The Undergraduates- Part 1 of 3 - Hamilton House and Hissy Fits

Episode Synopsis: It’s “back to school” time on the Upper East Side. But instead of stopping by the Columbia University bookstore to discuss Gossip Girl’s web redesign, Blair and Serena’s time is spent focusing on the ultra secret and exclusive university club Hamilton House. Go to class ladies and stop worrying about Juliet! She only wears beige;  she isn’t much of a threat. Meanwhile, over in Brooklyn, Vanessa and Dan discuss what to do with baby Milo (I vote they take him out of the monkey outfit that he has been in for two episodes). Fast forward to Fashion’s Night Out. S and B expose Juliet by staging a public fight and Chuck introduces Eva to Lilly and the fam. The episode ends with neutral color loving Juliet visiting a hot inmate in jail. 

Gossip Girl is down! Blair can't start school without her trusty digital sidekick. Good thing Dorota studied Computer Science at University. She’ll know JUST how to fix this!

I usually just turn the computer off and hope it works when I start it again.

Welcome to Columbia ladies! S and B are looking rather collegiate today.

It hurts to say this but I actually like Serena’s DVF batwing dress. It is effortlessly paired with a woven belt and a beautiful Nancy Gonzalez Glazed python tote. I hope that Serena’s classes are close to each other because her cut out leather heels seem a touch impractical.

I want to love Blair’s ensemble. Gucci and animal print seem like a match made in heaven, but not this time. I really don’t like the cut of this piece or the ombre effect of the fabric (it kind of just looks like a sick cheetah). But all is not lost, her Mulberry Alexa Bag is chic and fab.

Clearly Serena tried to build some extra commute time into her schedule by skipping her blowdry and highlights. Yikes.

Enter Hamilton House- B is so happy to see some familar faces.

Look, it’s Penelope! Although her attitude is rotten, she certainly has on a cute outfit. I love the cream color and the variety of fabrication. I just wish that her jacket wasn’t so thick. With the layering and the belt added in, it kind of looks like someone gained the freshman 15. Don’t worry Penelope, I heard that eye rolling burns like 50 calories.

Judging by the look of disgust, Serena and Blair obviously noticed Penelope’s layering problem too.

Surprise! Juliet, the taupe queen, is the keymaster. Wait a minute.... If Juliet and Nate are both in this secret society why did they just meet last week? Exactly how big is this “exclusive” society? I smell a rat.

What’s in the bag? Blair’s Tiffany Key Crown Pendant, that’s what. Poor S didn't get one. Don’t worry Serena, just hop in a cab and head to Tiffany’s. At $1,500 a pop, you can buy your own.

Cue cell phone rings.

And she’s back…. Check your phone! Gossip Girl miraculously made her entrance right when Blair got her Hamilton House key. The new GG upgrades include live video feed and some sort of Chuck Bass GPS tracking system.

Meanwhile outside of Hamilton House...

Why is Nate so in to plaid this season? Yawn. He does seem rather agitated though. “I thought the only thing he got upset about was a badly-rolled joint.” Guess he doesn't like Serena anymore.

Hold the phone. Penelope and the Minions are wearing white ankle socks and heels. Looks like Blair got in to Hamilton House just in time. Save them B!

Blair seems to be moving fast. I would be too if I were wearing this hot mess of an outfit. Ugh. Blair, did you leave your style in Paris? I wonder what the Minions would think if they knew that she was wearing a Charlotte Ronson for JC Penny skirt? Floral doesn’t seem like a good cure for a “gin and attention” hangover.

And Serena is back to her old pantless tricks. This time she is wearing a horrible high-waisted floral skirt.

Don’t even get me started on the heinous denim vest. Gag.

Again with the beige!  Last week we saw Juliet doing the tag clipping and reattaching- I can only guess that she buys and return clothes. So what is with the overly neutral wardrobe? Go big or go home. I like the Yigal Azrouël dress but would it kill her to wear some color? They only thing exciting about this look is the pair of blue Dolce & Gabbana leopard print denim heels.

Here comes trouble! At first glance I loved Serena’s Jenny Packham dress. It is dramatic, sexy, and perfect for Fashion Week.

But as the scenes progressed I started to think it didn’t fit her very well. It isn’t really flattering in the chest area- although S was so pumped up with Hamilton House rage that I guess she didn’t care.

First ankle socks with heels and now these shiny animal print Betsey Johnson dresses. Minions, I am beginning to worry about you. Add in a bumpit and a fake tan and they could be Jersey Shore does FNO. Oy!

News Alert: The taupe queen is without her namesake color. Thank goodness the FNO people made her wear that Theory t-shirt.

She kind of looks like she wants to hurl that hair extension at Serena and Blair. No dice. Violence is obviously not part of her top secret plan.

Watch it Juliet, Blair and Serena have assembled an army of sequined troops to fight you if you get out of line. Dorota is there too and she has impressive computer espionage skills.

You better back the f up.

Go makeout with Nate instead and then visit your shady inmate friend.

Of Nate's kiss with Juliet: “Once men have tasted caviar, it baffles me how they can settle for catfish” Gosh B, why do you have to be such a b?

P.S. I love Blair’s Valentino Sequined Tunic Dress and the Badgley Mischka necklace. It took until the end of the episode, but she finally got it right.

The Undergraduates, Part 2 of 3 - Brooklyn Baby Bohemia

Oh Vanessa, you are so hip and boho. And by hip and boho I mean that you robbed an African jewelry store on the way over to Dan’s.

I wonder what Cynthia Vincent would think about you pairing her lovely yellow top with that sheer white thing or the patterned shorts.

Dan, I don’t blame you for looking boring. You got left with a baby while crazy Georgina ran off to St Barths. You are sleep deprived and reeling from the discovery that Milo isn’t yours. But what part of that equation results in excessive chest hair?

I’m happy to see that Dan dressed up for his visit to Child Protective Services. It’s always good to look your best while trying to decide what to do with an abandoned baby.

Vanessa has thrown me for a loop. I really like the ikat print Nanette Lepore dress. But in true Vanessa style, she had to junk it up with a denim vest, a fringe purse, tons of jewelry. I guess she isn’t familiar with the Coco Chanel adage “Look in the mirror and take one thing off before you leave the house.”

Don’t worry Milo. Faux Daddy Dan promises not to put you up for adoption, instead he will be giving you back to crazy Momma.  But your sweet little face is going to be the catalyst for Daddy and Auntie Vanessa to move in together. Your work here is done.

Don't look so sad, Brooklyn is no place for a baby. Early exposure to hipsters results in accute pattern and color mixings problems. Exhibit A: Vanessa.

Welcome home Georgina! I'm not gonna lie, this plot line is a bit of a snooze without you. If you are as good at mothering as you are at dressing yourself, Milo is in for a bumpy ride.

Vanessa wouldn’t even approve of this and she likes everything. Are those leggings lace?!? I wondering if Georgina was wearing this during her airplane tryst with Milo’s Russian daddy?

The Undergraduates, Part 3 of 3 - Eva Takes Manhattan

Hi Eva! Bienvenue aux Etats Unis.

Early morning rooftop action is how we do it here in the States. I am loving Chuck’s bed head but not understanding Eva’s nightgown. Did she sleep in her bra?

Alex, I’d like to buy a vowel. Let’s make it an “O” for OMG Chuck is throwing away his little black book!

He says that a good woman can change everything. Eva must be responsible for the yummy and warm ensemble that Chuck is wearing. I love the tweed sport coat and the beautiful shirt and tie combination. He just needs a roaring fire, some spiked cider, and a leather wingback chair.

Ready for Fall!

P.S. I heart his petite button hole flower.

Now that Jenny and Serena have moved out of the house, I think Lily has converted one of the spare bedrooms into Glam Squad headquarters. She totally must have a live in hairdresser, makeup artist, and fashion stylist. That is the only way to explain her constant hair and makeup perfection. 

Her secret stylist must have hidden the calendar because Lily doesn’t appear to realize that it is Fall. What is that white appliqué situation happening on her dress?

I felt obligated to show a picture of Eva in her Carlos Miele Spring Dress. The only thing exciting about this scene was when Blair threw a few sassy comments Eva’s way.

 

“It doesn’t matter if the dress is couture, if the girl is off the rack.” Eva should have used those “peasant hands” and knocked Blair out.

Chuck hits it out of the ballpark again with the lovely and elegant combination. J’adore the windowpane suit. I am so glad that he is back to his stylish self. I was getting really worried last week with the provincial clothing and vest wearing.

 

Eric and Rufus’s plot line is as lame as their outfits.

Rufus, Jenny is a disaster area. Stop blaming other people.

Eric, I am so bored with you I can’t even remember why you hate Chuck so much. If Chuck were around, I bet he wouldn’t let you out of the house in that blah colored shirt and matching blah colored vest.

Off to Fashion Week...

This is the most glamourous that Lily has every looked. The deep plum Reem Acra gown is a stunning with her blonde hair and the gold Aurélie Bidermann necklace. I think that I have developed a non-sexual crush.

Poor sweet Eva. She is so naïve.

How could Chuck have really told her everything about his past? I think there is something a bit shady going on with her (hence the red bra popping out from under this demure Fendi dress. Can't wait for this to unravel (the relationship, not the dress).



Mini Recap: The Undergraduates

Back to school, UES style!

Best Line
Blair: "Once men have tasted caviar it baffles me how they settle for catfish."

Best Outfit
Serena's fabulous Jenny Packham gown. For once, her aesthetic was appropriate. The loud print, plunging neckline, splash of sequins and dramatic train were right at home at Fashion's Night Out.

Headshaker
If Hamilton House is so friggin' secret, isn't it a tad ostentatious to sport large pieces of jewelry advertising one's membership?

Stay tuned for Anne's YKYLF debut this Thursday. I know she'll be a stylishly snarky deb!