Valley Girls - Part 2 of 2 - Back to the Future

The Humphreys have a pow-wow about Rufus getting married, then he arrives and it's awkward.

Thanks to Beth for pointing out this no-colour dark shirt is seersucker. I now feel obliged to say that I see it, and it sucks.

Jenny is in her usual taupe tank, but there are pearls mixed in with her chains today and not too much panda makeup obscuring her vision. She looks pretty, if a little washed out.

Vanessa makes one appearance this episode (good, because I always want to yell, 'she doesn't even go here!' in Constance Billiard scenes) and is not dressed too appallingly! Her embroidered duck egg blue blouse is something I'd wear myself, ditto the brown waistcoat on top.

Even her jewellery isn't too heavy or nasty looking. It's a prom night miracle!

Speaking of prom night, Chuck is sooo not recreating your girlfriend's childhood fantasy by sabotaging everything you plan, Nathaniel. Look at his outfit's innocent pallette and attempt to mix with the proles in that plaid shirt.

Nate is confused. I would be too if I went out wearing my nana's raincoat over my pyjamas.

The only dream of Serena's that Dan can fulfil is her release from jail. Like Chuck, he is attempting to appear inconspicuous. That t-shirt has a definite sense of 'wall' or 'sidewalk' about it.

Serena may not have been worked over with the phonebook, but she's not looking her best. I swear she wasn't arrested wearing that coat...

Blair isn't dressed too well either, so I cunningly used the arrival of a bespoke Marchesa prom dress from Paris to cover up her shapeless black sack dress.

Eric has a five second cameo, neither taking part in any eighties montages nor going to prom. His blue plaid shirt is acceptable, if only because the nice colour takes my mind off the pattern.

Fast forward to prom night, where Dan too is underwhelming. I praised his combination of purple and black once, and now I see it everywhere. He couldn't have spiced it up a bit?

Like this?!

Purple. Black. A mixture of colours in the bowtie, shot through with cream to match the bouttoniere.

Chuck's wardrobe is the one you have a long and happy life with. Dan's is the one you look back on and shudder.

Tonight of all nights, the minions look particularly lacklustre. There are things I do like - the pleated, sea shell shaped bodice of Hazel's dress, Penelope's bedazzled hair flower, Nelly Yuki's coral gown - and things that I loathe - everything Iz is wearing, purple accessories with pink dresses, pink accessories with purple dresses and so on.

Serena is, by contrast, a delight in nudes and sparkles - although now I come to think of it, it does seem she's suddenly gone down a cup size and the bodice is saggy. Never mind. Swishy, shimmering skirts and tumbling hair are perfect for a princess...

If not for a queen.

As I mentioned, this glorious black and gold peacock feather effect gown was made for the show by Marchesa and unfortunately never produced commercially. Blair compliments it with metallic fingernails and an incredible oversize citrine or topaz ring and necklace that bring out the deeper tones of the gold. Her dazzling flowered tiara is the ultimate finishing touch.

And I nearly forgot to mention how handsome Nate was in his flawless tux, although that bouttoniere is worringly similar to the one Chuck wore at Bart and Lily's wedding.

"Turns out fairytales end when they do for a reason," says Blair sagely.

I'd really like to remind the current characters of this moment - the girl who was over fairytales married a prince, her best friend kept pinging back to the guy with the bad hair, Nate continued to be confused and Chuck selflessly organised a prom and now selflessly cares for a dog, selflessly leaves the love of his life alone and selflessly has no good storylines.

What a difference a few seasons can make.

The Wrath of Con - Part 2 of 2 - The Proposal

For the love of all that's holy Dan, get a new coat.



It wasn't all great that to begin with and it's looking worse for the wear.



I think this button-up plaid is supposed to be seersucker.  That doesn't excuse (or explain) the horrible wrinkles.  It just looks like Dan can't use a dryer properly.

Wise Gay Teen Eric redeems so many of the Gossip Girl men.



His shawl collar coat is simply divine, and j'adore the brown striped scarf.

Jenny, his BFF, is still rocking the punk hardcore pieces, but with a chic edge that she loses completely after this season.



Jenny can do plaid like nobody's business--after all, she is a Humphrey.  But her plaid is undeniably more stylish than any of her relatives'.  Plus, her flyaway waves are a great look for her.

This episode Rufus finally decides to propose to Lily.  Immeadiately after this revelation, his wardrobe improves immensely.  A coincidence?  I doubt it.



What a great leather jacket, and love the plain blue button-up underneath it.  Normally, this simple ensemble would not win such praise for me, but it's been so long since Rufus wore anything worth praise, that I think he's earned it.

For the proposal, he actually dons a smart-looking a suit jacket and gray shirt that make Rufus look downright dapper. Amazing. What on earth happened to this Rufus in later seasons?





And what of his ladylove? As always, Lily shines in gorgeous neutrals.

Love her soft, creamy trench and the gray sweater peaking out of the collar.  A great color combo with her blond hair.

Speaking of hair, I've written so many raptures over Lily's chignons.  This one is no exception, despite it's rather obvious flaw.



It almost humanizes her a little--to have a strand of hair out of place.  The mussy look definitely suits her.

Frankly, I'm on the fence when it comes to this brown sweater combination.



The sweater I like.  Not sure it should have been worn with a clashing shade of brown underneath, but when it comes down to it, how can we discuss anything other than the necklace that could double as advanced weaponry?

I could make some sort of crack about how it was lifted directly from Vanessa's wardrobe, but it does look more expensive and more refined than Vanessa's usual suspects.  What it definitely accomplishes is pushing this look from ho-hum to something unforgettable.  There aren't many necklaces that can claim that distinction. Certainly nothing in Vanessa's Magic Accessory Storage Unit.

Remains of the J - Part 1 of 3 - My Super Sweet Sixteen

After her first wedding, her first divorce, her second wedding and the birth of her first child, a girl’s Sweet Sixteen is her finest hour. Too bad Jenny wants to celebrate with a pity party and Hungry, Hungry Hippos, while Serena would prefer a swanky soiree to up her social status. What the Vuck? Chuck and Vanessa team up to make Blair and Nate jealous (and end up going down themselves), while Kelly Rutherford’s pregnancy is obvious to everyone except the costume department. Let’s roll on with the show…

World, meet Jenny Humphrey, the teen whom style has forsaken. They call her Little J, probably because she appears to be wearing baby clothes and her hair resembles the down on a drunken duckling.

Soon to be half-sister Serena rocks complimentary colours this episode – for example, a red and navy coat with grey accents, matched with a scarf, gloves and boots. The outfit is charming, so I’ll ignore the fact that the hem length and boot height make leggy Blake Lively look stumpy.

Beneath the coat is another lovely pairing of beige waistcoat and beige and grey striped top, but her tie begs the question: does Constance Billiard even have a dress code?

The silver and yellow of this necklace and blouse combo is inspired, but a) why are the sleeves coming away at the seams, and b) why are said sleeves tied up at the ends like bizarre kiddie balloons?

Jenny’s casualwear of a grey cardigan with herringbone frill and dark blue vest is far more sensible. And boring.

Serena’s drive to sabotage Jenny’s chilli fest is fuelled by – who else? The minions. They're doing a floral tribute at school, with flowered headbands and overcoats in shades of sage, cranberry and indigo.

Their party dresses are really not up to par. Penelope’s sequinned cap sleeves are cute, but a little much with a ruffled bodice, while Hazel isn’t so much neat in nude as nearly naked in her strangely puckered choice. Shiny leopard print, Iz…oh my. Oh no.

Nelly is more than acceptable in a gathered, high-necked sequinned gown in gunmetal grey. The jury’s still out on the torque, though, even if it does compliment the dress. I’m really not into the whole torque necklace vibe. Unless you’re Boudicca or Shakira, don’t bother.

Serena, I am not so impressed by. Sex hair is not for public consumption, and a sack with a plunging V is not suitable for a party – it’s too low when it stops being cleavage and becomes actual boob outline.

Jenny looks utterly gorgeous in the confection, making sure to wear a hue different from her skin tone so she doesn’t look naked. The earrings are lovely, her makeup is light and she generally seems like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth…

…if you forget she turned this night of delight into a rager, of course.

But where there are awkward moments, you’ll find Wise Gay Teens, ever coolly contrasting in blue and grey and black and pink.

And where actions have consequences, you’ll find Serena, running like Hell. This lemon yellow coat is to die for, it’s so lovely with her hair.

She runs to Poppy Lifton, who has the sleek hair of a mink plus the desire for camouflage, fawn and grey of a mink. She pops up, causes trouble, then disappears back to Spain with her beau.

‘Hey! Aren’t I those twins from the social network?’

Meet Carolina blue Gabriel, several feet taller than Serena and garbed in a pinstriped lilac shirt. Like all guest stars, he somewhat resembles Nate.

In the ashes of Serena’s flight, two young men make the best of wool in a dreamy blue sweater and black cardigan compete with a drunken duckling with a miniature coin purse slung around her neck.

Happy Sweet Sixteen, Jenny Humphrey. I liked you better in season one.

You've Got Yale - Part 3 of 3 - Straight As

Serena so rarely straightens her Goldilocks, but when she does it works. Blue and grey make a wonderful contrast, but I’m on the fence about that blazer. A block blue pattern would be nicer than apparently trying to blend the colours of her hair into the jacket, but the cut is lovely.

Dan’s brown coat, appropriate for the season but not for my censorious tongue. Don’t cater waiters get paid? Paid enough to buy a new coat?

Trying to educate Rufus on opera is no easy task, but that's no excuse for sloppy dressing. What is Jenny wearing round her neck? A necklace? A chain? A piece of wire? And I’d kill to put some colour back in her clothing.

Eric is the only male on the Upper East Side who knows how to wear a school uniform, it seems: no slouchy tie and properly pressed khakis. Snaps to Eric!

Chosen for the facial expression. Come into my parlour, Nathaniel…

Simplicity suits Vanessa, whose heather grey sweater goes nicely with the silver buttons on her coat. Her hair obscures whatever hellish things are dangling from her earlobes, which can only be a plus.

I wore a velvet dress when I was five, to have my picture taken. Nowadays, my evening wear is shorter and slinkier. Vanessa seems to have never made the upgrade, and pairing gold hoop earrings with an ornate silver necklace is a serious no-no. And she really ought to have put her hair up.

Nate should never do the season one slicked hair thing, but his wingtip collar is covetable – meaning I shall steal it and attach it to the next man I see.

I may attach it to Dan Humphrey, wearer of the most boring suit in the history of mankind. And does his girlfriend dress to match?

No, because she has a brain.

The bodice of this dress cannot accommodate the might of the van der Boobsens. The empire line falls into a tight, obi-style waistband which then flares out in a skirt, very avant garde and utterly gorgeous. The shoes, however, make me drool.

Serena’s casual wear doesn’t tend to be comfortable, but this striped Henley fits the bill, and I’m sure the blood circulation in her legs is used to omnipresent pressure from her skinny jeans by now.

Striped jumper and jeans. Dan’s masculine version of Serena’s outfit is actually acceptable, though his fondness for uninvited Phantom of the Opera Miss Carr definitely needs to go.

Gone With the Will - Part 1 of 3 - The Good

Chuck buckles down and sits down with good ol' Uncle Jack for a reading of Bart's will. All good intentions aside, Blair interferes and tries to bolster him up with her own belief, but of course, we all know it won't be enough. Not exactly helping is Jack's plan to completely discredit Chuck in front of the Bass Industries board. Meanwhile, Lily and Rufus are still in Boston, unsuccessfully trying to locate their son, and with Nelly Yuki, a bit of stealth, and Vanessa's big mouth, their secret finally hits the Upper East Side.

I've waxed rhapsodic enough about Blair's school uniforms enough, but I can't help myself here.



Her plaid suit with fitted pencil skirt and crisp white blouse is straightforward enough, but the deep plum coat and black quilted bag add some great touches.



If you look closer, the plaid of the suit fabric is rich and textured.

When Blair throws a brunch to support Chuck's new inheritance of Bass Industries, she reserves the entire plate of eclairs for her man and shows up looking fabulous.



Another fitted skirt, this one a heather gray, paired with a beautiful white silk printed blouse.



And really, how stunning does her hair look here?

I never thought I would be adding Vanessa to a "Best of" list.  Usually a mainstay of the "Worst Dressed" list, I have to guess that maybe her proximity to the A list is finally beginning to rub off on her.



Whenever Vanessa is successful at making her Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat approach work, it's because she's smart at mixing patterns, and she includes a neutral that balances the whole look out.  The awesome coat she's wearing tones down the pattern of her skirt and the tights, and sets off the gorgeous striped scarf she's wearing.



Plus, major props on the hair, her makeup is understated and gorgeous, and most shocking of all, I love her silver hoop earrings.

Unlike Vanessa, it's not at all a surprise to see Chuck dressing well.  This outfit in particular I think is a harbringer to come, especially in Season 3, when he goes all "Wall Street."  But it still contains a lot of the flair that makes Chuck Bass, Chuck Bass.



This would be a fairly staid gray suit, light blue shirt combination, but the red striped tie adds just enough color, and even ties in with his mustard yellow pocket square.



His khaki trench with black piping adds just the right dandified touch.

Little Eric is really taking a page from his elder stepbrother's style book.



I love this double breasted jacket with the shawl collar.  Sophisticated details but not overdone for someone of Eric's age.

And for Blair's brunch, Eric does color matching like a pro, pairing an ivory and tan striped shirt with this gorgeous red and gray sweater.

Serena nails one outfit out of the park this episode--this amazing coat and her even more amazing turquoise knee-length boots.  I'm not going to lie, I'd probably commit at least a misdemeanor for those boots.



Plus, her double-breasted military-inspired jacket paired with the gray scarf is very flattering on her.



Her gold woven bag is just hideous though, and completely the wrong choice for this outfit. But I suppose we've come to expect S to sport at least one beachwear item per outfit, even on the coldest of NYC days.