The Last Days of Disco Stick 1 of 3: The Threesome (Dan, Olivia, and Vanessa)

Episode Synopsis: In this episode we learn some valuable lessons: the third in your threesome is always a stranger, leggings are not pants, to say no to diplomat's sons and drugs (or did we), and that it's okay to sleep with your congressman if he's cute and his wife is a bitch.  And the writers find yet another way to creatively work in the phrase "I'm Chuck Bass" (because even Europeans know what that mean).  

Last week's threesome was trés scandalous avec un menage à trois. But this week we got the morning after. Well, maybe not the very next morning. No one needed to see that walk of shame.  What we did get was Dan's walk of Pimpness:


Right. Worst pimp ever. I sort of dig the jacket, but that dude wears more plaid than all of Seattle in 1991. To the wardrobe department I say: Enough. He's from Brooklyn.  We get it. Now can we get him some better shirts and stop bogarting Rufus' "Lincoln Hawk" style?

Oh, and the worn out henleys aren't any better. Neither was the hat or the emo scarf.


God. That whole outfit was just embarrassing. Even Pete Wentz gave up on those damn scarves.

I guess, in Dan's defense, he needs the plaid if he's going to Tisch:


Maybe it's because I'm Canadian that I wasn't really aware of Tisch, but apparently plaid is de rigeur. Except for Paul and Willow...but we'll get back to them.

But onto numero deux in our threesome: Olivia (I'm saving the best for last).  Honestly, I struggled with Olivia's outfit all episode long. Do I love it? Do I hate it? Is it a dress? Why the brown fringed purse with a black outfit? So many deep questions.


I did kind of hate her jacket. It looks like it should be denim, but it's not.


Let's take one more look at the dress


Seriously. I can't decide. All I can figure out is that she's raiding Vanessa's jewelry box again:


However, unlike her roomie, she knows when to stop and didn't add five necklaces to go with the earrings.  

Olivia did nail it with her dress during the Gaga and the Seven Dwarves:



Great dress. No idea what was going on with that hair though. Rat's nest? It really is time for her to get out of Vanessa's room before she starts mixing and matching patterns and wearing all her jewelry at once.  Because another month with Vanessa and Olivia could end up looking like this:


Solid coat with patterned skirt, honey. Solid.  Or, solid colour skirt with the plaid blanket you're wearing as a coat.  

Although, that scene almost fooled me into thinking that Vanessa went easy on the jewelry. But she didn't


I really enjoyed Amanda's accessory count from her recap of the Grandfather Part II, so let's play "Count how many pieces of jewelry Vanessa wears at one time": two necklaces, but one is double stranded so we're going bring that to three. Two bracelets. A ring that takes over two fingers (I like big cocktail rings, but I don't make them compete with 5 other items). This now brings us to six pieces of jewelry.  Her hair is hiding the dangly earrings. And I'm still trying to decide if those were strings attached to her dress or a really long black necklace, but since it's competing with the dangly necklace, I'm going to call it an accessory.  That brings us to a grand total of eight pieces, or, in Vanessa's world, a casual day with only a couple of accessories. Sort of like the days when the rest of us decide to wear just earrings.

And then there are the boots:



And I give up. There is just no hope for Vanessa Abrams. 

Last days of Disco Stick 2 of 3: Blair and Chuck, Nate and Serena

While I am almost always a fan of Blair, there are moments when I find myself with my head tilted trying to figure out what the hell is going on.  From afar, her outfit is lovely and perfect for a walk in Central Park before heading off to take over the world (or NYC. whatevs).


(note to Chuck: I love you, but I'm over the Wall Street look. You can still call me anytime though. You are Chuck Bass after all).

Then we get a closer look at Blair's outfit:


The bedazzled happy/sad drama faces (oh, I know they're called something different, but drama was never my thing) pin? Not actually necessary to convince theatre students that you're serious about drama. Love the beret and the coat though.

And much to my dismay:


Leggings as pants??? Say it ain't so. 

In Blair's defense (and I'm not sure I want to come to her defense right now...I thought this character would never stoop so low), her outfit sans coat was a bit Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face.


It's a stretch, but as Blair is obsessed with Audrey, I'll allow it. But just this once. If I see her in leggings as pants one more time, then I might break up with you Gossip Girl. Because leggings are not pants and we can't have impressionable young girls believing they are. 

As for Chuck, he really wasn't around. But he did continue his commitment to purple and for that I salute him.


He also laid off on the brylcreem, so again, a salute in his direction.

Unlike his BFF, Nate just looked schlumpy:


What's happening there Nathanial? Why the baggy corduroy?  Get some better fitting trousers, please.

And like his trousers, his coat could also use a visit to the tailor:


It's not a bad coat, but it would probably look better if it were just a tad bit more fitted.  I won't bore you with talk about his sweater. It's bad enough that it almost put me to sleep whenever he was on camera alone.  I will however talk about Serena's completely work appropriate outfit.  Because nothing says "I work for a congressman" like giant shoulder pads and a chainmail statement piece.


They'll take you seriously because they're afraid of your jewelry.  And you always command respect when you wear an open backed dress to the office.


See how Tripp looks at her with lust, I mean, total respect in his eyes.  He totally hired you for your brains, Serena. Had nothing to do with your legs. Not one bit. 


Actually, if the writers were actually working on her being a wealthy eighteen year old girl hanging out on the Upper East Side, maybe hitting a club or two, then I would not make fun of her outfit. In fact, I like the tights and love the shoes. But repeat after me "It is not work appropriate". 

I would, however, maim someone to get my hands on this coat:


Well played, Van der Woodsen, well played.  Now go buy some office appropriate work clothes and you're set.

Last days of Disco Stick 3 of 3: Jenny and the others. Oh, and GAGA!

Jenny is now going for a look that was last seen during one of the funeral scenes in the movie Heathers:


Don't get me wrong. I love Heathers. I just don't think we need to repeat some of their fashion choices.

Or wear them with hoodie

But even the Heathers knew that your skirt needs to cover your arse just a little bit. To pants or not to pants? Either Jenny is against pants or she has forgotten them at home again. I'll leave that one for you, Jenny, and the Diplomat's son to ponder.

Hmmm.  (I vote pants. Or maybe a skirt that covers your crotch. Both work fine in my books).

And then we have KenDoll the Diplomat's son. Or the Nate Knock Off.



Seriously. I'm pretty sure Nate wore that sweater and button up shirt for at least a couple of episodes in the first season.  Maybe they're cutting costs and digging into the Season One wardrobe to put on extras. Because they certainly did that with the Chapin Mean Girls.

Here's what I've got to say to those kids: Paul, just because Chuck Bass used to wear an ascot doesn't mean every asshole in New York can pull one off (actually Paul, I think you've got a scarf there, but it's not clear.  Go big or go home dude - wear a scarf out or an ascot in, but don't waffle between the two). At least he did with some flair. Willow, Selma Blair (circa 2001, Legally Blonde) called: she would like her outfit back.

And the minions. Oh the minions. Poor creatures. They pissed somebody off this week.  First off, we have The Twins in their coordinating outfits and gaudy matching necklaces.

Seriously? I'm supposed to believe that Blair would let her minions walk around with those necklaces on? Not even her high school minions got away that kind of shit. As for Amalia and Sophie:

Lacklustre at best. A little too early Blair, but without any of the style.  And well, I don't even know what to do with this:

That's just mean. I know it's a play, and that they're supposed to be a dwarf boy band, but really?  The bad Salt n' Peppa look makes me want to name these Dwarves Unsylish, Uncool, Unfashionable, and Sartorially-Challenged.

Unlike outfits we saw on the other minor characters this week, Maureen Vanderbilt actually did quite well for herself.

She looks the part of a politician's wife. Kudos to you Maureen. Oh, and if you look behind her, you can see a blurry image of what Serena's co-workers wear to work. Yeah. I bet everyone in that office takes Serena seriously. 

Moving on to our morally sound Congressman Tripp (because your wife being kind of devious is totally a reason to shag an 18 year old girl. The press will totally understand. No really, they will. The rule is half your age plus seven, so it's cool)

You know what I've figured out? That there is a belt shortage on the island of Manhattan. Not one man on this show is seen wearing a belt. Chuck has tried to be brave by wearing suspenders, but you know he's wishing he had belts. Is it the recession that has caused the belt shortage? Or maybe the Pied Piper of Manhattan came and lured the belts away?  I think I'll start a belt drive and send them to the cast of Gossip Girl.

Finally, the parents. Lily showed us how "mom jeans" should be done.

The glasses are beginning to wear thin for me, but I do love that blouse.
As for Rufus, he continues to look like a slob and make himself seem as ridiculous as possible (like I'm supposed to believe he's so clueless that he can't figure out the STD the Jenny mentions).

At least we know where Dan gets that dapper sense of style from
And that's it.

I'm kidding. Did you think I'd forget Gaga? Her appearance was a bit on the corny side of celebrity cameos. On a scale of 1-10, with Hilary Duff's appearance this season being seven (not awesome, but totally acceptable) and a one being the utter corniness of Colour Me Badd visit the Peach Pit, Gaga was a four or five. They tried with the Tisch connection. But hell, it's Gaga and she isn't pantsless, so I can deal with it.

I also loved the mental image I got of Gaga playing cards with Blair's step-father: Inconceivable!  What did shock me was that Gaga was dressed more modestly than Jenny and Serena. And she had black electrical tape over her nipples.  Do you know what that means?  It means you need to start wearing some more fabric ladies.I'm not saying so much fabric that you need four guys with fishnets over their head to help you get around. I'm just asking that you cover your hoo-ha a little bit.  That's not too much to ask for, is it?

PREVIEW: The Last Days of Disco Stick

Hilivia and V are so not feeling awkward about what happened last week.  No, honestly! (vid clip)

Kelly Rutherford rocks the skinny jeans mere months after giving birth. Also, Jenny has no qualms about uttering the phrase "gonorrhea of the throat" in front of her parents (vid clip)

...but the more horrifying transgression appears to be that Blair has forgotten one of her most valuable  pieces of advice: TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS!!!!!!11!!!! (vid clip)

Trailer here.  Episode recap will be up mid-week, as soon as Lesley-Anne recovers from Lady Gaga-induced retinal scarring.  Oh, did we forget to mention?  Lady G guest stars this week.  Yay?