Episode Synopsis: Blair wants a Harry Winston choker for her birthday and instead gets a conscience (courtesy of Eleanor’s new beau Cyrus...and Cyndi Lauper), while Big Love with Aaron and his harem of muses is too much for Serena. Dan goes undercover to dig the dirt on Bart, widening the rift between Bass father and son and revealing some home truths about Chuck’s mother, and Jenny’s business plans go up in smoke when Agnes burns her dresses. Rufus watches, worries, strums his guitar and makes pasta.
Love interest from Brooklyn? Check. Relationship issues five minutes into the relationship? Check. Serena’s on a roll, and continues with this gorgeous white coat with sequinned lapels. A brighter vest beneath might have livened up the white a bit, but overall she’s very coordinated.
Aaron, on the other hand...shag rug for hair? Check. Undone plaid shirt? Check. Messenger bag? Check. Aaron, may I be frank? Either grow a beard, or shave. Scruff is only acceptable after seven PM in the comfort of one’s own home – or Ikea popup loft, in your case.
Similarly shabby is little J, who has decided that layering grey wool over grey lace is a good idea. This trend of wearing what my mother would call a ‘party dress’ during the day and trying to dress it down with a jacket really needs to stop, especially in Jenny’s case. She looks like a used Kleenex with accessories.
Agnes is no better, halfway down a walk of shame in a lavender cami which flashes her blue bra from 2x08 – ew! She wears a heavy gauge jacket which is almost manly in cut, and also seems to think that adding jewellery which looks like it was left over from Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride softens the look. No wonder she and Jenny are in business together.
Lovely hair, though.
Speaking of lovely hair, Serena wears this very cute woollen jacket with epaulettes and multiple zippers to school, where all young ladies of her age ought to be (ahem, Jenny). The block white tank is a bad idea though, white makes everyone look bloated.
Aaron the artist invites Serena the supermodel to his studio. Her dress choice is stunning – a heather grey body with grey, black, orange and pale gold stripes and sequins along the neckline and arms. This distracts me from the fact that she is wearing plain black tights. Why so many solids, Serena? What’s wrong with lace or fishnet?
Aaron shoots her in striped sweater and blah pants. That’s all he is as a character, basically. Blah blah blah, snap snap snap.
Wait...what is that? Purple and vomit coloured plaid? It even looks hairy, like it’s some bizarre extension of his scruff and insincerity. Throw it away. Burn it. Send it to the Pentagon for analysis. As far as fashion goes, that thing is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
Upon seeing her new amore, even Serena’s hair deflates. She’s pretty but nothing special in this lilac long sleeved tee and striped cardigan – it’s interesting, actually: whatever colour Aaron’s wearing, she wears in the next scene. I also wonder if she has a never-ending supply of skinny jeans, or whether Eric just sprays them on every morning.
Another muse named Danielle wafts in to knock Serena into her blue period, so I’m glad Agnes is here to embody the spirit of the sixties and remind us that Gossip Girl was sponsored by Vitamin Water in season two.
Anyway, her floppy felt hat is a marvel, I want one for my next hangover. The John Lennon-esque sunglasses are perhaps a touch too fringe for my taste, but that’s just Agnes. Her heavy grey cable-knit sweater is charmless, but snaps for the banana yellow manicure.
The heavy gauge jacket returns when she revives, as do the lovely loose curls I so admire. Again with the Corpse Bride jewellery, Agnes? And what is it with kids these days and grey? Grey dresses, grey jackets, grey shirts. New York may be a concrete jungle, but avoiding predators shouldn’t mean blending into the sidewalk!
Jenny is an absolute horror as she confronts Agnes. Translucent vests should be kept for lingerie, and that tablecloth of a skirt should be kept for chilli night at the Humphreys. Again with the black and grey stripes, this time in a oversized cardigan which I’m pretty sure is concealing sweetheart Jenny from season one. Will the real Jenny Humphrey please stand up?
This is how to be a blonde bombshell. You have to have Amazonian proportions for skin tight oyster satin, but luckily Serena does. I like the black detail, but the halter-neck needs to be tighter. The dress’ V is gaping a little, never a good idea when you’re trying to restrain the forces of nature S carries around with her.
She changes into this lovely cream illusion dress with a panel of – yes, you’ve guessed it – sequins bisecting what is actually quite a badly fitted outfit. All that glitters is not gold, it seems, since the sequinned parts pooch and Aaron’s a polygamist.
What’s a girl to do? All the good ones are either gay, taken or busy being Natefused elsewhere.
Like all men, however, Aaron is oblivious to his boo-boo and turns up at the van der Bass apartment for a day of puppet theatre in the park. Yes, because so many RISD graduates are into puppets. Strike that, they probably are.
His lady love is ambling around in an ivory negligee with a white yoke, nothing dazzling there. Her version of throwing caution to the wind, however, is pulling on a coat and skipping outside dressed in just that.
That is the very same coat she was wearing in the Pilot when Dan returned her phone, so props to Eric Daman for a worthy repetition. I love said coat’s shape, the piping makes it so tailored and classic.