Beauty and the Feast - Part 1 of 2 - The Royals

Episode Synopsis: Blair meets Louis's sister for the first time and, of course, she is super sweet...not. Yet another conniving troublemaker has arrived to the UES. Meanwhile, Blair is feeling the effects of her first trimester--but why isn't she telling anyone?? Is she afraid of whose the baby's father is? [I think yes!] Dan follows Chuck around town to obtain his help in hacking into Vanessa's bank account to put a stop to publishing of his book. This is where we learn that Chuck can't feel. Anything. I think we already knew he was dead inside, but apparently he's dead on the outside too. Serena tries to be BFFs and roomies with Charlie...or is it Ivy? Chivy? And Chivy decides to resume her role of cousin on the verge of depression. And finally, we have Nate, still going after the cougar. Rawr. 

Yellow is a great color on Blair and honestly, I'm liking the red lips. Typical Blair outfit, I thought at first, then I saw her turn and couldn't believe that a tablecloth got stuck to her backside! I really don't know how she didn't notice! 

I believe last week, Amanda made some comments about Blair's hair not being up to its usual standards, but I like this more relaxed, boho hair she's trying out. It's a nice contrast to her prim and proper wardrobe. 

Blair...Leighton Meester...both...are so skinny! That's all I am thinking when I see this dress! Totally classic...but. so. skinny. Seriously, she must have to shop in the toddlers' section for belts. 

Once again, Louis's tailor must be on vacation. I've seen ten year olds look better in an off-the-rack sport coat.  For realz dude, you are a PRINCE...of a COUNTRY. Not some fake Prince of Pizza Palace. Get it together! 

For a royal, I would have expected something a little more from Louis's sister Beatrice. This looks like one of Serena's cast-offs.  

Is there some rule in Monaco that the royals must wear clothes that don't fit?! This is quite possibly the most unflattering dress that has ever been on the Gossip Girl set. 

However...in the scheming department this girl is showing some promise. Making out with a priest?! Or is he really a priest? This plotline is heading in a good direction. 

 If my priests at my church looked like this I think I would be going to church every Sunday....

Beauty and the Feast - Part 2 of 2 - The Upper East Siders (or soon to be again)

Just when we thought Serena was on the path to "Showing Your Macaron Anonymous", she wears a skirt that makes me very nervous that the wind will blow it up at any moment. And no, she doesn't stop there, she brings the girls out to play too. But I will forget all that because she has amazeballs earrings on that I am dyingggg over--literally drooling.

...and then she throws on this gorgeous pinky-raspberry jacket for brunch. The earrings...the jacket. I want, I need, oh baby oh baby. 

Actually who am I kidding, I want this whole entire outfit. I will admit I wear almost equally short skirts as Serena does and I absolutely love adding pops of color to a neutral outfit. 

Here we have Chivy rockin some pastel pink jeggings. No one should ever wear pastel pink jeggings; especially with a pastel pink top. Too. much. pink. 

...and to complete her monochromatic look she adds a hat that exactly matches Serena's jacket. Is this a "Rhodes girls" color? Serena must have said that 500 times! When did she start considering herself a "Rhodes" instead of a "van der Woodsen"? In my opinion, van der Woodsen sounds infinitely cooler. 

Chuck. Dapper as usual and Amanda's "Best Dressed" pick. I'm in no position to deny that, but what caught my eye is that Chuck matched his shirt to his socks. What a trendsetter!

I still can't believe it. Dan is groomed. I was hoping, I was praying, I was doing every superstitious activity I could think of last season in the hopes that Dan would notice how his chest hair was quickly becoming its own character and FINALLY my prayers were answered. This is almost as big as Felicity chopping her hair off and everyone hating her; although I think this has the opposite effect. 

I have a couple of comments about Rufus: 

1. Rufus has gotten really skinny. Like I'm worried he's ano skinny. I would have thought that having a wife on house arrest would have made a man plump up a bit? Especially if he's whipping up waffles all the time. 

2. Disregarding the fact that he is uber-slim, this is my favorite shirt Rufus has EVER worn. Yes, ever. The stripes are subtle enough to be classic, yet different enough to be noticed. Though I think this means Rufus has fully converted to an Upper East Side house husband. 

Ok, we get it. Elizabeth Hurley has a banging bod for a 46 year-old, but is she really going to have to wear body-con, boob-showing dresses every week? Boring. 

Mini Recap: Beauty and the Feast

The good: Blair and Dorota are both pregnant. The bad: what Louis lacks in personality, his sister makes up for in scheming bitchiness. The Ivy: Serena begs Charlie to move in with her, because what S totally needs in her life is more crazy, then she drags Charlie back to the east coast. Oh, and Chuck the sad clown hires gigolos to beat him up so he can feel something, Nate can only feel something when it’s in the form of Elizabeth Hurley, and Dan continues to be kind of human and sweet.

Party du Jour
The Feast of the Ascension of the Virgin Mary. It's not so much a party as a test by Louis' sister to prove to Louis that Blair is bulimic.You know, as evil, scheming siblings who are having affairs with priests so often do.

Best Line
Blair, finally explaining what she sees in Louis: "He may be mild mannered, but he’s surprisingly virile."

Best Outfit
The purple button down and grey vest Chuck combo chuck wore this episode. If being dead inside means he ditches the suits for business-casual options like this one, I am on board.

Headshaker
Elizabeth Hurley in yet another bandage dress. Yes, the woman has rocking body, but if you're trying to get an interview from the disgraced wife of a former Ponzi-schemer, at least try to look like you're not an evil temptress who will spend six episodes bringing chaos to the Upper East Side, then being chased off by our intrepid Scooby Gang. In other words; throw on a blazer.

Check back Thursday for a full recap from Kate!