Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 1 of 3: Gossip Girl is Dead, and so is Bart

Bart's second death opened the door for Blair's second wedding (featuring #1 better hair than her first, and #2 Meester Chuck), Georgina to find her one true scheming love, and Lily to spend her days blissfully drunk with her first husband. We didn't get the answers to all our questions, but we did get the answer to the biggest of them all: "Who am I?" Well, that one secret Gossip Girl would never tell turned out to be Dan Humphrey. Plot holes, shmot holes. But the YKYLK staffroom is oddly okay about it (some of us called it. Others had thought it was Jenny. We're just glad it wasn't all a Dan Humphrey dream). 

This episode treated us both to flashbacks (Dan's buzz cut! Chuck's scarf!) and a flash-forward wherein Nate has rubbed two brain cells together to become a viable candidate for mayor, Serena has married the man who made her teenage years miserable, and Henry Bass wins all the medals for Best Dressed Child.

It took two tries, but they finally did it.

They killed Bart Bass.

If the series wasn't ending, I would say he'd be back to win a 2013 man of the year award. But we'll assume they got him this time. 

Unlike Bart's previous death, the family wasn't feeling it. Sure Blair and Chuck had a moment in the alley - but that had more to do with guilt. 

The beaded purse was probably a bit much with that dress from last week, but I'd love to see it on it's own. 

The feelings of guilt over Bart's death didn't seem to last too long, as Blair was able to sleep peacefully and keep her purple eye makeup looking perfect. 

Unlike the police, former adversary Uncle Jack was able to get back into the country and find them within hours. He did so in style with a tailored grey suit, pink shirt and a full tea service.

He's looking a bit worse for wear these days - a little gaunt wouldn't you say? Maybe a return to New York will be good for his health. 

While Chuck and Blair were stuck in last night's clothes, Jack was full of good ideas. Namely this:

I'll give you a moment to squee and collect yourselves.

...

Okay on to what's really important: what does Blair Waldorf wear to her second wedding?? Turns out it's the something blue in a stunning Elie Saab. 

Her hair is also back to its former glory. Wearing it down hasn't done B any favours over the past season or two and I get it. Your hair changes. Sometimes it gets oilier. Stars! They're just like us! But when you're Blair Waldorf, you have the luxury of daily access to stylists and sending Dorota to hair styling school. Regardless, wearing it up like this is beautiful. And that's a very grown up version of the headbands she once rocked like a champ. 

I know she said this is the perk of a lifelong relationship with Elie Saab, but how the hell did they tailor it to fit so well? I'm no seamstress, but I know this is the kind of tailoring that takes time.

Whatever. She looks amazing and as improbabilities go, this is the least of our concerns. Although, does a lifelong relationship also get you the perk of your dress being your "something borrowed"?

More Deepa Gurnani...

 

Over the past few seasons, the flamboyant Chuck we once knew and loved toned it down. Sure there was purple (there was always purple), but there were so many suits and so much grey. But Chuck heard our cries of boredom and brought it hard for the wedding of 2012. 

A white tux! It will look dated in future wedding photos (if any profesh photos exist. Will they all be on Instagram?), but that's okay! He's Chuck Mothereffing Bass and he can do whatever he pleases. Pale pink shoes? Yes. He's Chuck Bass. A sparkly blue tie to match his brides dress in under an hour? Yes. He's Chuck Bass.

Other dudes can try, but they will never measure up to his style when he puts the effort in.

I know the cops are hot on his heels, but I kind of want to tell him to slow his roll just a bit. Because as lovely and a conniving as she can be, he's got a lifetime of this face and these friends to contend with.

This is years of judgement right here, my friends. Eleanor in her leopard print wrap strikes me as a formidable mother-in-law. You'd want to be on her good side at all times. Serena? Well, we all know how those Best Frenemies work. At least Lily will be drunk most of the time, so her well dressed and bejewelled judgement will be easier to handle. But hidden from the picture is Dorota, who'll likely be judgier than all of them combined. Chuck doesn't want to mess with that if he values his ascots. Cross Dorota and suddently the dry cleaner "accidentally" "loses" them. 

All my reservations aside, they do make a well dressed pair. 

And I'm sure it's all worth it for this:

You need another squee moment, don't you? 

...

Of course, none of this would be what it is without the other high school sweethearts of the UES. S, after reading the unpublished feelings of Humphrey, cancels her flight to LA, gets the girls out on full disply and heads to Dan's new place to confront him.

The coat itself is fine enough, but the Missoni dress? I probably could have given this a Worst Outfit nomination.

It's like she wore a well tailored carpet bag that is doing her décolletage no favours - other than making sure we know she's got some serious cleave action going on. 

Now, even if you disagree with me on the dress, I bet we can find common ground on the shoes. What do you think you'd wear with that dress (keeping in mind you've also paired it with a rather plain 3.1 Phillip Lim grey coat)? Maybe a pair of knee high boots? Or a great pair of black pumps? Or some adorable booties? All of those choices would make sense. But this is what S wore.

Yes. Glitter Louboutin stilettos with black tights. A+ for seasonally appropriate hosiery (not usually her strong suit). D- for the out of place daytime glamour. If she knew she was headed to a wedding, maybe. But since she was just headed over for a come to Jesus moment with Gossip Girl Dan, this is an odd choice. I know because I've seen what everyone else wore. 

Sure Georgina wore bondage booties, but they kind of make sense since she's usually wearing a plate of spiky armour. 

And what was S greeted with when she headed back to the city? 

God Dan. Enough with the chest hair already. You can be an artiste and slightly less furry. Or at least stop wearing so many damn V-necks. I do like the blazers though. Mostly because I love what is happening here.

I mean, holy crap Dan! What is this? You've got some mad Oscar Wilde steez happening here. Well, you know, considering you're straight, not dead and probably not quite as talented. But steez. Yes. The long burgandy coat with the grey blazer lapels layered over it and the leather satchel make up for all of your other fashion crimes this season. Of the entire series for that matter.

You really went out on a bang Humphrey. Quite literally, considering you were Gossip Girl all this time.

Can't say I saw that one coming. Not even a little bit. Well played, Humphrey. I bet if we went back and re-watched all six seasons, we still wouldn't guess it was you. 

Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 2 of 3: Plus ça change, plus ç'est la même chose

Has anything really changed over the years? I mean, other than than the style of the clothes. Remember waaaay back when Eric was locked in the Ostroff Centre (now the Pedowitz Institute) and Lily's all, "I don't care if it's a Murakami...someone get me a drink." Well, minus the inconveniently suicidal child, Lily still has that attitude and style.

Gorgeous as always, but not really the picture of a woman who just lost her husband for the second time. Although, I guess on your fifth marriage it's more practical than about true love. She does know that she should wear a bit of black to indicate to the media that she cares about Bart's death. I love the black lace top and the giant black earrings. 

And as always, I love her hair.

I do not love anything happening on William vdW here. That coat is the colour of a potato and shaped like a sack. His exile from the UES has done him no favours. I honestly don't know what Lily and Ivy saw in him.

Poor Ivy. Despite being the jilted lover, she's looking all kinds of amazing in that red with the structured grey jacket and pattered tights.

But no matter how good she looks these days or how much money she has, she's just not ready for this crowd. Player got played on that one. I guess that explains the weird romance she had with William.

Although I'm not sure Georgina is buying that plot line.

Now there is a power couple if ever I saw one. I mean, really. Jack tried to ruin his nephew, was exiled and is now back (only because his brother is dead) to help his nephew get married to avoid the long arm of the law. 

And Georgina? Girlfriend personifies scheme.

It's probably ten in the morning and she's already in full body armour. Trusting a woman who dresses in all metallics, all the time, is kind of like trusting that dude with the face tattoos. He might stab you, she might stab you in the back. And you should have seen that coming.

How do you accessorize all those spikes and sequins?

Giant. Ass. Jewelry. That's how.

It's funny, we gave Vanessa such a hard time for overdoing it, but we're totally okay with Georgina. Maybe we just appreciate Georgina's moxie more.

Speaking of Vanessa, how is she doing these days?

Same old, same old boho self, plus one mid-century modern kitchen. Maybe one or two fewer necklaces, so I can only assume she's been reading YKYLF since leaving to go do whatever it is she did. I can't remember since Dan literally never speaks of his childhood BFF. 

On the subject of Brooklyn, when the news of Dan's online treachery broke, Rufus broke out his best trophy husband leftovers for a round of son-shaming.

The cowl neck! Oh how we didn't miss those sweaters. And so many patches! It's like he's going to go hunting with the cast of Downton Abbey. And as always, he accessorizes with a look of righteousness and judginess. 

Sage dressed like she's thinking of making a move to Brooklyn. Her brown plaid frumpy dress and chartreuse cardigan are equal parts Early Dan plus Girls hipster-adjacent style.

If the series hadn't come to an end, I'd want to send a note to Eric Daman about how we don't need this. Since the teenage troublemaker won't be a part of our lives anymore, I'll give her snaps for her outerwear - she's the winner of that catergory for this episode.

I love the plaid coat and the brown wedge boots. Well done, kiddo. You make your man-child boyfriend so much more interesting.

Something he can't do for himself.

Yep. That's Nate. Grey shirt, black tie, no clue. Best moment for him was when he thought it was a good idea to tell the cop his girlfriend is a minor. We've said it before, and we'll say it again: it's a good thing he's pretty.

As the truth came out about Gossip Girl, our friends on the UES needed a good, stiff drink.

And wasn't it about time that someone served Dorota?? I think we all enjoyed seeing her order from Jack. She knows who belongs and who doesn't.

But the Scooby Gang weren't the only ones surprised. Cameo upon cameo of former minor characters (Lola! Juliet! Agnes! Mayor Bloomberg!) expressed their shock. Our favourite was how Bell and Bilson took the news.

"Gossip Girl is real??" You bet your ass she is, Rachel.

Gossip Girl: Where the Vile Things Are

Part 1 of 2: Old Flames, Old Relationships

In the end we go back to the beginning...right? Apparently so for the UESers. Serena and Dan find their way back to each other (for the hundredth time), while Blair deals with her "dark side", aka the manipulative bitchy side we know and love. With Eleanor back in town, Blair attempts to make amends, but in the end goes back to what she knows best - high school. Lily throws another benefit, only to find Ivy and Rufus have finagled a way to be her co-sponsors, which bodes well for no one. Meanwhile, Chuck continues his investigations into Big Bad Bart, only to have their plans foiled by Ivy, who is not as innocent as she looks. Who am I kidding, when has Ivy ever been innocent?

Things open up with one of my favourite B dresses to date. The feminie cut and print are so perfect. Her hair, however, is not.

Blair's earrings coordinate with her dress AND her lipstick. Obvi. But if you're putting so much time into coordinating your dress, couldn't you spend a few extra minutes on your hair? I know business isn't going well, but I think Blair can still afford a daily blow out at the salon. 

More Dorothy Perkins...

 

My love for this outfit wanes a bit when B covers up that beautiful dress with a metallic tweed coat and a handbag. The Daytime Glitter of the coat may be a bit much, but it's lovely. Although, is that her grandmother's needlepoint on her bag?

No matter, let's take a moment and appreciate how good it is to have Eleanor back, k? The casually draped leopard shawl. The perfect grape-hued handbag in a classic shape. The hair with all it's volume and life. So, so good to have you back, Eleanor. Maybe you can help your daughter with her wardrobe and her 'do.

As further evidence...

There are many things I don't understand in life: price quantity theory, McLuhan, and now, this dress. Actually, it's not a dress - it's a Peter Pilotto top and skirt. The disjointedness of its construction paired with the really strange soundwave print makes me feel like I'm watching a strobe light.

I need to take a moment to steady myself after seeing this dress. 

Things aren't much better north of her neck. B, I'm sure a "tastemaker" like yourself could choose a better headband than a pile of blue rocks.

In fact, I'm pretty sure you know you can do better. Which is why you're going to focus on high school fashions and bring back the adorbs headbands. 

All that aside, I will say that the oh-so-subtle color coordination between mother and daughter is darling. (Although from far away, the pile of rocks have turned into a mutant blue caterpillar about to devour her head. She should watch out for that.)

I hope this mother-daughter brainstorm sesh ends in designs that aren't horrifyingly tasteless. 

I almost can't fault Dan for wearing the same old boring shirt because a) it's probably cashmere and $5000 (I mean, he has a Vespa now) and b) he's pretty much homeless.

Dear Dan, now that you're getting paid, go spend that Vanity Fair check at John Barrett and tame that head of yours (although, it is leaps and bounds better than the small, angry animal that was perched on your head last season). Then head down a few floors to the Armani boutique and get yourself a proper outfit.

Maybe just two or three new shirts. Maybe a jacket. Maybe some colour. We're not saying you need to go all Chuck Bass on us, but we bet you could rock some hipster chic. 

S and Lonely Boy part 23438403 - the true Neverending Story. 

"I guess this is ok now because our parents broke up so technically we're no longer related."

Except, you know, maybe it'd be better for your growth as functioning adults if you didn't keep sleeping with, breaking up with, feuding with, blackmailing your high school boyfriend/girlfriend. Leave it in the past, kids. Leave it in the past. (Also - wasn't she just doing jumpy claps over an engagement to someone else?!? Writers, are you drunk?)

Serena looks like she belongs in a LES walkup (and idea she scoffs at) with her animal print top, chunky necklace, and maroon cardigan. None of which match, obviously.

Not that Serena cares for such things as matching or covering up your cleave at 9am on a Tuesday. Serena is a free spirit. 

But being a free spirit who cares not for social norms doesn't make these geometric Rag and Bone pants ok. In any universe. Especially paired with those brown boots, which are actually super cute.

Those boots are probably sad they had to spend an entire day with those leggings. We understand, boots. We were sad we had to see them during the entire episode. 

I am super obsessed with Nelly Yuki's hair. The ombre is noticeable, but subtle enough that it could be natural - if you lived in California. The rest of us need an expensive stylist to give us this look and that's okay. 

I also love the sculptured necklace. She really has grown up. But the glasses? Have. Got. To. Go. You are either stylish reporter or hipster chic reporter. Choose one. 

Has Eleanor's ring always been like that? Is it just me or is it oddly similar to a certain Duchess'? Her expression is hilarious, while Nelly's is simply, "ugh, I used to be afraid of you?".

With that hair and that dress Nelly, you can own that experssion - you're the only minion who left Neverneverland and grew up. Yale did wonders for you. 

"Excuse me, I'm due for my hourly martini."

We'd drink too if we saw what B was doing to our company. 

The Fugitives - Part 2 of 2 - When in Rome

Lately, things have been all about fabulous robes  (or hideous, depending on your taste) and doing a parent trap style switcheroo. Like Blair channeling Diana or the “twins” ChIvy and Lola.

But let’s start with the robes. Particularly Blair’s. Because she kind of tried this week.

It’s not amazeballs or anything, but it was a clear step in the right direction from what she’s been wearing lately. Maybe she brings the good robe to Brooklyn to make sure they know who’s the fairest of the Burroughs. It’s too bad she didn’t bring a better robe for Dan.

Surprise! Dan is wearing grey! Now, I think it's time we address something: Dan's ever growing head of hair. While I've explained it away to others as "because he's a writer", I think that excuse is wearing thin. And while, for the record, I'm okay with Dan/Blair romance (I know. I'm in the minority), my biggest beef with it is this: there's no way she'd let that hair go on for this long. Not for reals. Especially not with the gel he's been using lately.

The gelled hair? The purple plaid wool? Please. Although, I will say this: Dan without gel harkens back to a time when I did actually like Dan with that much hair.

But that is hair for a teenage boy. Not the boyfriend of Blair Waldorf. Longish is okay, but Dan? This is getting out of control. Especially if you're planning on keeping this girl around.

When Blair looks tidy, tailored, well accessorized and not with limp flat hair, I like her best. That is a fantastic look for Blair. Scheming and planning elaborate desserts really do wonders for her.

Even if those ornate dessert spreads baffle the questionable plot element of Roman writing school alumnus.

But random Rome guy was necessary to bring us this:

Whaaaaaaa? Still no comb, but Serena looking lovely? How is this possible? Well friends, it's possible because she's in costume. What Serena wears when Blair isn't picking her outfit? It's this.

I don't even understand what's happening there. I appreciate her attempts to cover the macaron and wear semi-sensible shoes, but it's like she escaped from a stylish production of Annie. I mean look at these girls:

Now look at Serena:

Seriously. It's leftovers from Miss Hannigan's goodwill donations.

But Serena as Blair? Love it. Love it a lot.

The coat has colour! It pops! Even the headband is super adorbs and full of colour. Much better than the drab outerwear that went with her drab orphan clothes.

The scarf has a nice pop of colour, but girlfriend needs to lay off the beige. Go for something more like this:

And really Dan, you too. Lay off the neutrals and take a page from the Style Bible of Blair W. Colour is your friend. Just look at your ex-girlfriend who shares your fondness for bad hair!

That sheath dress is all kinds of fantastic. The goods are covered, yet it's flattering. The accessories are just right. Golf claps S, golf claps. Although, I'd probably make the same face Eleanor made when she saw you.

I mean, she's comes back from Paris expecting you to flaunt what you've got and instead finds you dressed tastefully? Weird. Although, I'd make the face right back at her, because I'm not sure why Eleanor is wearing the giant wool sack of a cape. Did Paris suddenly turn one of our former regular characters into a person who knows how to dress for chilly weather? Bizarre.

But for all your tasteful dressing S and saving B's plans to head to Rome with her fella, you've dug yourself in deep with your latest shining example of how you're actually kind of a sucky friend.

S, it's what you do, not what you say. Because you can say, "I love you B" until the cows come home

Seder Anything - Part 3 of 3 - An Unfortunate Annulment

Cyrus and Eleanor are hosting their first Seder, complete with Cyrus' "Shmutz Happens" apron.

It's hard to believe he's a highly successful lawyer, but he's the man Serena seeks out to help get her marriage annulled.



The olive gray of his jacket, coupled with ivory shirt and periwinkle tie, suits him down to the ground.

Eleanor breaks out the shiny, unflattering fabrics again, but at least this time it isn't a neutral.



I do love her pearl necklaces, and her gray slacks are very flattering.

And thank you God, she finally found an outfit that isn't shiny! Eleanor truly looks like a million bucks.  Or maybe a billion Waldorf bucks.



Love the black sheath, with the fitted black jacket.  It is a bit shiny, but the shine is understated enough that I will give her a free pass.  In addition, the rock crystal necklace is a stunning, attention-getting piece that screams "look at me!"

Onto another stylish mother, we have Lily, who is still trying to hide her pregnancy.  Or rather, Kelly Rutherford's pregnancy.  Tell Rufus--it'll make dressing a lot easier.

Gorgeous, luxurious gray cashmere.  Lily looks stunning in this color.  Love the extra pop of the amethyst jewelry and the purple bag.

That is a lot of necklace.  Like Eleanor loves her shiny seperates, Lily can't stay away from the overblown jewelry.  



There's a germ of a good idea inside of the necklace, but it's just too much--too much size on the pendant, too many strands, too many jewels.  But j'adore her chunky topaz earrings.

Rufus, as usual, goes the opposite direction of his lady love.



That horrible parchment-colored, wrinkly shirt is just plain ugly.  And that brown coat does not help his case.

Serena, the wife of the hour, returns from Spain sans husband Gabriel, eager to obtain an annulment.



This outfit of Serena's is the cream of what she does best--a simple pair of skinny jeans, a cute tunic, with a cropped leather jacket.  Even her hair is just the right shade of bedhead.

Even better, I love what she wears to lawyer up.



Sequins are Serena's best friend, so not a surprise, she dons them in cardigan form, like armor.  Plus, her black tunic patterned with feathers.  And she even found time to brush her hair!  Sort of.  It's no season one coif, but at this point we'll take what we can get.

The best part of this outfit though, is the awesome blue trench she wears as a topper.

Serena's husband Gabriel reappears on the UES, and he brings his golden boy good looks. Why does she want to divorce him?



Oh, right. Because he doesn't have a tailor.  That suit jacket just hangs on him, and the color palette is just plain boring.

The best part of this outfit is the plaid scarf, with its blues, blacks and just the pop of green.





Dan, the erstwhile rival for Serena's affections, unfortunately spends 10% of the episode in the same hideous brown coat I begged Eric Daman to replace a few weeks ago.

And the rest of the episode, he wears a cater-waiter uniform, with more flair than he wears a lot of his clothes.

Let's review: Dan looks better in a uniform that in clothes he's chosen of his own volition. Ouch.