Con Heir - Part 1 of 2 - The Good

Chuck invites Jack to town to thank him for saving his life, but finds the trip doesn't go exactly as planned (does anything ever go as planned on the UES?). Blair and Dan attempt to consummate their new relationship - but unexpected roadblocks get in their (oh-so-young-and-sexy) way. Meanwhile, Chivy finds an unlikely ally in William van der Baldwin in her quest to be accepted on the Upper East Side, and Nate (who yet again has a terribly boring storyline) is hopeful a new investor will save his newspaper.

Ok gossip boys and girls, time to draw a line in the sand. We've drawn it before and it must be done again.

What line is that you speak of?

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

What side did our Gossip Girl characters end up on? Let's start with the good...

Here is Blair is a Studio54/Georgina Sparks inspired bronze raincoat. That raincoat is so fabulous, that rain just doesn't fall and splash on it - it DANCES on her. She literally has thousands of rain drops doing the Hustle on her raincoat. Game. Set. Fabulous.

Wowsers! While I could dedicate an entire post to this one outfit, I'm going to focus on the smaller things, like the black lace on Blair's hips - very Immaculate Collection Madonna and loving it.

Her outfit is getting Dan so hot under the collar, that his plaid shirt's about to catch fire (which, to be honest, is something our staff room would often like to do - burn Dan's wardrobe and start from scratch). We just went from Lonely Boy to Horny Boy!

Instantly, Dan's attire improves with his newfound confidence.

That blazer and unbottoned dress shirt says, "Have you seen Blair? Yeah, she's mine. Bam! Take that Chair fans!"

Drunk!Blair, sporting a classy black top, is also brimming with lingerie-confidence.

They say opposites attract. Apparently so do 20-something UES hormones.

Chuck always gives such great face! Almost as good as La Ricci.

This falls under the "Good" column due to the matching purple tie and handkerchief. His committment to purple never falters and we salute him for it. 

Dorota's apartment!

Loving the bowl of green apples on her table, very motherly. But what's up with that interesting looking vase and wall-print? Is Darota's apartment the unknown final secret resting place of King-Tut? He was, afterall, born in Arizona and then moved to Babylonia (aka, the UES).

Can Lily seriously ever do wrong?

I think if she wore a potato sack, you would see it in Saks Fifth Avenue the very next day. And loving her three-piece necklace and sequined gown. Too bad it clases with the exposed brick chic of the Brooklyn loft. Also, dig the ring that's almost the size of the kettle.

And for extra points in our "Good" column, Lily does the near impossible - making the dull and boring color that is grey and turning it into a classy and chic top.

I think we found the original inspiration for the racy novel, "50 Shades of Grey." If Dan ever decides to go back to his monochrome grey days, he should talk to Lily first.

And now that you've seen the good, it's time for the bad and ugly...

Con Heir - Part 2 of 2 - The Bad and the Ugly

As I said, we've got some bad, and we've got some notoriously ugly.

And we start, where else, but with a Baldwin brother...

William van der Baldwin's character and his fashion choices just scream sleazeball. That, and check out his dress shirt - wrinkled, plain and simply uninspired. Chivy really doesn't understand High Society if she thinks this guy is her ticket.

In the previous "Good" post, Lily was the obvious MVP. So why do I have a picture of her in the "Bad and the ugly" column? Chivy!

I blame you, Chivy, and your poseur Blair/Serena/Gossip Girl world of bronze outfits! It's not that it's bad - frankly, you look amazing - it's just that it's uninspired. We've seen the bronze before, sweetheart. Show me you can rock a bronze raincoat and then I'll be happy. And Lily? You seriously look like you weigh 57 pounds in that super oversized top. Next time get a size down or take it to one of the tailors you no doubt have on speedial.

"Matt, I changed out of the gold outfit just for you - is this better?"

Sorry lady, it's just "blah" boring and you went Full Vanessa with the necklaces. Notice I said "necklaces" with a plural. Next time, just pick one from the jewelery box.

Like Lily, Chuck's also making an appearance in the "bad and the ugly" column due to his color mismatch.

A red tie and a purple handkerchief? Come on Chuck, that's a classic Lonely Boy suit-wearing error, not one you'd make!

And here we have an overdose of the color red. And not just red but a dull red.

If you're gonna wear a head-to-toe red jacket - at least make it flashy and hope people think you have some chutzpah. Otherwise, red is not the new black. And this is coming from a ginger YKYLF staff writer. I'm experienced.

Ok I must be in channeling my inner Simon Cowell because I am being tough today.

Here we have a perfectly fine, but incredibly boring looking Nate. Honestly, it could go either way, but it's just that his outfits are pretty much clones of each other. That and his dress shirt looks like a picnic table cloth.

But compared to his former employee (and the future Gossip Girl?), Nate is downright dapper.

Honey, what? The drabbest of colours, mismatched knits and, quite frankly, a sloppy looking knit mini. We do appreciate you wearing tights though. It's just too bad that shlumpy cardi is bedazzled all to hell.

p.s. Serena? We're sending you a comb for your birthday. Please learn how to use it.

Serena almost gets it right at the party in CeCe's honor (how many parties du jour will be in the name of CeCe? Place your bets now). But she too went for jewelry in the key of Vanessa.

Do you know how I know Lola is a member of this family? She doesn't comb her hair for parties either. I'm going to forgive her on the unflattering dress and lack of any jewelry. She's new to the UES lifestyle. But that forgiveness only goes so far...step it up, sister.

In fashion there will always be the good, the bad and the ugly - but the really ugly? Oh, that would be the catering bill.

That's a year's salary for some folks. Good work Chivy, you're learning how to live in serious Rhodes style.

Yeah, that's the face I'd make too.

Until next time fellow UES'ers...

Mini-Recap: Con Heir

It’s the return of Drunk!Blair as she and Drunk!Lonely Boy try to have sex (honestly kids, it’s not that hard). Chuck figures out that Jack didn’t give him the blood transfusion – so who did? Lily just can’t adjust to the lifestyle of the rich and boho in Brooklyn. I mean, lighting a stove with a match? Having your mail forwarded? How gauche. Serena gets on her high horse and ruins plans to take Chivy down as she starts to consider being the new Gossip Girl in town. And Chivy is desperate to be accepted into the UES. Maybe you shouldn’t have kicked the people you conned into thinking you were family out of their home.

Party du Jour
Another party in the name of CeCe Rhodes, this time it’s Chivy making up a charity just so she can get the family she wished she had to come back to the apartment she kicked them out of.

Best Quotes
Jack Bass: "Since when do ribbon cuttings involve crippled kids? Sorry kid, you’re crippled.”

Best Outfit
Nothing really took our breath away this week, but Lola did have a great red coat. And Drunk!Blair had some amazing hair and makeup

Worst Outfit
Serena, winner of Most Inappropriate in our March Madness takes Worst Outfit again this week with her sloppy, hot mess of a knitted work outfit. Just because the top and the bottom are both made of sweaters doesn’t make it a suit.

Check back Thursday for a new recap from Matt!