War At The Roses - Part 1 of 3 - Serena and Colin sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Episode Synopsis: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” or at least that’s what I was thinking while watching this fete filled episode.

This week was Blair’s 20^th birthday. She chose to celebrate with a star-studded party chez Waldorf and an official Peace Treaty with Chuck (complete with “lawyers,” a notary, and a stenographer). Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Lilly and Rufus celebrated their first anniversary with a house filled with paper pom poms instead of their family. Eric and Dan schemed to bring the family together (including Little J), by pulling one over on Blair and Chuck. The “scheme” resulted in the debut of a karaoke video, which ultimately brought Eleanor and Blair together in a touching mother/daughter moment, ended the Peace Treaty, and propelled Chuck and Blair into the “frenemies with benefits” category. Nate, Juliet, Serena, and Professor Cab Guy played a supporting role with the same really stupid plot from last week. Serena loves Professor Cab Guy (which is amazing because by my calculations then have known each other for two weeks). Their love is so strong that she can’t wait a whole six weeks to be with him. Slow down, Serena, and stop being such a hussy.

Serena’s blazer caught me off guard (almost as much as the fact that she brushed her hair). I just couldn’t figure out what I didn’t like about it. After staring at it long enough, I realized that it is the fabric. It looks a bit too cheap/ shiny for the Upper Eastside. Sorry to be a drag, but I’m just not a Topshop fan.

Now her Twenty8 Twelve dress is another story. I love it. That is JUST what I would wear if I were planning to throw myself at a Professor during office hours. However, the dress is not the best choice for her entry into the legal world. Unless of course this courtroom is in Vegas and being presided over by the Honorable Lady Gaga. Judge, I object!

Nate seems to have dressed down as well. Unlike Serena, he didn’t even bother to brush his hair. I think he has been hanging around Dan too much. There is a nasty case of Brooklyn going around and looks like he’s been infected.

Oh look- Juliet got some time off from her new internship at Brooks Brothers! She must be working there, since there is no other excuse for this much lightweight wool. She seems to have traded in her beige for pearls and a jacket/ dress combination in a shocking new color: Grey. Honestly, the look is kind of a snoozer (much like her drawn out plot line).

Serena confesses her lustful fantasies to Juliet who agrees to “chaperone” at B’s birthday. I guess we have a different definition of chaperoning because I can’t imagine Juliet hanging out with the other moms near the punch bowl. Her outfit may scream PTA, but her shoes say: “Let’s get this party started, b*tches!"

Serena is so overcome with desire that she freaks out when she sees Professor Cab Guy walk into his building with another woman. Opps! False alarm. No sexy mistresses, just a hot cleaning lady instead. My bad.

Professor Cab Guy (a.k.a. Colin) is looking a tad dull in this brown pin stripe suit and plum colored shirt and tie combination. I wish he would sass it up a bit. He may be a “Titan of Industry” but his neckties are just lame. Side note: Whose cleaning lady cleans in pearl earrings, a cuffed button down, and skinny jeans? 

Juliet’s diabolical plan is ruined when Serena decides to take Nate to the party instead. Darn you Nate. Why are you so charming? Serena must be a sucker for plaid and smoldering eyes (and unbrushed hair). 

Hell has frozen over. Juliet is wearing red. I find this neckline and shiny ruched fabric unflattering, but I’ll give her points for making an effort. Is the black supposed to be poking out from the top of the dress? It kind of looks like she is wearing a black strapless bra and her dress is slipping. Maybe she should steal some Fashion Tape next time she works a fashion event? At least her makeup looks great!

I HATE when men wear black dress shirt and colored ties. Gross. Nate was a bit overzealous with the hair gel too.

Confusion abounds when Nate mistakes Professor Cab Guy for Ben (the jailbird who shanked his Dad in the last episode). An already tense Serena gets twisted in knots when she sees Professor Cab Guy and Juliet chatting in the kitchen. She thinks they are flirting, but in reality they are just discussing their evil plot to get S expelled. Judging by her lack of attendance in class, I think S has that handled on her own.

Oh Serena, can’t you ever wear anything appropriate? How can you play hard to get in a dress with a slit up to your cha cha? This J. Mendel gown might as well come with a sign that says “Open For Business.”

The Susana Galanis necklace and the braid make Serena almost look a bit Vanessa.

Professor Cab Guy and Serena throw caution to the wind by making out in Colin’s hidden camera filled home office. My guess is that this video will make its way to the Dean. Either that or Juliet and the Professor are running an underground porn production company.

So many questions! But the biggest question of all… what cell phone provider does Ben have in jail? All of that texting leads me to believe that he gets amazing reception in the slammer.

War At The Roses - Part 2 of 3 - Happy Birthday to B!

Thank God - it’s a birthday miracle! Blair is back from her foray into dumpy fashionland. She had me at the Paige Gamble stingray headband. The Chris Benz blouse and the Giambattista Valli tweed jacket and skirt are a delicious icing on the cake. She really does dazzle in the right clothes.

Chuck looks rather dashing in this three-piece suit and cool tone shirt and tie combination. I love that Chuck and Blair are dressed in a similar color palette; it further cements my belief that they belong together.

Here, Blair and Chuck decide to enact an official Peace Treaty. Like many peace agreements before, this treaty aimed to formally end the conflict and designate terms for moving forward.

 Serena: “Why are we sidebarring? Do you really want access to strip clubs?
Blair: No, I just don't want to seem like I'm ceding territory too easily.”

I can only imagine that WWI’s Treaty of Versailles was also enacted in the restaurant of a hotel with college age “lawyers.” Tres official. To be fair, I can see why B thought of the strip club issue. One look at Serena's dress and my head goes to the same place.

Back the train up - Is Chuck wearing white socks? WTF is going on here? Looks like he’s already drinking. I’ll blame this momentary lapse of fashion sense on alcohol.

Post Treaty, the anxious birthday girl snaps at the staff, Dorota, and her Mother. I imagine planning the party of the century can be stressful. Even the flowers were wrong! “The Waldorf's is not a Best Western!”

Is it me, or does Eleanor look frumpy? The silk blouse and suiting vest look so mass fashion/ office worker. I half expect her to whip out a Lean Cuisine and USA Today and go on her lunch break.

I love this rust colored J. Mendel gown on Blair. The warm tone is just stunning on her and the cut is chic while still youthful. But I am a touch confused by the choice. The Queen B that I know would not be caught dead in a Fall 2009 dress for her birthday in Fall 2010. That’s not old enough to count as vintage or recent enough to be hot off the runway. What gives?

Good thing the guest list was so “inspired.” Joe Zee, Cynthia Rowley, and Rachel Zoe! Oh My! While I adore Cynthia Rowley and her fabulous embellished top and tutu skirt, Rach stole the show. The Pucci clad stylist was a good sport. There aren’t many celebs that will agree to get dipped in chocolate!

This kills me to say. I don’t like Chuck’s tie with this ensemble. I sort of wish he wasn’t wearing one and just had the top button open. The pocket square is more than enough to make the outfit. 

Dorota looks so cute in this picture. I love the side pony and think the neckline is very flattering. I am so happy that B let her enjoy the party!

Penelope and Minion #2 look radiant as well. I’m so glad they all decided to wear rich jewel tone colors.

The revelry takes a turn when Rita, a record executive, appears to do a roast instead a toast. Cut to Blair’s horrible karaoke version of “Stand By Your Man.” Shock. Drunken Hysteria. Embarrassment. Add in a fake ID and a keg of Natty Light and you have a typical college birthday party. Poor Blair is afraid this will ruin her future. "It only takes one video to topple an entire career. If you don't believe me just YouTube 'Connie Chung piano'.”

I think Eleanor looks rather elegant in her navy Teri Jon Waterfloral printed sheath dress. She is every inch a celebrating Momma. Bravo Eleanor, you look like a real lady! Now go comfort your daughter.

Who’s to blame for this tragedy? Blair yells at Chuck and ends the Peace Treaty before the ink is even dry. “This pretense of civility was exhausting.” All this emotion and hate leads to a sexy hook up scene in the Waldorf’s living room…. now that looks exhausting. I hope Eleanor is wearing earplugs upstairs!

War At The Roses - Part 3 of 3 - Celebrating Wedded Bliss

“Still, they’re cousins. Identical cousins and you’ll find. They laugh alike, they walk alike. At times they even talk alike. You can lose your mind. When cousins are two of a kind.” 

Dan and Erin are plaid twinsies in the scene with Rufus. They have been spending way too much time together. Also - what is happening with Rufus's jeans? Is he tight-rolling?!

(P.S. What the heck is up with this hair? This surpasses “wind blow” and looks more like Rufus was caught in some sort of gale force wind.) 

Upon hearing the sadness in Rufus’s voice, they decide to celebrate Rufus and Lilly’s anniversary by avenging Little J and taking down Chuck and Blair. They scheme away in Lilly and Rufus’s pad while huddling around this fabulous Missoni inspired Eames chair. I want it!!! Where has Lilly been hiding this?

News flash: Dan, you are in way over your Brooklynite head. Don’t try to out-scheme the schemers! Didn’t you see what Blair did to “Gothic Barbie” last week? A wily Dan steals a glance at the famous Peace Accord while hanging out with Nate. I hope Dan knocks over this sculpture on the way out. It is horrible and needs to be removed from Chuck’s otherwise perfect suite.

Again with the plaid? This is just too much tartan in one episode. I feel like I'm at a Scottish wedding. Quick, find me some bagpipes.

Upper Eastside Autumnal Perfection: Lilly and Rufus look remarkable. They think so too. “I know you think you're rock and roll, but you are wearing a two thousand dollar jacket.”

That’s when he gets the idea to call Rita the record exec and “ruin” Blair’s party. Just when things are getting good, Dan admits to the entire plan way to early, proving once and for all that he is a freaking sabotage amateur. He manages to alienate his dad and only friend in one fell swoop.

At least Dan’s sweet side comes out when he covers Lilly and Rufus’s house in paper pom poms for their “Paper” anniversary. Happy Anniversary you two!!

Back in Brooklyn, Vanessa cheers up Dan. The Commune must have really done a number on her because she actually looks normal… either that or I had too much champagne at B’s party. The tunic and eggplant colored slacks are fabulous. I would totally wear this. Her jewelry even seems subdued (for her).

Vanessa suggests that Dan needs “rest and a dose of Brooklyn.”  I’m gonna disagree Vanessa. I think he needs to go wherever she just went (which I suspect was Fashion Boot Camp). I can’t take any more plaid. 

Mini Recap: War at the Roses

Well done, GG writers. What will all the treaty-signing and Blair's love of things français, I'm amazed you didn't make a Versailes reference.

Best Line
I'm torn, so I'll let you decide:

Survey Results - GlowDay.com

(BTW, I must be a prole because...a treaty signing? Really? No...really?)

Best Outfit
The Chanel-inspired ensemble Blair wore to the treaty signing.

Headshaker
The horrifyingly inappropriate for daytime bandage dress Serena wore to the treaty signing.  Remember when Serena's aesthetic was "boho chic" instead of "walk of shame"?  I miss those days.

Judging by her live tweets from last night, Anne has plenty of opinions on this episode.  See what she has to say this Thursday!