How to Succeed in Bassness, 3 of 4 - Dan, Nate, and Chuck

Dan doesn't have too many costume changes this episode, not that it matters since most of what he wears is a slight variation on the same theme.  But here, Dan actually has on a henley instead of a plaid button-down.  I can't decide if this is hot, or sloppy?

Oh wait! There's the plaid button-down.  I think Rufus donated all his clothes to Dan, or else Dan stole them all before Rufus could move them to Lily's.  The fedora and gun kinda work on him, I think Dan would make a pretty fabulous gangster...

Nate! My love!  You are looking fine, here.  Obivously he's been spending too much time with Dan, but this shirt looks great.  The color is a little bolder for Nate, as he tends to stay with the neutral-blue family, and those jeans look like they are the perfect amount of tightness.  I can't forget to mention his hair...messy but not too much, just plain HOTness.

Someone on this show is actually wearing a hoodie!  Nate is dressing exactly how a college boy should or does...only why don't I ever see college boys that look like this?

Chuck once again is single-handedly reviving the pocket square.  Even though Chuck's clothes always are tailored perfectly and he does make a suit look good,  I'm not really into this combo of shirt, tie, and pocket square. 

Close-up of his shirt and tie.  While Chuck never really does matchy-matchy, this really doesn't look good together.  Is this really a polka dot dress shirt?  Other than that, the tie is definitely pleasing to the eye.

I don't think Chuck can go an episode without wearing some sort of purple, and I thank the wardrobe gods for that!  He looks so cute in purple!  Chuck also can pull a vest off like no one else.  I was so close to having no issues, but then the worst thing that could have happened, did!  HE IS NOT WEARING A BELT!  What is going on??  Does putting a belt on take too much extra time?  Luckily, the no-belt look is not as blatantly obivous as when Carter doesn't wear one...so I guess that's a small plus. 

How to Succeed in Bassness, 4 of 4 - The Costumes

Now of course these characters wouldn't actually dress up as a celebrity, or an animal, or a movie character like regular dress up as for Halloween, why would we expect that?  These Upper-East-Siders dress as an "era."  And the funny thing is that for most of them, it's not too different from their "real-life" clothes.  They must be on a budget, so they pulled pieces that they already owned.  Yeah, right.

Blair's flapper dress and accessories definitely look they something she might wear on a normal night out.  The jet-black chunky necklaces are a little edgy for her, but the thing I'm not understanding are the gloves.  Channeling Michael Jackson of the '20s?

Basically Chuck is really not wearing something significantly different than usual except he traded the pocket square for a flower, and added a fedora

Did women in the '20s wear pants?  I wasn't really aware of that.  I don't even know really what to say about this outfit. 

I must pay some respect to Jenny's hair and makeup.  It looks FAN-tastic.  She doesn't look super pale and her lips are a normal red color.  Her hair doesn't look stringy or dead either! Too bad it takes a costume to for Jenny to make her hair and makeup look normal. 

Nate obivously raided Chuck's closet.

Dan and Olivia.  Meh.  Looks like they are from the right decade, so I guess it works.

And finally...Serena.  Love the cape, it's a nice touch and a little different from what everyone else was wearing. 

But then, Serena takes off the cape.  This is just a beaded, sequined, rhinestoned dress.  Since when does this dress constitute what one would find at a speakeasy?  More than that, and which we can't see here,  it's a mini-dress!  While hemlines were going up during this time, they were definitely not up to Serena's crotch-grazing lengths!....it is a pretty dress though!

Enough About Eve, 2 of 3 - Serena, Nate, Dan, Olivia and Chuck

The episode was heavy on the Blair and Vanessa, which means not nearly enough screen time was given to Serena’s shrinking wardrobe. Don’t worry, she did the best she could do. Like starting off her day in this little number:

Some women call that a cocktail dress. For college dropout Serena van der Woodsen, it’s just another day at the office.  You know how it is, a friend calls you on Monday morning, says he’s skipping class. You need to whip something on. So you pick the plum assymetrical cocktail dress. No biggie. Totally normal. The necklace doesn't really go, so you just wrap it around your wrist a few times.  At least she’s trying to downplay her boobs by choosing a dress with a drapey sash over the front.

It doesn’t help that she’s hanging out with Nate, who is determined to bore us all to death with his wardrobe. Almost every dress looks flashy when you’re with Nate.

At least the shirt is fitted. And by not tucking it in, we’ll never know that he’s gone beltless.  

As for Serena, the dress is maybe five inches too short.  But once again, totally normal when hanging out a political campaign office. (Also, does Nate actually go to Columbia? Or did he just register and then decide that classes were for chumps?)

I do need to talk to Nate about his collars: For the love of god man! Just straighten them a bit when you put a jacket on!

The sad thing is,  that’s Nate’s entire wardrobe for the episode. Covered in two pictures. Even Dan got more costume changes.  Back to Serena then, shall we?

You’re probably wondering how these two upper eastsiders spend their day, seeing as college isn’t really their bag (despite all Nate’s whining that he needed to prove himself). Well, they head on down to the Douchebag Warehouse for a game of poker.

Where did they find these guys? There’s a Swingers era Vince Vaughn wannabe hanging out. But nothing tops Bree Buckley’s cousin PJ. Nothing says style like that popped collar of douchiness.

Seriously? Did Texas not get the memo that popped collars are no longer the badass frat boy style?  Despite the collar, PJ does know a thing or two about good taste. He knows that Serena’s skirt is just about short enough to show off all the goods. And that it is not a skirt for before noon.

Oh PJ, I know. I make that face every time Serena walks on screen. I think I made similar face later on in the episode when she wore this

Even Nate is perplexed. Why Serena? Why short shorts in mid-October? We could have dealt with the top and vest and even the crazy necklace, if only you’d worn a pair of jeans.  But no.  She wears short shorts and she’ll keep on wearing them to any and all events, regardless of how appropriate they are for either the occasion or the season. (Then again, if I had Blake Lively's legs, I might do the same). Like breakfast with the fam.

Nice one S. If you’re trying to make your ex-boyfriend/stepbrother’s new girlfriend feel bad about herself and the dumpy outfit she chose to wear to breakfast, then you win.

Speaking of the girlfriend of the ex-boyfriend/stepbrother, Hilivia does dumpy floral like nobody's business.

What is that? A romper? And does New York not have seasons? Does no one in New York even need a sweater? Are the rich and famous impervious to cold? Well, in her defense, it is not a romper. That doesn’t mean it’s not ugly. Because it is.

I have cuter bedding than that. Apparently it’s what she wears when she gives her friends tacky gifts. Like this watch for Dan.

Dan is looking…well, he’s looking like Dan. Plaid shirt, jeans. I wish the costume designer would have a bit more fun with him, if only to make my job easier. I can’t snark properly if all you’re going to do is dress him in plaid shirts! 

But Dan is a nice guy. So nice that he actually puts on the tacky watch for his girlfriend.

Sweet kid. I’m not sure I would have done that much (I’m talking about wearing the watch, not the fact that he’s kissing her).

I can’t figure Olivia out. She dresses in the cutesy floral that only looks good on toddlers during the daytime, but when her boyfriend cooks her dinner at night, she wears this:

Clearly she and Dan were not on the same page about how to dress for the event, because Dan is sporting something that you might wear to bed or on the way to the gym. 

I know he’s trying to cook, but try harder Dan.  Olivia agrees with me.

Again with the same faces I make when I see some of these outfits. That one says, "ennnnhhh...really? That's all you've got?"

Now, here’s where Olivia really confuses me. She tells Dan she needs to pop back to the dorm to change for this freshman parents’ weekend thing (no, I don’t understand what it is either. Is it NYU’s version of a homecoming weekend or something?). Now let’s take a second look at the purple dress, ignoring the fact that she chose to pair it with a gigantic red bag (a bag I'd probably like if it were a different outfit):

I don’t love this dress, but I don’t completely hate it either. You might even think it seems appropriate for cocktails with parents and alumni. But you’d be wrong. Apparently this is more appropriate:

Right. A dress that is almost the same colour as your skin tone and it barely keeps the girls in. According to Miss Serena’s Guide to Formal Dress Codes, this is indeed appropriate.

And when you’re done making an idiot of yourself in front of your boyfirend’s parents? Wear floral. They’ll totally change their minds about you and think you’re a sweet kid. A sweet kid who likes to dress as though she’s a frumpy middle aged minister’s wife.

At least through all of this boring menswear and the either inappropriate or frumpy womenswear, I’ve got my Pretend Boyfriend, Chuck Bass. Who starts his day out in a purple paisley robe.

Of course he does.  If it were any other man, you’d question just about everything Chuck wears. But the minute he says, “I’m Chuck Bass,” you reply with, “Of course you are. Of course you’d wear that” and everything is alright. And this week, there was a deep commitment to the colour purple by Chuck.

Take a moment to compose yourself..... Okay, now we can move on and appreciate the fact that he’s given up on the overwrought double breasted suits he wore earlier in the season. I do miss the bolder choices that high school Chuck made, but at least he’s still got some paisley in his ties.

And at least he’s using colour, which is more than we can say for Nate and Dan, who seem to live for grey.  Let’s compare.

Dan:

Chuck:

Dan gets a point for looking like he might be an eighteen year old, but now that he’s a van der Humphrey, he can afford a better suit. And Chuck, who is wearing a good suit, is starting to dress like a 40 year old man.  The Gordon Gecko thing has got to stop. 

And holy crap! It has just occurred to me! Olivia in her frumpy middle aged woman dress? Blair in her Nana’s gonna win big in Vegas sweater? Chuck in his Gordon Gecko attire? They’re all trying to dress about forty years older than they actually are. Because seriously. In what world would suspenders make you take an 18 year old businessman any more seriously than if he wore a belt instead?

Chuck, I love you, I do. But enough with the suspenders already.

But carry on with the purple. Someone has got to wear some frigging colour on this show.   

 

Rufus Getting Married, 3 of 3 - all the rest

Chuck’s robe. Of course he has a robe like this. I’m just surprised it’s not satin.

 

When Chuck’s pants sit this high, it’s less “Gordon Gecko” and more “Larry King.” And where is his belt?

So much of Chuck’s wardrobe merits an “of course.” Of course he has a robe. Of course he has a purple suit. Of course he has an outfit specifically for giving massages. 

Back to a suit with matching pocket square. So much better than the suspenders.

I figured that the suspenders were his “casual wear,” and suits were his formal wear. Now, I’m just wondering if he has some sort of jacket aversion. 

So, Dan’s going through a big taupe phase. I’m not a fan. 

I’m also not a fan of his hair, which is starting to look like Kramer’s after all the showerheads were changed to low-flow. 

Love the tight jeans. And, to answer your question, yes, this is a totally different taupe shirt he’s wearing. 

I have no complaints about his suit here (except that he’s not wearing a belt, and it’s just getting weird. Where have all the belts gone??) In fact, if Dan could wear this sort of thing more often, I’d be wholly in support of it.

Nate, looking slick in a grey shirt at dim sum. Although, given how often he seems to talk about vampires and vampire movies these days, I’m starting to wonder if he’s keeping something from us. He knows vampires don’t ride on brooms, and he has Robert Pattinson’s hair. Do we know for sure Nate’s not a vampire? 

I’m not wild about the mis-matched jacket and pants. I’m even less pleased about the lack of a belt. 

The man of the hour, strutting into his loft after his fight with Lily. In the always-thrilling taupe.

I was hoping Lily and Rufus would work it out if for no other reason than that she’d make him get a haircut and make Jenny stop wearing horrible makeup. Seriously, Rufus is rocking some Swayze hair, and it’s not working. Unless he’s trying to look like he’s clinging to his youth, in which case, it’s perfect.

The day of his wedding, color-coordinated with his notepad.

Love the suit. But dear god, someone please either get this man a haircut or some styling gel. I mean, look at those bangs. Donald Trump has those bangs.

So glad to see Eric, even if he is wearing taupe. 

He looks sharp in his suit, though, and I’m sad we didn’t get more shots of him. Can we get an Eric web series or something? There is not enough of him. Maybe an Eric/Dorota spinoff. 

I love how the new mean girls are a little funkier now that they’re under the reign of Little J. 

Three of the four in animal print, with large heart pendant necklaces. 

And, of course, layered with a longer necklace. 

The daughter of investment bankers is sent away in a blur, but she has a fabulous bag that I wish I could have gotten a better shot of. 

Ugh. Bree. I’m on Blair’s side for this one. Do not like, will be glad to get rid of her. Here she is in a dress with some random sash and skin-toned lipstick. Because that’s a flattering look.

And wearing a low-cut floral maxi. What’s up with that, Bree? Don’t you know, only Serena is allowed to dress inappropriately for formal occasions? 

And the man she’s after, Carter. I blame him for Nate and Chuck’s lack of belts. 

No, really, what is up with his aversion to belts? Did he use all of them to settle his gambling debts? 

It’s so exciting to see Dorota in something other than her uniform. I love the giant hat.

Dorota-07, international woman of mystery. 

And of course Scott. Or, as I’ve taken to calling him, Oeyeliner Rex. Don’t care if it catches on, it amuses me. His clothes bore me almost as much as he does. 

Dan de Fleurette, 3 of 3 - all the rest

NotTyra looks like she's sucking in air, and in the next second will open her mouth to omit an ear-piercing operatic note, arms outstretched to the audience.  Or maybe I've been going to the opera too much lately.  But seriously, she's got the big hair, the fancy and expensive yet frumpy outfit, and the crazy look on her face.  Trust me when I say she's ready for the stage.

Here she's got bitch-face. You know, the expression that insecure junior high girls give when they need to put someone else down?  Oh, yes you do.  Why, Blair does it all the time!  Aside from that, I like the look she has going on.  It's appropriately glam, and ties into her character's character (Tyra as NotTyra as Josephine Baker).

Aaaaand just like that, she has bangs.  I hope this is the last we see of NotTyra.  Her scenes were painful to watch, especially this one, where she credits the 18 year old socialite for helping NotTyra "find herself".  Mm-hmm.  Ok, then.

Hi, Tory Burch!  You look sunny and pretty and classy.  Great cameo!

No, Rufus.  Stop it with the Nehru - it is not a good look on you.  BAD aging hipster.  BAD!

While I like the autumnal palette, I'm growing weary of Chuck dressing like Gordon Gekko.  Yes, Chuck is wealthy beyond imagination, but he's also EIGHTEEN!

Pinstripes, tie, pocket square, blah blah.

Hee.  Chuck's dotted tie amuses me.

Back at Constance, we've got Minions!  I don't quite understand how this works.  Who are these girls?  I'm under the impression that CB is small enough so that you'd know everyone in your class.  Jenny didn't know them, so are they transfers?  Who assigned them to help Jenny get "whatever she needs"?  It's all so...odd.

I'm amused by their attempts to dress like Jenny, though.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this a few hours later?  Did Blair arrange for them to go home, change, and get hair and makeup re-dos?  Well actually, knowing that Blair has gone off the deep end, yes.  She probably did.

Minion #1 at Blair's sleepover (I know they have names...I just can't be bothered until they develop individual personalities) is flouncing around in lots of tule.  Or are those feathers?  It's so hard to tell.

Minion #2 is channeling Jenny just a bit.  Watch it, honey!  Queen B won't like that!

...While Minion #3 has visited Vanessa's Magic Storage Container.

It's Minions: The College Years.  These are the fellow fallen elite that Blair has rounded up to be her new posse.  I want to know the following: a) who let them into Blair's room b) why did they all choose to perch on the corner of the bed while waiting for her and c) are they the subject of the much hyped threesome to come?