The Fasting and the Furious: Part 1 of 2 - The Royals

If it weren't for shows by Josh Schwartz, I'd have no idea what happens on Jewish holidays. Like Chrismakkah and Yom Kippur. I have a feeling this is not the best way to learn about other religions, Because all I've learned from this UES Yom Kippur is you a) don't eat anything, you b) fight over the control of your unborn child, you c) two time your friends and family and you d) get a little cranky about it. Which is to say, Blair announces she's pregnant to the delight and the dramz from both families. Chivy and Nate are helping Diana compete against Gossip Girl by breaking into the Bart Bass Vault, with mixed results and boring stories about Monaco royals (really, do you ever read about Monaco royals in the gossip mags?). Dan's still a bit of a lonely boy because his friends and family continue to have their knickers in a twist over his book (which looks suspiciously inspired by the first Gossip Girl cover). And Chuck is eyeing the therapists couch - either to do the good doctor or to talk. We'll see if a cigar really is just a cigar. 

Let's start with the royalty of Monaco and the UES.

The poor assistant looks like she could moonlight as a depressed Secret Service agent, but Beatrice and Queen Sophie look lovely for having just jetted into town for the event. Beatrice does dressing young and wealthy right - the dresses are short, but she's still hiding the goods (unlike some of our UES friends). And I totally dug the exposed zipper.

Too bad this how Blair decided to dress for her big announcement.

It's like she was caught off guard by their visit while she was hanging around in a tank top she's owned since she was 12 and didn't bother with a bra.  But no. That outfit was totally planned. And planned to wear with these pants.

Sweet merciful...well, at least her tank top matches the floral arrangement. And while I've never been preggers, I feel like you generally don't go for the high waisted trouser that accentuates and covers the expanding belly. Just a guess. 

In another wing of the penthouse, Serena looks like she's starting the day off right in this turquoise sequiny top. 

Don't be too encouraged by her tastefulness. 

Honestly, Serena. Would one more inch have killed you? I really worried that you were going to flash your macaron at the audience if you swung your skirt too fast. And you'd save yourself a lot of pain on those vinyl chairs with an extra inch. I know the pain of legs sticking to the chair, it's not fun. Maybe she could borrow some fabric from Blair's sky high waisted trousers.

Meanwhile, across town, Rufus is still nursing his hurt feelings over being called a trophy husband. And to prove his point, he gets an expensive haircut and wears suede driving loafers while ordering Mr. Chow's with his well dressed, wealthy wife.

Rufus, darling, if it quacks like a duck, well, it's probably a duck. And I looked Mr. Chow up on Yelp. That is not Chinese food for the budget conscious Rufus who used to keep it real in Brooklyn. Maybe you should pack up the pride and pick up the phone to call Dan. Or maybe you should dress up first and go to a fancy Yom Kippur party. Whatevs. 

I feel like Lily just realized she brough a purse made of vinyl, leopard print and a doily to the party. It's like her version of being caught outside in your pajamas. 

Blair, realzing she's pregnant and getting a belly decides that instead of the high waisted bottoms, she's going to cover the baby bump with a giant pink peplum. 

I almost like the dress. I like the neckline and I like the skirt hiding under the peplum. I also enjoy the back of the dress. But I do not dig on the peplum.

Even the impeccably dressed Eleanor agrees with me. The peplum is a bad afterthought on the dress. It's probably what all the parents are thinking. 

Actually, they're probably judging Princess Sophie for bringing the frump to Yom Kippur.

Seriously? A grey sack? I can't think of any party wear a grey sack is okay. Especially if you're royalty. Make like Kate or her grandmother in law The Queen and get something tailored and colourful. Your son, as dull as he is, he knows to get a tailor and he's catching on to the idea of colour. 

Between getting a pink shirt and scheming with medical professionals, I wonder if he's been inspired by Chuck.

However, the Chuck Bass Way of wearing pink shirts are a Master Class in colour theory and style. Because amateurs can't pull off a paisley tie and a purple suit as casual wear. 

The Fasting and the Furious: Part 2 of 2 - The Working Class

Everyone else seems to have a day job of some kind these days. Hell, even Serena does. Sort of. I'm not sure what she does, other than send plants to Daniel Day Lewis and have tons of good luck. Her boss (and Dan's book) is kind of right - girlfriend doesn't know how to get things done if it doesn't fall into her lap. This is probably because she's more concerned with accessorizing. 

Everything about this outfit she wears to read some scripts is totally normal. Except when you put it into perspective: she changed into this after a day of work (we're still okay here), and she added the giant bejeweled bracelet. Which is lovely, but ridiculous for hanging out in bed. 

Her boss on the other hand, well, I don't know. It's really just...okay. Maybe she's trying to compensate for her employee's love of the short skirt by going really long? 

And Blair, don't look so offended. Serena's boss has every right to call you out on those pants. Snarky TV fashion bloggers can't be the only ones to have fun with those (although, we do thank you for those pants. We got a lot of mileage out of them). However, cute purse. 

If you recall, Amanda declared Chivy to have the outfit of the night. And I sort of agree. It was great. it was what I'd wear to work. Except, I don't work for this lady. 

I know you're being blackmailed into working for Diana. And I know she overdoes it on the skintight powerbitch dress. But Chivy dear, maybe don't do the cardigan and jeans at the office when everyone else is dressed to the nines. 

Psychiatrist lady who is somehow involved in a scheme with the Prince (small world up there on the UES) isn't dressed very exciting, but I guess I can't expect too much from a minor character who works as a professional on the show. 

Just like i can't expect more from Nate "I want to be the next JFK Jr" Archibald. Who went for monochrome brown head to toe. For the entire episode. 

Here's the thing Nate, while you've got the pedigree, you don't have the style to be next JFK Jr. Or the smarts to know you don't need Chuck Bass to pick up back copies of George. Which is why you'll never be America's next John John. 

Finally among our working class is Dan's agent. Whose name I haven't bothered to learn either. So I'm going to call her Banana Republic, because that's where it looks like she shops. Which isn't a bad thing. I shop at Banana too. And it makes sense, considering she's a working publicist. She probably makes okay money, but not UES money. 

I'm just not sure about the trousers. 

And neither is Dan. Or maybe Dan's just confused by someone in his life who isn't wearing all designer duds. He's probably gotten used to that. 

But really Dan, who are you to judge? You've been wearing the same rumpled shirts for ages. It's probably why you'll never be the man for Blair. 

Mini Recap: The Fasting and the Furious

It's Yom Kippur, which means it's Cyrus's turn to push breakfast foods on people (put your waffles away, Rufus). It's also a nice reminder that we don't get near enough Cyrus, because Cyrus is magic. Drama goes down between Blair and the royal family (shocker: Sophie wants total control over Blair's baby). Serena triumphs in her quest to be the worst friend ever, Chivy is under Diana's thumb, and Diana gets scooped by Gossip Girl, proving she has no idea what she's getting into by competing with Gossip Girl. Also, Chuck tries to get with a therpaist, then decides to actually go to the therapist (who might be in cahoots with Louis, who also knows about the paternity test and why did everything good happen in the last 10 minutes, and why isn't it the next episode with the bridesmaid trials yet?).

Party du Jour
It's the break fast at the end of Yom Kippur, which means a room full of people who haven't eaten in 24 hours fighting over smoked fish, toasted bagels, and the future heir to Monaco.

Best Line
Louis, to his mother: "It's up to my child to acknowledge you." Finally, the Prince becomes interesting.

Best Outfit
Serena's teal sequined top was a frontrunner if for no other reason than we never see her in teal, but the title has to go for Chivy's business-casual attire. The heels were killer and the whole look was far more office-appropriate than anything Serena's ever worn. Plus, we can't keep giving the title to Chuck. We just can't.

Headshaker
Oh, where to begin ... we've got Blair's horrible high-waisted pants and floral top, Blair's "I'm pregnant and being eaten by a peplum" dress, yet another skintight number from Liz Hurley, Dan appearing on TV in a wrinkled button-down, the Queen of Grey continuing to reign over her putty-colored dominion, Sophie's lackluster grey floral dress - come on, you guys. It's Yom Kippur. You're supposed to atone for bad fashion choices.

Check back Thursday for a recap by Lesley-Anne!