, Rufus his records, Lily her art.  Jenny covets the crown and Vanessa lusts after every piece of ugly costume jewelry in New York.  All our characters have their guilty pleasures, but Gossip Girl’s seems to be Thanksgiving.

Eleanor goes Mommy Dearest and cancels Harold's flight to New York, so Blair has a pie-fueled bulimic meltdown. We find that the Archibalds have never exactly been happy, but things have gone downhill since last year.  Nate and Blair used to be lovey-dovey, and apparently Chuck was never in the picture.  Dan’s crush on Serena definitely isn’t new,  and Jenny used to wear adorable pigtails. Rufus and Lily had a love affair back in the day and as a result, Allison Humphrey wouldn’t mind shoving Lily into the oven.

Since it’s the holidays and that’s the season of selflessness and giving, and because Eric Daman went hog wild with the number of costume changes this episode, I’m gifting each family with their very own post!

First, let’s check in with Eleanor, the grande dame of the Waldorfs, as she attempts to better her previous, rather piss poor, attempts at fashion.

It’s not a black or cream, which is a small, extremely, hesitant movement in the right decision.  However, it’s still a neutral.  Does the woman own a piece of clothing that isn’t gray or black or white?  Or shiny?  I think all these shiny pieces that Eric Daman persists in dressing her in must be from a misguided concept that shiny = expensive and luxurious.  Unfortunately for him (but more unfortunately for Eleanor), the opposite is in fact true.  This looks cheap.  Again.

But then we see Eleanor as dressed for Thanksgiving last year, and suddenly everything makes sense.

This is about a billion of Bart’s many dollars better.  Color!  Pattern!  The jacket is beautiful on her, fits her perfectly, and brightens up her entire face.  Her makeup looks fresh, and unlike the present day, she didn’t just pile her hair on her head and stick a few bobby pins in it.  I think I’m probably not alone in thinking the Eleanor of last year would be far more interesting to watch.

But wait!  Perhaps she was inspired by this quick peep into history, because for Thanksgiving dinner itself, Eleanor decides to dig out an old dress from her closet. A pre-divorcee dress, we could say.

Still a dark color, but navy is better than black any day.  And the bead detailing on the yoke and sleeves is beautifully done.  This is an expensive looking dress that a fashion maven such as Eleanor might wear.  It’s even age-appropriate without looking matronly.  And she brushed her hair before she piled it up!

We finally meet the elusive Mr. Harold Waldorf, best known for running off to Paris with a male model and leaving his ex-wife to eye lifts, stringent diets, and one of the most dismal wardrobes known to man.

Sadly, Harold does not return for the current Thanksgiving. As we glimpse him from last year, we comprehend why Blair acts the way she does—she loves her father and misses him desperately. Also, it becomes clear why Blair has such a tendre for Chuck Bass...

Behold, an outfit Chuck would be proud to wear.   Harold has color (pink!) and pattern (checks! argyle!) going on in his ensemble.  He's adorable, and even more so with the floral printed apron.

Even Dorota gets into the Thanksgiving spirit, donning this slightly modified version of her typical uniform:

Can I get a big awwwwww for Dorota throwing herself wholeheartedly into Meess Blair’s favorite holiday?

As for Miss Blair herself, Eric Daman shows us how much she’s grown up over the last year.  It’s not been an easy year for her, and you can see the innocence vs. experience vibe.  Like this ensemble:

Very cute, yes, but she’s clearly still a girl.  The turtleneck, the childish romper, the plaid coat, even the silver bow pendant—the entire outfit smacks of artless innocence.

They’ve even made her hairstyle and headband appear young.  Present day Blair wears a headband like a weapon; this girl wore one because it looked pretty.

This is still a young-ish looking dress, but that makes sense because at this point in the episode, she believes that her father is coming home for Thanksgiving.  But there are definitely subtle changes advertising that she’s now a woman.  The sleeves are slit almost up to the shoulder, she’s no longer letting her hair hang loose and unstyled, and she’s even learning to mix patterns in a more sophisticated way.

As for Blair’s actual dinner attire, this is where Eric Daman hits it out of the park.

Still empire-waisted, but you would never catch present day Blair wearing a dress this unsophisticated.  She still loves bows, but this big floppy, loose bow on the bodice is so young, and makes Leighton Meester look incredibly youthful.

It’s undeniable a cute dress, but that’s all it is.  A cute dress to wear to make your boyfriend think you’re cute.

Contrast the above with this:

I think it’s safe to say Blair Waldorf is done being cute.

Present-day Blair is like an onion.  Not only will she make you cry, she also has layers to her, as reflected in her clothing choices and personality.

The dress itself is almost ugly, with too much lace, and a pooch in the front that kind of makes her look pregnant.  But Blair has clearly learned how to accessorize, and she makes the most of the otherwise boring dress:

This isn’t boring at all.  Suddenly there’s not too much beige lace, thanks to that adorable tweed capelet, and those hot black lace tights paired with such dainty heels.  It’s a very iconic “Blair” look.