The Jewel of Denial - Part 1 of 2 - B, Babies, And Boys

Episode Synopsis: Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt…it is alive and well on the Upper East Side. Blair is evading the baby daddy truth (Where is Maury Povich when we need him?). Chuck is shunning emotions and small furry animals. Dan is dodging the spotlight and a juicy storyline. Chivy is trying to prevent the exposure of her lies. And sweet stupid Nate is dancing between hazy morals and being a sex object. Oh and Serena avoids exposing her cha cha and looking like a hooker. Yay!

I’m actually drawn to tacky talk shows that air paternity test results. They seem to always be on when I go to the gym (and let’s be honest, baby daddy drama is way cooler than The People’s Court). So you would think I would LOVE B’s recent predicament. Nope. I wish that she would just get over this shizz already. I think the morning sickness combined with stress is dragging her down.

What is happening here? Blair doesn't appear to be wearing makeup and her hair is not styled. Sure, a normal person might look like this in the morning, but this is Blair. She is always impeccably groomed. The worst part is that she is studying for her Princess of Monaco interview. Grace Kelly would never look like this in the morning. B needs to shape up or ship out. 

Chuck is also really sad. He is so sad that Dan bypassed taking Chuck to a therapist and went straight for a puppy. Look at this little guy!

Sweet little Monkey must be taking the edge off. Chuck looks phenomenal in this casually elegant combination. The slim maroon slacks are stunning when paired with the mint green shirt/ socks and the grey and mint windowpane sport coat. I also love the pop of color provided by the maroon and mint polka dot tie. If this is what depressed looks like,  Chuck is in his element. 

Meanwhile, Blair is still struggling along with her drama filled day. Judging by the miniscule bags that she is carrying, she seems to be too stressed out to shop. I am happy to see that she is wearing makeup and some clothing but this look is still underwhelming.

Girlfriend needs to start channeling Princess Grace if she wants to be successful in her royal role. I vote that she ditch the chunky beads, the unkempt hair, and the long strap Prada bag. She would look so much sharper with a little make up, a chignon, some pearls, and an Hermes Kelly bag. Her dress, however, is adorable. 

Dan is having severe hair issues in this episode. He really does look like a Muppet with that puffy bed head situation. I guess that he is too busy for a haircut. He is also too busy to incorporate color into his wardrobe. I find the grey v-neck t-shirt and grey blazer terribly unimaginative. 

On closer inspection, I am not sure if this counts as Muppet hair. I'm thinking more Dr. Seuss's Thing 1 and Thing 2 hair. Check out this video- do you see a similarity? 

It appears that trying to stop a book release is hard work. Dan went to his mentor Noah Shapiro for help. I am so glad that Noah “helped” by forcing Dan to take credit for his work. This means that Dan will finally have a good storyline and will be able to afford proper hair care. I’d call that a win/ win. 

Is there some sort of rule that says that writers need to dress in nondescript grey t-shirts? 

Back to B- The shining Blair moment for me was her amazing Jenny Packham dress at the fashion show. The embellishments and detailing were reminiscent of Mia Farrow in The Great Gatsby. Of course the bias cut of this piece created a much sexier silhouette. Her hair and makeup are also perfect. Finally she looks like herself again!

This is the perfect gown for a show stopping scene- especially when it involves Simon Doonan (Creative Director of Barney’s… le sigh). Leave it to Dan to ruin a moment by cutting in on Simon… like anything could be more important. The man is wearing ruffles for goodness sake!

Have you ever had a friend try to comfort you by relating your problems to something that happened to them? Like: “I totally understand that you’re upset right now. The pain that you are feeling about your dead grandmother is like how I felt when Lou, my goldfish, went belly up.” Dan basically did the same thing to Blair by relating her preggo drama to that time Georgina showed up on his doorstep. Not really the same thing Dan, but I do admire the effort. I also admire Blair's pregnancy glow/ dewy skin that is captured below. 

I still have a lot of questions that need to be answered:

1. Who is really the father? Something tells me that B’s little bun is Chuck’s offspring.

2. Why did B casually leave the results in her desk drawer? That doesn’t seem too wise.

3. Who is Blair's doctor? I would love to write a positive Yelp review for him. The doctor’s office called Blair multiple times about her results. Customer service at its finest. 

4. Does Chuck secretly want to be a daddy? He looks so sweet clutching Monkey, with a tear running down his shaven cheek. On a side note, I am loving the pocket square. 

6. Shouldn't the Prince of a nation steeped in style and tradition have more exciting clothing? Louis seems so boring in this navy and white printed shirt. Maybe he could acessorize with a pumpkin colored silk tie?

The Jewel of Denial - Part 2 of 2 - Cha Cha Cha Chivy

Serena is totally a snoozefest in this episode. She is back on the UES and appears to have herself together (job, happy relationship with her family, combed hair, and her private parts safely tucked away). BORING.

The floral dress and tan blazer seem so demure. Did she secretly go to finishing school while she was out in L.A.? Even the eggplant leather purse screams lady-who-lunches. 

Oh wait, never mind. That horrible layered jewelry would have her kicked out of etiquette class faster than you can say "salad fork." Her necklace explosion makes me miss Vanessa. I actually think Serena is wearing four different necklaces. Is Eric Damon besties with a bead maker? 

I am relieved that Serena brought Chivy back from L.A. with her! Charlie/Ivy seemed to be suffering from a horrible internal struggle - I am beginning to think that she really is bipolar. Her ensemble does a great job of illustrating her conflict as it is the fashion equivalent of a mullet - business on the top and party down below.  

It appears that Ivy was hired by Carol to pretend to be Charlie in order to gain access to Charlie’s trust fund. This fraud has me confused. Where is the real Charlie? How does no one in the family recognize that Ivy is an actress who was hired to play Charlie?

Fearing discovery, Chivy decided to leave town but not before she was tricked into being a model at the Jenny Packham show. Serena even left the Chivster a note telling her to “Live Her Dreams.” I suspect that Serena is interning for Hallmark or a motivational poster company.

I am impressed with Rufus in this episode! I love that he was able to finagle a reduction in Lily’s house arrest sentence. In addition to charming lawyers, Rufus looks like he is hitting the gym and going to some yoga classes. He looks long, lean, and lithe. Although he is about 500 calories away from a Leann Rimesesque eating disorder controversy. 

Thank goodness that Lily was released early from her house arrest. The UES was missing its style and charm. She is way too amazing to be spending her days playing Angry Birds. Her aquamarine accessories are incredible with her blonde coif and neutral colored reading glasses. Even her nails are manicured in a perfect ballet pink. Judging by her expertly arched brows and neat nails, I am suspecting that Lily has an esthetician on call. 

Quick side note: Check out the full on Rufus/ Lily make out photo that is framed in the background. 

I adore this white and blue tailored shirt dress. The pleating and buckle detailing lend a menswear feel and provide a nice foil to the feminine material. I must have Halloween on the brain. The larger blue pattern seems to look like a marine colored candy corn. 

Across town, a spruced up Nate looked all business as he started his new internship at The Standard. The job requirements include fetching coffee, making copies, and providing non-stop action for Elizabeth Hurley/ Diana. For those of you who are applying for a job in the sex trade, it appears that you need to be dressed in business formal. Nate looks stunning in his grey pinstripe suit, white windowpane plaid shirt, and royal blue tie. 

Sorry Liz, but Nate’s slicked back hair really isn’t doing much for me. Apparently Ms. Hurley felt differently because she actually fired her whole staff so that she could have a little midday nookie with Nate. This fitted Marios Schwab white dress has her feeling spicy. The dress also includes a directional line so that Nate knows where he should grope. 

And what about this look that she wore to her party? A tight flesh tone one shoulder cocktail dress! She might as well be naked. Poor Nate doesn't stand a chance. 

It's even worse than I thought. The dress has ruching which will highlight her curves and hug her body. Yikes!

I am mad at Liz Hurley. I can't believe that she used her sex kitten wiles to trick Nate into exposing a marital scandal. The poor Senator- he is stuck walking around in a boring ensemble and was embarrassed in front of his wife. Don't you hate when your Greek Island mistress vacation gets discussed? Disaster. Well at least he isn't Ashton Kutcher.

It’s getting Murdoch in here. What kind of a party requires people to check their cell phones? That would never happen in real life! More importantly, I cannot believe that Nate actually went along with breaking into the phones to look for secrets. Only disaster will come from this.

Rufus looks like a hot husband with this narrow grey suit and dark solid color shirt. He is seriously turning into a stud. Is he planning to model in the fashion show too? 

Lily looks upset in this photo. She might be worried that Rufus has upstaged her with his mad stud skillz. Fear not Lil, your classic upswept hair and little black dress are gorgeous. The lace detailing and cinched waist are a feminine breath of fresh air. So wipe the sour puss look off your face and get ready to watch a familial squabble.  

Enter Carol, Charlie's momma and Ivy's employer. It is obvious that Carol was denied access to the trust fund. The shapeless black frock and Pocahontas-like necklace have me guessing that Carol has been trolling the bargain bins. Oy. 

I am in love with this beautiful Jenny Packham gown worn by Chivy in the fashion show. The color and embellishments are dreamy. She looks stunning. This is exactly the type of dress that would make me decide to blackmail my employer/mother into letting me live on the UES and drain a trust fund. Chivy obviously agrees.

Mini Recap: The Jewel of Denial

The paternity test results are in, and the father is ... Louis. Maybe. We think. Blair hid the paternity test results and it's kind of not totally clear who the father is, because this is Blair we're talking about and why would she tell the truth when being shifty can make her life implode so much more easily? Dan is busy finally taking credit for his book, convicing Blair to open the paternity test and giving Chuck a dog so he can feel again. Yes, really. It works, so Chuck has a dog now. He has yet to dress Monky in matching scarves, but I'm holding out hope. Elizabeth Hurley has apparently hired Nate to - and I quote - "make [her] scream," so basically Nate's kind of a hooker now. Oh, Charlie blackmails Carol in an attempt at making me care about her plot.

Party du Jour
The Jenny Packham fashion show, which features a Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants-esque dress that fits both Serena and Charlie.

Best Line 
Dorota, on her own pregnancy: "I must say, best part of pregnancy is knowing who father is."

Best Outfit
Even in an episode with a fashion show, the title goes to Chuck's checked jacket, red tie, anjd maroon slacks. So glad he's moving away from a staid suit these days.

Headshaker
Elizabeth Hurley in yet another skintight dress, this time with a line looping over and under her chest, just in case you missed them.

Check back Thursday for a recap by Anne!