Juliet Doesn't Live Here Anymore, Part 1 of 2 - Before the ballet

Episode Synopsis:  A lot of changes of heart happening in this episode. Juliet has a change of scheming heart.  Dan's heart says Serena is the one. Nate's says the same because of Juliet's schemes.  Chuck and Blair go from Hate Sex to No Sex to I Love You Sex.  Colin realizes he likes Serena more than teaching at Columbia.  And Serena decides against inappropriate relationships with older men and chooses Dan.  Or not.  Vanessa has lost the plot completely and is so hell bent on taking Serena down that she now believes Juliet's lies. 

Not a lot of outfits to work with this week and a lot of overlapping storylines, so we'll do this as a "before the ballet" and an "at the ballet" sort of thing. 

Let's start with Serena's choice of clothes for school that day.  On their own, the pieces of her outfit aren't that bad. Together, they make an unflattering and confusing mess.

The sweater tucked into the scarf like skirt makes for a weird waistline. Maybe a belt would have helped? But as we know from last season, the costume department is seriously short on belts.  Instead, they decide to add a blazer to the outfit.

I like the jacket, I do. But not with that outfit.  In fact, it was an episode full of questionable jackets. Juliet, who seems to think that being rich and fancy means you put a jacket with every outfit. 

She also seems to think that being rich means you wear only one monochromatic colour and then stick with that. Her jackets and colour palette should have been their first clue that she didn't belong.

The price tag lumps under the armpit of her dress should have been their second clue.  Then again, maybe that's why she wears a jacket with every outfit: it's there to hide the price tags!

Juliet needed to take a lesson from Blair when it came to doing her greys and blacks.

Blair made some slightly better jacket decisions.  Except for two things. One, the jacket highlights the pouf on the front of her skirt in a weird sort of way.

I guess that pouf is so big you'd need a special jacket to wear with it. Or, you know, you could choose not to wear the skirt with the giant fabric growth on the front of it.

The second exception to Blair's outfit is that she wore the plaid with the cute bird print.

Actually, it's not the mixing of patterns that is bothering me, it's the blouse.  Two bows on your blouse and a bow on your skirt?  That's a few bows too many.

It was the guys who made the better choices in outwear this week.  I know.  I'm shocked that I wrote that sentence as well.  Usually when I review the dude outfits on the show, my sentences start with "Yawn" or "Why is Rufus even on this show?"

Okay, so the rest of Nathaniel's outfit is kind of schlumpy Humphrey, but I can dig that jacket.

Speaking of Humphrey, I was surprisingly impressed by Dan's choice of outerwear.

Looking sharp Dan, looking sharp. I also like that you wore a look of disaproval for much of the episode, rather than your usual look of righteous indignation.  But let's get back to your jacket and take a closer look. I thought it might have been a trench coat (note to costume department: get Dan a trenchcoat!)

Not a trench, but still looking good.  I also approve of your crew neck sweater. His recent tendency towards chest hair baring v-necks has been disturbing and I appreciate that someone has decided against them (knock on wood).

Our billionaire businessmen Tripp Colin (is it just me, or do they look the same?) looks, well, boring and businessy. My money is on Serena choosing Nate over Dan because she seems to like guys with boring clothes and lots of hair gel.

Thank heavens for Chuck and his purple, because otherwise, I woudn't even bother to show you these suits.

The attention to detail in Chuck's outfits never fail.  There is green in the pattern on the tie, in the stripes and in the pocket square. As always, his committment to purple is admirable.

Even when he wears his ex-girlfriend's robe, he chooses the purple robe.  That is Blair's robe, right? (and seriously, that may have been my favourite moment of the episode. More ridiculous Chuck please!)

As I mentioned in the synopsis, Vanessa is kind of off in her own plot. The one where everyone is out to get her and she needs to take Serena down. And if ever there was an Afterschool Special about over-accessorizing, Vanessa would be the main character.

Rings! Cuffs! Big earrings! Chains Beads! A turquoise studded belt!  And all worn with a patterned dress! Those are the horrors of over-accessorizing, kids.

Minus the over-accessorizing, I could almost deal with that dress. That is, until I got a close up.

Sweet jesus in a breadbasket! The pattern is done completely in beadwork.  That girl really does need an Afterschool Special. Or an intervention.

Juliet Doesn't Live Here Anymore, Part 2 of 2 - The Ballet: you can dress them up, but you can't take them out

Maybe it's my middle-class small town upbringing, but I have never seen a group of 20 year olds so committed to going to the ballet.  Serena whines at the beginning of the episode that all she wants is for Tripp Colin to be on her arm at the ballet. Really? Because when I had a crush on a guy when I was 20, I was thinking more along the lines of going for coffee or making out. Going to the ballet never on my list of things for us to do.  I was also more into hanging out at "events" where everyone was my age and they had cheap beer and plaid couches in their apartments. Galas did not factor into my university social scene. But whatever. I guess that's the difference between my small Canadian school and Columbia.

Let's forget about the cultural differences and focus on what Serena wore.  When I first got a peek at it, I was thinking that maybe she got it right this time. She was going to look sexy, but still cover up some of the goods. It was the first gown she's worn in awhile that doesn't involve heaving breasts.

However, I was totally wrong.

I think Blake Lively's contract states that every outfit must show off her incredibly long legs.  Sometimes this means her skirts are little more than a macaron-wrap (to be slightly more tasteful and quote Jen's mini-recap). Newsflash for the costume department: we get it already. She's got legs that don't stop. Now add an inch to her skirt.

I liked what Blair was wearing. It fits, which is more than I can say for her gowns earlier in the season.  It's a bit a bit too springy for a fall event, if you ask me, but I otherwise like it.

And she's got good shoes and a lovely updo. Overall, well played Blair. Too bad Tripp Colin is so cookie cutter.

Then again, cookie cutter might be better than whatever is happening with Chuck's collar.

I appreciate they are experimenting with Chuck's wardrobe again.  I know last season caused me to weep a few tears for his former dandy glory days.  But this collar is just a little too odd for my liking.

As for our other two dudes, well, would it kill them to wear a bow tie once in awhile?

I'm not talking Chuck Bass everyday bow ties. Just a dressy one.  Also, Dan needs to get a white shirt or a different tie. He looks like he mixed office wear with a tuxedo jacket. Then again, he is supposed to be new at this upper class stuff. Maybe this is how it keeps it real and keeps it Brooklyn. His coloured shirts laugh at their upper class conventions.

When Nate found out that Juliet's big secret was that she's poor (well, one of her big secrets. We still don't know where that grudge match against Serena is coming from. My money is on a private school scandal), he tells Juliet that he's okay with her being poor and that she can wear a dress she actually owns to the ballet. That shows just how out of touch Nate is with the working class. Sure he was broke for awhile when his dad went to prison, but he still doesn't realize that your average working class girl doesn't have a spare gown in her closet.  So my guess is that Juliet "borrowed" this dress for the night.

She kind of looks like a Grecian mess in Serena's hand-me-downs. 

The Grecian mess might have been better if it wasn't doing that weird imitation of drapes in the front.  Her choice of dress (and dating Nate) makes me wonder if she's maybe going a little Single White Female on Serena. (We're going to play a little game here. It's called: Wardrobe Continuity Fail. Just watch Juliet's belt).

I bet you're wondering who is that girl in the lovely and tasteful pink gown.  The girl with few visible accessories. Surely she must be new. Or maybe an extra? But the kind of ratty ponytail gives her away. It's Vanessa.

There are no chains! No baubles! No beads! Shocker, I know.  Maybe someone did stage an intervention. Or maybe Juliet stole one of the necklaces Vanessa had planned to wear. Savour the  moment friends, because I'm sure she'll make up for it next week with chains to rival Mr. T. (p.s. where does Vanessa get her gowns? She's not pulling a Juliet at the stores, is she?)

Remember the game I mentioned? Well, see if you can spot the wardrobe continuity fail:

Oopsie daisie. She was so upset by her take down plans that she lost her belt.

And just when I was worried that our UES gang was acting like 40 year olds?

Oh yes. They ganged up on Juliet and they did it Mean Girls style.  In fact, if they weren't in gowns and tuxes and from good families, they might have resorted to kicking Juliet a few times.  Oh those wacky rich kids. You can dress them up, but you can't take them out.

For me, the episode ended on an sour and overly smokey eyed note.

Sigh. Little J is coming back.  I was hoping she'd be like Eric this season and exist in name only. No luck. My only hope is that their evil plan works and they actually take Serena down a notch. If it wasn't for Blair and Chuck, Serena would have gotten her ego checked a few seasons ago. 

Mini Recap: Juliet Doesn't Live Here Anymore

The Non-Judging Breakfast Club returns!

Best Line
Blair: "Good for you! For once, you're thinking with your brain and not your..."
Serena: "Macaron?" 

Best Outfit
Serena really was a vision in her ballet gala gown. It would be more spectacular had it gone farther past her macaron, but I'm willing to forgive that for the amazing top half.

Headshaker
This week, I'm shaking my head over the fact that I liked everything Vanessa wore!

Lesley-Anne will be recapping this week's hits and misses...get it Thursday!