The Grandfather Part II, 1 of 3 - Serena and Blair

Episode Synopsis: Serena is still on the outs with Blair and Nate, so Blair has to find herself a new friend to escort her to Tripp’s election party at Chuck’s hotel. Vanessa walks around with a camera, being annoying (so season 1!), and Nate takes the fall for Tripp’s staged heroic rescue. And, at long last, Serena is mistaken for a hooker. Oh, also, Olivia and Dan’s subplot brings Jimmy Fallon back to my television, and I will never forgive them. 

I was spoiled after my first episode featured every character in formalwear. This time, I’m hard-pressed to find enough content for three posts. But I’ll give it the old college try anyway. 

Watching this on TV, I thought Serena was wearing pants. But no, she’s just wearing tights with another really short skirt, and what appears to be a bib. A lovely printed bib, but a bib. 

I get that metallics are big this fall, but unless sequins provide extra warmth, I don’t see this cardigan offering much shelter from the elements. Then again, this is Serena we’re talking about, and the girl apparently is impervious to cold, if her hemlines are any indication. 

So, are Serena’s thighs are off duty this week?  Good, those girls could use a break. No, seriously. Normally in a shot like this, we’d have at least three inches of leg showing. But she’s actually going professional for a change and only showing cleavage. I know, not what most people would consider “professional,” but for Serena, this is practically nun-like.

Which is why it's so strange that she was mistaken for a hooker in this episode. Of all the outfits she's worn this year, she's downright demure in this dress. Well, demure for S, anyway.  Compare and contrast her outfit with the actual call girl. Yeah. I can see why there’d be some confusion.

Moving on to darling Blair, also wearing metallics. Interesting to see that, since Serena’s out of the picture, Blair’s wearing a dress that could have been stolen from Serena’s closet. The length, the metallics – with the coat on, it looks very sleek. Although, when I was at NYU, the closest I ever came to being this well-dressed in the dorms was the day I decided to put on pants to visit the cafeteria.

A better look at the coat – I love it. A little big on her, but still, I’m a fan.

Without the coat, though, this dress is a major fail. That’s right, Blair. Look shameful. Your dress may be pricey, but it’s not flattering and the material looks cheap. Just because you’re about to befriend a call girl doesn’t mean you should wear lamé. You’re a Waldorf, after all. 

I swear we’ve seen Blair in this dress before – or rather, it just feels very, very familiar. It reminds me of the red politician’s wife dress from The Freshman, only even more boring because it lacks a peplum. Instead, it’s just plum, and although it looks good on her, it bores me. There are many adjectives that describe Blair Waldorf – smart, scheming, crazy – but boring should never be one of them. 

Neither should “covered in cake,” but Serena changed that.

Poor B. She just wanted a friend, and instead she got Washingtonienne. 

The Grandfather Part II, 2 of 3 - Vanessa, Nate and Chuck

As soon as I saw Vanessa with her little camcorder in hand, I knew this episode was going to bother me. She is the most annoying student filmmaker since Dawson Leery, but at least he occasionally brushed his hair. And don’t look interested, Nate, you’ll only encourage her. 

I guess Vanessa has been too busy to stop back at the dorms to load up on accessories, so instead she went with a top that had a chest plate inlaid on it. Let’s keep an accessory count going, shall we? With this outfit, she’s wearing massive hoop earrings with mini earrings within (1.5), bracelets (3), necklaces (2), and layers of beads on her top (13), bringing us to a total of 19.5 accessories. Well played, Abrams.

(It's like she's saying, "I know, right?")

Too bad, because from this angle, when you can’t see all the other stuff piled on, her outfit could pass for cute.

First off, accessory count: bracelets (3), earrings (1), necklaces (2, but with 6 strands, averaging to 4). That’s a total of eight pieces of jewelry. Almost restrained, for Ms. Abrams. But there’s no excuse for the rest of this outfit. I keep trying to figure out if those are shorts or a skirt, and I’m afraid to believe that they’re shorts, but … I think they may be. I think she’s wearing leggings under shorts, with mid-calf boots. This is how I used to dress when I was six and didn’t know any better. I also used to throw temper tantrums, so it looks like Vanessa and six year old Amanda have a lot in common.

And she put her shirt on backwards. Yeah, Vanessa is totally six year old me. Her character suddenly makes a lot more sense, when you think of her as a really big six year old.

This episode features a lot of deceptive outerwear. First Blair’s coat hides what ends up being a fairly ugly dress. Then, Nate’s topcoat makes him look almost dapper. 

Mostly because it hides an untucked shirt. Really, Nathaniel? You can’t be bothered to tuck in your shirt when you’re running your cousin’s congressional campaign?

At least he manages to pull it together for the election night. He almost makes me believe that an 18-year-old is in charge of a 26-year-old’s last minute congressional campaign. Wow, when you say the plot out loud, it doesn’t sound very believable, does it? 

Oh, Chuck. Love the three-piece suit, complete with a purple bow tie. The man is a sharp dresser, isn’t he? Those are French cuffs he has on. Meanwhile, Nate can’t be bothered to tuck in his shirt. 

He’s running a hotel, Nathaniel, and he still has time to make sure everything is pressed and in its place. Look at him, gesturing broadly, secure in the knowledge that he will always be better dressed than you are. 

Oh, Charles. I was on such a roll, talking about what a sharp dresser you are. Then you had to go and steal Cameron Diaz’s hair from There's Something About Mary. Sure, it’s better than your slicked back Gordon Gekko hair, but that doesn’t mean much. At least the rest of you is put together, even if I couldn’t get a screencap of your wearing pants. But I’m going to assume that you’re not pulling a Serena, and that you do in fact have pants on. 

The Grandfather Part II, 3 of 3 - Maureen & Tripp, Dan & Olivia

Finally, the costumers get to dress a candidate's wife, and not just dress Blair like she is a candidate's wife (where have we seen that ruffled shirt/cardigan combo before? Oh, right, last week). Check out Maureen in her best potential first lady gear. 

Even better is seeing her in red. She matches Tripp's tie and she stands out when going up against Grandfather. I especially love that wardrobe defied convention and put a redhead in a very, very red dress. Part of me almost wants Blair to marry Nate, just so she and Maureen can go head to head. 

And of course, the hero, Tripp, looking like the lost Kennedy son. Which, if his last scene with Serena was any indication, he very well could be.

Ugh. The bringers of Fallon. I will never forgive them for it. Although, their wardrobes this week may have been punishment enough.  They didn’t even get a real costume change, just a switch from pajamas to – well, more pajamas, from the looks of it.

Here’s Dan in the world’s most weathered henley. I’m not sure that he didn’t steal this from a long underwear set.

Also, it looks like swine flu isn’t the only epidemic going around. It seems that Olivia caught lumberjack from Dan.

We did learn one important thing about Olivia this week. Apparently, Olivia can dress herself, she just chooses not to. Really, Olivia? You bring your A-game for Fallon, but you wear Paul Bunyan's hand-me-downs for Scrabble with your boyfriend?

PREVIEW: The Grandfather, Part II

One nice thing about Gossip Girl borrowing episode titles from movies is that it allows me to make all sorts of bad puns.  So, thanks for that, GG Writers.

Blair raids Serena's closet and finds this little gold number.  Hey, I thought they were in a feud!  Aren't they about to start a war the likes of which the DiMeo and Leotardo families haven't seen?  (Crap.  That's The Sopranos, isn't it?)

Serena needs to do the deed, or she sleeps with the fishes (vid clip)

Blair meets her match, and makes her an offer she can't refuse (vid clip)

Extended trailer here.  Amanda's dishing out the YKYLF snark next week.  Catch it here on Thursday.