Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - Part 1 of 2 - The Con Man Cometh

On the Upper East Side, if everyone’s happy, you know something’s up. Blair and Nate 2.0 are planning to move in together (if Chuck doesn’t get in the way first), while Serena is head over heels for Southern sweetheart Gabriel (if only she could pin him down for five minutes already). Rufus wants to propose to Lily and may have a miraculous method of paying Dan’s way into Yale, but here’s the thing – if something looks too good to be true, it probably is. Things are about to take a turn for the dastardly…let’s roll on with the show!

Love makes you look better, it's a simple matter of fact; for Serena, it's an incentive to seek out a hairbrush and a dress in that glorious deep blue that suits her so well. The nude leather jacket really lightens up the outfit, and I love her layered gold necklace. Snaps for Serena straight off the bat!

A thousand miles away from Sartorial City, I've decided to stop ridiculing Rufus' plaid obsession and focus on his facial expressions. Today: pensively shopping for an engagement ring.

Pensively trying to sell the gallery in a round neck tee.

Pensively gazing into the distance while wearing a brown coat with a cinnamon coloured scarf and some actually admissible leather gloves. Anyway...

I hope Gabriel knitted this cardigan himself, because there is nothing hotter than a man who knows how to purl. On the other hand, there are several things hotter than a man who covers a perfectly good pinstripe shirt with my granfather's favourite mandigan.

Lily seems slightly surprised by my snark. I'm slightly surprised that her bump has been so artfully concealed beneath a blanket, which also hides half a very busy blouse. I'll allow it since the floral pattern looks lovely on her, but Copacabana called. They want that jewellery back.

Gabriel has been invited to that gayest of all galas, a co-op meeting: this means Serena must shop!

She wears the central Vena Cava dress, which would be my choice too. Sure, it's tighter than a rubber band, but better than the other slumpy, slouchy choices.

Invited or not, Gabriel is constantly vamoosing from his lady's side, so they have a business meeting to discuss it. If not, Serena has simply decided to wear yuppie business meeting clothing in the middle of the day, though it's actually nice to see her in something structured and not so revealing.

For those of you watching season five, I think this hair was what Serena was going for at Blair's wedding.

Didn't quite work out, did it?

Gabriel does indeed attend the co-op meeting, dressed for a funeral! Yay! I love me a man in a suit, but a two piece in charcoal with a charcoal tie and a dove grey shirt do not a hunk make.

Whereas Lily attends the meeting dressed as a pregnant dominatrix.

Rufus is there, of course, pensively gazing at Gabriel in a blah hued shirt.

Once you co-op, you just can't stop - or else Chuck and Blair have been scheming behind Serena's back and summoned Poppy after seeing her kissing Gabriel. He spins a story about her using him as a boy toy in return for her investment contacts and declares his undying love for Serena. Everyone raises their eyebrows, even Poppy, seen here in what looks like a workout shirt stretched into a dress.

There is a necklace. It is unremarkable.

Rufus - having pensively invested all Dan's tuition money in Shady Southerner Gabriel - reflects on a shirt well chosen. It isn't plaid. This is a big step for Rufus.

Serena - having not-so-wisely invested her (ahem) time in Gabriel - finds out he didn't actually meet her that night at Butter and may not be who he says he is. Chin up, S, that's a very pretty bra. The ribbon detail is gorgeous.

"'Dis my 'oh shit' face wen I findz out ma boyfren dun wrooong!"

You're still stylin', S. Big gold buttons class up any walk of shame, while leather gloves hide even the worst sins. That blue scarf adds just the right pop of colour to this catastrophe.

As for Gabriel, he's officially turned into Con Man Ken. That hair, that jaw, those eyes...that only slightly questionable shirt and sweater combo...but wait, who's his Barbie?

Dun dun DUUUUUN!

Poppy and Gabriel are in cahoots, Serena isn't his dream girl, and that printed blouse is boho enough for me to love it. The toilet chain necklace, I'm not so big on, nor on Poppy's plan to play the victim and hang around to screw with Serena.

"'Dis my 'oh shit' face wen I findz out ma boyfren dun wrooong to his ex-girlfriend who was my friend who's now claiming he ran off with her money too! Also, why am I wearing a striped yellow and white shirt with grey, am I crazy?"

Yes, Victimised Barbie Serena. And things are about to get a whole lot crazier.

Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - Part 2 of 2 - How Much Wood Would Nate Archibald Chuck If Chuck Bass Could Chuck Blair?

Blair does love triangles like some people do manicures: often and well.

Our Queen B is not so big on taking the Lex Express to see Nate at Columbia, so she grumps about in a beautiful black and white woven coat and hunter green purse before grumbling to Serena in a mustard coloured blouse, whose cut is pretty enough to excuse the colour.

The tribal print on her skirt is very chic and calms down all that mustard. Brava.

Nate accompanies her in - what a surprise - a dark blue peacoat, henley, and what look suspiciously like bell bottoms. Dear Lord, NO.

Before we go any further, hear my confession: I lumped all Dan's outfits together because they're so boring this episode. Between brown and grey, his cater waiter uniform turns out to be the most fashion forward. Le Petit Oeuf catering service has it going on.

Speaking of 'on', Chuck appears to be making a play for Blair by dressing as Hugh Hefner. Velour is inexcusable, but a pink popped collar and a baby blue ascot are definite winners.

What does shooting hoops with his homie mean to Nate? Blue. Grey. A Natefused expression.

Jenny's dressing worryingly like both Nate and Dan this week. First we have a brown on brown combo, then a leather and plaid combo, then blue and black and torn jeans. Little J, you're not Katniss Everdeen, you don't need to camouflage yourself to survive.

Nice to see a young lady with a selection of coats, though.

Unlike Nate who has just the one coat, and knows no hue but blue.

Back to Hefner's homeboy Chuck, who has loosened his tie for a date on a street corner.

Of course it's with Blair, this isn't True Blood. That belt really does wonders to showcase her tiny waist, which was lost in the woven confection of earlier. Chuck informs us that we know Blair is spying because she's wearing her beret.

Of course she has a designated espionage accessory.

Vanessa, however, couldn't organise accessories if her life depended on it. The warm yellow of her cardigan, green and peach of her vest and green stones of her necklace are all lovely against her skin...but said necklace is chunky and awkward, and she didn't need to add another chain.

The path to righteousness is paved with good accessoring, which Blair has down. A simple headband matches the pretty black and pink print of her dress (love how the colour contrast continues even in the bow belt).

It's such a shame she later wears foundation instead of lipstick and chooses to dress in what I can only describe as a mint green and gold curtain. It's sacky and I hate it.

Everyone attends Serena's building's co-op meeting for no apparent reason, and Blair is forced to choose between pizza and wings with the white knight, or possible limo shenanigans with the dark prince. What do you think she picked?

But alas! It was all cooked up by Chuck, a man who wears a pink shirt and a patterned cerulean bowtie with no fear. In his double-breasted coat, he certainly appears devious enough to lure Blair out to Dagobah in the hope of finding their evil Yoda to strike back against Darth Gabriel.

"Let Jesus take the wheel, I have!"

Oh, Georgina. I see past your OMJ t-shirt and meadow blue scarf. I see past your skinny jeans and bad hair. My focus is your leather gloves and those buckled fastenings on your jacket.

You can't keep a bad girl down.

The mention of Blair - see what I mean about Blair attracting love triangles? Even born again Christians want a piece of the action! - brings Georgie back to Manhattan, conveniently the place where Nate is waiting for B to hurry up and pick him already.

He even wore several shades of blue for the occasion.