Episode Synopsis: Blair has an itch only Chuck can scratch, and he won’t do it unless she tells him she loves him: problem. Serena and Dan are doing the off again/on again thing, and it’s making the viewers nauseous: problem. Jenny finds a partner in crime in wild model Agnes, but it comes at the cost of her position at Eleanor Waldorf Designs: problem. Chair kiss and makeup for future days, Serena chases artist Aaron off into the sunset, Nate and Jenny mack in the Meat Packing and Dan wonders why the Hell he bothers anymore. Let's roll on with the show...
Chuck Bass is always around to make fantasy reality...wait, that’s actually a fantasy.
At least Blair dresses well in her dirty dreams – her eye makeup is flawless and smoky, her olive green pleated top pops against her tan (and dewy post-coital glow) and that translucent amber bangle is a touch most of us wouldn’t remember to include, but Blair is nothing if not a frustrated perfectionist.
Fortunately, she stills looks fabulous in the waking world. This silky nightie is wonderfully ruffled with a gorgeous placket of textured roses.
"God always watching, Miss Blair."
Why yes, Dorota. And when he’s not around, you’re still the head bitch in charge. Keep working that apron.
Skip ahead to Miss Blair having...um...finished, and here’s our favourite outfit repeater – downer Dan!
I can’t really condemn him for his uniform, but since he decides to help Blair ‘get’ Chuck (as I recall, Chuck threw Dan out of the limo, so he really doesn’t have a very good track record there), I will mock him anyway. Dan, your hair annoys me, and please find a shirt that fits.
Like this wonderful shirt appropriated by Chuck, which has almost unnoticeable yellow and white pinstripes. He buttons his blazer, he smoothes back his debonair hair...there’s only one problem. To try and demonstrate with a picture would be too far for the PG-13 world of recapping, but let’s say he needs some pants that fit. And some pants under those that don’t make it look like he’s really, really interested in Blair’s subtler qualities.
Did I say subtle?
I’m crazy over that hound’s-tooth print skirt, especially with the side button fastening so you can flash as little or much leg as you like. Blair gets a carte blanche for her equally blanche stockings, since they’re attached to nifty garters and are tres seductive.
Her blouse too is lovely – the check pattern makes parts of its sheer and parts not, which is understated but very sexy – and the tiny ascot topping makes me drool: so pretentious, so pretty, so wonderfully Blair. The cherry on top is one red bangle and then a huge red purse, making her look good enough to eat.
As ever, our B is tailor-made to suit your needs. She looks as if she dressed with the Basstard in mind: a headband to show off her queenly status, purple for his favourite colour, a gorgeous beaded and sequinned dress with severe overtones of flapper to appeal to the boy’s best beloved era: Prohibition.
I personally would have gone for a little black dress, and since this outfit doesn’t work...
The little black teddy it is, complete with some extreme nape of the neck flashing.
But the Beast is more than a match for his Beauty. Chuck knows the power of a nice burgundy, only this one is in the colour of his shirt beneath an immaculate grey suit. Another ascot (yay!) is dark grey and blue paisley, sobering the red, and then he brings the tone back up again with a deep orange pocket square.
Sadly, love is not in the air for these two – or, more accurately, Blair’s attempt to stop Chuck demanding an ILY in return for his favours isn’t in the air – so Blair stomps off to Brooklyn to ask Guru Dan what to do.
Guru Dan is less than impressive. Sigh, that lavender shirt again? And now with a cardigan? Go and sit in the corner!
Luckily, Blair’s packing enough colour for two, and her blowout is simply supreme. That high-waisted purple skirt and emerald blouse might be too much on someone else, but metallic shoes and a simple necklace mute the effect.
On Guru Dan’s advice, she decides to tell Chuck she loves him on a rooftop in Brooklyn. That way, if he doesn’t say it back, she can just jump. This girl thinks of everything!
CHUCK IN A SWEATER! CHUCK IN A SWEATER! YES, THIS DOES NECESSITATE ALL CAPS!
How rarely do we see him in anything but a suit? He still looks so dapper in those pinstriped pants, and I love the marbled lilac effect on his blue button down. And the purple sweater! See, he and Blair are clearly meant to be based upon their love of this colour alone!
But before these two can unite in more than Oriental purple splendour, Guru Dan decides that since Chair made Vanessa cry, he’s anti their love and hopes they both suffer. His khaki sweater is so boring I had to include that Chinese style chair just to keep myself entertained. Does anyone know where I can buy that chair?
So Blair chickens out, angering and hurting Chuck. She did, however, choose a beautiful dress for the occasion. What can I say about this dress?
First, the colour: the dusky pink makes Blair’s skin just about shine, and I adore the way it’s bound together with black in the bow belt. I am a firm believer in belts if you have a nippy waist, and Queen B certainly has. I also love the application of the colour: it’s not only in the body of the dress, there are also those charming cuffs which make this dress so special.
Second, the lace overlay: Blair very rarely shows off skin, and this is such a classy way to do so. It stops the dress looking too modest, and at the same time keeps it sweet and sexy. Best outfit of the episode? I don’t know, her crown’s about to be stolen by our king...
Like any man worth his salt, Chuck plans to start his relationship in a tuxedo, and this is one for the books. It’s very understated for him, a deep grey, and the mushroom colour edging very nearly matches Blair’s dress.
Here’s what gets me – that purple paisley bowtie is either the same or very similar to the one he wore the night he and Blair first made love. All together now: awww...
So, they don’t end up together. At least, however, they look flawless in the same frame.