The Princesses and The Frog - Part 1 of 3 - One. Two. Three. Four. I declare a Friend War!

Episode Synopsis: After all of that Royal Wedding hoopla, I was totally in the mood for another regal engagement. Thank goodness the Gossip Girl writers heard my prayers!

I have always been Team Blair, but I am even more of a B lover after Serena’s scheming this week. This week, S plotted and backstabbed Blair in an attempt to break up her relationship with Prince Louis. All that underhanded trickery backfired and Blair ended up winning Louis’ heart (and a massive canary diamond engagement ring).

Meanwhile, chez Humphrey, a sequin loving Charlie lusted after Dan, then used caviar plus a catering mix-up to catch him while simultaneously sealing his distaste for Vanessa. Score! In other news, Rufus developed a plot line that allowed him to wear leather and talk about music. He is such a one trick pony.

A very dark and twisted Chuck appeared to be reeling from the realization that Blair was moving on to a new Prince Charming (literally), and also seemed visibly disturbed to discover his dad was linked to Raina’s mom. Fires! Secrecy! Lies! That Bart really knew how to leave a legacy. After hearing the sordid story from a totally whipped Nate, Raina did what any troublemaker would do - she called in Jack Bass to destroy a heartsick Chuck

I have never been so grateful for cable news shows in my life!

Due to the recent overabundance of Kate/Diana pictures, I am fully aware of appropriate Royal attire. It is this knowledge that gives me the authority to affirm that Blair looks very stately in her silk bathrobe. Tres official! (See Louis, I can speak French too.)

Now on to more important things - why is Serena always leaning around on doors? Has anyone else noticed this? Maybe she feels faint from all of that plotting and pouting.

Serena’s Rachel Gilbert Levi top is not one of my favs. While the color is lovely, the ruching at the shoulder makes her look like she is perma-shrugging. My goodness, what a feminine linebacker.

Things are not much better below the waist. I detest most clothing items that fall into the “egging” category, and these Rag and Bone jeggings are no exception. Serena must be too busy backstabbing to stay current on Spring and Summer fashion trends. 

Never trust a girl in a jegging, Blair! She is obviously out to get you.

Unlike Serena, Blair has been doing her fashion research. She is practically oozing American royalty with her mention of a pillbox hat and her stunning but modern pearls. It’s like the ghost of Oleg Cassini (Jackie Kennedy’s lead designer) is haunting the costuming department. She looks crisp and classic with perfect hair and makeup.

Well done. With any luck, Blair will get an Hermes bag as her namesake a la Grace Kelly… a girl can dream.

Le Petit Prince (I bet that is totally B's lovey nickname for Louis), looks dapper and conservative. I think the sassy large checked shirt is about as wild as this prince will get. While I dig a guy in a navy blazer, I wish that Louis would incorporate a color or patterned sport coat into his wardrobe.

Naturally, Serena has a direct line to the Royal family of Monaco.

On a side note: I think Monaco Minion needs a stylist. The suiting material looks terrible and the ruffles are all wrong. She also needs to stop reading over the Queen's shoulder.

Poor Blair - Louis is engaged and Mama ruined your tea. It’s a good thing that you have Dorota to administer a quick foot massage and plan out some Eastern European justice. I don’t know what that entails, but I hope it involves borscht.

Louis looked rather dapper as he ran in to calm his flustered love. Maybe it is his dreamy accent but his explanations confused me. Is he a contestant on The Bachelor? All I heard was “flying in women” and “cocktail party.” When does Chris Harrison arrive with all of the roses? I hope that B gets the key to the fantasy suite.

Serena’s version of sabotage is making a colorful Gossip Girl scrapbook- how cute! That is quite a persuasive format. I am sure that the Queen of Monaco usually gets all of her information delivered via puffy paint and glitter. Cootie-catcher or not, the scrapbook worked. Mama does not think that Blair is a good idea for Louis. Hopefully Blair will be able to change her mind on the group date… Er, cocktail party.

Although Louis is a little boring on the wardrobe front, he makes up for it in sweetness. I would love to have a sequined Jenny Packham dress hand-delivered by royalty. I cannot contain my jealousy. The dress is amazing as is the gesture. Dorota, order up those change of address cards. You heard the lady; B is moving to cloud nine.

My heart was a-flutter, and then I saw Blair actually in the dress. What the heck is with the hair?! That dress is dreamy, feminine, and elegant. The pale melon color is beautiful with her skin tone and the silver metallic accents. The frizzy side-swept hair ruins the entire look. It is as painful to see this hairstyle as it is to watch poor Chuck's spiral of demise.

Let's take a better look.

Yes Blair, you have had years of public humiliation. But you’re right. I think attending a Royal speed dating event while sporting an early Nineties hairdo takes the cake. How do you say "electroshock therapy" en francais?

While the silhouette of the dress is very flattering, The Queen looks tres washed out in her gown. I would like it so much more in a magenta or even a navy. Off-white is just too similar to her skin tone to work. Surely Kate Middleton can't be the only royal who spray tans!

Serena actually looks wonderful in this Jenny Packham sequin halter dress. Thanks to her shiny hair and the dress's attractive silvery plum hue, I can forgive the excessive boobage. If the cups were any tighter she might be in "double bubble" land.

Louis looks perfectly boring/ boringly perfect in his tux.

I don’t even know what to say about the last few minutes of the episode. I can’t blame B for accepting Louis’ proposal- Chuck did run his hand through glass and make some sexual explicit Marie Antoinette jokes. Chuck and Blair have evolved into a psychologically abusive relationship disaster area. Le sigh… I guess we’ll have to wait for next week.

The Princesses and The Frog - Part 2 of 3 - Hot For Humphrey

With Lily locked up in her penthouse penitentiary, Rufus appears to be breaking free from his UES ways. Although he is all buttoned up with teatime refinery, you can see the rocker wheels turning in his head.

 

Yes! Yes, I will wear leather! Yes, I will hangout with a band in Brooklyn! Bring me my Lucky Doc Martins! I might even wear plaid… Bahahaha!

Without Blair to woo (sad), Dan is back to his beloved henleys and hoodies. The cream henley and leather hooded jacket are a touch boring and predictable. But, I am happy to report that his chest hair is contained.

Dan has also returned to his haughty hipster agenda. This includes visiting obscure coffee shops and bookstores while discussing African tribal rituals and pierogi. Soon he will begin arguing about film noir and ironic indie bands while sipping on PBR. I liked him so much better when Blair was around to knock him down a peg.

I am not sure what I make of Charlie or her googly eyes for Dan.

She is giving me Juliet flashbacks. Just like the Beige Queen, she is a shady newcomer who wants to weasel her way in and make trouble. Instead of beige, sequined cardigans are Charlie’s kryptonite.

I think Charlie must have stopped at Cardis & Camis R Us on her way in to Manhattan. While I do love the layered look, I don’t love it enough to wear it all day everyday. Girlfriend needs a little variety. I hope there is an “Attire” section in that “How to Get A Boyfriend” book that she was reading at the coffee shop. Charlie really needs to break free from her glittery prison.

Luckily, Vanessa was lurking around in the background and popped up just in time to give Charlie some advice. Lesson #1: When attempting to woo a boy, always dress like you are attending Coachella or a Woodstock reenactment. The longer and more layered the dress, the better. If possible, burn your bra.

Clad in her most Vanessa-like floor-length gown, conniving Charlie staged a fancy dinner party in hopes of driving Dan into her arms. It was a brilliant Machiavellian maneuver. Back the train up Dan. Charlie doesn’t need UES lessons; she is doing just fine on her own.

I am thrilled that Dan decided to dress up his look with a tailored button down (chest hair included). I really think he looks clean and classic in a dress shirt. I don’t even mind the deep purple and black stripes (which is not usually a menswear palette that I like).

I can’t help but think of the movie Sabrina when I see Vanessa in this episode. In the movie, Sabrina goes abroad and then comes home looking elegant and refined. I hope that will happen to Vanessa…. Either that or I want her luggage to get stolen so that she is forced to buy chic new clothes and bling. 

Truth be told, she actually looks really good here. **Checks sky for flying pigs.** The simple sunny yellow sweater looks lovely when paired with her understated top and jewelry.

Dare I say it? Vanessa is wearing a good outfit.

No wonder Charlie is wearing a sweater. Hell has frozen over.

The Princesses and The Frog - Part 3 of 3 - Is That A Pocket Square, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

I find it charming that even in his darkest hour, Chuck concerns himself with proper men’s furnishings. Behold the pocket square tucked neatly in his silk bathrobe. Haberdashery at its finest.

Remember, a booze laced psychotic break is no excuse for a fashion faux pas.

I really am worried about Chuck. Obviously Nate is too. “It’s 4 o’clock, smoking jacket hour.” That was a very astute observation… but maybe you should spend a little more time focusing on your lack of fashion.

Nate’s clothing and story line are both super boring. Blah shirt with blah jacket blah blah blah. On an up note, at least he stopped playing pool and left the house.

I really don’t understand this Nate/ Raina relationship. She is a sexy dressing vixen and he barely manages to brush his hair. She is a cutthroat businesswoman and he likes to play Wii games in sweatpants. I know that opposites attract but this seems like a stretch.

I’m no body language expert, but I think it might not be a good thing to sit with your legs that far open on a date. Nate, I’d like to pass along a little Midwestern advice that my mother told me when I was a teen:  “Stay sweet and keep your knees together.”

Meanwhile, Chuck has gone off the deep end. He is in a drunken haze and is sporting some serious 5 o’clock shadow. I think that might be a first for the perfectly manicured Chuck.

Clearly, he is reeling over the indiscretions of his father coupled with the pain of losing Blair. If I may play psychologist for a moment, I think someone needs to call that Intervention show in to deal with this before he hits rock bottom (or worse, ends up playing Wii in sweatpants with Nate).

Even though he is in emotional ruin, the man knows how to dress. I love the color and fit of the suit. It is a perfect classic look with a Spring twist. Apparently whiskey does not cloud Chuck’s ability to dress with flare.

You know what puts me in the mood to party? : Boozing and talking about arson. Evidently the same goes for Chuck. “Bring the car around, there is a party that needs crashing.” Oh boy.

While Chuck is on his way to bust up the Monaco merrymaking, Nate headed over to Raina.

Typically when I am working on a big work project or contemplating the death of a loved one, I like to wear super tight clothes. I find that I can focus more when my circulation is being cut off. Raina must agree with me. Holy sex appeal! That doesn’t look like business causal to me.

This constricting royal blue dress must have hypnotized Nate. One look at Raina and he started spilling out Chuck’s family secrets. Jerk.

I have a weakness for Chuck’s striking slim black suit. It is just perfect when paired with the crisp white shirt and pink tie. The color story effortlessly blends with Blair (which makes me think they will ultimately end up together).

While the fashion makes sense, the story just doesn’t. How could Chuck and Blair become so emotionally abusive and co-dependant?

Mini Recap: The Princesses and the Frog

Wow. Ok.  ::deep breath::
Serena betrayed Blair, the Prince disobeyed his mother, Chuck pursued Blair and then hit rock-bottom, Nate chose a ho over his bro, Vanessa said she's moving overseas, Charlie double-crossed Vanessa and lured Dan, Rufus got a life, and Rania gave Jack Bass a ringy-dingy.  Oh, and B got engaged.

Party du Jour
The Princess's impromptu "Son, You Need to Take Yourself a Wife" shindig.

Best Line
Dan: "You just learned your first lesson in being an Upper East Sider. It's time for your second lesson"   ...because...seriously? Dan is giving UES lessons? My sides. They hurt.

Best Outfit
Blair's gorgeous Jenny Packham party frock, a gift from Louis.

Headshaker
Blair's party hair. What?

Anne brings you the full recap on bended knee, this Thursday.