Episode Synopsis: iTunes describes the plot as this: "Blair schemes to undermine Chuck's newfound happiness. Dan finds himself torn between his feelings for Serena and Vanessa". In other words? The same plotline as last season. Of course, there are a few additions. Juliet has something up her taupe sleeves. Vanessa is trying to make Dan deal with his feelings about Milo, because that's what you do in an adult relationship (apparently). And Eva is a hooker with a heart of gold. No, really, she is.
If you've ever seen the movie Clueless - and I hope that you have - you'll know what I'm talking about when I say that Blair, Serena and Eva are full-on Monets. In case you're not sure, I'll explain: from far away, they look good. But up close? It's a big old mess. And that's what was happening this week. A big old mess. Not the worst, but definitely not good.
Let's start with Blair:
You think it's cute, but is it really?
Up close? It's Betty Draper's old house dress. The one she'd wear to clean the house if she didn't already have a cleaning lady to do that for her. She tries to make the dress less 50s housewife frumpy by adding a belt:
A ridiculously bejewelled belt. One thing that dress didn't need was jewels to compete with that pattern.
The only thing good I can say about the outfit? Well played with the purses ladies. I love the Vuitton. It's subtle Vuitton and that makes it believable (I don't believe Blair would carry one if it was covered in the monogram).
Now for Serena's casual Saturday wear:
At first you think, nautical stripes with a blazer and a skirt - that's downright lovely considering Serena's track record. But then you break it down. The skirt is sequined (of course it is). And she accessorizes with what is possibly the biggest piece of costume jewellery that I've seen in a long time.
And when Dan calls her to go for a walk in the park? How does she further accessorize?
A giant Chanel bag (okay, they all got it right with the bags this week) and platform stillettos that are what I like to call "sitting shoes". You wear those to a party where you get to stand for a minute, sit for 10. You don't wear them for a stroll. Had she gone with flats, I might have forgiven the sequined skirt. Instead, she looks like she ran into Dan on her walk of shame. Further to the walk of shame style is her hair:
What? No combs in your new apartment? I don't think that's true since she managed to brush it out for Chuck's gala:
Oh hey! Jenny left her hair ratty hair extensions behind! And you jazzed them up with a ratty braid! Good work Serena.
The dresses are once again Monets. From far away, you're wowed by the colours. You want to run up and tell them that they look good. But when you get close, you see that Blair's dress hangs weird and Serena's is missing chunks and has a a skirt that makes her look frumpy. That's when you back away and grab a champagne or two and pretend you didn't see them.
The accessories are very Vanessa. Because if you're going to wear amethyst, you should totally wear giant unfinished chunks. Her necklace looks like she broke up the paperweight on my desk.
And just like Blair and Serena, Eva is another Monet. From far away, she looks cute:
Good colours, cute shoes, cute bag. The skirt is short, but it covers the goods. And then you see her blouse up close.
What is happening there? It gives this super skinny girl a weird poufy belly and that is not a good thing.
And then there was her flowery, floufy sundress (Eva seems to favour the floufy materials). From faraway, cute. Up close? it hangs off her in the weirdest and most unflattering way.
Same thing when she goes to the gala:
When I first saw the dress, I was like hooray! You knocked that one out of the park kiddo. But then zut alors!
It once again just hangs off the front in the worst possible way. I know she is small chested, but there must be something out there that would look a bit more flattering. She does however kill it with the trench coat:
She wears that thing like only a Frenchwoman can. Wearing that trench like a pro is one of those things that comes in French DNA. That and the ability to wear a scarf like nobody's business. I hope Eva isn't gone for good. I really wanted to see her rock the scarf. And maybe to school Serena on how to speak with a French accent.