Blair Waldorf Must Pie! - Part 1 of 4 - The Waldorfs

Episode Synopsis:  Blair Waldorf has her macarons, Serena her parade of unsuitable men, Chuck his prostitutes, Rufus his records, Lily her art.  Jenny covets the crown and Vanessa lusts after every piece of ugly costume jewelry in New York.  All our characters have their guilty pleasures, but Gossip Girl’s seems to be Thanksgiving.

Eleanor goes Mommy Dearest and cancels Harold's flight to New York, so Blair has a pie-fueled bulimic meltdown. We find that the Archibalds have never exactly been happy, but things have gone downhill since last year.  Nate and Blair used to be lovey-dovey, and apparently Chuck was never in the picture.  Dan’s crush on Serena definitely isn’t new,  and Jenny used to wear adorable pigtails. Rufus and Lily had a love affair back in the day and as a result, Allison Humphrey wouldn’t mind shoving Lily into the oven.

Since it’s the holidays and that’s the season of selflessness and giving, and because Eric Daman went hog wild with the number of costume changes this episode, I’m gifting each family with their very own post!

First, let’s check in with Eleanor, the grande dame of the Waldorfs, as she attempts to better her previous, rather piss poor, attempts at fashion.

It’s not a black or cream, which is a small, extremely, hesitant movement in the right decision.  However, it’s still a neutral.  Does the woman own a piece of clothing that isn’t gray or black or white?  Or shiny?  I think all these shiny pieces that Eric Daman persists in dressing her in must be from a misguided concept that shiny = expensive and luxurious.  Unfortunately for him (but more unfortunately for Eleanor), the opposite is in fact true.  This looks cheap.  Again.

But then we see Eleanor as dressed for Thanksgiving last year, and suddenly everything makes sense.

This is about a billion of Bart’s many dollars better.  Color!  Pattern!  The jacket is beautiful on her, fits her perfectly, and brightens up her entire face.  Her makeup looks fresh, and unlike the present day, she didn’t just pile her hair on her head and stick a few bobby pins in it.  I think I’m probably not alone in thinking the Eleanor of last year would be far more interesting to watch.

But wait!  Perhaps she was inspired by this quick peep into history, because for Thanksgiving dinner itself, Eleanor decides to dig out an old dress from her closet. A pre-divorcee dress, we could say.

Still a dark color, but navy is better than black any day.  And the bead detailing on the yoke and sleeves is beautifully done.  This is an expensive looking dress that a fashion maven such as Eleanor might wear.  It’s even age-appropriate without looking matronly.  And she brushed her hair before she piled it up!

We finally meet the elusive Mr. Harold Waldorf, best known for running off to Paris with a male model and leaving his ex-wife to eye lifts, stringent diets, and one of the most dismal wardrobes known to man.

Sadly, Harold does not return for the current Thanksgiving. As we glimpse him from last year, we comprehend why Blair acts the way she does—she loves her father and misses him desperately. Also, it becomes clear why Blair has such a tendre for Chuck Bass...

Behold, an outfit Chuck would be proud to wear.   Harold has color (pink!) and pattern (checks! argyle!) going on in his ensemble.  He's adorable, and even more so with the floral printed apron.

Even Dorota gets into the Thanksgiving spirit, donning this slightly modified version of her typical uniform:

Can I get a big awwwwww for Dorota throwing herself wholeheartedly into Meess Blair’s favorite holiday?

As for Miss Blair herself, Eric Daman shows us how much she’s grown up over the last year.  It’s not been an easy year for her, and you can see the innocence vs. experience vibe.  Like this ensemble:

Very cute, yes, but she’s clearly still a girl.  The turtleneck, the childish romper, the plaid coat, even the silver bow pendant—the entire outfit smacks of artless innocence.

They’ve even made her hairstyle and headband appear young.  Present day Blair wears a headband like a weapon; this girl wore one because it looked pretty.

This is still a young-ish looking dress, but that makes sense because at this point in the episode, she believes that her father is coming home for Thanksgiving.  But there are definitely subtle changes advertising that she’s now a woman.  The sleeves are slit almost up to the shoulder, she’s no longer letting her hair hang loose and unstyled, and she’s even learning to mix patterns in a more sophisticated way.

As for Blair’s actual dinner attire, this is where Eric Daman hits it out of the park.

Still empire-waisted, but you would never catch present day Blair wearing a dress this unsophisticated.  She still loves bows, but this big floppy, loose bow on the bodice is so young, and makes Leighton Meester look incredibly youthful.

It’s undeniable a cute dress, but that’s all it is.  A cute dress to wear to make your boyfriend think you’re cute.

Contrast the above with this:

I think it’s safe to say Blair Waldorf is done being cute.

Present-day Blair is like an onion.  Not only will she make you cry, she also has layers to her, as reflected in her clothing choices and personality.

The dress itself is almost ugly, with too much lace, and a pooch in the front that kind of makes her look pregnant.  But Blair has clearly learned how to accessorize, and she makes the most of the otherwise boring dress:

This isn’t boring at all.  Suddenly there’s not too much beige lace, thanks to that adorable tweed capelet, and those hot black lace tights paired with such dainty heels.  It’s a very iconic “Blair” look.

Blair Waldorf Must Pie! - Part 2 of 4 - The Archibalds

In the flashbacks of last year, we see Blair and Nate (and Serena) before things were destroyed by the Sheperd wedding.  For this extraordinarily devoted Chuck/Blair fangirl, I was pleasantly surprised by how cute she and Nate used to be together.

Or rather, how cute he used to be.

An outfit where the main color isn’t blue! A smart, well-fitting striped sweater with a contrasting blue (hey, I said he was better—not that he was reaching for the stars) shirt underneath! A pair of tailored khaki pants!  Nate used to dress creatively!  Or maybe this was merely Blair’s influence, and when she gave him up, he gave up dressing nicely.

But wait!

Yes, it’s more blue, but I love the wide pinstripes in the suit.  The tie is boring, as is the shirt choice.  Aside to Nate: you clearly own other color shirts (we’ve seen the evidence!), so let’s see them in action sometime.

Regardless of how boring the rest is, I still can’t get over how gorgeous this suit is.  I think the difference is that it’s a man’s suit, not a boy’s.  And since dear Nathaniel is being asked to take over as patriarch of the family, since the Captain seems unable to restrain himself whatsoever, it’s an appropriate change.  Yet another example of the clothes telling us a story and showing us character development without having to tell us.

Here, out of the dark room, you can see the tie might even have hints of purple.  The jacket isn’t anything special, but it looks so good with the rest of his clothes that 1) he choose it on purpose to contrast with the navy of the suit, or 2) he threw on the first jacket he could find, and it just happened to look amazing.

I want to believe the former, but after analyzing Nate’s wardrobe for several weeks running, I have no doubt that after walking out the door, he glanced down and was disappointed his coat wasn’t blue.

Anne’s transformation is the most astonishing of the episode.  The difference between Anne last year and Anne this year is extraordinary—but not in a good way.

Here’s what she wore for Thanksgiving at the Waldorfs last year:

Anne, much like Eleanor, seems to live for neutral shades, but the beautifully embellished cardigan is sumptuous and pretty on her.  Even prettier are the loose waves in her hair.  She looks younger and more relaxed, and not as . . .tightly-wound.

Eeeeeek.  Is she going to a board meeting or a Thanksgiving dinner?

I honestly think this must be Anne Archibald’s “my life is going to hell in a handbasket” outfit.  There’s no other explanation for this utter disaster.

Maybe she’s trying to punish the Captain for all his many crimes against the family by showing the least amount of skin possible.

In any case, this is just. . .awful.  The tight bland suit, with the buttoned-up jacket and the too-long, unflattering skirt, the tightly closed white shirt, and those god-awful black shoes.  She’s from the van der Bilt family, and that’s the best she can do?  I’m going to send her a gift basket of Manolo Blahniks and Louboutins.

Though it makes no sense in regards to his dwindling, circling the drain storyline, the Captain is bringing the male style this episode—in fact, I’d almost say that he’s Chuck Bass-stylish.  I think part of the reason I keep comparing every male character to Chuck is that he’s conspicuously absent from this episode, which is particularly strange considering the recently developing events with Blair.  She and Serena discuss Chuck, but he and Bart are both MIA from the Waldorfs’ and the van der Woodsens’ Thanksgiving celebrations.

Back to the Captain.  Last Thanksgiving, he wore this lovely combination:

Muted plaid jacket, large checked shirt (that on further reflection, looks a little bit like graph paper), and a festive dark red tie.

This Thanksgiving, the Captain decides he needs a little pick-me-up, especially considering that his wife looks like she’s headed to  a funeral or moonlighting as a nun.  On second thought, maybe he could keep an extra-wary eye for the poison and throwing stars she’s left around.

Oh, the suit.  I swoon over its slate gray, subtly-striped perfection.  The hunter green tie complements the suits’ fabulosity, and the dark mulberry pocket square sends the whole ensemble into the stratosphere.  I think it’s safe to say he’s the Captain of the Exquisite Suit Brigade and Chuck is his devoted first mate.

Blair Waldorf Must Pie! - Part 3 of 4 - The Humphreys

Wow, Dan Humphrey inconceivably used to be even schlubbier than he is currently.

Pre-Serena, he was a lost soul.

So much gray!  So much  . . .blah.  Every article of clothing he’s wearing blends together, except for that hideous scarf that looks like he ripped it from a pair of ratty men’s pajamas.  No wonder Serena had no recollection of meeting him before—she had to block out the painful memory of his many sartorial failures.

Oh wait!  Upon further examination, his pants aren’t gray after all.

They’re a purplish-red velvet.

Dan’s clearly trying to emulate both Chuck and Vanessa, who are both missing this episode, but he fails on both counts.  One, because even on his best day, he can’t match Chuck’s bon vivant style, and two, he’s not wearing enough costume jewelry to meet Vanessa’s approval.

This year, you can clearly see Serena’s influence on our young Mr. Humphrey.

A patterned shirt that’s not plaid, which is enough to better about 90% of his wardrobe so far.  Add in that natty gray vest, and he gets major points for improvement.

Apparently he’s not only learned from Serena that plaid is bad, but that it’s important around change your clothes multiple times during the day.

I spent a long time trying to figure out if this is the same shirt as above, and I think so.  If it is, he’s removed the vest (which is tres sad), but added an olive green blazer, which is nice enough that it’s actually a wash in the end.  Actually, looking closer, I’d like to see Dan dress in that shade of green more often—as long as it isn’t in a plaid.

Jenny also is significantly changed from last year, and like Blair, Eric Daman did a wonderful job demonstrating just how much from her wardrobe alone.

The Jenny, the Constance minion, would never be caught dead in anything like this:

It’s admittedly adorable—I love her pigtails, though I’m not so sure about this cat sweater.  It kind of looks like something my grandmother would have worn.  Still, big points for the pigtails.  And one question:  why on earth is she peeling that many carrots?

Present day Jenny has learned her lesson.  Pigtails and cat sweaters aren’t acceptable when you’re trying to best Blair Waldorf and rule Constance.

I’m honestly not sure this dress is either, but it’s nice on her, albeit a little wrinkled.  If you’ve ever cooked a Thanksgiving dinner from scratch, the state her dress is in makes a bit more sense.  Still, the light blue chambray with contrasting yellow piping is a real step in the right direction, though it seems a bit more appropriate for spring or summer than late fall.

The real winner for Jenny is her blond waves.  Very Blair but the style looks different on Jenny, and really very good.  I'm writing this in 2010, and seeing 2007 Jenny makes me mourn the way her hair used to be.

Wonderful coat (love the texture and the slight swing to the bottom half), but Jenny, for the love of all that’s holy, stop trying to make anklets with heels work.  It’s like Blair trying to make her relationship with Nate work, when we all know it’s just plain fail.

We unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your fashion perspective), don’t get to see Rufus’ clothes from last Thanksgiving.  Does he make up for it this Thanksgiving, by giving us something spectacularly stylish to gaze at?

Really, you should know better by now.  Rufus couldn’t do stylish if he was given a whole platoon of stylists.  This ugly green shirt is no exception, but I wouldn’t mind seeing it on Dan.  I think he’d wear it a lot better than his father, which is actually true of a lot of Rufus’ clothes.  In addition, it’s not a plaid, which is a half-hearted, half a YKYLF golden star—more than Rufus has ever gotten on this blog.

Present day Allison resurrects an item of clothing that up to now we’ve only seen on Vanessa—not the most sparkling of recommendations—a tunic.

And really, there’s a reason for that.  Tunics are (almost) always just plain unfortunate.

I sincerely apologize on shocking your sensibilities for showing you the full length version without warning you first.  Yes, it’s just plain ugly, and the front isn’t any better.

I really do like that necklace though, and her hair even looks washed, a slight improvement from the last episode. 

Later, she puts this gray sweater on top of it the tunic, and it is suddenly 100x better, mostly because the tunic monstrosity is mostly covered.

See, if she’d just forsaken the whole idea of the tunic, and kept with the sweater, she would have been much better off.  Gray rarely looks good on anyone, but this shade actually suits her.

Moving to Hudson must not have agreed with her fashion sensibilities, though it seems exceedingly odd that leaving Brooklyn would hurt them, because last Thanksgiving she wore this very cute top:

Simple but flattering, and the colors look great on her.  Typically, horizontal stripes are death, but she’s slender enough to pull them off.

Blair Waldorf Must Pie! - Part 4 of 4 - The van der Woodsens

Lily has a bit of a split personality this episode—she also changes her clothes a rather alarming number of times.  I don’t know anyone who changes this much.  I wear an outfit to work and come home and put sweats on, but then I’m also not a UES society leader.  Clearly that makes all the difference.

She starts out her day trying to figure out how to cook a freshly slaughtered duck and chop up a raw pumpkin—but most importantly, she’s wearing this fantastic ensemble.

Oh Lily, if it weren’t for your fabulous taste, I would just give up on the adults, but you keep me going.  The scarf!  The textured jacket!  The gold bangle!  The elegant chignon!  I have no complaints whatsoever, so I will move onto the next outfit.

Huh.  Apparently Lily van der Woodsen not only owns a snuggie, she reads Nicholas Sparks.  We’re going to have to have a little chat, Lily.  This is unacceptable, even though the snuggie is probably cashmere and cost $500.  Any item that even vaguely resembles a snuggie is absolutely forbidden in the Upper East Side.  Do you think that Eleanor Waldorf would ever be caught dead in a snuggie?

Okay, Lily, you do make a good point.  If they sold one in cream or black, I’m sure she’d be on board.

For Thanksgiving dinner in the present, Lily puts the snuggie memory to rest with this charming outfit.

Oh Lily, no wonder you make Allison Humphrey feel like tearing your hair out, catfight-style.  That is one classy combination.  Love, love, love the eyelet lace jacket with the embellished collar.  The pants are also the perfect balance between formal (for a holiday) and casual (hey, she is going to Thanksgiving dinner in a loft).  The only false note in this entire fashion symphony is that kind of weird looking green blouse she’s wearing.  I don’t like what it does to her chest, which looks like it’s sagging to her navel, and let’s face it, Lily has way too much money for that to ever happen.

Although from this angle, the situation is marginally improved.

She pairs this ensemble with the typical accessory of all Upper East Side wives—a bottle of wine.

Lily is one of the few characters who seems to be pretty even-keeled from year to year.  Last year, she wore an equally charming outfit.

Perhaps this is where Eleanor was inspired to wear cream and black ad nauseum.  I love the little matching scarf and the detail work on the neckline and cuffs of her blouse.  Plus, Lily understands (unlike Eleanor) that a little splash of color, here a deep crimson scarf, goes a long way.

Look it’s the fiftieth resurrection of this blue jacket!

This whole outfit is very mini-Nate, down to the same jacket I swear they’ve both worn multiple times over the four seasons.  I do like this brighter blue sweater, though I’m not sure about the black shoes; I think brown would have gone better with the outfit, and perhaps a different style with that cut of pants.

More present day Eric—as far as I could tell, he’s missing from the flashbacks—and a bit better outfit for me to work with.  I like the red and slate blue argyle sweater and yes, I hate to admit it, but the contrasting navy blue plaid underneath looks great with it.  His camel jacket is also decent, and the brown cords are a lot more imaginative than those rather boring khakis he was wearing earlier in the day.  We can’t see his shoes, but I’m betting that they were brown (and correctly so!).

Last but not least we have our sweet, little drunk Serena.

Thanksgiving last year, Serena decided to get plastered in the middle of the day, and for her afternoon of pre-dinner barhopping, she dressed in this:

Considering who this is, not a very surprising choice.  A silk negligee paired with an ostentatious leopard print coat.  Who even wears a leopard print coat?  Again, an easy answer there.  She looks kind of cheap and floozy—which, guess what!  She is!

But everyone seems very determined (most of all Serena) to prove that she's changed.

Unfortunately she’s gone from hooker couture, to this.

This might be one of the most unflattering outfits that Eric Daman has ever put on her.  Blake Lively is gorgeous with a nearly perfect body.  This makes her look lumpy, which I thought would be impossible to accomplish.  Those pants are an abomination.  They’re ill-fitting and a hideous shade of blue.  Pants should never, ever, be that particular blue.  Pair them with a weirdly clingy t-shirt the color of garbage and a gold lame Member’s Only jacket and you have a recipe for a serious fashion disaster. 

I can’t explain what’s around her neck—a hemp rope?  Maybe she wants to hang herself for looking this ugly?

When she goes to dinner at the Humphreys, she tries to redeem herself.

Purple is a good color on her, and the embellished little swing dress is cute, and vaguely retro-looking, satisfying her apparent need for “edgier” clothes when she hangs out with Dan 

The coat is a nice contrast, and it’s one of the better coats we’ve seen her wear—light years ahead of that leopard print from earlier.  The only complaint I have are those ugly gray tights.  Gray tights are a direction you should avoid at all costs.

However, this is so much better than what she wore to dinner last year, that I suppose I can’t complain.

Drunk and giggly, Blair and Nate dress her in one of Harold’s dress shirts, with a tie as a belt.  I find it incredibly hard to believe that Blair didn’t own a single piece of clothing that Serena could have borrowed for one dinner.  This ensemble has walk of shame all over it. Not something you want to advertise at a family Thanksgiving dinner—even one that takes place on the Upper East Side.