Dr. Estrangeloved Part 1 of 4 - Serena, Lily, Rufus, William

Episode Synopsis: Oh those crazy van der Woodsens!  They're just like your family right?  If your mom holes up with her ex husband who's the only one that can treat her "illness" that (SPOILER ALERT) is not really an illness but just the lynchpin of her ex husband's scheme to do...well...to do something.  Other plotlines include Serena sticking it to the poor man's version of herself for trying to bed the one and only Nate, Blair taking absence of frills and ruffles and headbands (for just one episode) to attend a hipster party in search of Chuck 2.0, and Vanessa and Dan's relationship headed down a dangerous path after his lies were exposed.  Secrets, schemes and lies? Just another week on the UES.

There's no snark to be found here.  I too would close my eyes and languish in the limo if my winter garb was this lux and glam.

A nice family portrait.  Like I've always said, the family that wears the same neutral color palate together, stays together.  Even if they have to deal with this quack's subterfuge:

Doesn't this look just scream sinister evil plotmaster?  Or executive CEO in the midst of a weekend getaway to the islands?  He most certainly is a Van der Woodsen.

And here's Serena's outfit for Take Your Estranged Daughter to a Very Expensive Lunch Day:

I mean, what is a lunch with your father without a plunging neckline?

And despite the intense drama involved in thwarting Jenny's plans to make Nate hers, Serena sees a silver lining:

Striking a pose!  Sure, she and Nate may have been on the rocks, and Jenny may have needed to be seriously schooled in the fine art of not seducing S's boy (man?) but that's no reason not to show off the latest it bag.

Dr. Estrangeloved Part 3 of 4 - Vanessa and Dan

Dan.  Get a haircut.  I just rewatched The Stepfather and the summer 2009 coif does much more for you than this one:

 However, you look quite natty in your scarf!  Don't get too dapper on us though, you're no longer seeing Serena, and instead have taken up with this, um, inspired fashionista:

I would love to be a fly on the wall when Vanessa goes perusing for her signature "incredibly large could it be any bigger?" jewelry:

Salesperson: How may I help you?

Vanessa:  I want the biggest, loudest, most bedazzled earrings in this joint.

Salesperson: Luckily you've come to the right place:  The Enormous Incredibly Massively Oversized Jewelry Emporium.  

Seriously.  Vanessa has a take no prisoners affinity for statement earrings.

All joking aside (but only for a moment), V looks pretty in this shot.  She's maturing.  Not being so so wild or so so eclectic in her wardrobe choices.

But wait!  A few scenes later, another pair of big earrings make a comeback:

And in an emotional final scene, as V ignores Dan's phone call, and we are all left to wonder until next week what will become of our tortured twosome, we have this:

A studded purse.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of the studded trend, but the shape of the purse reads more "7th grader I'm in middle school now I'm 6 months past my training undergarments and I need something cute to hold all my crucial womanly items like my six different kinds of lip gloss and my iPhone (kids and their technology today...lucky bitc...I mean they're lucky) than a completely mature I'm not talking to my boyfriend for at least 72 hours because he lied to me so I'll just go hang out at my favorite coffee shop all. the. time." look V was after.

Dr. Estrangeloved Part 2 of 4 - Blair, Chuck and Nate

Tomorrow I'm going to a very swank gallery opening.  And I could imagine seeing a look like this there:

Interesting design.  I even like the back:

Feels a tad risque, but I like it.  However, I am not digging this:

Way too matronly for someone like our girl.  You are not some suburbanite saddled with three screaming babes under the age of five who is trying to both a). hide the 22 pounds of pregnancy weight you put on from Tommy, Luke and Timmy and b). take a fashion "risk" with the detailed (read heinous) black designs.

You are Blair.  Young, fun, lives in the big city.  Which also means:

A resounding NO to this.  Are you taking fashion advice from Vanessa?  (Low blow I know).  Way too busy and way too ugly for you.  Heartbreak does not give you the right to take leave of your fashion sense.  Now granted, you are at a hipster party.  I supposed this is a when in Rome type of moment.

Still, I prefer this lovely image.  A pair dressed to the nines (I mean no one can rock a bow tie like C. Bass) and clearly in love.  I'll keep my fingers crossed that the grand love affair between you two can be resurrected, just like I know Lindsey Lohan's career will be.  (Another low blow.  Forgive me, a Lilo classic, the Patent Trap, was on tonight).

And with all of Chuck's meddling in Nate's love life in this ep, don't you think our suave quasi-villain could have found time to meddle in N's closet?

Way too casual for Nate.  Seems like something more Dan's speed.  I'm guessing though, Nate didn't have too many clean button downs left (see below for the two who are causing N to rack up the dry cleaning bills on those light blue babies).

Dr. Estrangeloved Part 4 of 4 - Jenny

This all feels quite familiar to me...sure, I personally always sport Hugo Boss men shirts and grey tube socks when I'm getting ready to catch the #143 in the morn, but there's another reason why I had a serious case of deja vu (and Chase Crawford lust, but let's face it-that's a long-term condition):

It's because Jenny, in all of her furtive (and not so furtive) plotting and longing for Nate, has become a doppelganger for another leggy blonde:  SERENA.

Just one of the perks at staying at Casa de Crawford: slim cut button downs!  Twinsies Serena and Jenny remind me of a magazine poll:  Who Wore It Better?  Serena comes out ahead in my book (and most definitely Nate's too.)

But maybe Little J can redeem herself with her next look?

Child no.  I have NEVER been a fan of pearls, unless we're doing a multi-chained, layered look, but this wimpy strand?  If Lily saw you, she'd raise holy hell.

And this is very young witch takes a break from brewing concoctions in her cauldron to pop champagne at the club:

Now I don't have complete disdain for the next ensemble:

But those extensions!  Those unbrushed coils of unnatural hair!  No wonder Nate is looking none too pleased with you.  Little J needs a beauty detox.  Stop using extensions (or if you do, for the love of GOSSIP GIRL please brush them), trim your hair, and perhaps incorporate color into your wardrobe.  Just a thought J, just a thought.