Dan de Fleurette, 1 of 3 - Serena & Blair

Episode Synopsis: In an episode full of SOBs (Suspension of Belief...what did you think I meant??) we have: Dan dates a Really Big Star, who is never surrounded by fans or bodyguards, and another Really Big Star (aka NotTyra) befriends Serena because 18 year olds with no education or experiences always know best.  Also, Blair is immature and Chuck serves her a fresh cup of Grow The Hell Up.

This is a great Serena outfit!  The turquoise necklace is bold and looked fabulous with her green eye shadow.  The tank looks luxe but casual, and the jeans are perfect.  ::gasp...jeans!::  I just realized she's wearing PANTS for the first time this season!  Do you suppose her thighs are wondering what happened to the light, and why is it so dark and stuffy in here?

Oh, and she has an awesome wrapped ponytail (love those!) which is wrapped with a braid.  There were lots of braids in this epi, but this is my favorite use of them.  BTW, I tried to do this on myself and failed.  I can only assume that Serena's penthouse comes with an on-call hairstylist.  I should be so lucky.

Serena decides that she needs to Find Herself and the best way to do that is to get a job.  I personally think she's staying in town just to simplify GG storylines, but don't tell her (or Lily) that.  Anywho, I like this look.  It's a bit too sexy for an average person to wear to a job interview, but Miss Serena van der Woodsen is no average mortal.  Anyone who can achieve the braided wrapped ponytail with no assistance clearly has superpowers.  The necklace is a great pop of color, and the studded bag adds a touch of disco glam.

Well, it's a bit late 70s/early 80s, but I don't hate it...

...but then, HELLO!  Ok, there is NO way that this shirt stays put without the use of adhesives, or at least superpowers.  Although there is a lot of metal on the sweater.  Maybe Serena's breasts are magnetic?  OMG...YOU GUYS?  What if she's a Fembot??

This is a good time for me to stay that I do NOT like the boyfriend jacket trend.  I think it looks dumb.  Why the hell would you put something so boxy and bleh on top of a pretty sparkly dress?

 Oh.  Ok.  Well yeah, I'd probably cover that up, too.

Hey, I didn't know Spanx come in purple!  Good to know.

Let's check in on Blair, who has gone native and decided to start dressing like a normal college student.

Ha!  Kidding!  Let me first say that I think this dress is adorable.  It would be perfect for an internship interview, sorority rush, or any number of collegiate activities EXCEPT GOING TO A COFFEE HOUSE.  Well, then again...she did think she was going to a Masters of the Universe meeting.  Ok, I take it back, Blair Bear.  You rock on with your overdressed self!

This is silly.  She's wearing this while getting ready for her infantile sleepover that none of the Constance girls stopped to think was creepily held by a former student who should have moved on by now?  The sexy librarian outfit only ups her crazy quotient.

This, on the other hand, is fabulous.  Lovely color and I like the style and beaded details.  It's perfect for lounging around with high school students, or for trailing your boyfriend and a high school junior at a movie premiere.

I was about to ask why Blair is holding her bag while she's in her own room, but then I remembered that she had just entered her room, and then I wondered who let the NYU Minions (you'll see them in a bit) into her room since Geoginia is off in Boston, Up to No Good, and then I wondered why the minions were all sitting so close to each other.  But that's a different post.  For now, I'll just say that Blair's outfit is pretty.

...and she's rocking the Loubs!

Dan de Fleurette, 2 of 3 - Jenny, Vanessa, Olivia

You know what Jenny looks like here?  A cocky high school upperclassman, ready for her first day.  And that is just fine.

But, uh...did CB change its uniform policy?  I know that they seem to turn a blind eye to modifications and accessories, but Jenny isn't even trying.  I mean...she's not even wearing a skirt!

Another day, another uniform tossed aside.  Seriously, Writers...I do not understand this.  Please address this issue so I can rest my troubled overly-analytic head?

Want to see what Jenny wore to the movie premiere?  Well, here are the shoes....

...and here's the rest!  Yeah, this is pretty much all that we saw.  But don't fret, you can see the whole dress here. Well, when I say "whole" dress, please understand that "whole" is a relative term.  It's more like 5/8 of a dress.

Jenny's third school outfit.  Do I even need to say it, or have we reached the point where you can read my mind?  Aw, we have?  That's nice.  :)

Her bag.  I actually like this as a school bag.  Roomy enough for books, and believable for someone who has a rocker edge to their style.

But you know what's not believable?  Carrying your books in your arms around campus.  I understand that bookbags are not so glamorous, but can we at least give them some hip big bags?  Vanessa would not be traversing NYU with books in hand!  Other than that SOB moment, I like the rest.  It's patterned yet pretty, and she is not wearing 80 pieces of jewelry.

Speaking of jewelry, how much do you think V owns?  More to the point, how much can one fit into a tiny dorm room?  I know that I went to college in the dark ages, but I don't believe that the amount of space alloted per student has suddenly grown to the point that you can accomodate such a huge collection of beaded necklaces.  As for the dress, I have mixed feelings.  On the one hand, it's sort of fug.  On the other hand, it looks ok on V and I suppose it's what she would wear to a movie premiere.

Again with the copious amounts of accessories.  WHERE IS SHE PUTTING ALL THIS STUFF??  Does she have some sort of magic storage system from Container Store?

Well, hello Hilary Duff!  Oops, you're not Hilary.  You're Olivia.  Sorry about that.  So Olivia, you're a Mets fan, huh?  No?  But you've got the shirt.  And it's all distressed so it's probably been to lots of games and gotten a few beers and hot dogs spilled on it and as a result taken many trips through the wash....no?  But, but...  Huh.  Ok.

Some people start to itch and swell at the first sign of shellfish.  I have that same reaction to anything resembling the fashions of the 90s.  Those were DARK sartorial days, my friends.  We wore stupidly huge flannel shirts and clunky boots and it was all so ugly and sad.  Hilivia's top reminds me of those days.  Don't be like Hilivia.  Just Say No to flannel.

Hilivia's a workaholic.  Case in point: even though she's at the premiere for one movie, she's concurrently prepping for her next role, in which she plays a cocktail waitress at Caesar's Palace.

This is charming.  I like the color, the style is casual but cute, and I appreciate the fact that she's got the same bag she had in a previous scene.  Apparently her side of the dorm room does not have a magic storage unit from Container Store for unlimited accessory options.

Dan de Fleurette, 3 of 3 - all the rest

NotTyra looks like she's sucking in air, and in the next second will open her mouth to omit an ear-piercing operatic note, arms outstretched to the audience.  Or maybe I've been going to the opera too much lately.  But seriously, she's got the big hair, the fancy and expensive yet frumpy outfit, and the crazy look on her face.  Trust me when I say she's ready for the stage.

Here she's got bitch-face. You know, the expression that insecure junior high girls give when they need to put someone else down?  Oh, yes you do.  Why, Blair does it all the time!  Aside from that, I like the look she has going on.  It's appropriately glam, and ties into her character's character (Tyra as NotTyra as Josephine Baker).

Aaaaand just like that, she has bangs.  I hope this is the last we see of NotTyra.  Her scenes were painful to watch, especially this one, where she credits the 18 year old socialite for helping NotTyra "find herself".  Mm-hmm.  Ok, then.

Hi, Tory Burch!  You look sunny and pretty and classy.  Great cameo!

No, Rufus.  Stop it with the Nehru - it is not a good look on you.  BAD aging hipster.  BAD!

While I like the autumnal palette, I'm growing weary of Chuck dressing like Gordon Gekko.  Yes, Chuck is wealthy beyond imagination, but he's also EIGHTEEN!

Pinstripes, tie, pocket square, blah blah.

Hee.  Chuck's dotted tie amuses me.

Back at Constance, we've got Minions!  I don't quite understand how this works.  Who are these girls?  I'm under the impression that CB is small enough so that you'd know everyone in your class.  Jenny didn't know them, so are they transfers?  Who assigned them to help Jenny get "whatever she needs"?  It's all so...odd.

I'm amused by their attempts to dress like Jenny, though.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this a few hours later?  Did Blair arrange for them to go home, change, and get hair and makeup re-dos?  Well actually, knowing that Blair has gone off the deep end, yes.  She probably did.

Minion #1 at Blair's sleepover (I know they have names...I just can't be bothered until they develop individual personalities) is flouncing around in lots of tule.  Or are those feathers?  It's so hard to tell.

Minion #2 is channeling Jenny just a bit.  Watch it, honey!  Queen B won't like that!

...While Minion #3 has visited Vanessa's Magic Storage Container.

It's Minions: The College Years.  These are the fellow fallen elite that Blair has rounded up to be her new posse.  I want to know the following: a) who let them into Blair's room b) why did they all choose to perch on the corner of the bed while waiting for her and c) are they the subject of the much hyped threesome to come?