Seder Anything - Part 1 of 3 - A Dreamlike State

Serena returns to the Upper East Side as a wife, thanks to Gabriel and a surplus of rioja.  While she tries to avoid Gabriel and seek out an annulment with Cyrus' help, he and Eleanor prepare to host their first Seder together.  Invited are Lily and Rufus--better to help Eleanor dodge Cyrus' critical mother--and Dan, in his first job as a cater-waiter.  Invited but refusing to appear is Blair, who is determined to win over the Van der Bilt family at Tripp's wedding.  Uninvited is Chuck, occupied with sleeping with the entire Bolshoi, and Jenny, who stays back at Lily's to woo a classmate with Monopoly and takeout.

We open the episode with another of Blair's dream sequences--this time from My Fair Lady.  In it, she is both the pre and post Eliza. (I just realized that Pygmalion could very well be the original makeover story.)

It's deliciously ironic that Blair not only makes such a great bedraggled Eliza Dolittle, but that she would dream herself as such.

Love this hat on Blair.  Maybe she can transition from headbands to hats?

Why so glum, Queen B?



You're sleeping alone, but at least you're sleeping in that wonderfully ruffled black lace nightwear.

Blair's fabulous outfit is what you get when you cross a UES Princess with Mondo Guerra from Project Runway.  Her yellow, white, and black patterned blouse is the perfect foil for the black and white polka-dotted skirt.  And how amazing does Blair's hair look?  Eat your heart out, Duchess of Cambridge.

Blair seems to have developed an obsession with outerwear the color of split pea soup.



The details of this double-breasted jacket are chic, but the color is just plain ugly.

And even worse, she wears it not only to the rehearsal, but the rehearsal dinner!



Blech.

The dress she dons for the dinner is a vast improvement, though.



I like the high collar and the purple and gray watercolor effect of the fabric.

What isn't so great?



She's apparently developed tumor-like symptoms after too many headbands.  A tip for the future: sophisticated dresses and big purple hair bows are not synonymous.

Nate, as Eliza Dolittle's companion, is delightfully polished and handsome.



Even better, there is no blue in sight.  Love the ascot and the brownish-gray jacket that brings out the highlights in his hair.

Of course we know that outside of a dreamlike state, Nate is in love with the color blue and employs even the most basic of fashion principles sparsely.



Like in this outfit, in which he dons three seperates he knows a little too well: the peacoat, the sweater, and the bland baby blue button-up.

For his turn as best man at Tripp's wedding, Nathaniel is still incapable of making any overly exciting sartorial decisions.



The pinstripes are vaguely verging on stylish, but just as they're about to kick off a style party, he squashes it with a bland tie and shirt.

The Grandfather, unlike his grandson, cuts a chic figure in another of his shawl collar sweaters.



Does it surprise anyone that this one is blue?  Love the pop of color with his yellow tie.  If you look close enough, you can see the light blue accents in the pattern.  Grandfather Van der Bilt, if he sticks around, might be capable of giving Chuck a run for his money.



His rehearsal attire gave me hope that we might have another eminently stylish male character on this show, but Grandfather's wedding rehearsal suit is just boring.  The checkered tie and white shirt is just playing it too safe.

As for the bride and groom, they stumble more than they succeed.

Maureen apparently decides it's not just a wedding rehearsal but a dress rehearsal.



She could just keep this white lace atrocity on and get married in it.  Most of the guests might not even notice the difference.  Note the headband--it's the only item that saved Blair's tumor from winning the Worst Headband of the Episode award.

Faced with his bride, who wore the most saccharine ensemble in the world, Tripp tried to go edgy with his light pink shirt and contrasting purple and green striped tie. 

You, sir, are no Chuck Bass.  Go back home and try again.

Father And The Bride - Part 2 of 2 - S By S = Cancelled

I thought that his new post at The Spectator would force Nate to be a touch more fashion forward. I guess I was wrong. This grey long sleeved shirt is leaving me cold. It is just so basic and Nate. Sigh. When will he learn? 

Perhaps he is just distracted by his conversation with the infamous Gossip Girl. She seems to have unnerved him by telling him that he was the intended target of the crash and not Chuck and Blair. That sneaky little blogger is dangling info in front of him in exchange for giving Serena's column the boot. Doesn't seem like much of a problem to me. Serena can't even remember to wear pants ... I am confident that she will forgive and forget quickly. 

Speaking of the clothing challenged Serena, here she is with Dan. The two of them are still engaged in their faux relationship. Can fake boyfriends tell their fake girlfriends that they look like a high end bag lady? If so, Dan needs to get right on that. 

Serena is decked in head to toe designer duds but still manages to look like a disaster. I'm sure no one at Valentino will be reading this, but if so: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WITH THAT PURSE? At least the Haute Hippie people were on target with their skirt. The floral mini does in fact look like something a hippie would wear. Go team!

Speaking of hippies and bad clothes- I miss Vanessa. I must be hallucinating because at first glance I thought that Nate's assistant was Vanessa with a makeover. Nope. She is just a nice brunette who is appropriately dressed for work. If she were my assistant, that burgundy knit dress and striped tights combo would earn her a promotion.

Look! Work Nate made a debut. He looks sharp in this charcoal coat and pale blue shirt. I am a little underwhelmed by the tie. I think he needs to use his connections to find a personal shopper in the men's furnishings department. He could use a bold tie and some lovely cuff links. 

Nate is obviously too preoccupied to think about accessories or closing his email. After toiling over the decision, Nate decided to take down Serena's column. I am sure that this was a blow to the journalistic community in New York and possibly the world.

Ready to support Serena's big debut, Rufus and Lily gathered outside of The Spectator to wait for one of the "S By S" cabs to drive past. Both of the proud parents were decked out in attractive classically tailored garments. I think that Rufus might be learning some of Lily's tricks. They look perfectly perfect in every way.

Hey Gossip Girl writers, Sarah Jessica Parker called and she wants her Sex and the City plot line back. At least when SJP's column was being featured on NY transit, she got on the side of a bus. 

Poor Serena was ready for her closeup but sadly her iPad only displayed a broken link. While this seems embarrassing, I still assert that carrying around that floral purse was far more upsetting.

Once Serena discovered that her literary masterpiece had been removed from the interweb, she went in to The Spectator to investigate. Thanks to Nate's open email and his less than strict assistant, Serena discovered that Nate was in cahoots with Gossip Girl! 

Meanwhile, I discovered that I actually like her earrings and her sequined Marc Jacobs sweater. 

Why did she have to go and ruin a perfectly good look with that horrid mini and the brown leggings? At least her cha cha isn't exposed. I try to take pleasure in the little things. 

Speaking of literary genius, Dan and Agent Lady had an appointment with Dan's publisher. I actually have to compliment Dan. He really has cleaned up well and is even keeping his chest hair under wraps. He looks good. Too crisp and clean to be dating Serena. 

I am undecided on the Agent's ensemble. Her coat, purse, and slacks look a bit dowdy- which is exactly how I would imagine a literary agent might dress. Sooooo...bravo, costume department?

I'm glad Serena and Nate were able to deduce that cousin Tripp was responsible for the horrible accident. Especially because Tripp will end up in jail, and an orange jumpsuit or prison stripes will be a welcome change from this blah suit and tie combination. 

Uninteresting garments must be a Vanderbilt thing. Despite his fiery temperament and familial antics, Grandfather looks equally blah in his ensemble. Maybe Nate will share his stylist? 

Dan looks like he has himself together. He is actually buttoning his henley shirts and working on this writing. I'm afraid that he might crack if he is forced to date Serena any longer. Mark my words, a few more weeks of this and he'll be sprouting chest hair and lurking in hipstery coffee shops. 

Oh Serena. Can't you just wear one appropriate outfit? How is this sheer Sam & Lavi floral blouse a good look for day? Don't get me wrong, I love the top. But it might be a touch more appropriate for a night on the town with the faux beau. 

Looks like Dan really has been in a literary mood. He wrote the vows for Louis's upcoming wedding to Blair. The only reason why this is a little alarming is that B thought the author had gazed into her soul. I don't think this can end well. 

The Grandfather - Part 2 of 3 - Like a Train Wreck

We definitely know it's love between Nate and Vanessa--he's even willing to go on an unplanned, unorganized jaunt around the Eastern bloc.

I like a Vanessa Abrams who's dating Nate.  She has definitely tamed her wilder instincts and laid off the overdone costume jewelry.



Very cute navy and green plaid coat.  That looks like something even Blair might be caught dead in.

Embellishment comes to Vanessa as natural as breathing, so it's hard for her to turn it off completely, but she has learned to tone it down and keep it in a similar palette.


Pre-Nate, she would have worn this super cute blue color-blocked cardigan with some hideous neon screenprinted affair.  Here she pairs it with a charming cream blouse, with just the slightest hint of embellishment on the embroidered neckline.  The necklaces are even simple, and her plain silver earrings the perfect accompaniment.  

Vanessa's cocktail attire is even more accomplished.  She's soignee '60s elegance with her tousled curls and vampy patterned dress hid demurely under a simple cream cardigan.



The gold necklace is the perfect final touch--I love the way it gathers at the side.  Elegant with just a touch of what makes Vanessa, Vanessa.  If she kept dressing this way, we'd have to stop making fun of her.

As for Nate himself, he's his usual Brooks Brothers, blue-wearing self.



There is something to said for consistency and whoever buys his clothes (his mother), knows what suits his personal style.  Also, what looks best after a night--or two--of lying on the floor.

Nate's older cousin Tripp has come to herd the naughty sleep back to the Van der Bilt flock.  Tripp once imagined himself a heroic Indiana Jones-esque archaelogist, but saw the light when the Grandfather's political ambitions called.



It's a choice he's clearly embraced, as he looks even more Brooks Brothers than Nate.  I have to appreciate the pop of yellow in his otherwise completely blue attire.

Could this differentiation be because of his sweetheart, Maureen?



She clearly appreciates a good citrus shade as much as the next girl.  The fabric of her coat is just retro enough to bring to mind a young Jackie Kennedy, but the orange detailing proves her to be thoroughly modern.

The Grandfather is just as you would picture him:  powerful and traditional.



Love his dark overcoat with the light colored sweater underneath.  A stylish and expensive looking ensemble that he's about as likely to have put together as Nate is.  

Upon further viewing, it's confirmed that Grandfather never would have selected this gorgeous lilac shawl-collar sweater.



Despite that, it's a gorgeous speciman, and I love especially love the subtle cabling on the sleeves.  With just a look, it's obvious from its luxurious weft that it is definitely cashmere.

On the opposite end of the social spectrum, Dan is busy being awkward.

When he's not dating Serena, his whole character takes on a very unnecessary vibe, which leads to all kinds of uncomfortable shenanigans, like he and Miss Carr in the costume closet.

In this episode, he tags along with Nate and Vanessa to the Van der Bilt compound, and he's, well, he's a little superfluous.  Basically he's there to make uncomfortable cracks about his poor Brooklyn background (come on, his dad is an ex-famous rocker who owns a fairly successful art gallery).  Oh, and someone has to represent the plaid side of things.



It's not even that this coat is ugly.  It is.  It's both ugly and old and just plain worn down.  I don't watch TV to be transported into a reality more realistic than my own.  Eric Daman, please, for the love of God, get Dan a new coat.

The charcoal sweater he's wearing isn't really all that bad--if only he wasn't sporting plaid underneath it.

Does the boy own something that isn't plaid?



I guess not, since he's forced to wear plaid under his sport coat to a cocktail party.  Dan, just a hint, when the invite says "cocktail" that means that plaid is not allowed, no matter how friendly you are with the heir of the house.  Especially when the owner of said house tends to arrive via helicopter.

Rhodes to Perdition - Part 1 of 2 - Let's Talk It Out

Episode Synposis: ChIvy gets blackmailed (and gets a nickname...you'll see), Grandpa Vanderbilt meddles, Grandma CeCe passes out, Serena dresses like a James Bond villain, and Chuck does for green socks what Carrie Bradshaw and the Girls did for cosmos.

We open with Blair writing - or attempting to write - Thank You cards. Shockingly, gratitude isn’t one of Mees Blair’s best suits. “Why should I thank someone for a blender? Do I look like the kind of girl that makes margaritas?”

No Blair, you do not. What you do look like is someone who's slowly being strangled. All that volumnous fabric (plus a turtleneck, plus an oppressive fiance) will do that to you.

We cut to Blair and Chuck in therapy, where Chuck is wearing the greatest socks ever crafted by the hands of man. What does the color green represent? Life. Rebirth. Growth. OK, this isn’t a Terrence Malick movie, but for a guy who always dresses so dark, those Kermit colored socks show he’s coming back to life from a broken heart.

Blair’s aforementioned turtleneck dress goes against my basic “Dress for your figure” philosophy. She isn't showing yet, so girlfriend needs to ditch the Barnum & Bailey approved circus tent and flaunt that UES approved bod. I will say that the vertical black lines of her stockings work perfect for her stems. All the best fashion in this scene is from the knee down. How many times has that happened in an episode of Gossip Girl?

Back in her bed, hugging a pillow that is literally half her size, Blair is sulking; unsure of who she loves and who loves her back.

I know what I love (besides Dorota) - Blair's lacy nightgown. Does this girl have an endless supply of fabulous nighttime attire?

If Chuck and Nate had a "suit-off" who would you vote for?

They are both pretty standard looking to me. Maybe if Chuck wore a suit the color of his green socks...

Hmmm. Nevermind.

Anyway, Nate. Nate has started wearing boring suits...did you notice? He's either playing boss, or it's "Bring you Grandson to Work Day".

I guess they're the same thing, come to think of it.

Hello, cute co-worker! She's not glamorous enough to be worked into the storyline, so instead let's admire her apple green notebook, pop of purple, and blingy chains while we can. Congratulations on the scene, Gossip Girl extra. Now go frame that SAG card!

Grandpa vdB pops in to chat about cousin Tripp's latest scandal (yeah, we're still spelling it with 2 Ps...we're old school like that), and to show Nate how to wear a suit.

Meanwhile, in the land of arrowhead-shaped-hairlines (say that three times fast), Dan and his agent Allesandra are thinking of ways to drum up publicity for his book.

Allesandra looks appropriate enough in her agent-woman suit, but did Dan get those jeans from a Brett Favre Wrangler commercial? They are so very blue. I'm fully expecting him to go load a pickup truck with something dirty, and then readjust his baseball cap while looking out onto the horizon and feeling pride for an honest day's work and an honest day's wage.

But no, he's just going to sit around and Tweet about himself. See, this is why America is in trouble. It's people like you, Dan Humphrey. YOU!

The Big Sleep No More - Part 1 of 2: The Spectators

Episode Synopsis: Blair's determined to prove that Chuck's just pretending to be reformed, so she spends the episode being our loveable, clinically insane Blair Bear. Meanwhile, Nate's upset with Diana, so he goes out with Chivy instead. This goes over particularly well with Diana. Complicating matters is the reappearance of Max, Chivy's ex-boyfriend, who has a meet-cute with Serena. The episode culminates at a performance of Sleep No More, which is a real thing. Diana spends the performance proving she has nothing better to do than meddle in the lives of a bunch of 20 year olds. Chivy kisses Max after Diana tells her it's Nate, Blair manipulates Chuck into kissing her to prove he's still Old Chuck, and Serena reacts to being stood up by pouting. The episode culminates with Max seeing Chivy on Gossip Girl, and it's looking like her secret might be coming out sooner rather than later. Oh, and Diana's in cahoots with Nate's grandfather.

I know Chivy's not pretending to pull a Single White Female anymore, but she's still working a lot of Serena's style into her day to day wardrobe. Of course, unlike Serena, Chivy knows how to dress for work. 

The two Rhodes girls, on their way to work. I know it might look like Serena's working the corner outside Chivy's office, but they're going to the same meandering plotline. Chivy's Missoni sweater and cowl neck top are cute, young, and perfect for ... whatever it is she does. Serena, on the other hand, is wearing a wildly unflattering high-waist skirt and a vest that is trimmed with what I am pretty sure is a feather boa. 

Come on, Chivy. The only way you could avoid your ex-boyfriend was to make out with your boss's boytoy? You couldn't just bend down to adjust your shoe, or look in your purse so your hair blocks your face? I know Nate's foxy, and normally his mouth would be as good a disguise as any, but you have to know you're going to end up on Gossip Girl for it.

I do have to hand it to her, though. She's got the messy Serena side braid thing down, and I really like the chunky ring.

This is a fantastic dress, although I spent most of Chivy's scenes afraid that she was going to experience a wardrobe malfunction. But, in general, it feels very flapper-esque, and I love the pattern on it. Plus, it's sparkly, and that's about all it takes to win me over.

Oh, Serena. Nothing about this outfit is good, except maybe the fact that it's not see-through. The high waist skirt from the first picture is hovering somewhere around the Old Man Latitude, creating a stumpy torso and a dangerously short hemline. While Chivy's chunky stone necklace was kind of funky, Serena's necklace looks like a prop from the Flintstone movie.

And then, of course, there's the boa, which apparently provides enough warmth to let her roam the streets of Manhattan in a tank top when most other people are wearing sweaters and tights.

It's rare that we get to see shoes on TV, and this episode has been full of them. I'm not a fan of Serena's dress, but these shoes are pretty awesome.

The dress, on the other hand, is desperately lacking. Very Serena, of course - cleavage-baring with a chance of macaron exposure - but otherwise uninspired.

Speaking of uninspired ...

A blue shirt that's wrinkled, untucked, and looks like it was pulled off the bedroom floor? How revolutionary. You're going to the office. At least hang your shirt in the bathroom while you shower, to give it a quick steaming. I can't imagine why Diana wouldn't want to be seen out in public with you.

Oh, I'm sorry Nate. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Don't go off pouting with your big boy briefcase, which I'm pretty sure is filled with comic books and candy bars, like Michael Scott's.

If there's one thing Nate does well - and, when it comes to clothes, there really is only one thing - it's mixing jeans with blazers and button downs. It's a nice reminder that Nate can, on occasion, clean himself up.

I don't have a lot to say about Max, other than: is it just me, or does he remind anyone else of Kris Humphries?

A scene opens on a torso. Can you gues whose it is?

Yup. Diana in yet another skintight dress. At least this one isn't shiny and is a little looser in the skirt. In fact, I'm about to say something nice about Diana's dress for a change: I actually like the lacing up the sides of the arms. And I like the color. Her cougarwear might be wearing me down.

Her plotline may be pointless and her wardrobe redundant, but man, Elizabeth Hurley is remarkably well-preserved.

You know you're an important businesswoman when you can take time out of your busy schedule to manipulate your boytoy and all his friends. How does she have nothing better to do with herself? Why is Nate so important to her? Why is she wearing yet another shiny spandex dress?

We may never get that last question answered, but at least we know why she's involved with Nate:

Oh yes. It's Grandfather Vanderbilt, pulling strings like the puppetmaster he continues to be. Until we're given evidence to the contrary, my new theory is that Grandfather Vanderbilt is Gossip Girl.