A Thin Line Between Chuck & Nate - Part 1 of 2 - A Thin Line Between Love and Like

Episode Synopsis:  Denial is a river in Egypt, y’all—but in this episode, it flows right down 5th Avenue.  Serena’s forced not only to contemplate proper attire for a christening, but if the brioche Blair’s carrying is Chuck or Nate’s.  The problem?  Nobody knows.  And then everyone knows, including both potential fathers.  The good news?  The baby doesn’t actually exist.  The bad news?  The UES having discovered and judged Blair’s indiscretions against all their (much worse) crimes, her life as she knew it is pretty much over.  Dan confesses his love to Serena and is met with a very loud silence, as she considers if there’s anything to love about her beside her two favorite assets.  Rufus attempts to move on after his divorce and to his shock, finds out that he’s not very smooth in the dating department.

Yeah, I know this comes as an enormous shock, so brace yourself:  Rufus sucks at dating!

Okay—not very surprising.  But Rufus himself seems completely astonished by this.  I suppose after having nailed Lily van der Woodsen and leaving her wanting more, you’d think you’re practically the Socialite Whisperer.  Not so, Rufus.  It seems your plaid shirts and patronizing ex-rockstar attitude can’t always seal the deal.

Oh wait.

You’re wearing your striped polo shirt today?  I apologize, I didn’t realize.  Of course any beautiful woman wandering into your avant-garde gallery couldn’t possibly resist the combination of stripes and a Mr. Rogers shawl-collar cardigan in such a scintillating shade of light gray.

To give Rufus a little more credit, that outfit is vastly better than when he tries to impersonate a lumberjack, but that’s really where his heart lies.

If you insist on wearing such awful shirts, at least iron them please.

Some last advice, Rufus.  If you actually did manage to get a date with one of the aforementioned beautiful women, and she’s not only attractive, but smart and funny and successful, perhaps dressing this way wouldn’t be the best plan.

Just . . .no.  No wonder Beautiful Woman Bex gives him the middle finger, resulting in this “Depressed Rufus” outfit that is . . .

No grown man should wear such a thing unless he’s cleaning out the gutters or painting something.

The final atrocity?

I suppose I should give Eric Daman credit for wardrobe consistency, but this is the third or fourth time we’ve seen this sweater in action—and the worst part is that the first time we saw it was bad enough.  If you’re going to repeat clothing, at least pick something semi-decent!  I may go blind if I ever have to see this sweater again.

Bex is one of the art buyers that Rufus meets during his daily sojourns at the gallery.  She’s lovely and accomplished, with a feisty attitude that, unfortunately, makes her way too good for Rufus.

Lily often gets praised on YKYLF for being an adult on Gossip Girl who still manages to have her head screwed on straight when it comes to fashion.  Bex totally gives Lily a run for her money here.  

The well-cut black coat over the black, white and gray patterned dress, paired with the bright red patent leather purse, is so chic.  Her lips complement the shade of the purse flawlessly.  Even her hair has just enough of a downtown vibe with the side-swept bangs.  If we all thought Rufus was reaching when he tried to get Lily back, this is even more humiliating.  If Bex had a molecule of sense in her head, she would take one look at Rufus and not look back.

Bebes, it gets worse.  So, so much worse.

Or better, depending on your point of view.  While Rufus fully intends on wearing one of his ugly, schlubby shirts to his date with Bex, this is what she turns up in.

Polished, classy, gorgeous.  Love, love, love the plaid coat with the oversized collar.  Typically I would say that the necklace looks like an Abrams remnant, but here, the outfit is tastefully simple enough that it adds just the right touch of joie de vivre.  Add in her upswept hair and red lips and Bex is bringing it hardcore.  I can totally understand why she ended up ditching Rufus’ company for the evening, but not why she ever returned to the scene of the crime and agreed to give him a second chance.

Lily, having accepted Bart Bass’ proposal of marriage in a recent episode, is not present, but holding up the Van der Woodsen flag of grace and fashion are her children, Serena and Eric.

Or not.  What is up with the littlest Van der Woodsen’s hair?  He needs to remedy the root and the shape situation instantly.  I’m ignoring the plaid button-up worn over the t-shirt.  Eric knows better, he really does, and he’s promised to try a little harder.

Serena, however, graces us with one of her fabulous school “uniforms.”

Yes, a skirt that short should be at least a misdemeanor, but Serena’s opaque tights and black patent leather boots move her look in a more respectable direction.  The red leather jacket is what truly makes the outfit, though, and it’s got enough edge to help Serena retain her boho chic vibe.  The zebra-patterned bag is a leetle too much, but I can’t deny its fabulosity.

 Serena’s record is astonishingly good this episode.  I can’t decide if I like this version or the previous days’ version of S’s uniform better.

Same pleated plaid mini, same black tights, this time paired with brown suede boots.  

Her brown wool coat worn over a lighter brown wool cardigan sweater works beautifully, and j’adore the leather satchel she’s carrying.

Consistency, thy name is Serena!  Another day, another awesome outfit.

She’s still rocking the plaid skirt and black tights combo, but this time Serena throws on a black wool peacoat and a brightly patterned scarf around her head, which adds just the right pop of color.  Jen mentioned in the 1x03 recap that she loved it when Serena rocked the headscarf and I have to agree with her, with this as winning evidence.

Not only was Serena batting .1000 at school, but she also nailed it in the evenings.

Well, mostly.

The gold brocade coat is gorgeous, but the cream and black sweater-babydoll combination looks strangely like nightwear worn as a tunic.

This whole episode Serena wears the most stunning outerwear.  This blue military coat with gold buttons and trim, worn on a date to Dan’s house, is perfect with her fair coloring.

You can’t see the black dress with silver glitter accents she wears underneath very well, but it seems to be one of Serena’s better sequin-inspired looks.

This is my favorite Serena look in a long time:

Purple and gray together can be stunning and S looks lovely in them.  I especially like the simple gray coat paired with the purple ruffled blouse.  Plus you can see just the tiniest bit of what must be a fabulous gray and black hobo bag.

And then Dan Humphrey shows up in his ubiquitous flannel shirt.  Instead of feeling never fully dressed without a smile, Dan must feel naked if he has to go an entire episode without reverting to his (one) wardrobe staple.

Not only does he have plaid shirts, he also has a plaid coat.

And a plaid scarf.  My point here is done.  Dan, please tear yourself away from the plaid long enough to look even a fraction as good as your girlfriend does on a daily basis.

A Thin Line Between Chuck & Nate - Part 2 of 2 - A Thin Line Between Hate and Intense Dislike

The complicated plot that’s been brewing since the very beginning of season one comes to a head in this episode.  When the truth about Blair’s relationship with both Nate and his BFF Chuck is revealed, her position as Queen of Constance is ultimately challenged.

One of Eric Daman’s greatest strengths is how he can use Blair’s wardrobe to show us what she’s going through emotionally.  The uniform Blair wears in the opening sequence is a perfect example of this.

The black patent leather (patent leather?  Really, Blair?) trench is actually kind of cute, but completely unlike Blair. Clearly she’s under severe emotional stress or else she wouldn’t have dressed this way.  Even the red head wrap is questionable, though her sleek curls are definitely enviable.  Also notice the tightly buttoned shirt and tie that reach all the way to her throat.  She’s completely closed off.

The rest of the outfit? 

Blair, this should never happen.  Ever.  Those tights.  Those shoes.  You know better than this, and if you weren’t preoccupied with that pregnancy test in your hand, you’d agree with me.

How much does Blair wish she still had her long-gone virginity?  Her nightwear in this episode answers the question.  

She looks like a six year old in this.  The pale lavender shade, the ruffles, the smocked bodice—it smacks of innocence.  Not even Nate would like this.

The day all of Blair’s past shit hits the fan, she dresses in the following:

Let’s count the layers that Blair is wearing:

1. Long (to the floor) green wool coat
2. Red cutaway coat (is it really that cold that you have to wear two coats?)
3. Frumpy, baggy navy blue jumper that could possibly hold triplets

Also, I’ve mentioned the horrible white tights before, and here they are, back again.  Yes, they’re better than those neon red legging-tights she was wearing the day before, but that doesn’t mean they’re good either.

The one positive in this entire ensemble is the red jacket, which has beautiful detailing and a fantastic cut.  Plus, I’ve said it before, but Blair truly looks beautiful in red.

Another headband, this one a boring matchy-matchy green.  This is not one of Blair’s better ensembles.  In fact, this whole episode is complete fail for Blair.  Clearly emotional trauma cuts off the fashion directrix part of Blair’s personality.

Truthfully, the entire episode is one big sartorial spiral.  Once the truth’s out, basically Blair metaphorically rolls over and gives up completely.  No wonder neither Chuck or Nate want her, especially if she’s dressed this way.

The maroon heather wool coat is too fussy, too detailed, and just plain ugly.  Plus it actually makes Blair look pregnant, probably not what she was going for.

The head wrap is pathetic looking, completely unlike her normal pristine, prim headbands.  And that hideous gold fringe bowtie?  What flea-ridden circus performer did she steal that from?  Not even Vanessa would deign to tie that around her neck.

The full view is even worse.  And I thought the white tights were bad! But these white anklets and the pathetic, sad little flats leave me speechless.  Blair doesn’t wear flats, even when she’s sad!

Correction:  Queen B doesn’t wear flats, especially when she’s sad.

Mean Girls protégé Jenny Humphrey sartorially slays her mentor.  I especially love the chic twists that Jenny works into her school uniforms.  She’s fearless when it comes to color, which can really make or break an outfit.

I love the purple tights, and the plaid romper is a nice staid contrast to their playful tone.  However, I can’t say that the romper is all that flattering.  From this angle, it even makes Jenny look pregnant.

Yep.  Maybe this whole outfit was Eric Daman’s idea of a joke?  I hope so.

The other thing I hate about this is the ugly green cardigan.  It’s too big, the pattern is obnoxious, and the big button is distracting and holds little functional purpose.

J’adore  the little plaid hat with puffball! This light blue coat is one we’ve seen Jenny wear before, but unlike her father’s ugly sweater, it’s a welcome sight.

This outfit of Jenny’s is almost identical to what she wore a day earlier, but instead of purple and green, she wears touches of baby pink.

Not a fan of her Pepto Bismal tights, but I do love her light pink beret.  It’s a stunning shade with her hair.  Speaking of her hair, I really like it worn this way, with soft touchable waves.

Jenny goes for a different look the day she takes over for the Queen B, working the hell out of an awesome red plaid trench.

This is so much more sophisticated than the usual jelly bean colors Jenny wears.  I like that it’s the first outfit she wears when she takes over the crown at Constance, because you can clearly see her style maturing.

Even her narrow gold headband looks lifted straight from the Queen B’s collection.

We see a lot more of Katy and Isabel this episode, as well as the rest of the Mean Girls contigent—Penelope and Hazel specifically.  The other girls don’t dress with quite the stylish, crack-tastic flair that Kati and Isabel rock on a regular basis.  In fact, they often seem like cookie cutter derivative versions of Blair herself.

The one look the Mean Girls truly own is fantastic outerwear, which is appropriate.  They spend so much of their time on the Met steps trying to prove their superiority to all the plebeians.

Hazel wears a particularly stunning trio of coats.

Beyond the bright red, black and gray houndstooth pattern, how much do we love the little bow accent on the collar?  And her hair is practically designed to wear a headband.  Oh wait.  I bet you it probably is.

Love the ingénue style that Hazel owns here.  The coat is stunning, a lovely combination of light and dark gray, with contrasting buttons and cuffs.  The delicate gold headband is practically angelic, but then we all know better, right?

This ensemble is Hazel’s only misstep and it’s slight.  After all, there’s practically a mania for pattern-mixing going in the UES.

The pastels in the plaid of the coat don’t mix well with the jewel tones of Hazel’s tie and sweater vest.  The headband is yet another plaid, which is just one too many.

Unlike Hazel, Penelope always seems to get so close, but she never manages to get all the way there.

The pieces are all there—the gray pattern on her coat is interesting and unique, but from the buckling of the fabric around her chest, it’s clearly a size too tight.  The beads aren’t terrible by themselves, but with a look as staid and traditional as Penelope’s, she should steer far away from obvious costume jewelry.  The headband, however, is just right—a lovely red plaid that contrasts with her dark hair.

This is just all wrong for Penelope.  I sincerely doubt that belt came with the coat, because the two together do not work.  By itself the coat is intriguing enough, but of course, a shade too tight, and the belt, designed to showcase Penelope’s waist, sticks out like a sore thumb.  Or a seatbelt.  Not even the headband can salvage this because it’s too blue and too large and too shiny.  Not a good look for our resident sourpuss.

The newest member of the Mean Girls—the new Jenny actually, is beyond adorable, and you almost don’t want to see her get sucked into the same cycle of backstabbing and stylistic similarities that have infected the other girls.

Kati and Isabel never fail to make me giggle with their outrageousness.

These outfits are downright traditional for them, but the unique plaid on Kati’s coat is awesome—though her ugly costume necklace isn’t.  I do however love the plaid earmuffs.

It’s Anna Karenina exponential!  Love the coats, the detailing is beautiful, and I wish I could have seen more of them.  The hats?  Well, I did use the word cracktastic earlier, and it definitely applies.  But then these two can pretty much get away with anything and they’re clearly aware of that particular fact.

Eric Daman, as usual, saves the best for last.  The coats are simple enough with their black and white checked pattern, but the massive Valentine’s Day cookie that Isabel is wearing as a necklace, paired with those ridiculous netted hats could win awards for the most outrageous school uniform.

But wait!  There’s more!

Patterned painter’s smocks and sequined berets?  Mes filles, this is merely a blip on fashion radar of this terrible twosome.  I especially love Isabel’s red and blue polka-dotted mittens.

Eleanor has made some very suspect fashion decisions in the last few episodes.

This isn’t fabulous, but it’s such an improvement I can’t be too critical.  The blue is lovely and flattering against her skin tone, and while the ruffled neckline and sleeves are a bit overdone for an older woman, it’s sophisticated enough that Eleanor still (barely) pulls it off.

This, however, is a big fat hell no.

I like to see Eleanor embracing more color, but puke-mustard yellow is not a shade she should ever work into her palette.  Add in that sad black lace placket, and that whole blouse is a trainwreck.  Paired with the overly embellished, pearl-trimmed cardigan, it’s not one of Eleanor’s best efforts.

The boys as usual leave me wanting more.  Well, not Chuck of course.  As if Chuck would ever leave a woman wanting more.

Nate, however, only manages to accent his wrinkled St. Jude’s uniform with a plain blue trench coat and a red striped scarf.  I’m shaking my head right now because doesn’t Nate get it?  Chuck owns the scarf.

For God’s sake, tuck in your shirt!

But if you’re going to insist on incorporating a scarf into your meager, incredibly bland wardrobe, take a page out of Chuck’s book.  Pair it with an awesome plaid coat complete with fur trimmed hood. 

Because Chuck’s the only one who realizes that it’s winter and cold in New York.  So what if he looks like an extra straight out of a Russian bond set?  He’s Chuck Bass.

Or perhaps he’s actually starring in Newsies?

The plaid vest is actually fabulous though, and though I shouldn’t, the cap is actually rather adorable on him.  Instead of making him look more sophisticated, he actually looks young and well. . .in love.

Just like Blair, Chuck spends much of this episode in a serious funk and it’s clear from his wardrobe, if not his expression above.

Green warmup pants and a mustard yellow turtleneck paired with that ugly brown and black shawl cardigan.  In this outfit, Chuck, you’d look right at home in a nursing home, laid up with arthritis.  Also, never make me type the words “mustard yellow” in reference to your attire ever, ever again.

Chuck’s crowning achievement I think ever in the annals of Gossip Girl fashion is this next ensemble.  Nobody else could make this look even remotely masculine, but he’s Chuck Bass and of course he pulls it off with aplomb.

If Chuck was going to play shuffleboard and bingo, this baby pink cardigan with black and white check accents would be perfect.  Unfortunately, he’s mainlining scotch and comparing Blair to a sweaty horse so perhaps not the best sartorial choice for his evening’s entertainment.  Still, a brave choice for a young man in his prime to dress like a hobbling, arthritic retiree.