There Might Be Blood - Part 1 of 2 - The Virgin

Episode Synopsis:  It's the beginning of the end for Little J, as she and her model-friend Agnes conspire to crash an Upper East Side black tie fundraiser with a guerrilla fashion show. As Rufus, Dan and Vanessa rush to stop her, Blair has her own hands full trying to escort Emma, the 15 year old daughter of a prominent Yale alum, around New York. The problem? Emma is determined to lose her virginity before Muffy, the lacrosse captain at her school. The bigger problem?  Chuck Bass, and not only the danger he poses for Emma, but for Blair herself.

Yale is the single most important goal of Blair Waldorf's life, and in pursuit of said dream, there's no such thing as too far.  Even wearing a bright crimson satin gown complete with ruffles and tucks.

Does she look gorgeous?  Undoubtedly, but it still takes a lot of guts to wear something like this to a simple tea.

On a hair note, I miss Season 2 Blair's hair desperately.  It was sleek yet full, and the coloration is stunning on her.  In later seasons, her hair goes all limp and bedraggled, kind of like her plotlines.

Her clothes were better, too.  I submit for consideration this stunning sequined slip dress.




The dark purple shade is lovely with her coloring and the cut flatters her.

Plus, her hair is too awesome for words.

Serena, Blair's partner-in-crime this episode, seems to be in a bit of a rut without a man in her life.  That unwashed miscreant artist, Aaron, doesn't count.



Short and sequinned and practically Serena's middle names, and she adds in low-cut to her repertoire with this outfit.  It's just about as inappropriate as Blair's, but for the completely opposite reason.  Just like her best friend, though, at least the colors flatter her.  The warm grays and mauves look lovely with her blonde waves.



And this winter white wrap coat is lovely.  I wish she'd kept it on the entire episode.

Unfortunately she changes into this dark blue gown, which is par for the course for Serena.



Nothing much to see here.  I do like that flower cocktail ring though.

On the other hand, there's lots to see here. . .



If you wear a scrap of silk to bed the size of a handkerchief and you have legs the size of godzilla, and a visitor arrives, do you change?  If you're anybody but Serena Van der Woodsen you do.  If you're her, you march right on out to see the potential suitor, because if he doesn't see the goods, then he's never going to make that all-important transition from potential to actual suitor.

As for the suitor himself, it's Aaron, aforementioned unwashed miscreant artist.



Whatever Serena likes about him, it can't possibly be his sense of fashion.  But then, she did date Dan Humphrey.

I want to yank off that awful fake jungle explorer button-up, shave his face, and throw that tacky black messenger bag behind one of those stone planters.  Then he might be worth Serena's efforts.

Later, coming to beg her forgiveness--or beg her to date him, I couldn't tell which, exactly--he doesn't improve all that much.



The hair and goatee are still painful, but I do like that red scarf and the jacket isn't quite sending me into sartorial fits.

As usual, Chuck distracts us from these unfortunate fashion disasters.



What a fabulous red plaid blazer, and it's so flawlessly paired with the darker maroon shirt and coordinating paisley ascot.  In fact, he looks so marvelous, I think we need a closer look?



Ah yes.  A fine palate cleanser.

Love this simple navy blazer with pink checked shirt. 

Chuck rarely does casual, but when he does dress down, he's still got that unmistakable dandy flair.



Why then are his pants so terribly fitted?  He looks like he's trying out for the circus.

As for the source of all this drama. . .Miss Emma Boardman?

To say she's a mini-Blair in training is an understatement.



Headband, check.
Cardigan, check.
Mommy problems, check.

 Of course, she dresses like Serena when she thinks Blair is going to take her out clubbing.



But then, I don't think even Serena would wear this pathetic little tie-dyed slip dress.  It looks cheap and makes her look cheap.  At least when Serena looks cheap, you know she probably paid good money to look that way.

Of course, Blair is, as usual, dynamite at creating the illusion of being expensive but available.



The dress is beautiful, the color absolutely stunning, and it would look fantastic if Emma was just a year or two older. As it is, she gives the impression she's dressing up in her mother's clothes--which is nearly what she's doing.

There Might Be Blood - Part 2 of 2 - The Desperate Designer

It's obvious from the very beginning that Agnes the Model is bad news, but Little Jenny Humphrey's in no mood to listen to her family, her friends, or even the tiny shred of good sense buried deep inside herself.



Just because someone wears a cute gray miniskirt with a fringed vest doesn't mean they're a good business partner, Little J.

On a similar note, just because Nate Archibald is super dreamy doesn't mean he's worth setting fire to your life.



Even if he does look exceptionally hot in a blue t-shirt.

Or if his muscles fill out a gray striped henley so well you think he could do some moonlight modeling for Abercrombie & Fitch.

Also, just becuase your dad dresses like the Brawny Man doesn't mean you have to act out like a petulant raccoon.



Reform begins at home, Little J, remember that.

I can see you've worked some magic on your brother Dan.  This gray shawl-collar sweater paired with black sport coat is actually a pretty snazzy combo for him.

I know Vanessa's been sucking away all Nate's attention the same way she sucks up every bit of costume jewelry within a ten mile radius, but that doesn't mean you can let her get away with looking better than you.



I can where you were heading, embroidering some bright flowers on her teal plaid wrap blouse, but even those didn't manage to make Vanessa look as terrible as normal.  You should have enticed her to pile on more gold necklaces--the one she's wearing here is almost classy.



Also, she makes a leather jacket look hip but not trashy.  Maybe you should ask for some advice from Miss Abrams.

Lily Van der Woodsen has only ever been nice to you, so watch out when you crash her black tie fundraiser, especially when she's looking so lovely.



Asking her to put on that ugly Incan sacrifical necklace was a brilliant stroke--it nearly eliminated all the positive points she had with her blue gown and the lovely hair and makeup she's wearing.

But the truth of it, Little J, is that nothing you do to anyone else can possibly make up for your own massive sartorial failings this episode.



Cute hair, but terrible makeup.  Jenny's behind working on her collection but she still has twenty minutes to cake as much eyeliner on as physically possible?

Here, Jenny is suffering from Emma-syndrome.  The jacket would look better if she was a few years older, and that pathetic little hat just looks bad, period.  While her makeup is still heavy, at least it's mainly confined to where it's supposed to be.





Even more pathetic than the hat perched precariously on the side of her head is this lace prom dress that shrunk in the wash.

You can tell things are going off the rails, but it's not until this final shot that you realize just how far our little J has fallen.



Three days worth of eye makeup, smudged and smeared, a blanket that doubles as a poncho, and one of her dad's old hipster t-shirts.  Remember the days when Jenny cooed over an Eleanor Waldorf original?  Those days are long gone.