I sometimes wonder if Eric is secretly a Bass. Look at the plaid detail on his bag strap. Look at that secret smirk. He knows things we don’t (or possibly just things Little J doesn’t know about her newfound amore, Asher), and he’s enjoying it. Chuck would be proud.
Ah, hello Dan. I see you’re rocking various shades of sludge today. Would I care to elaborate? Why, yes: like Blair, Dan’s dark hair and eyes mean a bold palette would suit him, yet he sticks to khaki, olive, beige – Boring Boy seems a more accurate description than Lonely Boy. What in the world does Serena see in him (other than the Upper East Side version of Cinderella)?
Is that an escaped Dalton Academy Warbler? Someone alert Kurt Hummel this instant!
Unfortunately, no: that’s Asher Hornby, Jenny Humphrey’s new squeeze.
Like most male guest stars (Damian Dalgaard, Blair’s artsy Cameron, Marcus the Incestuous), Asher is a Nate clone, complete with blue eyes, brown hair and homoerotic tendencies. His bag of choice is the classy leather version of Dan’s messenger, and his uniform is in wonderfully rich shades of burgundy, green and blue, tying in nicely with the colour of his coat and saving it from obscurity. I’m gaga for those shiny gold buttons.
Rufus sticks with one outfit this episode, and I’m grateful for small mercies. What does not appease me, however, is the fact that it’s a white Henley topped with a grey and brown patterned plaid shirt and camel coloured leather jacket. For the love of Lily, Rufus, mix it up! Even Bart changes his ties!
Jenny pays Asher a visit (in the hope of swapping her V-card for some much needed notoriety) to find him wearing this darling ensemble – yes, it’s plaid and yes, that cardigan does err a little to the Dan Humphrey sense of style, but the plaid is pink and the cardigan is charming. Blaring truth, anyone? Asher’s not going to deflower Little J because he’s a –
Oh, hi Dan, didn’t see you there (though it’s hardly surprising when your shirt has the colour and pattern of poorly chosen wallpaper). Additionally, do any of the Humphrey men own clothes that fit them? Even Dan’s school uniform is too big.
But no! Eric too is now wearing an Oxford shirt which is clearly too big for him, so he kind of looks like a skinny orphan extra from Oliver!
And just when you think it’s safe to come out of the closet, out comes this coat; you know, the navy one which Eric and Nate seem to trade back and forth between episodes and which makes you want to self-immolate?
Yeah, that one.
Asher and Jenny host their first soiree, where Eric strikes a blow for Blair, himself and basically every other repressed gay man in this show and worldwide by publicly outing Asher.
If you wondered why I entitled this part ‘Everybody Hates Chuck’, here’s why: because hate is born of envy, and envy comes from the fact that Asher is one of the few men other than Chuck Bass I have ever seen successfully blend two types of plaid as well as pinstripes (look closely at his jacket). He even has the obligatory glass of scotch!
So Blair is back on top with no boyfriends, Jenny just lost her friends and her boyfriend, Asher was betrayed by his boyfriend, and Serena's boyfriend failed to do anything but stare into Michelle Trachtenberg's bewitching blue eyes all episode. However, a lot of sh*t is about to hit the fan: Serena killed someone, and there's a sex tape.
How very Lohan.