Episode Synopsis: Another week of backfiring lies - and soon to backfire lies - on the Upper East Side. Trouble is maybe brewing between Dan and Vanessa, but only because Dan is an idiot who decides their relationship will be better if they don't tell each other things. Dr. Van der Woodsen continues his plot to win back his family by convincing them that Lily has cancer. Rufus doesn't trust the Baldwin and uses his Board connections (aka. mistress) to stop him from moving into the building. The jilted mistress decides to tell Serena about the affair, because using his step-daughter is the best way to get revenge. Serena and Jenny get righteous about lying to their dads. Blair pretends she goes to Columbia to impress new minions and of course they find out and try to cross Blair. If they actually read Gossip Girl, they would know better. Jenny's drug dealing (and internet searching) actually comes in handy as she begins to figure out what Dr. Baldwin has up his sleeve and turns to Chuck for help. Of course, Rufus finds out about her drug-dealing ways before she can tell him. Meanwhile, Chuck spends the episode doing drugs in his bathrobe, surrounded by bras. Everyone seems surprised that he doesn't want to go for waffles.
I've decided to lump all the male characters into one post because this is the episode where they all give up on fashion. Even Chuck. Not even a hint of purple from Chuck.
Let's start with Eric. Who's Eric? It's okay if you don't remember him. He's been a bit of a disposable character these days. Probably because he's dressing like a Humphrey.
Plaid shirts. How exciting!
Dan, being a Humphrey, does plaid at least once during the episode. This is how he dresses up to go to brunch.
He also does grey like nobody's business.
Now, here's where Dan really loses me: chest hair as an accessory. Really? I'm not necessarily saying that all men must be chest hair free, I'm just saying Dan is pushing the limits of good taste. It keeps creeping up his neck. By the end of the season it might be up to his chin.
Another fan of plaid and chest hair is Nate.
At least Blair called him on it when she asked if Serena knew he was trying to pull off plaid. But what took her so long? Why isn't anyone else pointing out the errors of the plaid?
Chuck has not only given up on colour, but on clothing as well. Don't get too excited, he spent the episode in his bathrobe.
When not in a bathrobe, he's the only one to wear a tux with a bow tie to the big event. And is the first and only person to notice that Lily doesn't look like she's dying. That Chuck sure is a sharp one.
Speaking of the plans of the good doctor Baldwin, not only is he trying to win back the love of his children and ex-wife by making them think that she is dying of cancer, he's also wearing nehru collars to brunch.
I can't even deal with that collar. I suppose the nehru nightmare is better than the alternative, which is strutting into a black tie party with the chest hair blazing. I guess when the party is in your honour, the tie and top button are optional. I'm guessing Serena's classy genes come from the Van der Woodsen side.
Finally, Rufus. Where to begin with Rufus? I don't care enough about Rufus to fact check this, but I'm pretty sure he's worn a version of this sweater in each episode of season three.
I think it's time to put on some waffles and gather the Humphrey-Van der Woodsen clan together: Rufus needs a sweater intervention. Here's my intervention letter to Rufus:
I know we haven't always agreed on your fashion choices, but there was a time when you at least made choices and didn't just fall back on those damn sweaters. You used to try to make a statement with your leather jewelery and your hipster western shirts. Granted, you tried way to hard to be a hip, aging 90s rocker, but at least you tried. When you were a lowly Brooklyn gallery owner, you had some pride in how you dressed. Your outfits may have embarrassed your teenage children, but at least they weren't bored by what you wore. It seems like access to all that Rhodes-Van der Woodsen-Bass money has caused you to get a little lazy. Instead of trying to pick an accessory from your Urban Outfitters collection, you just throw on yet another cardigan and make waffles. You're becoming the Mr. Rogers of the Upper East Side. Shake things up Rufus! Wear a v-neck! With colour! If Lily can wear a designer dress to brunch, then you can at least make an attempt to wear something other than jeans and a sweater...again.