Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 1 of 3: Gossip Girl is Dead, and so is Bart

Bart's second death opened the door for Blair's second wedding (featuring #1 better hair than her first, and #2 Meester Chuck), Georgina to find her one true scheming love, and Lily to spend her days blissfully drunk with her first husband. We didn't get the answers to all our questions, but we did get the answer to the biggest of them all: "Who am I?" Well, that one secret Gossip Girl would never tell turned out to be Dan Humphrey. Plot holes, shmot holes. But the YKYLK staffroom is oddly okay about it (some of us called it. Others had thought it was Jenny. We're just glad it wasn't all a Dan Humphrey dream). 

This episode treated us both to flashbacks (Dan's buzz cut! Chuck's scarf!) and a flash-forward wherein Nate has rubbed two brain cells together to become a viable candidate for mayor, Serena has married the man who made her teenage years miserable, and Henry Bass wins all the medals for Best Dressed Child.

It took two tries, but they finally did it.

They killed Bart Bass.

If the series wasn't ending, I would say he'd be back to win a 2013 man of the year award. But we'll assume they got him this time. 

Unlike Bart's previous death, the family wasn't feeling it. Sure Blair and Chuck had a moment in the alley - but that had more to do with guilt. 

The beaded purse was probably a bit much with that dress from last week, but I'd love to see it on it's own. 

The feelings of guilt over Bart's death didn't seem to last too long, as Blair was able to sleep peacefully and keep her purple eye makeup looking perfect. 

Unlike the police, former adversary Uncle Jack was able to get back into the country and find them within hours. He did so in style with a tailored grey suit, pink shirt and a full tea service.

He's looking a bit worse for wear these days - a little gaunt wouldn't you say? Maybe a return to New York will be good for his health. 

While Chuck and Blair were stuck in last night's clothes, Jack was full of good ideas. Namely this:

I'll give you a moment to squee and collect yourselves.

...

Okay on to what's really important: what does Blair Waldorf wear to her second wedding?? Turns out it's the something blue in a stunning Elie Saab. 

Her hair is also back to its former glory. Wearing it down hasn't done B any favours over the past season or two and I get it. Your hair changes. Sometimes it gets oilier. Stars! They're just like us! But when you're Blair Waldorf, you have the luxury of daily access to stylists and sending Dorota to hair styling school. Regardless, wearing it up like this is beautiful. And that's a very grown up version of the headbands she once rocked like a champ. 

I know she said this is the perk of a lifelong relationship with Elie Saab, but how the hell did they tailor it to fit so well? I'm no seamstress, but I know this is the kind of tailoring that takes time.

Whatever. She looks amazing and as improbabilities go, this is the least of our concerns. Although, does a lifelong relationship also get you the perk of your dress being your "something borrowed"?

More Deepa Gurnani...

 

Over the past few seasons, the flamboyant Chuck we once knew and loved toned it down. Sure there was purple (there was always purple), but there were so many suits and so much grey. But Chuck heard our cries of boredom and brought it hard for the wedding of 2012. 

A white tux! It will look dated in future wedding photos (if any profesh photos exist. Will they all be on Instagram?), but that's okay! He's Chuck Mothereffing Bass and he can do whatever he pleases. Pale pink shoes? Yes. He's Chuck Bass. A sparkly blue tie to match his brides dress in under an hour? Yes. He's Chuck Bass.

Other dudes can try, but they will never measure up to his style when he puts the effort in.

I know the cops are hot on his heels, but I kind of want to tell him to slow his roll just a bit. Because as lovely and a conniving as she can be, he's got a lifetime of this face and these friends to contend with.

This is years of judgement right here, my friends. Eleanor in her leopard print wrap strikes me as a formidable mother-in-law. You'd want to be on her good side at all times. Serena? Well, we all know how those Best Frenemies work. At least Lily will be drunk most of the time, so her well dressed and bejewelled judgement will be easier to handle. But hidden from the picture is Dorota, who'll likely be judgier than all of them combined. Chuck doesn't want to mess with that if he values his ascots. Cross Dorota and suddently the dry cleaner "accidentally" "loses" them. 

All my reservations aside, they do make a well dressed pair. 

And I'm sure it's all worth it for this:

You need another squee moment, don't you? 

...

Of course, none of this would be what it is without the other high school sweethearts of the UES. S, after reading the unpublished feelings of Humphrey, cancels her flight to LA, gets the girls out on full disply and heads to Dan's new place to confront him.

The coat itself is fine enough, but the Missoni dress? I probably could have given this a Worst Outfit nomination.

It's like she wore a well tailored carpet bag that is doing her décolletage no favours - other than making sure we know she's got some serious cleave action going on. 

Now, even if you disagree with me on the dress, I bet we can find common ground on the shoes. What do you think you'd wear with that dress (keeping in mind you've also paired it with a rather plain 3.1 Phillip Lim grey coat)? Maybe a pair of knee high boots? Or a great pair of black pumps? Or some adorable booties? All of those choices would make sense. But this is what S wore.

Yes. Glitter Louboutin stilettos with black tights. A+ for seasonally appropriate hosiery (not usually her strong suit). D- for the out of place daytime glamour. If she knew she was headed to a wedding, maybe. But since she was just headed over for a come to Jesus moment with Gossip Girl Dan, this is an odd choice. I know because I've seen what everyone else wore. 

Sure Georgina wore bondage booties, but they kind of make sense since she's usually wearing a plate of spiky armour. 

And what was S greeted with when she headed back to the city? 

God Dan. Enough with the chest hair already. You can be an artiste and slightly less furry. Or at least stop wearing so many damn V-necks. I do like the blazers though. Mostly because I love what is happening here.

I mean, holy crap Dan! What is this? You've got some mad Oscar Wilde steez happening here. Well, you know, considering you're straight, not dead and probably not quite as talented. But steez. Yes. The long burgandy coat with the grey blazer lapels layered over it and the leather satchel make up for all of your other fashion crimes this season. Of the entire series for that matter.

You really went out on a bang Humphrey. Quite literally, considering you were Gossip Girl all this time.

Can't say I saw that one coming. Not even a little bit. Well played, Humphrey. I bet if we went back and re-watched all six seasons, we still wouldn't guess it was you. 

Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 3 of 3: Ghosts of Christmas Past and Future

Forgive me if I get a little sentiment mixed into my snark. This is our last episode of Gossip Girl. I'm having a bit of a moment.  

Once the YKYLF staff got done fangirling over the wedding and the shock of who Gossip Girl is, we reveled in the flashbacks. We've come so far since Serena rode into Grand Central Station to the sounds of Peter, Bjorn and John. 

Flashback Serena is actually a lot like current Serena in her sequins, but with a flip phone. And look how young Pilot Episode Serena was! That jacket! With the stripes! I think I started watching the show because of that outfit (and started my spiral into nautical stripes).

The flashback filmed for this episode shows how much has been forgotten about S and B. 

I know we're comparing party wear to Constance wear, but I think we can see the inconsistencies. Blair's red lace is lovely, but it's not the over-the-top lovely she used to go for. And that headband? Weaksauce. 

But the flashbacks made it easy to see why we fell in love and stayed along for the ride, no matter how ridonk the ride got.

Flashback Nate's got a delightful single argyle going on. Still a lot of blue, but different blues. I wish Future Nate would embrace some sweater wear, but as we'll soon see, this is unlikey. He's accessorized it here with a joint, as Young Nate was wont to do.

Lonely Boy's big difference? The hair of course. Hello, buzzcut!

Also, I don't know that Li'l Lonely Boy would have worn a blazer a la Present Day Dan. He'd have gone cardigan or something a little more interesting (like when he had a military inspired jacket moment). He may not have been cool at school, but his style was definitely Brooklyn cool. 

And Chuck. Oh Chuck of Christmas Past!

Flashback Chuck almost nails it. The blue popped collar is all wrong, but the artful mixing and matching of patterns, right down to the signature scarf, is the Chuck that won us over. Even in pastels, early season Chuck knew how to mix things up. 

Also in the past, we can't forget Little J or the minions.

It was like a cotton candy explosion back then. Totally not the style today, but I still loved their jackets and outerwear and clear disregard for authority since they never really bothered to follow uniform dress codes. 

But how does it all end? With misty water coloured memories of the way things used to be? Oh hells no. 

Flash forward bitches! To the land of so many incoceivable things!

For starters - the NY Spectator isn't a failing newspaper that no one cares about.

And who is aboard that privately owned plane? 

Whaaaa? 

I think he thinks he's a spy with that metal briefcase. Except. Apparently in the future, Nate is poised to become the youngest mayor of New York City.

I can only assume he's slept with everyone to make this happen. Because as our readers Chloe and Lauren pointed out, there is no way Nate rubbed enough clues together to make it this far in politics or got past his past legal troubles and his tendancy to sleep with EVERYONE (Blair, Serena, Vanessa, Ivy, Jenny, Sage the minor...should I continue?). As Cyrus might say:

Oh, but that's not all. Blair and Chuck got busy faster than you can say Kate Middleton. Because this kid exists.

Unsurprisingly, Wee Henry Bass is a dapper fellow. And marriage to Blair/real death of Bart has gotten Chuck off the double breasted grey suit and brought back the ascot.

The future does look good on Blair though.

I love it a lot. It's grown up, but still pretty. 

Maybe not for a wedding, but definitely for New Year's. 

Future Lily is as lovely as ever, but there's something about Eric that isn't right.

It's as if he's spending all his time in a dive bar in Montauk instead of Sarah Lawrence.

Little has changed with Little J in five years. 

The eye makeup isn't as bad, but she's still working super hard to be edgy.

Yeah, I'm not buying this is Future Jenny and Eric. How about you? 

The Future Rufus, however... now that is a future Humphrey I buy. 

Super Hipster Rufus! Love the glasses though and the jacket. Rufus should have gotten into this look five years ago. I guess marriage to Lisa Loeb is what did it.

No, we don't understand how that happened either. No, they didn't explain. This is what happens in the GG writers rooms these days. #randomness

But they can't hold a candle to my favorite Future Couple - Jackgina! Georgack?

Either way, I see Georgie hasn't let go of sartorial tendancies, what with this Robert Rodriguez dress full body armour.

So why are all these Future Selves gathered in the Future Brownstone? 

Looking good in formal grey Dan. And you've tamed the mane of hair. Why so dressed up?

What in the what now? They're headed out of the house, right?

No?

Hells bells, Serena. Gold lamé Georges Chakra for a living room wedding? 

You said it, Cyrus. If Serena was going to wear that to the sounds of Florence + the Machine, she's going to do it in the biggest venue with the most people. No matter what Serena says, she's a girl who loves an audience. On the upside, she's got fantastic hair and earrings.

I still don't believe she'd marry Future Dan, but she looks happy, so I'll leave her be.

And is Gossip Girl really dead? Or is she haunting a future gang as they navigate the UES?

Well, that's a secret she'll never tell.

xoxo

YKYLF

Gossip Girl: The Revengers

Part 1 of 2: Out in the Cold

Jesus H. Gossip Girl, what the fresh hell was this shlock you tried to pass off as a penultimate episode to THE ENTIRE FREAKING SERIES? I imagine that by the time they got around to this episode, the GG Writers' Room was covered in paper airplanes and spitballs. "What's that you say, New Writer? A half-baked idea that has nothing to do with the previous six years of the show? Bully! Let's do it!" In sum: The Scooby Gang is still on a kick to frame Bart Bass, who's decided NYC isn't big enough for both he and his son and he tries to have him killed but he fails and he gets nominated for an award and then he dies and DOES ANYONE EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THEY'RE FIGHTING ABOUT? Something about horses? Or hotels? Oh Gossip Girl. How far you have fallen from the days when New York Magazine called you The Greatest Show of Our Time.

We open with one of Blair's Audrey Hepburn dreams. This time, it's the lesser-known 1963 flick Charade.

It's a bit startling to see Chuck dressed a la Dan Draper, but a refreshing change from his usual technicolor palette. No me gusta the black hair on B, though. She needs a touch of chestnut.

Also? Audrey Hepburn had some unbelievably tiny arms. We all know Leighton is skinny, but she looks like a normal, non-actress type person compared to Audrey.

I particularly enjoyed Bart's turn as the creepy Leopold Gideon, and PS this was totally filmed on the same set as the Waldorf apartment. See the columns? Geez, I watch this show way too much.

Après nightmare, Blair bolts up in silk floral print PJs, ready for a day of scheming and plotting. So basically, ready for the average day on Blair Waldorf's calendar.

Do you think the Waldorf-Basses meant to coordinate? I wholeheartedly applaud this look, particularly the fierce side-eye they're both giving.

And naturally, Blair's Sonia star print dress. The bold color keeps it from beeing too twee.

Yes, that was all enjoyable, but the real fashion standout in this episode was OUTERWEAR! You guys, so many yummy looks. Observe B in her raspberry beret and wool coat with the contrasting wide lapels. Perfection.

And Chuck also brings it with this textured white number, complete with coordinating pocket square. As you do.

The pockets! I die!

Speaking of color-coordinating couples, I see that Sage has caught Blue Fever from Nate. Perhaps she has a homeopathic cure stored away in the Native American-inspired bag. Is that something a Medicine Man would know about?

Underneath her cobalt coat is a deep turquoise sweater. The Blue, it's spreading.

I do appreciate the leather accents on the sleeves, even if the sweater in general looks like it'd be incredibly itchy. Gilda Radner once said "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch," but I'll bet Sage doesn't know who Gilda is. Kids today.

Oh no! Bart's caught it, too! This is all the evidence I need to affirm that he's been spending too much time with Nate. Good thing he had Nathanial hauled away.

Meanwhile, my favorite quasi-couple were apartment shopping. Apparently Dan and his hair have decided to move into this orange-hued "hovel". Georgina's words, not mine. She's bitter because her baby daddy wants to stay in Brooklyn.

Or maybe it's just her spiked purse strap and bruise-inducing jewelry that gives her the edge. Remember when she didn't dress like an soap opera villan? Go back and watch a few early episodes for some real lolz.

Speaking of villans, I still can't decide if Ivy's on the side of good or evil, but this leather dress is swaying me towards the dark side. No one dresses like this in the daytime unless they're up to no good.

Ugh. Georgina and Ivy back to back is giving me heartburn. We need a breath of fresh air...

Why Serena, you look positively lovely! She's sporting a casual braid, a respectable (yet interesting) top, and paperweight earrings like only a Rhodes girl can.

But we pan down and find so, so much busyness below the waist.

Thank you for the test pattern opportunity, Gossip Girl. It appears that my TV is working correctly.

Going back to outerwear (because I apparently can't help myself) let's take a sec to drink in the gorgeous colors and textures of S's leather trench and scarf. So autumnal! Yet practical! Is this really our "impervious to cold" Serena who eschews the thermometer in favor of bleeding-edge trends?

I'll even let the test pattern tights slide when paired with this trench. Such is the power of a good coat, my friends.

BUT! Even that was not her finest moment. At the end of the episode, she sashays out of New York sporting shades of Lily with a neat bun and a to DIE for mulberry coat. She hasn't killed outwear like this since she was actually impersonating Lily in "The Kids Are Not Alright". Outfit of the week right here, folks.

Let's not forget the heavy earrings, plus legs for days:

I'm beginning to understand why Dan can't let go. I'd stalk Serena just for those shoes.

Gossip Girl: The Revengers

Part 2 of 2: Bart, Bart, He's our Man

If I ever see Georgina in a clothing that's a color other than some variation on black/white, I will die of shock. Luckily, this sequined B&W leopard print jacket (that's a lot of adjectives for one piece of clothing) keeps my heart ticking.

And that steely glare is the best accessory of all. I would squeal with glee if Georgie got her own spinoff. As she said, there's a niche market for schemers for hire. I personally would love to watch Georgina's flourishing startup.

Perhaps Blair could be her logistics gal. Who else can source blueprints (tastefully framed, no less) on such short notice?

While I'm digging the color and pattern on her dress, The blocky hem and thick belt cut her into too many sections. Snaps for the detailed sleeves, even if I'm not generally a fan of the cap sleeve. They're hard to pull off, amirite?

Blair and Her Bitches en masse. Except, one of these things is not like the other.

We're talking about you, Ivy. Did you not get the memo to accessorize? Do you not know what show you're on?

At the hop Bart's "Man of the Year" gala, Serena sports yet another overcoat, although I'm not in love with this one. Olive does nothing for her complexion and the detailing is too militaristic.

Oh, but wait. That whole thing about Byzantine warfare. Ah, well played wardrobe crew. Well played.

Beneath the blah is this stunner of a dress. Why why did Serena start dressing tastefully so close to the end? I mean, this is simply lovely! And it makes two (TWO!) nominations from Serena for best outfit. Ten points for glamour without the skeeze.

More Rebecca Taylor...

Huh, but she still can't part with the messy ponytail. Three points deducted.

Apparently, Georgie knows that Bart Bass will stoop to anything, and that includes firearms. In the event of gun shots, her necklace (do you even call it that when it's so huge?) will do nicely as body armor.

I'm a fan of rep stripe ties, but Bart just looks so casual here. Receiving a big award (especially when you've been dead most of the year) and having a party thrown in your honor feels like a tuxedo-appropriate occasion.

And oh my Kinkos that was a huge poster. Where does one get something like this? I'll bet Blair knows.

Sage realizes this is an occasion to do it up, although I totally agree with GG Editor Lesley-Anne. Girlfriend took a left turn at Sequinville and landed smack in Old Lady Village. Sweetie, save this tunic for when you're in your sixties. It'll wear much better then.

So anyways, Bart and Chuck had a fight on the roof, and then Bart died. I just have to wonder - is the finale going to be EIGHT HOURS LONG? Because holy loose ends, you guys.

BTW, do you want to hear my theory on how the show will end? Remember that scene in the pilot where Nate and Chuck snub Dan on the bus? This entire thing has been a revenge fantasy courtesy of Dan Humphrey's lightening-fast imagination. The final scene will be of him, back in the St Jude's uni and buzz cut, stepping off the bus.

I mean, it's no stupider than anything else they've thrown at us, right?

Gossip Girl: It's Really Complicated

Part 1 of 2 - The Failures

It's turkey time again, which on the UES is synonymous with eating disorders, alcoholism, backstabbing, delusion, and of course, an extra helping of drama. Serena and Dan host their first ever co-dinner, which is either a great idea or a terrible one, depending on the RSVP list. Naturally, S invites her ex, Steven, in a moment of ill-conceived sympathy while grocery shopping, and Steven proves he's totally lame by acting like a mooning high schooler. Meanwhile Dan invites his ex, Blair, who drags along a semi-comotose, mostly-despondent Chuck, who's retreated to the comforts of booze and strippers. At least this time, it's Blair moonlighting as a Pocahontas stripper. Oh wait, that was horrible. Moving on. Sage has concocted some half-baked scheme with Blair to win Nate back, Blair's still scheming to help bring down Bart, and Chuck decides they don't need real evidence, just enough evidence to convince Lily, because her hatred will totally ruin his dad's life. Right. The most important question, though, is whether Dan is still Sweet Lonely Boy or if he's become Bad Boy in Disguise. The less nice "Serena" chapter for Vanity Fair gets published during dinner, which ruins Thanksgiving for everyone and sends him packing to Brooklyn.

As I watched the episode last night, I realized that out of the six Thanksgiving episodes that Gossip Girl has aired, I've written four recaps for YKYLF. I think that must be some kind of record, and as the newly instituted Expert of GG Thanksgiving, it's time to check in and judge their fall fashions. Let's start with the failures because let's face it, those are a hell of a lot more fun.



Rufus, you haven't changed. Or rather, you changed, then you changed back to the exact same aging rocker stick in the mud you were before Lily made you a House Husband. You think she would ever let him wear this god awful black western shirt with snaps and red embroidered roses? Even better, this is one of Rufus' old shirts.  Yes, there is photographic evidence. He wore it back in season one, episode seventeen, "Women on the Verge." Go ahead, check it out. I'll wait.

Another Humphrey with problems of a Van der Woodsen variety is Dan. Yes, he's supposedly cooler and hipper than he used to be, but he's not dressing the part.



The artistically floppy curls are a marginal improvement from the small, angry animal last season, but the crawling chest hair is a major problem. Maybe he should go to Chuck's groomer, as hes eems to have that situation under control. Otherwise, the simple faded red sweater and sport coat aren't a terrible look. Maybe it's me, but he looks just sloppy and uncaring. If you're going to be the new hipster-adjacent writer from Brookly, you've got to dress the part. My theory on all this is he's developed some sort of psychotic personality disorder and this explains his bizarre, un-Lonely Boy behavior. Why else publish that true (but horrible) Serena article, then claim he still loves her? That's got to be it, right? I mean, it's not like we're totally playing in the realm of possible with these kids anymore. 

Georgina, on the other hand, is refreshingly predictable. Never change, you crazy diamond.



You keep your giant sunnies and studded evil ways. The world would not be complete without your particular brand of batshit crazy, which those sunglasses only emphasize. I'm kind of surprised you didn't get mugged in the park for that cray-cray necklace, even if it is fake. I'm sure some other bored yummy mummy would have tried to take you down for that plastic.

The exaggerated bug-eye sunglasses do come off sometimes, which makes Georgina look less crazy.  

Unfortunately, even in her slightly improved beaded dress, she acts just as nuts as ever.  This might have even been a high point for her, except the beading is so much.  I could have done without the additional beaded cuffs on the sleeves or the cell phone sized ring, but I have to admit she does look pretty here.

Okay, so Nate's not shirtless, but. . .



You're welcome, anyway. The gun show is almost enough. 

Nate has given up the ghost and finally admitted defeat in his war against blue.  



It was too much for him to handle. Bless his heart, so much is. I think we've probably seen a version of this sweater, but unlike Rufus, he escapes detection because his sweater isn't so ugly I can remember it three years later. At least Nate pairs it with a button-up that has some contrast to the unrelenting blue.

Considering this is my last Gossip Girl recap ever, I suppose it's unsurprising that I feel speechless after coming face to face with Serena's Thanksgiving prep outfit.

She had me until the poofy, leather skirt. And your eyes do not decieve you, that is indeed a slip (a Josie Natori Saran Chemise to be exact) underneath. I'm all for fashion experimentation, but I am truly lost here. None of these pieces seem to go together at all, from the cream sweater, to the blue embroidered tank, to the aforementioned skirt. Taken individually, they're nice enough. The sweater and chemise top in particular would have been brilliant with a pair of skinny jeans and boots. But Serena has never been known for brillance.

More Josie Natori...

This recap would not be complete with a shot of Serena shopping in a grocery store, a sight I'm sure none of us expected to ever see in our lifetimes.

We always assumed that Serena thought food magically came from a caterer. We had no idea she even knew what a grocery store is, let alone how to find one and buy food to be prepared.

Also, that heavy looking scarf is:
1. Not enough to actually keep her warm during winter in NYC.
2. Not long enough to cover up that leather montrosity.

For dinner, Serena sticks to the sweater theme, donning a short, flared sweaterdress with intricate embroidery.



We at YKYLF have harped on Serena for six seasons now, complaining about her ever-shrinking hemlines. So I won't even bother to point out how short her skirt really is, because you already know all about that. Instead, I will mention how beautiful the detailing is. The pattern's a little busy, but the colors are so gorgeous and so gorgeous on Serena. For a change, she really looks lovely.

And because we can't miss a shot of Serena in this Anthropologie apron, another first:



Wouldn't want to muss up her pretty dress. Oh wait, Serena doesn't actually cook. We can only assume this is for show, or else her guests are in for a nasty surprise.