Raiders of the Lost Art - Part 1 of 2 - Les Femmes

Chuck and Nate recruit a bored Blair into their Diana takedown and exposé of Who Chuck's Real Father Is.  As always on Gossip Girl, the answer is less of a surprise than startled wonderment at the gaping black hole that has suddenly ripped the plot wide open.  Serena, très sad that Dan has picked Blair, is losing herself in the role of a lifetime:  Gossip Girl.  Lola, determined to prove she's the only Van der Woodsen who plays at being other people, works with Nate to force Serena to give up the Gossip Girl ghost.  Meanwhile, Rufus (as usual) gives terrible advice to his son, who misuses it and turns into a crazyperson who gives up an opportunity to write for the summer in Rome to stay at home in New York to stalk Blair and her friends (okay, mostly just Chuck).

I've got to give the edge this episode to the females.  It's not every day that one character is able to lose themselves so completely in a sartorial role.  And no, I'm not talking Serena as Gossip Girl but rather, Blair as Diana Payne.  Scarily eerie and nearly meta.  Blair, too, has noticed our Brit's appreciation for tighter-than-necessary garments.

But first, let's start with another of Blair's silken robes.



Lesley-Anne nailed it in her mini-recap when she said that this is some of the worst color-blocking.  I'll add that the strange ombre effect doesn't help its cause at all.  Really, Blair, we know you are better than this.

Love this coat.  The woven blue fabric has awesome visual texture and the blue suits her so well.

Of course, it doesn't suit her quite as well as this blue, but then what would?

Brava, Miss Blair.  You just swiped the crown of Tightest Dress Worn on GG Ever.  Diana is no doubt seething over this travesty.  Seriously, though, she looks awesome.  If dressing like someone else is what it takes to get Blair back to her bombshell outfits, then I'll happily take one masquerade after another.

More Casadei...

Love the idea of the bag, not so much the color.  Puke green is not your friend, Blair.

But this gorgeous khaki trench is so sumptuous and lovely on her, I'll forgive the unfortunate bag.

As for Blair's doppelganger this episode, Diana is still strapping herself into the same old frocks.



I guess if I looked this good at Elizabeth Hurley's age, I'd want to flaunt it too.

Her magenta assymetrical sheath was a slight improvement, but maybe that was only because she was dressing as her real self, India-the-sex-ring-operator.

Last week, I anointed Lola the new Vanessa-in-training.  She slightly redeemed herself this episode.



This is actually a rather sweet, flattering combination on her.  The pink suits her peaches and cream complexion and the textured white tank worn underneath adds interest.  Plus, her hair and earrings are gorgeous, highlighting her amazing cheekbones.

I don't like this coat quite as much, but that is a pretty great scarf she pairs with it.

At India/Diana's mysterious sex party, Lola evolves into one of the waitresses, donning a sexy black dress.



It's very simple, but maybe Lola has finally figured out that the sleeker styles are better suited to her.  Plus, she is rocking that black like nobody's business.

Serena, her half-sister (does anybody else find it immensely amusing how many times Lola and Serena correct those around them who mistakenly identify them as sisters), tries really hard this episode.

Oh, who am I kidding.  She tries this hard every episode.



Blair, you need to borrow this lovely watercolor floral nightwear from your best friend.  It makes Serena look good, which means that it'll look awesome on you.

This dress is . . .problematic.

Serena can't really pull off an innocent, ruffled dresses.  It just doesn't work.  Plus, this looks like it's about a size too small for her frame.



Okay, more like two sizes.  Seriously, black tights or no, that is just way too short for tromping around the city, pretending to be Gossip Girl.  Love your coat though!



Oh, and your scarf too.  That pattern is killer.

Unfortunately, Serena hasn't learned Lola's lesson, and clutters up her black dress with an ugly necklace.



The better to draw attention to her cleavage, of course.  Nevermind that this is a sex-party and the men there aren't exactly going to miss it.

Alessandra, Dan's editor, injects a little realism into Gossip Girl daily life.



It's almost apporpriate for real office wear.  Of course, those sleeves would drive anybody crazy by the end of the day, but cute slacks, and her hair is lovely. She clearly comes from another, non-UES world.

Despicable B - Part 1 of 2 - The Users

Lily goes increasingly rogue as she finally triumphs over Ivy, but when she finds out the Rhodes family is perceived badly by the public, she throws a family dinner to prove everything is fine. Serena catches William in a lie and then discovers an even deeper secret involving Carol and Lola. Meanwhile, Blair finds out that New York Magazine thinks she's low brow for having a marriage shorter than Kim Kardashian's, while Dan is both high brow and an up-and-coming author who's nominated for a debut author prize. Finally, Nate can't leave well enough alone when it comes to his favorite cougar and decides to snoop into Diana's past to find out what else she's hiding, and an even more dangerous secret finally emerges that causes Chuck to question everything he knows about himself.

Lily's always been a bit of a ball-buster, but she usually hid the lengths she'd go to in order to get her way. After enduring Ivy taking her beloved UES penthouse though, the gloves are definitely off, and nothing showcases this better than her style this episode.



Her dark coat and purse hide her inner fabulousness, but not for long.  After all, you can't keep a bad girl down.



Eric Daman doesn't always go the obvious route, but when he does, it usually works.  Lily's leopard print dress tells us that she's lean, she's mean, and she's ready to be single again.  This whole look is just killer.



Love her jeweled cuff!

For the Rhodes family dinner, Lily needs to clean up her act, and acts as innocent as the day she was born, sporting this gorgeous black and white sundress.



The stained glass pattern is lovely, and I spy another glorious bracelet, but that necklace looks like just a lot of luggage tags strung together. It ruins the crisp, clean lines of the dress by marring the neckline. Here are some better options for you:

More Marni...

Her ex-husband, William Van der Woodson, is usually up to no good, and doesn't dress much better.



Is it just me, or do his clothes typically look cheap and tacky?  Although, this is a vast improvement over his standard attire.  Not much variation between the jacket and shirt tone, but they're fairly complementary and it doesn't look like he's going to go take out an informant, so snaps all around.



Oh boy.  It would be nice to get a William Van der Woodson appearance without his patented "I just fried my brain on those fake cancer drugs" expression.  It'd also be nice to see an appearance with his clothes pressed.  That collar is so limp and draggy.

Nate typically floats along, going with whatever scheme's up in the air.  Very rarely (okay, never) does he ever head up a scheme himself.  This new scheming Nate is also sporting an awesome, almost Chuck-like suit.



Seriously, if you can rock those low, tight pants, then by all means do so, Mr. Archibald.  The skinny purple tie is a great departure from the gray, and really completes his look.

But as much as I liked that suit, I have to admit I vastly prefer it this way:



Half off, baby.

Of course, Nate is also being used by Diana, but then, who can really blame her?

No, the only thing we can really blame her for is a lack of imagination.



Yep, it's skin tight and two-toned.  When Nate was browsing through her closet, we saw a lot more interesting selections.  Maybe he should have focused on those instead of on her underwear.

Our Queen B has gone to hell and back the last few seasons.  So it's not really her fault that her hair is so limp and her wardrobe so uninspired.  This episode she tries to find her mojo.



Remember the Old Blair's amazing pajama sets, dripping with lace and sex?  Yeah, this isn't muddy green roses, but snagging a circus tent to use as a robe isn't the right way to go either.

This sundress is a step in the right direction, though.  I love the brightly flowered pattern, and the cute A-line of the skirt.  As for the white pleats, they just don't sit right, but I'll tolerate their presence.

Unfortunately, short marriages aren't the only area where she goes low-brow.



A few weeks ago, I pleaded with Blair to try more youthful looks.  She obviously took my plea and ran with it, forgetting the back of her dress in the process.

It was difficult to figure out exactly what "despicable high brow" was, but Blair's desired label seemingly involved her crashing Dan's big moment and then donating money to literacy.

Hrm.  Okay.

But really, in this Elie Saab, Blair could do just about anything, and I'd be all smiles.



Finally, a gown that isn't baggy and ill-fitted, but shows off her fabulous figure.  I'll even take the black, and that shade of lip color is flawless against her skin. Even her hair doesn't look all that bedraggled.



Let's face it, Blair hasn't looked this fabulous since Season 4.

Salon of The Dead - Part 2 of 2 - The Party Crashers

We only had one suit from Chuck this week, but it was fabulous as always. Only Chuck Bass could pull off stripes, polka dots and paisley. #winning.

Maybe he can teach Serena how to accessorize. I can't even begin to understand Serena's mesh and lace top (dress?), nor do I understand how she isn't unbalanced from the weight of those necklaces.

But, I am loving how effortlessly put-together her hair is. It's not the sad rat's nest it's sometimes become, and it's not overly polished, either. I'm buying the rich bohemian vibe she's got going on.

And the cream coat! The oversized collar! The bag! Serena's leaving her Paris pants and beaded lamp covers behind for sunnier pastures. Next step: covering her macaron.

Oh, and this coat? Love. Love the color, the very on-trend cape silhouette, and the toggle fastening. Another plus: it's longer than most of Serena's dresses.

Like everyone else, I absolutely adored this black beaded Temperley dress on Serena. The beads add interest and enough sparkle, and the low back is perfect for S. I mean, the dress is covering her van der Boobsens and her macaron - it's a miracle!

Close-up of the gorge detail on S' dress.

Diana: "Nate, do you remember that time you--"
Nate (smirk): "Yes, yes I do."
Diana: "--wore a something that was mildly interesting?"

Forgive me if I'm wrong (I have exams, and studying has taken up space in my brain typically reserved for GG trivia), but Nate hasn't worn stripes in...ever? I feel like the stripes and the pinstripe/stripe combo is groundbreaking for dear ol' Nate.

BTW, continuity error. One minute, he's wearing that yummy purple coat, the next second, it's hanging off his arm. Go back and watch. I'll wait.

I totally agree that Diana needs to walk away from the bandage dresses. But I will admit they do look fab on her. It must be the Spanx. And the color? Splendid.

But when you add giant shoulder pads to said bandage dresses? Run, don't walk away, D.

While Diana has commited sins against shoulders, Lola needs a color lesson. I absolutely despise the brown plaid - it looks like something Rufus would wear camping. And are those giant cuffs on her shirt, or giant bracelets?

Again. Lola. Pay attention. These colors are not your friend. Also, is anyone else eerily reminded of Little J (pre-racoon, of course) by this picture? She's got the same, eager look in her eyes. Or maybe it's just the blonde hair.

I will, however, award points for the beaded neckline. That's adorable.

Oh, now we're getting places! This J. Mendel dress was perfect on Lola - the cut, the fit, the color, and I especially love the mesh inset.

She may have bombed the audition before it began, but I give a hearty brava! for both the dress and this asymmetrical navy coat. Lola, I think you've found your signature color! Plus the bag is a great complement.

No, no! Go back to the indigo! Varying shades of brown does not a good outfit make. And that bag is fug.

Sigh. We've gone from bad to worse. This Philosophy knitted dress is feminine and pretty and all, but paired with her skintone and hair, it just washes her out.

Like much of her wardrobe, come to think of it.

It Girl, Interrupted - Part 2 of 2 - The Golden Girls

Serena's says she's ready to relinquish her It Girl status once and for all, yet she's still accepting invites to model lingerie that's named after her.  What did you expect?  That she was going to develop a classy gene all of a sudden? Or some common sense?



Please, this is the girl that wears a see-through beaded lamp cover with a leopard print top.  Serena van der Woodson doesn't know what the word shame means.



However, those are some mighty killer embroidered booties.

Naturally, when headlining a party titled "Down to Your Skivvies" Serena thinks everyone should get a free look at the merchandise. It's a side-effet from all those years as the It Girl around town.



I can't fault her though, that black dress is amazing on her and I love the patterned tights.  I remember fondly the days of old when Blair used to wear youthful, fun stockings.  Now apparently along with all the good hair and makeup, Serena's stolen those too.

And those art deco earrings?  To die for!



Naturally, when she looks beautiful and classy, Serena always has to self-combust somewhere, and this time, it's the back of the dress.



Or rather, where the back of the dress should have been.

As for this fabulous "Serena" lingerie that Kiki de Montparnasse is showing, it's honestly not all that impressive.  Serena shows more skin at a normal cocktail party than in this getup.



The robe is actually kind of sad.  They think she needs to cover up!

Actually, it's not clear what the big deal is about this whole outfit.  It just looks like a simple black slip with a corset top.  Not all that exciting or anything to get excited about.



Clearly, Serena knows it too, so she made her hair extra exciting. Of course, exciting doesn't mean combing.

The morning after any scheme gone wrong, it's imperative to load on as many matching pieces as possible.



Obviously Serena didn't get that memo.

Her striped top is cute enough, and I do like the pop of red in her earrings, but the plaid skirt is a bit of a mess and the tights are all wrong.



Don't even start with those yucky green booties.  She should go green and recycle the kick ass booties from day before.

Lola and Nate are struggling with their relationship and Lola's desire to stay out of Upper East Side social circles.

I think the problem is more that Lola has no idea how to dress in UES social circles.



The red coat is actually really nice on her, and I don't even mind the chunky gray scarf but that ugly brown leather bag needs to go, as do her gray booties.

After her coat comes off, there's not much to celebrate. 



That sweater is a crime against humanity and I'm trying to pretend that she didn't grab that peasant blouse off one of Vanessa's old costume racks.

At the party though, she either steals Nate's credit card or Serena manages to rub off some of her It Girlness.



Admittedly, the makeup is rather terrifying, but the dress is the beginning of a good idea.  I still would have liked to see color here, the nude fabric is just a tad plain and the fit isn't what it could be.

And really, when you are competing with a woman who likes to wear her fabric as a second skin, you can use all the help you can get.



I think Diana's personally invested in enough Spanx to buy the owner her own private island. That blue is a nice color on her, though.

Diana took the lingerie theme a bit too literally here.

But then is anybody surprised?  She is one of the few characters on the show that can truly pull off a black dress, though.

Unfortunately, she gets into neutrals in a shift dress that literally looks as if it might be molded to her.

If you can't see your body underneath because there's so much lifting and harnassing going on, that might be your first sign of trouble.

It's nice to see Nate starting to take his job, and his wardrobe so seriously.  Clearly Chuck has had some influence here.  Maybe he just threw away everything that was hideous, forcing him to start over entirely.

Nate, like any normal guy, has pretty basic workout clothes.  Note to Chuck - wear something like this next time.

Unlike any normal guy, he has a pretty swank business wardrobe.

Just the addition of the checkerboard shirt elevates this ensemble to something instantly fabulous.  Suddenly, we're taking Nate seriously in a way we didn't before.  Oh, and his businessman's haircut is absolutely adorable.



Just becuase this isn't blue, I'm giving it a massive two thumbs up.  Seeing Nate discover the color wheel is akin to what it must have been like to see the actual wheel be discovered - a total revelation.

This gray suit is so amazing on Nate that I was temporarily rendered speechless. 



With the light blue shirt and complementary tie?  He really looks the part of the successful media magnate.  Hmmmm, I wonder who helped him with that?

The co-conspirator in Nate's plan to bring down Diana is Aidan, a boy even more minor than Nate, and Lola's friend from drama camp.



I'm sorry, does he actually look sixteen to anyone?

No?  I didn't think so.  Cute peacoat though.

This cardigan and tie combo however is straight out of the Dan Humphrey playbook.

If Aidan wasn't a random character designed to make Nate film child pornography, then I might actually enjoy seeing him stick around and eventually figure out how to date UES royalty.  C'est la vie, I suppose.

Riding in Town Cars with Boys: Part 3 of 3 - The Beforgotten

Okay, the title of this post is a stretch. But this one is dedicated to all the minor players in the episode. The ones we only sort of care about and the ones who will be written off shortly.

Let's start with the only minor fellow who will always have a job here.

What up Nate? And your matching tie cousin! I love how y'all are backstabby and passive aggressive and then say, "on for racketball next week?"  Your cousin Tripp is looking a little different down in the dumps these days, what with Grandfather declaring you to be the New Hope for the family. And I must say, having an actual job, even if it was purchased for you, has done wonders for your wardrobe. You don't look like a Humphrey anymore and I think you might even be wearing a belt.

Maybe Chuck will let you borrow a tie every now and then, just to jazz things up a bit. Actually, my guess is Chuck throws them out after wearing them once, so just take it then.

I sort of wish you weren't so moral though. You really should have talked to Max. I know Chivy says she's a Rhodes, but after everything The Non-Judging Breakfast Club has been through, don't you think it's possible she's maybe an imposter? I mean, have you already forgotten your very beige imposter girlfriend of last season? The one who tried to take Serena down? I guess you have. And that's why poor Max isn't allowed to look a main character in the eye when he talks to them.

His minor character status is probably why he also has to dress in grey all the time. That way, when they write him off, the next guy can start wearing the grey outfits.

And oh, pauvre Prince Louis. So très boring. I can at least give him props for being one of the few men on the show who bothers to put on a belt in the morning.

Sadly pour vous Louis, this is probably not enough for Blair. Quelle mauvaise. Because it was refreshing to see a belt. But you see, I think that "le safari du suede" is not a look she would approve of:

Monsieur Louis, just because you've been off on le grande expedition does not mean you need to come back dressing like la proverbial explorateur. At least you didn't go for the red toque of Cousteau. But you must know that if Blair were to see that coat and its beaucoup de pockets, she would have sent you packing back to votre petite principality.

Another questionable fashion choice by an outcast lover this week was that of Diana.

Her look says it all. It says, "Shit. I can't believe I'm wearing a dress that looks like it could double for a hot pink wet suit."  Hopefully she'll be back in NYC with some better outfits. We know that she plans to accessorize with some Jack Bass. My money is on her being the real mother of Charlie Trout. (I have no evidence of this...but why else would Bart have her photo and Jack have her cell number? Huh?)