Chuck in Real Life - Part 1 of 3 - The Family

Episode Synopsis:  Blair and Chuck finally begin their war of attrition in earnest, going full-on Cruel Intentions, and sucking in real estate savior Vanessa into their games.  At the opposite end of their spectrum, Nate and Dan have become full-blown BFFs--at least until Dan discovers that Nate's been keeping a huge secret from everyone.  Jenny stays home and well. . .pretends to be a fashion designer, while Rufus skulks around in plaid shirts.  The Bass der Woodsen family experiences some growing pains when Bart lays down the law for Serena.  As for Lily, we finally discover that the worst mothers aren't found on Toddlers and Tiaras or Teenage Mom, but on the UES.

Lily van der Woodsen is the epitome of the UES Stepford Wife--fabulous clothes and disgruntled children included.



Love the texture of this outfit--the rich brocade wool of Lily's dark blue cardigan and the muted gold chunky jewelry.

The texture on this dress doesn't work nearly as well.  The basket weave trim gives unnecessary bulk to Lily's slim figure, though her hair is undoubtedly fierce and j'adore the the turquoise earrings, necklace and bracelet set.

The housewarming party she throws for her new family is where she goes truly off the rails, though.



The dress itself isn't too awful, though the shaping is odd, and I don't like the origami bow tacked onto the bodice.  However, the color is nice.  It's only when we scan up past her neck that we see the real problem with this look.

I've mentioned before on this blog the fabulousness of Lily's chignons.  This is the first one I've seen on her that fails on multiple levels.  The loose, mussy look is all wrong both for her general style and for the specific style of the dress she's wearing.  I can't even talk about those earrings; they're beyond tacky.




And then we see the real issue.  Lily's hairdresser apparently forgot to take out the can she used to curl Lily's hair.





By now, we're pretty famillar with Bart Bass' style:  classic suits, meticulously fitted, with muted shirts and ties.



I do like the blue checks of the shirt, and the way the red of his tie pops.


But this is all generic Bart Bass fare. While he might be many things (real estate tycoon, billionaire, neglectful father, overbearing step-father) "style innovator" isn't one of them.

Little Eric is all grown up and has a boyfriend that isn't also a boyfriend of Jenny's. Super cute striped sweater--love the dark blue and maroon accents.

This is still generic dressup attire for Eric, but he's beginning to break out of the mold a bit with the gray and white stripe pattern of his shirt.  Maybe a bit of the Bass dapper gene is beginning to rub off on him.

It's Dan 2.0!  Oh wait.  That's actually Eric's boyfriend, Jonathan.  Whoops, my bad.





Serena acts out in a major way this episode, chafing under the strict rules that Bart tries to enforce.  However, after you hear the way she and Eric spent their childhood, you can't help but feel sympathy for the blond beauty.


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Even though this cardigan is clearly sequinned and is therefore clearly too much to wear to school, I still love the way it picks up the blue in both Serena's loose plaid tie and her pleated plaid skirt.  The steel blue, almost lavender, shade is very flattering with her coloring.



I've said it before, and I'll say it agian.  Nobody does a ponytail like Serena Van der Woodsen.

Of course, for lounging at home, Serena dresses in a midnight blue silk negligee.  Appropriate?  Not quite.  Stunning?  Absolutely.





Serena has worn a number of crazy inappropriate looks during the course of Gossip Girl.  Is this next outfit the worst thing she's worn on the show?  It's debatable but it definitely deserves to be included in the conversation.



From the waist up, it's not so bad, and I do like the show-stopping tangerine color.  Of course, she is showcasing her two favorite accessories, but that's pretty normal for Serena.

It's the full-body shot that really pushes this look into another realm.



And it's definitely a trashy realm.

I know you're trying to be risque, Serena, but this is a bit much, even for you.  Go with short and tight or cleavage-barring, but not all three at once.  Then again, her M.O. was "shock the stepfather" and she did succeed in that quest.

I don't really like this uber-patterned, tie-dyed montrosity any better, but the goods are mostly covered up, which is a vast improvement.

For the housewarming, Bart brings Serena a suit from France, but I don't think he meant for her to wear it like this.



It it Serena or is it Erin Brockovich?  When you're wearing a $5,000 suit and you can't tell, that's a problem.

Chuck in Real Life - Part 2 of 3 - The War

Normally, I don't like seeing Blair all buttoned up, even if it's an interesting juxtoposition to her personality, but I really enjoyed this school uniform she wears at the beginning.

Tight navy blue pencil skirt, paired with a white blouse full of interesting details.



Love the scalloped, lacy yoke down the back.  It really adds some interest even though the rest of the outfit is deceptively simple.



The blue and white scarf headband adds just the right touch of casual to an otherwise fairly prim look. In fact, I do believe she got this style tip from her occasion BFF, SvdW.

Later that night, Blair is anything but prim as she cajoles Chuck to seduce and destroy Vanessa.



And what better outfit to wear than one that will seduce and destroy him too?  This black and white polka-dotted teddy is gorgeous, and Blair dresses it up with a few strands of pearls and loose, sleek waves.

The next morning at brunch, Blair appears as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.



Despite the cool peach of your silk blouse and the straight locks, we know you better, Queen B.

And so apparently does Chuck, who stops by with his own devil's bargain.



B is dressed in her favorite white transparent negligee and an adorable yet sexy lilac silk romper.



And then Chuck undresses her, but you get the point, yes?

For the Bass der Woodsen housewarming, Blair pulls out the big guns--i.e. a dress that Chuck bought her before their ill-fated trip to Tuscany.



It's definitely not the sexiest thing Blair has ever worn, but you can clearly tell this is something Chuck would have bought for her.  It's demure, with its loose fit, but still undeniably hot with luxurious beaded detailing.



I really love the beading on the shoulder, but I have to veto Blair's too-bulky headband. Is that a tumor growing on her scalp?

But wait.  Remember how I said Blair pulled out all the stops?  It seems I was wrong.  There is one last stop of the Blair Express that might convince Chuck to get aboard.





Again, this is undeniably sexy, with the black lace stockings and the fire engine red panties and matching bra, but the subtle detailing of the pleats and the little bow add a sophistication that Chuck is sure to appreciate.

Had to include a shot of the infamous tie-scarf.  It really adds a whole other dimension to what could be a rather plain St. Jude's uniform--and this is Chuck Bass.  He couldn't be seen wearing run-of-the-mill clothing.

As evidence, I present what he dons for his "house call" to Blair's.



A rich plaid jacket, paired with pocket square and ascot tied jauntily around his neck. It's a bit 1960s swinger, no?

To seduce Vanessa, he pairs a pale celery green shirt with a green paisley tie and a double-breasted charcoal vest.  I don't know what she's saying about him dressing horribly.  Are her eyes functioning properly?  I'll get to that a little later, but it's not premature to say that she must be lacking in the eyesight department.

   


After a shower, Chuck changes into one of his many silk robes, this one also paired with a bright red pocket square.  I think he might be the only man on earth so dedicated to fashion he puts pocket squares even in his robes.



Love the richness of the blue brocade though.  It's an absolutely gorgeous fabric.

From the waist up, this is almost a fairly plain Chuck Bass ensemble.  Simple blue shirt paired with a gray cardigan.



Chuck Bass - man of the people. A man who can talk to an old jazzer and get him on his side. A man who...



...wears blue plaid pants.

As for his appearance at the housewarming, Chuck goes full on Hugh Hefner, which is appropriate, considering the two women he's balancing.



Lots of pattern and color going on here.  He definitely has a knack for pairing, because this is one thread away from being too much, even for Chuck Bass.

As for his target, Vanessa, suffice it to say, she can't truly believe that the great king of sartorial expressiveness is interested in her.

Not when she dresses like this, anyway.



Here's the disaster that Chuck's outfit could have been--except this is even worse than that.  The number of patterns and fabrics and just plain ugly accessories combine to be a hot mess, plain and simple.

Her hair is better but even that can't save this outfit.



I actually kind of like this purple striped tunic, but it goes all wrong with those tight stonewashed jeans and heavy silver chains.



This is a little better, if only because the leather jacket covers the worst of the necklaces.

When faced with the prospect of the housewarming party, she decides on a bedsheet and fashions it into a dress.



The necklaces actually aren't a bad match, even if the dress is awful, and I have to applaud that she resisted the urge to layer about ten more on top of what she was already wearing.

However, the hospital gown isn't even the worst part of this outfit--it's easily this sewage green leather clutch:

Blair, be a dear and flush that, won't you?

Chuck in Real Life - Part 3 of 3 - The BFFs

I miss the days when Jenny had a real storyline and wasn't just set decoration at the Humphrey loft.  However, she still brings some definite style to the proceedings.



You can just barely see the iridescent threads running through this black and white checked top.  Very chic, Little J.

Even this casual ensemble, with the gray and purple striped shirt, paired with a simple pair of jeans, is on point.  Plus, how cute and sophisticated is Jenny's hair here?





It's too bad Rufus can't pick up any of Jenny's style tips.  He's still stuck in his Plaid Phase.



Actually it's more of a Plaid Rut.

Dan isn't much better off than his dad.  He's stuck wearing plain or plaid oxfords and old concert t-shirts.

However, Dan's new BFF Nate Archibald is more like him than you would believe at first glance.  Sure, Nate's from a rich, powerful UES family and Dan's dad is the lead singer of a formerly-hot 90s band, but they sure do dress alike.

Yes, it's the same uniform so that accounts for some of the similarity, but they wear it exactly the same way, down to the untucked shirt, the loosened tie, and the general sense of laissez-faire when it comes to sartorial matters.

Nate improves a little when he finally agrees to be taken in by the Humphreys.



Yes it's blue, but it's not navy, and I do like the structured epaulets on the shoulders and the open collar.  It's got just enough detail to be interesting, unlike Dan's clothes, which have zero interest whatsoever.  So much like Dan.