It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World - Part 1 of 4 - The Men of the UES

Episode Synopsis: Another week of backfiring lies - and soon to backfire lies - on the Upper East Side. Trouble is maybe brewing between Dan and Vanessa, but only because Dan is an idiot who decides their relationship will be better if they don't tell each other things. Dr. Van der Woodsen continues his plot to win back his family by convincing them that Lily has cancer.  Rufus doesn't trust the Baldwin and uses his Board connections (aka. mistress) to stop him from moving into the building.  The jilted mistress decides to tell Serena about the affair, because using his step-daughter is the best way to get revenge.  Serena and Jenny get righteous about lying to their dads.   Blair pretends she goes to Columbia to impress new minions and of course they find out and try to cross Blair. If they actually read Gossip Girl, they would know better.  Jenny's drug dealing (and internet searching) actually comes in handy as she begins to figure out what Dr. Baldwin has up his sleeve and turns to Chuck for help. Of course, Rufus finds out about her drug-dealing ways before she can tell him.  Meanwhile, Chuck spends the episode doing drugs in his bathrobe, surrounded by bras.  Everyone seems surprised that he doesn't want to go for waffles.

I've decided to lump all the male characters into one post because this is the episode where they all give up on fashion. Even Chuck. Not even a hint of purple from Chuck.

Let's start with Eric. Who's Eric? It's okay if you don't remember him. He's been a bit of a disposable character these days.  Probably because he's dressing like a Humphrey.




Plaid shirts. How exciting!

Dan, being a Humphrey, does plaid at least once during the episode. This is how he dresses up to go to brunch.


He also does grey like nobody's business.

Now, here's where Dan really loses me: chest hair as an accessory.  Really? I'm not necessarily saying that all men must be chest hair free, I'm just saying Dan is pushing the limits of good taste. It keeps creeping up his neck. By the end of the season it might be up to his chin.

Another fan of plaid and chest hair is Nate.

At least Blair called him on it when she asked if Serena knew he was trying to pull off plaid. But what took her so long? Why isn't anyone else pointing out the errors of the plaid?

Chuck has not only given up on colour, but on clothing as well. Don't get too excited, he spent the episode in his bathrobe.  

When not in a bathrobe, he's the only one to wear a tux with a bow tie to the big event. And is the first and only person to notice that Lily doesn't look like she's dying.  That Chuck sure is a sharp one.

Speaking of the plans of the good doctor Baldwin, not only is he trying to win back the love of his children and ex-wife by making them think that she is dying of cancer, he's also wearing nehru collars to brunch.

I can't even deal with that collar. I suppose the nehru nightmare is better than the alternative, which is strutting into a black tie party with the chest hair blazing.  I guess when the party is in your honour, the tie and top button are optional.  I'm guessing Serena's classy genes come from the Van der Woodsen side.

Finally, Rufus.  Where to begin with Rufus? I don't care enough about Rufus to fact check this, but I'm pretty sure he's worn a version of this sweater in each episode of season three.

I think it's time to put on some waffles and gather the Humphrey-Van der Woodsen clan together: Rufus needs a sweater intervention.   Here's my intervention letter to Rufus:

Dear Rufus:

I know we haven't always agreed on your fashion choices, but there was a time when you at least made choices and didn't just fall back on those damn sweaters.  You used to try to make a statement with your leather jewelery and your hipster western shirts. Granted, you tried way to hard to be a hip, aging 90s rocker, but at least you tried.  When you were a lowly Brooklyn gallery owner, you had some pride in how you dressed. Your outfits may have embarrassed your teenage children, but at least they weren't bored by what you wore.  It seems like access to all that Rhodes-Van der Woodsen-Bass money has caused you to get a little lazy.  Instead of trying to pick an accessory from your Urban Outfitters collection, you just throw on yet another cardigan and make waffles. You're becoming the Mr. Rogers of the Upper East Side.  Shake things up Rufus! Wear a v-neck! With colour! If Lily can wear a designer dress to brunch, then you can at least make an attempt to wear something other than jeans and a sweater...again.

xoxo.
L-A

It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World - Part 2 of 4 - Serena versus Jenny

The fight over Nate (I don't get that either) has moved to a battlefield of waffles and mimosas  (How do they eat so much breakfast and stay so slim?).  Serena actually decides on something tasteful and flattering:



But just as you think you are about to recover from the shock of seeing Serena cover up the goods, Jenny decides to wear this and you lose faith in humanity:

It's like she's the goth version of Vanessa: far too many layers and drowning in jewellery.

Jenny is also drowning in bad hair extensions.  I am really hoping that the Powers That Be at Gossip Girl are keeping these extensions in because we are building up to a Dallas style cat fight between Jenny and Serena. Shoulder pads and glasses of scotch will fly and Serena will rip out a chunk of Jenny's hair.  It will be epic and save the season.

Of course, Serena can only do tasteful once per episode, which is why she chooses to wear this to get coffee the next morning:

The robe itself is fine. I question the robe only because it appears to be the only thing she's wearing.  If she were wearing that after waking up at Nate's, then I'd probably be okay with it.  But for coffee with the family? Maybe a bit of modesty would come in handy.

I'm not sure if that's what Jenny is wearing. The sloppiness says, "I just woke up".  The pearls and the eye makeup say, "I'm going to go clubbing until 4 am and there's nothing you can do to stop me."  

Serena's outfit only gets more classy and tasteful when she heads to an event to honour her dad's achievements as a doctor:

I was worried when she tried to sit down in that dress. I really thought she was going to flash someone. And I think the cancer in the Van der Woodsen house is the sparkly thing growing on her shoulder.  Before we found out that Serena's dad is a Baldwin, I always wondered how the ever tasteful and classy Lily could spawn a Serena. Now that we've seen Serena's dad and his chest hair, I completely understand how this apple didn't fall far from the tree.

When it comes to fashion heroes, Jenny seems to be confused lately.

She goes from Vanessa to Serena in under 60.

The best part about her formal wear? That was just an old dress from her closet in Brooklyn.  Jenny is going to grow up to be one of those women in couture who says, "oh, this old thing?"  

It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World - Part 3 of 4 - Blair versus The Minions

NYU really hasn't suited Blair, has it? Maybe it's because she never goes to class. While Blair hasn't exactly adopted that style, she has changed her look since getting there. I think she's a little depressed. There was once a time when Blair was the most pulled together, tailored and coiffed girl in all of NYC. Now, this:

Blair looks what would happen if I tried to dress like I belonged on Gossip Girl: the hair is flat and the coat is just a little too bulky and off the rack from the outlet mall.  The wannabe minions look far more pulled together than she does:

Their headbands could use a little work, but their hair is shiny and they've chosen tailored coats.  At least Blair still has enough sense to know that she should be wearing patterned tights this season, as opposed to her high school opaque tights.

The minions need to tone it down just a bit. They look like an UES version of Vanessa: too much ruffle and chains.

Lying about being a Columbia student cheered her up. Because as soon as she did that, she became the Blair we knew and loved:

Cute and coordinating hat, gloves, bag and coat.  And the coordinating doesn't stop there! Check out the adorable dress and belt as she pops in for a visit with Chuck.

Love it.

But then blonde wannabe minion, who can't get the size of her headband right, just ruins her happiness. And do you know what happens? It looks like Blair bought a dress in a size too big and forgot to comb her hair:




No wonder the minions looks so smug.



Even thought they both wore metallic dresses and giant necklaces to the party, they know they look better than Blair Waldorf.  And minions should never look better than Blair.  I don't know about you, but I'm excited that she's going to Columbia. I couldn't take another moment of poorly tailored dresses and flat hair.  

It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World - Part 4 of 4 - Lily and Vanessa

I'm afraid I don't know how to categorize these two.  Let's just call this a lesson in extremes. 

Both Lily and Vanessa start the day off in flashy fabrics that are shades of pink and purple.

I don't love what Lily is doing. The zipper on the shoulder throws me off because I could see the zipper on side of the dress.

And it looked like she was wearing a tank top under the dress. But it's otherwise pretty and very Lily. And of course, she is the queen of accessories.  Well played with the simple bracelet and bow in her hair.

Down in Brooklyn, Vanessa also starts her day off with some sparkle.

Unlike Lily, Vanessa's jacket matches nothing else on earth, except maybe the wardrobe of Blanche Devereaux. It definitely doesn't match the top she decided to wear with it.  And unlike Lily, Vanessa continues to follow the More is More School of Acessorizing.

That explains why she thought the giant bracelet over the jacket was necessary.

She tops it all off by wearing a blanket as outerwear.

Next season, Vanessa wears an ironic Snuggie when she goes out for coffee.

When going out for the evening, Vanessa and Lily are once again a lesson in extremes. I know black tie cocktails and drinks with a CNN producer call for very different outfits, but that's besides the point. 

Why do I even try to snark on Lily? It's just not possible with an outfit like that. 

It is possible to snark on this outfit. Actually, this is good by Vanessa standards. It appears that she is choosing a Vanessa dress from the Anna Sui does Gossip Girl for Target collection and toning down the accessories. Seeing as she is about to meet with a potential employer, it's a good move on Vanessa's part.  Not particularly flattering, the pattern sort of gives me a migraine and it could totally use a belt, but considering the jacket she had on earlier in the episode, this is amazing.