Last Tango Then Paris, Part 1 of 3 - Team Awesome (The House of Waldorf, Lily, & Chuck)

Episode Synopsis: See Chuck pursue Blair.  Run Blair, run!  See Jenny ruin lives.  Run everyone, run!  See Dan punch Chuck.  Bad Dan, bad!  See Chuck get mugged and shot in an alley in Prague's red-light district.  Die Czech muggers, die!

You know who looked Awesome in this episode?  NYC, that's who.  What a great shot!

Nice dress with a very flattering cut.  I'd buy this for myself in a heartbeat.  I love how the lime bag picks up the details in the dress.

This coat would make me look sick (and that's sick as in "unwell", not "sick" in the way the kids are using it these days) however, Blair wears it well.

But when paired with lemon shoes...well, she starts to resemble a 7-UP can.

Unlike Serena, Blair knows to pair Tight with Blousy, as with this body hugging skirt and forgiving top.  Are you watching, Serena?

But Blair's not perfect. Just as with the Sprite outfit, Blair Bear goes one step too deep into Costume Land with the addition or a straw beret and sailor capelet.  Oh, Blair.

Hello!  This is a wakeup call I could get used to (although I never did figure out what was on that tray.  They don't appear to be demitasse cups...scotch?)

A pinstripe wool coat?  Why of course I own one.  In fact, I own several.  Wait five minutes and I'll buy the whole company.

Chuck's three-piecing it.  He looks like a younger version of Roger Sterling.

Do my eyes deceive me, or is this the third suit Chuck has worn in one 12-hour period?  Sometimes too much of a good thing is just too much.

Even when paired with a pink paisley bowtie that's reminiscent of Chuck from seasons yore.

But now he's dead.

Haha, I'm just kidding!  Without Chuck, there is no Gossip Girl, and we all know it's returning for Season Four.  Chuck is just sleeping.

Lovely Lily, she never disappoints.  I don't think she's ever worn a single bad thing.

It almost makes up for the bad parenting.  I just love the texture on this coat.  She keeps it casual with a men's sized wristwatch.

Mom? How much longer will we have to live with these schlubs?

Not long now, dear.  One down, two to go.

Speaking of absentee parents, Eleanor pops in for this episode wearing a fitted suit.  It's fine, but Eleanor needs some pizzazz in her wardrobe. Hey, Jenny's not doing anything! She can design something for you, Eleanor!  Eleanor?  ...Eleanor?

While I was a little disturbed that Dorota's employers were in her delivery room, it did give Cyrus a chance to utter his catchphrase...

INCONCEIVABLE!

Poor Wallace Shawn.  He'll forever be Vizzini, the Sicilian criminal genius.

Luckily for Dorota, she will not always be pregnant.

Poor dear doesn't have a maternity coat!  I'm fairly certain she's worn this coat before....what are the Waldorfs paying her?

Last Tango Then Paris, Part 2 of 3 - Team Ambivalent (Nate, Eric, Georgina, and a few randoms)

Yawn #1:  Art School Cameron.  I can't be bothered to commit to this character.  He's wearing a simple leather coat that by most standards is fine, but he's out with Blair for crying out loud.

Yawn #2.  Perhaps more of an "eek!" than a yawn.  Eric's head need not sport a...what is this?  It's not a pompadour.  It's not exactly a 70s/80s feather.  It's just...bad.

Aw, aren't you a sweet and sassy thing, Preppy Gossip Girl Reader!  Who you taking a picture of?

Mm-hm.  Blonde wig, big glasses, fur coat, Chanel tote...way to be inconspicuous, Georginia.

All that crisp Siberian air has given her a rosy complexion...and she's so much better as a brunette.  Leave the wig off, honey.

Now I know what Georgina's been doing in Russia - she's a maternity model for American Apparel!

Do they have American Apparel in Russia?  I can just see Dov Charney being into Russian chicks, so I'm going say yes, for the sake of argument.

Nice shirt, Nate.  Good cut, flattering colors.  Not revolutionary, but I like it.

So do the ladies, it seems.

Last Tango Then Paris, Part 3 of 3 - Team Awful (Serena & the Humphreys)

Dan's warming up.  What's he warming up for?

He's gonna HumphreyPunch Chuck Bass, that's what.

And this is why I hate Dan Humphrey.  It is NOT OK to punch Chuck Bass, especially when he's about to make Mees Blair very, very happy.  I hate you, Dan Humphrey.  DO YOU HEAR ME?  I HATE YOU!

 Onto Little Humphrey.  I see her hair is still a disaster...

If you're able to do this to your hair it's a sure sign that either a) you're using too much product or b) it's fake.  If you're not sure which of those it is, it's a sign that you should a) stop spending so much time ruining peoples' lives and b) pay a visit to your local salon.

I actually don't mind this dress.  While it would be nice to see Jenny in some color (maybe next season?), the burnout velvet and floaty fabric are a nice balance between Young/Fresh Little J and Drug Mule Queen Jenny.  Too harsh?

Well, don't look so annoyed, child.  You brought this on yourself.

You know when someone looks really awful, and then you see them looking fab and you say "so-and-so cleans up well?"

...what's the opposite of that?

I actually think the makeup is appropriately raw and horrible, given that this character has (supposedly) hit rock bottom.  Oh Little J, you've hit rock bottom so many times I'd think you have an express elevator to purgatory.  Not to fear...

...she looks fresh-faced here!  And her hair...is it possible the braid of straw is gone?

Sigh.  No.

See ya.  Wouldn't wanna be ya.

So much to do today.  I should dust my gold record...although the staff just did that.  Maybe there's a co-op meeting to attend?  No, instead I'll just sit here in my somewhat flattering lightweight tone on tone shirt that Lily bought me.  I suppose it's nice, but what I wouldn't give for an oatmeal-colored henley and some puka beads...

I know!  I'll ship my messed-up daughter off to her mother's house rather than dealing with the issue head-on.  Eh, it's one less waffle to make.

We reviewed this outfit in the last episode recap, but let's look at it again, just because it's so rare that Serena is appropriately dressed for cold weather.

Charming feather detail on the cap.

But, did she change?  If I recall, she went straight from Dan's loft to Nate's penthouse at the hotel.  Did she swipe some beads from the cabbie's rearview mirror?

Later that night, Serena looks quite pretty.  I'll assume she was headed out for dinner and drinks with friends we never see on camera.  She's got good makeup, a bit of glam jewelry, and a jacket with zipper detailing...

...aaand she's half naked.  Oh, Serena.

Then again, who are we to judge? She was on her way out to Avenue to dance the night (and Nate) away, when she got the call that her best friend's mother's maid was having her baby.  I'm quite sure that a socialite of Serena's standing would drop her evening plans to sit in a hotel lobby while the help (who's not even her "help) pushes her way through labor.

Right.

Perhaps when Serena goes to Paris, she can learn how not  to dress like a call girl.  Of course...I've already seen Season 4 spoilers, so I know this isn't true, but, you know.  A fan can dream.

What a great dress and necklace for an evening event, or a very dressy lunch.  Or for lounging around your BFF's pad while she packs.  Either one.