Salon of The Dead - Part 1 of 2 - Over The Bridge and Through The UES

Dan and Blair decide to "come out" as a couple, throwing a British-themed salon in Dan's abode. Of course, it's not the Party du Jour without a few crashers - namely, Serena, Lola, Nate, and Chuck. S isn't so keen on giving up her It-Girl crown, and uses her Gossip Girl powers to ruin Lola's audition. Because Lola is a Rhodes, she sets her sights on bringing down GG/Serena. Except instead of ousting her cousin as GG, Lola accidentally outs Diana as... CHUCK'S MOTHER. OMG indeed. As for the elder UES/Brooklyn couple, Rufus finally realizes he's become a trophy husband, and Lily finds out Rufus has been putting Chivy up at the Soho Grand. At least Blair and Dan have a guide for what not to do when dating someone from across the bridge.

I want to love this, I really do. It's lovely, it's demure and ladylike... but it also looks like something a politician's wife would wear, especially coupled with that hair. Someone needs to remind Blair that a) she's twenty, not thirty-five and b) she used to abhor setting foot in Brooklyn let alone throwing a party there.

Someone also needs to tell Dan that his plaid is clashing with the Waldorfs' apartment.

I was hoping Blair would introduce Dan to Savile Row... or a tailor at the very least. Alas, no.

Blair's coat is a little too much like my mother's curtains for my liking, but her expression? I can almost see the old Queen B. As for Dan, is he trying to emulate Chuck wth the lavender button-up?

This dress is definitely an upgrade from Blair's earlier frock, but it pales in comparison to the rest of what I know is hanging in her closet. I do like the almost sailor-esque neckline, and the bit of sparkle. As for her man, Lonelyboy's pairing of a plaid shirt and blazer is a horrible idea in theory, but a smart way to blend the UES and Brooklyn.

Rufus in a tool belt. Now there's a sight we never thought we'd see. It's like Lily in sweats!

I know, Lily. The weight of all that jewellery (or the thought of you in sweats) would give me a headache, too.

Another lesson in Best Dressed Mother from Lily. If only she weren't competing for Best Vanessa Inspired Accessorizing as well.

Back in Brooklyn, we meet Dan and Blair in 10 years! Julian's even in need of a haircut. Maybe he and Dan could go off together and discuss their respective relationships/pretentious literary tendencies?

In all seriousness, I did enjoy Jenna's coral and floral ensemble. And Julian? He just looks like Dan.

It's too bad Julian and Jenna were unimpressed by Blair and Dan. I was hoping they'd stick around. I quite liked Jenna's embroidered dress, and Julian's lavender button-up looks scarily familiar...

Let's end with a song, and Rufus, strumming away in a plaid shirt.

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see us crystal clear
You with your Moët and me with my beer

Sniff. It's a tale as old as time.

It Girl, Interrupted - Part 1 of 2 - From Brooklyn, With Love

Serena's spent her first week as Gossip Girl hitting the delete key in an attempt to bury the dirt about herself, but an impatient GG warns Serena she's about to lose her privileges. So, S sets up Lola as the next UES It-Girl to deflect attention off herself. Lola fits perfectly into Serena's trap as she gets jealous over the newly-back Diana and agrees to model at a lingerie fashion show. Meanwhile, Nate is having his own power struggles with Diana over the Spectactor, and Chuck is torn between looking for Elizabeth and letting her go. Blair's so sad about not being a princess anymore that she snaps Chuck's head off and tells him that they can't be friends. Of course, that's when Dan drops the bomb that Chuck paid for her dowry. After much soul-searching, Blair thanks Chuck, and leaves him to play out her fantasies one last time as a Princess on the Met Steps. On the Ivy vs Lily front, Lily lures Ivy out of the apartment with a fake cashier's check, and then steels the much-desired pad out from under her. Rufus is appalled that Lily's acted like Lily, and refuses to return to the UES with her. Haven't we been through this before?

Blair, recipient of her freshly printed divorce papers, celebrates with Dorota in this puke-green coloured robe.



It doesn't matter if its printed with roses if they look like died and putrified on the fabric.

The costume department's been dressing Blair about twenty years too old all season, and at first glance, this pink and purple printed dress is a wonderful change to a younger, lighter Blair.



Of course, she's still set on making herself look matronly with the hair and the makeup.

But really, this is a really cute, summery look.  I love the patterned flowers and the full skirt.



Even that pink trench is adorable.

Blair should really stick to color.  Black dresses shaped like sacks are not her friend.



It doesn't matter if they're sequined.  They still look terrible.

Even worse is her pathetic hair.  I find it hard to believe that Dorota would ever let Blair out of the penthouse sporting this sad braided updo.

That's the kind of sad, messy braid Serena would try to pull off at a formal event, not Queen B.

As for Princess Blair Waldorf Grimaldi's finale, she wears an appropriately ruffled pink dress.



I'm not sure I understand the coat on top of it.  After all, Serena goes waltzing around Manhattan in barely-there skirts and nearly-invisible blouses and the cold never seems to get to her.  Maybe this is confirmation of her Upper East Side android status.

All snarking about her cupcake dress aside, Blair really does look beautiful here.




Cubic zirconia and all, she's a total princess.

As for her Lonely Boy, I keep hoping that his change of mates will mean a change of style.



Apparently not.

Confession:  Dan's hair is reaching terrifying levels.  When it has reached the point of falling in locks over his forehead unless its slicked greasily back, that means it needs to be cut.  End of story.



Ah, plaid.  The Humphrey standard.  If Blair lets Dan have his way, she'll end up with 800 count Egyptian cotton plaid sheets on their bed and a plaid gown for events.

The very least Blair can do, if she is going to take a side trip to Brooklyn, is make sure Dan's suits are adequately fitted.  This is just hanging on him, and sacre bleu, his shirt is not even tucked in.  He's Nate circa St. Jude's!



Now is it really fair to compare Dan to the other side of this isosceles triangle?

Probably not.  Chuck has a lot of money to spend on looking his best.

That fact alone begs the question . . .why would he wear this?



Good god.  He looks like a cross between the Gerber baby and a lobster.

Is it any improved from a back viewing?

Emphatically no.

I think I might need lasik after this episode.

Luckily, Chuck remembers he's a businessman, not a punchline, and changes into one of his dapper suits.



That muted purple paisley tie is so sumptuous looking, with the faint sheen.  And it's perfectly matched (of course) to Chuck's gray pin-striped suit.



Chuck stays true to his favorite shade for the lingerie party, feeling right at home in a lilac-striped shirt with a complementing purple tie.  It's not terribly imaginative, but it sure is effective.

As for Lily and Rufus, rusticating in Brooklyn, their current location clearly favors one over the other.

I'll give you two guesses who and one doesn't count.



I supposed if you're going to wear a medallion the size of a breast plate, you'd best pair it with a solid neutral blouse.  Unfortunately Lily also goes for one with beading on the bottom.

She's clearly starving for Upper East Side luxury and this is her cry for help. Rufus!  Help put an end to her suffering!



Unfortunately Rufus doesn't see that anything's wrong.  In fact, he's dug out some of the clothes Lily wouldn't let him bring to her luxurious penthouse apartment.  He's happy as a clam in one of his ugly plaid shirts that just came out of a dusty cardboard box.

Is it any surprise, then, that Lily returns to her fabulous apartment? Or that she would look glamorous doing so?



Love your bag, darling!  And that winter white sweater is flawless with your skin.

Rufus, on the other hand, has never seemed more stuck in Brooklyn.

There'd be at least one tear shed in sympathy, except for that godawful suitcase/backpack that should never again see the light of day.

Con Heir - Part 1 of 2 - The Good

Chuck invites Jack to town to thank him for saving his life, but finds the trip doesn't go exactly as planned (does anything ever go as planned on the UES?). Blair and Dan attempt to consummate their new relationship - but unexpected roadblocks get in their (oh-so-young-and-sexy) way. Meanwhile, Chivy finds an unlikely ally in William van der Baldwin in her quest to be accepted on the Upper East Side, and Nate (who yet again has a terribly boring storyline) is hopeful a new investor will save his newspaper.

Ok gossip boys and girls, time to draw a line in the sand. We've drawn it before and it must be done again.

What line is that you speak of?

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

What side did our Gossip Girl characters end up on? Let's start with the good...

Here is Blair is a Studio54/Georgina Sparks inspired bronze raincoat. That raincoat is so fabulous, that rain just doesn't fall and splash on it - it DANCES on her. She literally has thousands of rain drops doing the Hustle on her raincoat. Game. Set. Fabulous.

Wowsers! While I could dedicate an entire post to this one outfit, I'm going to focus on the smaller things, like the black lace on Blair's hips - very Immaculate Collection Madonna and loving it.

Her outfit is getting Dan so hot under the collar, that his plaid shirt's about to catch fire (which, to be honest, is something our staff room would often like to do - burn Dan's wardrobe and start from scratch). We just went from Lonely Boy to Horny Boy!

Instantly, Dan's attire improves with his newfound confidence.

That blazer and unbottoned dress shirt says, "Have you seen Blair? Yeah, she's mine. Bam! Take that Chair fans!"

Drunk!Blair, sporting a classy black top, is also brimming with lingerie-confidence.

They say opposites attract. Apparently so do 20-something UES hormones.

Chuck always gives such great face! Almost as good as La Ricci.

This falls under the "Good" column due to the matching purple tie and handkerchief. His committment to purple never falters and we salute him for it. 

Dorota's apartment!

Loving the bowl of green apples on her table, very motherly. But what's up with that interesting looking vase and wall-print? Is Darota's apartment the unknown final secret resting place of King-Tut? He was, afterall, born in Arizona and then moved to Babylonia (aka, the UES).

Can Lily seriously ever do wrong?

I think if she wore a potato sack, you would see it in Saks Fifth Avenue the very next day. And loving her three-piece necklace and sequined gown. Too bad it clases with the exposed brick chic of the Brooklyn loft. Also, dig the ring that's almost the size of the kettle.

And for extra points in our "Good" column, Lily does the near impossible - making the dull and boring color that is grey and turning it into a classy and chic top.

I think we found the original inspiration for the racy novel, "50 Shades of Grey." If Dan ever decides to go back to his monochrome grey days, he should talk to Lily first.

And now that you've seen the good, it's time for the bad and ugly...

Valley Girls - Part 2 of 2 - Back to the Future

The Humphreys have a pow-wow about Rufus getting married, then he arrives and it's awkward.

Thanks to Beth for pointing out this no-colour dark shirt is seersucker. I now feel obliged to say that I see it, and it sucks.

Jenny is in her usual taupe tank, but there are pearls mixed in with her chains today and not too much panda makeup obscuring her vision. She looks pretty, if a little washed out.

Vanessa makes one appearance this episode (good, because I always want to yell, 'she doesn't even go here!' in Constance Billiard scenes) and is not dressed too appallingly! Her embroidered duck egg blue blouse is something I'd wear myself, ditto the brown waistcoat on top.

Even her jewellery isn't too heavy or nasty looking. It's a prom night miracle!

Speaking of prom night, Chuck is sooo not recreating your girlfriend's childhood fantasy by sabotaging everything you plan, Nathaniel. Look at his outfit's innocent pallette and attempt to mix with the proles in that plaid shirt.

Nate is confused. I would be too if I went out wearing my nana's raincoat over my pyjamas.

The only dream of Serena's that Dan can fulfil is her release from jail. Like Chuck, he is attempting to appear inconspicuous. That t-shirt has a definite sense of 'wall' or 'sidewalk' about it.

Serena may not have been worked over with the phonebook, but she's not looking her best. I swear she wasn't arrested wearing that coat...

Blair isn't dressed too well either, so I cunningly used the arrival of a bespoke Marchesa prom dress from Paris to cover up her shapeless black sack dress.

Eric has a five second cameo, neither taking part in any eighties montages nor going to prom. His blue plaid shirt is acceptable, if only because the nice colour takes my mind off the pattern.

Fast forward to prom night, where Dan too is underwhelming. I praised his combination of purple and black once, and now I see it everywhere. He couldn't have spiced it up a bit?

Like this?!

Purple. Black. A mixture of colours in the bowtie, shot through with cream to match the bouttoniere.

Chuck's wardrobe is the one you have a long and happy life with. Dan's is the one you look back on and shudder.

Tonight of all nights, the minions look particularly lacklustre. There are things I do like - the pleated, sea shell shaped bodice of Hazel's dress, Penelope's bedazzled hair flower, Nelly Yuki's coral gown - and things that I loathe - everything Iz is wearing, purple accessories with pink dresses, pink accessories with purple dresses and so on.

Serena is, by contrast, a delight in nudes and sparkles - although now I come to think of it, it does seem she's suddenly gone down a cup size and the bodice is saggy. Never mind. Swishy, shimmering skirts and tumbling hair are perfect for a princess...

If not for a queen.

As I mentioned, this glorious black and gold peacock feather effect gown was made for the show by Marchesa and unfortunately never produced commercially. Blair compliments it with metallic fingernails and an incredible oversize citrine or topaz ring and necklace that bring out the deeper tones of the gold. Her dazzling flowered tiara is the ultimate finishing touch.

And I nearly forgot to mention how handsome Nate was in his flawless tux, although that bouttoniere is worringly similar to the one Chuck wore at Bart and Lily's wedding.

"Turns out fairytales end when they do for a reason," says Blair sagely.

I'd really like to remind the current characters of this moment - the girl who was over fairytales married a prince, her best friend kept pinging back to the guy with the bad hair, Nate continued to be confused and Chuck selflessly organised a prom and now selflessly cares for a dog, selflessly leaves the love of his life alone and selflessly has no good storylines.

What a difference a few seasons can make.

The Wrath of Con - Part 2 of 2 - The Proposal

For the love of all that's holy Dan, get a new coat.



It wasn't all great that to begin with and it's looking worse for the wear.



I think this button-up plaid is supposed to be seersucker.  That doesn't excuse (or explain) the horrible wrinkles.  It just looks like Dan can't use a dryer properly.

Wise Gay Teen Eric redeems so many of the Gossip Girl men.



His shawl collar coat is simply divine, and j'adore the brown striped scarf.

Jenny, his BFF, is still rocking the punk hardcore pieces, but with a chic edge that she loses completely after this season.



Jenny can do plaid like nobody's business--after all, she is a Humphrey.  But her plaid is undeniably more stylish than any of her relatives'.  Plus, her flyaway waves are a great look for her.

This episode Rufus finally decides to propose to Lily.  Immeadiately after this revelation, his wardrobe improves immensely.  A coincidence?  I doubt it.



What a great leather jacket, and love the plain blue button-up underneath it.  Normally, this simple ensemble would not win such praise for me, but it's been so long since Rufus wore anything worth praise, that I think he's earned it.

For the proposal, he actually dons a smart-looking a suit jacket and gray shirt that make Rufus look downright dapper. Amazing. What on earth happened to this Rufus in later seasons?





And what of his ladylove? As always, Lily shines in gorgeous neutrals.

Love her soft, creamy trench and the gray sweater peaking out of the collar.  A great color combo with her blond hair.

Speaking of hair, I've written so many raptures over Lily's chignons.  This one is no exception, despite it's rather obvious flaw.



It almost humanizes her a little--to have a strand of hair out of place.  The mussy look definitely suits her.

Frankly, I'm on the fence when it comes to this brown sweater combination.



The sweater I like.  Not sure it should have been worn with a clashing shade of brown underneath, but when it comes down to it, how can we discuss anything other than the necklace that could double as advanced weaponry?

I could make some sort of crack about how it was lifted directly from Vanessa's wardrobe, but it does look more expensive and more refined than Vanessa's usual suspects.  What it definitely accomplishes is pushing this look from ho-hum to something unforgettable.  There aren't many necklaces that can claim that distinction. Certainly nothing in Vanessa's Magic Accessory Storage Unit.