The Wrath of Con - Part 1 of 2 - The Takedown

Reformed Wicked Witch Georginia is back in town (with Chuck in tow), ready to spread the good news--and help take down Poppy and Gabriel and their nefarious scheme. Chuck and Nate continue to pee on Blair, hoping that eventually it will stick and she'll pick one of them. Meanwhile, Lily's developed enough affection for plaid shirts that Rufus decides to propose, but he finds something that gives him pause.

Bella has already analyzed and found Blair's green and gold wallpaper sack to be excrutiatingly unappealing.  It's a good thing, then, that she dons this bright yellow empire-waisted coat to hide it.



If only those buttons ran the full length of the coat and we didn't have to see any of the montrosity below.

Wallpaper dress aside, B's outerwear continues to be stellar this episode.



Her double-breasted cream coat is so luxurious and I love the touches of baby blue and teal she adds with the scarf and patent leather bag.  Golf claps for the nice departure from her usual primary colors.

What's underneath? Why, more pastels!



The blouse is floral and romantic, though the strand of pearls is a bit much, as is the bow atop her pink pencil skirt.  The entire outfit is a few shades past the twee-line.  All in all, she could give Michelle Williams a run for her money.

But Blair knows that pastels aren't right for every occasion. When it's time for the takedown, she's back to saturated colors with this gorgeous clingy black dress, with lace inserts at the collar.

Can I also add that her hair is beyond stunning?

The one wrinkle in Blair's sartorial perfection is pairing her black dress with this blue coat.



The coat itself is typical Blair outerwear perfection, but I'm not certain it works all that well with the black dress.  Something more dramatic and less school-girl might have been better suited.

Chuck rocks the multi-pattern suit and shirt with a purple tie accent.  Gabriel could take a few lessons from Chuck's style--but then so could the rest of the Gossip Girl men.

His camel greatcoat is amazing.  I love how it swirls around him as he stalks towards his prey Blair.

Just as Blair falls back on her standards for the Poppy/Gabriel takedown, Chuck pulls out the most potent weapon in his arsenal:  the purple suit.



On anyone else, this would look like Willy Wonka on Celebrity Apprentice, but Chuck can work this like nobody's busines.

His rival, Nate Archibald, just can't do what Chuck does so effortlessly:  dress well.



Case in point:  this super bland navy and gray sweater.  Is he hot?  Undoubtedly.  He's just not that interesting.



And I'll admit, he can pop a collar like a pro, but the blue phase still has its hooks in him.

Speaking of blue, Serena sure loves her an oversized scarf, shown here in peacock.  It's not quite equal to her love of sequins, but it's close.

But just like her buddy B, what's underneath her coat is not nearly as attractive.  Maybe if she'd left that ugly wrinkled grayish cardigan and kept to the blush t-shirt and dark jeans, she would have been fine.  I do like the pop of color with the necklace.





The necklace isn't the only jewelry that Serena's rocking, though--Lily gifts S with an insane diamond bracelet passed down from her great-grandmother.



New plan: blind Gabriel and Poppy with bling!

But as we all know, diamonds are as natural to Serena's as breathing.  Diamonds and sequins, bien sur.



Only Serena would wear a fully-sequinned jacket during the day, and with a plain striped t-shirt no less.

So then is it any surprise that she also wears a sequinned mini-dress to the takedown?  Of course not.  But I will add that I love the openworked gold sequins that cover it--it brings to mind chainmail, almost.  Does this mean that Serena is our modern-day Joan of Arc?



And very smart of her, Serena makes sure to keep her macaron under wraps with a pair of black tights.

Georgina arrives back in New York in a Jesus Camp t-shirt and girlish braids.  Blair works her magic, though, and turns her into a naive, but rich heiress new to New York and eager to "help" Poppy with her investment.

You can't judge this outfit based on the usual fashion tenets.  After all, it's a clever costume designed to be a ruse for Poppy--and on that level it succeeds beautifully.  Would I ever applaud anyone for wearing this ridiculously twee purple shift dress with that ugly gold chain detailing?  Not on your life.  But for what it's meant for, it works.  The ugly black tights and the crowning headband round out the deception.

Poppy and Gabriel, the terrible twosome, are surprisingly less chic than you would expect for con artists located on the Upper East Side.



I do love Poppy's choppy bob haircut.  It's wonderfully flattering for the lines of her face, and the gold accents she's wearing bring out the brown tones of her eyes and the shade of her hair.  But that blouse is pure fail.  It looks like a dingy flour sack.

Question:  is the actress playing Poppy suddenly pregnant?  Because she's hiding a Lily van der Woodsen-size baby bump under that bright blue tunic.





As for Gabriel, he continues his boring Brooks Brothers routine.  At least he's willing to commit to shades other than robin's egg blue.  Otherwise, Nate might have a new frenemy on the block.

Ohhh, you know what? I think I know the reason he's embezzling all this money. It's to pay for the most important thing of all: tailoring.

Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - Part 2 of 2 - How Much Wood Would Nate Archibald Chuck If Chuck Bass Could Chuck Blair?

Blair does love triangles like some people do manicures: often and well.

Our Queen B is not so big on taking the Lex Express to see Nate at Columbia, so she grumps about in a beautiful black and white woven coat and hunter green purse before grumbling to Serena in a mustard coloured blouse, whose cut is pretty enough to excuse the colour.

The tribal print on her skirt is very chic and calms down all that mustard. Brava.

Nate accompanies her in - what a surprise - a dark blue peacoat, henley, and what look suspiciously like bell bottoms. Dear Lord, NO.

Before we go any further, hear my confession: I lumped all Dan's outfits together because they're so boring this episode. Between brown and grey, his cater waiter uniform turns out to be the most fashion forward. Le Petit Oeuf catering service has it going on.

Speaking of 'on', Chuck appears to be making a play for Blair by dressing as Hugh Hefner. Velour is inexcusable, but a pink popped collar and a baby blue ascot are definite winners.

What does shooting hoops with his homie mean to Nate? Blue. Grey. A Natefused expression.

Jenny's dressing worryingly like both Nate and Dan this week. First we have a brown on brown combo, then a leather and plaid combo, then blue and black and torn jeans. Little J, you're not Katniss Everdeen, you don't need to camouflage yourself to survive.

Nice to see a young lady with a selection of coats, though.

Unlike Nate who has just the one coat, and knows no hue but blue.

Back to Hefner's homeboy Chuck, who has loosened his tie for a date on a street corner.

Of course it's with Blair, this isn't True Blood. That belt really does wonders to showcase her tiny waist, which was lost in the woven confection of earlier. Chuck informs us that we know Blair is spying because she's wearing her beret.

Of course she has a designated espionage accessory.

Vanessa, however, couldn't organise accessories if her life depended on it. The warm yellow of her cardigan, green and peach of her vest and green stones of her necklace are all lovely against her skin...but said necklace is chunky and awkward, and she didn't need to add another chain.

The path to righteousness is paved with good accessoring, which Blair has down. A simple headband matches the pretty black and pink print of her dress (love how the colour contrast continues even in the bow belt).

It's such a shame she later wears foundation instead of lipstick and chooses to dress in what I can only describe as a mint green and gold curtain. It's sacky and I hate it.

Everyone attends Serena's building's co-op meeting for no apparent reason, and Blair is forced to choose between pizza and wings with the white knight, or possible limo shenanigans with the dark prince. What do you think she picked?

But alas! It was all cooked up by Chuck, a man who wears a pink shirt and a patterned cerulean bowtie with no fear. In his double-breasted coat, he certainly appears devious enough to lure Blair out to Dagobah in the hope of finding their evil Yoda to strike back against Darth Gabriel.

"Let Jesus take the wheel, I have!"

Oh, Georgina. I see past your OMJ t-shirt and meadow blue scarf. I see past your skinny jeans and bad hair. My focus is your leather gloves and those buckled fastenings on your jacket.

You can't keep a bad girl down.

The mention of Blair - see what I mean about Blair attracting love triangles? Even born again Christians want a piece of the action! - brings Georgie back to Manhattan, conveniently the place where Nate is waiting for B to hurry up and pick him already.

He even wore several shades of blue for the occasion.

The Princess Dowry - Part 2 of 2 - The Frenemies

I loved how the happy old couple "unhappy, friendless, young couple who stays inside blogging about other people's lives" decided to go all matchy-matchy and wear gray sweaters with big collars.

 It was almost as though they loved each other for a fraction of a second and Georgina wasn't in it for his money. But no, he really is rich and stupid and she knows it. 

Because look who's headed to Cece's Secret Wake looking better than anyone else (except for Lily).

 Party crashers are always the ones who look the best.

 I was halfway between smiling and crying when I saw this. I can't actually tell whether I like it or not. It's very original, and it somehow suits Georgina in a weird way...I guess if you're going to crash the party with evil gossip plans, you may as well dress like a fabulous Bond villian.

Awwwww this makes me so happy! And Lola just looks so good in his pjs...

This makes me too happy.

 Ahhh!! It's like a fall/winter lookbook!  Lola's coat is stunning, and she matches it perfectly in autumn colors with her high-helled boots, scarf, and leather gloves. Let's not forget her leather bag. As usual, Nate by himself would be boring, but paired with Lola? They are phenomena and pretty together!

I am a little confused with Blair's fashion choice here...

 Her shirt is... interesting, but it should be worn by someone much older. The top contrasted with fishnets is an odd choice and throwing a knee-length skirt over it did not solve a thing. Her effort in shoes and jewelry is appreciated though.

Also working the black lace for Cece's Secret wake...

 Charlie (I still call her that...) dyed her hair! I guess she figured that because she was no longer a VDW, blonde hair was not required. A reddish tone fits her nicely, but blonde was equally nice! Her dress is gorgeous from the waist up in the front and back, but something weird happens around the knee area where it goes out in an odd way. Other than that, 100% on this outift!

I wanted to love Chuck this episode, but I was disappointed.

 He was weak, and it seemed as though Dan knew Blair better - *gasp*. He does look dapper in his suit though, and I adore the pocket square. My only problem: stripes and polka dots? A little much, even for Chuck.

Since she's the royal guard for a principality that seems to exist only to be stylish, is not surprising that Estee looked quite good.

 Even though her coat and dress were a bit plain, her bag was a pop of texture.

Now that Blair is at Dan's feet, the plaid has disappears and he's going all Men in Black on us.

 This new Dan seems to be more spontaneous, drinks scotch, and keeps the poodle on his head tamed. Maybe he's taking example from Chuck, which is never a bad thing.

 

 Alright -- time to take a second to breathe. Between Chuck, Dan, and Dan's chest hair, I would pick Chuck. Maybe that's just me... The seemingly reformed Dan is going back to his crazy summer days, in which his chest hair was his main accessory. WHY DOES HE THINK THIS IS OK?

After Dan's Chest Hair: The Comeback, we have to endure seeing Blair kiss Dan. This saddened me greatly, especially because Blair's wedding ring is in full view the entire time.

Crazy, Cupid, Love Part 2 of 2: High School Flashbacks

Now that Blair is looking better, it's time to go over to the highschool themed Valentine's Day fiesta at the Empire. I feel like I've been transported back in time.

Of course Serena is rocking her version of a highschool uniform, complete with a mini skirt and loose tie. Shockingly I like her school girl look. This Oscar de la Renta metallic sweater is fabulous and her bedhead actually works. Nice work S... and thanks for wearing opaque tights. You are one step closer to pants! Gold star for you.

In her quest to get the scoop for Gossip Girl, Georgina really tried to blend in to the high school vibe. I think that she looks more like an FBI agent than a Constance student.

Wipe that pout of your face, you are about to capture Blair and Dan photo magic! 

I am wondering why Dan saved his St. Jude's blazer and uniform shirt. He spent high school sulking and judging, why would he want to relive that?

Speaking of highschool, Nate is trying to impress Lola with drinks and an introduction into "his world." It doesn't appear to be working. Again, I would like to point out that hiring a girl to work for you might not be the best way to get her jazzed about dating you. Even worse?

Forcing her to wear a sweater vest and necktie while she is working.

Blair really did mean well when she tried to set up Dan with No Pants McGee - she just wanted him to be happy. Unfortunately for Blair, the only way that Dan can be happy is with Blair. I am not sure that I can handle seeing Blair and Dan end up together. What about my beloved Chuck? 

IF this Blair/ Dan kiss is the start of their love story, I am happy to report that Blair is wearing the perfect dress. This ruby red Reem Acra gown is a breathtaking and so flattering. Just like the kiss heard 'round the UES, it is a showstopper.

Speaking of showstoppers, looks like the dowdy book agent decided to sex it up for V-day. Her vavavavoom hair, makeup, and sexy ensemble were wasted on Chuck until he got the scoop on the Blair/ Dan kiss.

Once he heard about the oddly timed makeout session, Chuck ran off with book girl. Sigh. This just doesn't seem right.

Ye Olde Royal Minder also got the sexy memo, as seen with these ridic lace tights. Yes please! I think Estee needs to go home to Monaco and seduce Louis.

On an unrelated side note, what is Estee doing on her phone? She doesn't have any friends yet in NYC, so she isn't texting. I bet that she is pinning or live tweeting something fashionable. I obviously need to start following her because I want to know where she shops.

Ha! Vests are funny. Sorry, I derailed... back to the recap. 

Charlie and Lola crossed paths at Nate's party. They talked about acting class and Florida. Charlie forgot to mention that she looted Lola's trust fund and tricked her extended family. If only Charlie had come clean, then Lola would be saved from a life of cater waitering. I have a feeling this is going to get serious.

All of these love triangles and sweater vest sightings have me exhausted and crazy. I can't handle this stress. Thankfully, B decided to end the evening in a perfectly tailored, classic red Valentino coat.

This beautiful designer piece is breathtaking. Merci Princess Blair!

G.G., Part 3 of 3: The Usual Suspects

As you may or may not know, Georgina is my favorite Gossip Girl villain. Everything about the little sociopath is fabulous. Case in point: she's dressed up for a wedding she's not invited to, without a concrete plan of attack, because she just knows she's going to find a way to ruin that wedding.

There is so much I love about this coat: the way the rhinestones serve as shoulder pads, the double-breast, the vaguely Soviet-era military feel. This coat is what a very stylish Disney villain would wear during a New York winter. And did I mention it has rhinestones and is oh-so-very-sparkly?

See, Lily? This is a damned fascinator. This is how you wear headgear to a wedding. Have you learned nothing from the Brits? The bigger the better. I love that Georgina went with something that falls dramatically but doesn't obscure her face. You want to make sure everyone sees the evil gleam in your eye.

Also, how gorgeous is her makeup? The heavy eye with peaches-and-cream skin is so classic Georgina. Clearly, the makeup staff haven't lost their touch ... which means they just choose to make Leighton look like a clown hooker for kicks.

If I ever get super rich, I will totally hire Michelle Trachtenberg to answer my front door like this at dinner parties.

You will all be invited, obviously.

Cap included because Georgina is rocking some killer heels.

How the girl stormed around Manhattan in these is beyond me. I'm pretty sure those heels are so pointy, they're legally considered a weapon in several state (speaking of: I would totally watch an Alias-style show where Georgina is a double-agent and kills people with her heels). 

Georgina's one misstep: this dowdy, sad slip.

You're going to seduce a prince, Georgina. Are you really telling me you couldn't stop by Agent Provacateur on the way? I know New York, there are Victoria's Secrets every ten blocks. This is not the best you could do. It's amateur hour. In fact, I'm almost concerned for you. This borders on self-sabotage.

At least she stepped up her game for the royal wedding. I'm a sucker for sequined dresses, even if this could stand to be hemmed by a couple inches.

It's not the Dynasty-level fabulous I would expect out of Georgina as she's poised to ruin Blair's life, but if you pretend she's wearing the fascinator the look becomes dramatic enough. Personally, I think Georgina should have kept the fascinator on through the whole episode. Should Gossip Girl ever do a 100th episode re-release, Star Wars-style, they should edit in her fascinator with CGI.

Ugh. Boring Prince Louis, whose suit still doesn't fit right on his wedding day.

At least I finally figured out why: the man has tiny shoulders.

Look at them! Look at his tiny shoulders!

It's like he's Mads' long-lost European brother, the Wee-est Little Lollipop of Monaco.

Louis in his wedding attire. I guess it's the formal military uniform of Monaco or something. I don't know.

I'm distracted by how the back of the coat flares out over his hindquarters and makes him look bootylicious.

I was originally going to say that the whole look was very Prince Eric, but then I looked up a picture from The Little Mermaid to compare and realized that the outfits were not at all similar.

 

For starters, even Prince Eric didn't cover himself in ribbons and medals, and Prince Eric was an actual sailor. What has Louis done to win all those bars, other than whine about secrets and wear ill-fitting suits?

It should be noted that, when the royal clergyman looks better in a sport coat than you do, it's time to fire the royal tailor.

A priest who looks this well-suited should not be trusted. End of story. Also, the fact that he spends so much time on his hair is probably a good tip-off that he's up to no good. What that no good is, we may never really understand, but it's definitely no good.

Ugh. Princess Sophie. Are we rid of her and her putty colored dresses yet?

Look at the two of them. So smug. So poorly tailored.

I do, however, find Princess Sophie's attempt at an updo hilarious.

This is what would happen to me if I got drunk and decided to replicate one of Lily's updos. I'm pretty sure that if you poked through the bun, you'd find a teasing comb and half a Snickers bar lost in there.

For the wedding, Princess Sophie breaks out her finest olive brown dress. As we're all aware, there is no shade more universally flattering than olive brown. Look how it brings out the light in her eyes! The shine in her hair! The purse in her lips that can only come from watching your son make terrible life choices!

Points for the hat, though. It's nice to see Sophie in some degree of color, even if she's trying to keep it as far away from her as possible. Sidebar: How annoying must it be to be seated directly behind that hat? Also, I'm calling foul on this many female guests going sleeveless in a Catholic church. It's a royal wedding, not the gun show, people. Throw on a pashmina.

And finally, the question we've all been waiting for: Who. Is. Gossip Girl?

Gossip Girl is none other than Georgina. Although...we here at YKYLF have our doubts. After all, as fellow staffer Lesley-Anne pointed out: "Was she updating from the Ukraine or wherever she was exiled? Do they even have interwebs there?"