Gossip Girl: Save The Last Chance

Part 1 of 2: The Queen B and The Five Families

I think we need to have a little pow wow with the writers. The end of the series is not the time to start throwing in strange plot twists and weird relationships. Also… microfilm?! Isn't that a touch outdated? Will next week's episode have the cast sending telegraphs and listening to gramophones? I digress… 

Craziness is running rampant on the UES. Serena and Dan appear to be in a committed relationship, but want to "make amends" with all of their frenemies before going public. Serena and Blair become besties (again) and cook up a scheme involving high schoolers (again). At least this scheme ends in Blair's professional success. Dan darts around town asking for forgiveness but he keeps getting in the way of all of the ridiculous scheming going on. Ivy and William vdW are an item and are trying to take Lily down (at the request of Lola). Using the microfilm, Ivy tries to entice Bart and Chuck to turn on Lily. Meanwhile, poor, sweet Nate gets blackmailed by Bart.

Look at these love birds! I'm happy that Dan and Serena are back together and I think their twin bed head is adorable. I'm not sure that I understand why they need to "make amends" before going public with their relationship status. But I guess they can't stay in bed all day. 

If I were going to go groveling back to a friend whom I have hurt, this is exactly the outfit that I would wear (minus the black bra that you can see through Serena's sweater. But what kind of day would it be if S wasn't drawing attention to the girls?). I like the Joseph color block sweater that she has paired with the T by Alexander Wang inverted neoprene skirt. The piece de resistance is the fabulous striped Fendi handbag. Serena looks ladylike and appropriate. **checks sky for flying pigs**

Pattern mixing is challenging, but Blair does it well with her daytime look. The small scale silver dots on her tie neck blouse play well with the large medallions on her A-line skirt. Topped off with a black cardigan and signature headband… someone is getting her groove back!  

More Kate Spade...

Nelly Yuki can suck it.  Blair is not the fashion version of a tween (too old to be Queen B and too young to be an established designer). Dorota clearly agrees with me. 

What's a Serena and Blair reunion without a good scheme? The two decide to trick Sage into believing that S and Steven are back together in order to drive her into Blair's arms for assistance. It works and Sage agrees to get the heads of the "Five Families" together. Once the private girl's school Dons convene, they agree to attend Blair's fashion debut. 

The B for Waldorf collection debut is a sea of preptastic tartan.  I just love it. 

You know what else I love? Blair's Alexander McQueen plaid tiered dress! She accessorizes it well with a red head band, red lip, Louis Vuitton tassel necklaces, and her Christian Louboutin plaid pumps. Coco Chanel once said that you should remove an accessory before leaving the house and I wish that Blair had taken that advice and removed the gold embellished cuff. It distracts from her otherwise amazing look. 

And then the Dons show up. Let's ignore Sage's too short skirt paired with boots for a moment. Can we talk about Don Brearley? The Brearley tuition is over $38,000 a year. Surely the school can spring for a stylist to help the girls wear red (their school hue) with a little more prudence. At the very least they might want to rethink their approach to the "colors" section in art class. I'm not sure how coral, red, pale pink, and magenta go together, but she's sure trying with those cray Pretty Polly tights.

Fortunately for Blair, all the Dons love the collection. Fingers crossed that Don Brearley went home with some neutral garments. 

Maybe B could sit her down and give her some advice on colored tights. 

I'm glad Nelly Yuki was there to document Blair's success and her impressive use of tartan.  

Suck it, Nelly Yuki. We're Blair fans over here at YKYLF.

From this angle, it looks like Serena is offering supportive words to her dear friend Blair. 

But from this angle, we can see that Serena wore her subtle sequined S&M ensemble to the launch of B's junior line. This Peter Pilotto dress is 50 Shades of inappropriate for the occasion. Serena does get fashion points for the high pony and embellished Valentino clutch. Regardless, she still looks like a walking kinky craigslist ad. 

Serena's glittery dominatrix dress seems well-suited to the bedroom. After a long day of amend making, Dan and Serena are ready to relax. Once S leaves to slip into something a little less Barbarella-esque, Dan can unwind with his chest hair baring v-neck and a quick call from Georgina.

Wait. What?

Apparently Dan is actually writing a Serena chapter for his Vanity Fair piece. This relationship is all an act! Dan may have developed an antisocial personality disorder. And I've got a feeling this is going to send S into another spiral of blackmail, drugs, and train rides to upstate New York when she finds out.  

Gossip Girl: Save The Last Chance

Part 2 of 2: Really?!

Evidentially, Bart hid damning evidence about illegal oil deals in the back of Lily's Richard Phillips painting Spectrum.  Bart went all "Library of Congress" on us and stored his scans on microfilm instead of a digital option. The world changed while Bart was pretending to be dead and it doesn't look like he caught up. I bet he still has a first generation iPod. (By the by, how do you mastermind your fake death, but can't hide some frigging microfilm? Really, Bart? Really?)

Anyway. Ivy Dickens! I curse the day you entered the UES! All of your schemes and odd plots twists have exhausted me. I just want to lie down in this nice cozy bed (adorned with graphic black and white needlepoint Jonathan Adler pillows) and avoid processing all of this ridiculousness. 

For weeks we have known that Ivy was in cahoots with someone. It appears that someone is William Van der Woodsen, with whom Ivy is having a secret love affair. These two are trying to take down Lily at the request of their silent partner Lola. I'm just going on record as saying that I think this is completely, officially wackadoo. William can't really love Ivy and be trying to publicly humiliate the mother of his children… right? And how could Ivy be sick of eating waffles every day? It just doesn't add up. 

Although she is grating on my nerves, I do like Ivy's jacket. The shawl collar is on trend and the warm grey color works with her skin tone. The rest of this scene leaves me cold (as does the slight hint of a pinky ring on William's left hand). 

While Ivy is trying to persuade Bart and Chuck to turn on Lily, sensible (and potentially drunk) Lily decides to go another route. She heads over to see Rufus and convince him to give her the microfilm. Their conversation is about as boring as their ensembles. This is one big blah blob of brown and beige. It's sad when the cheeriest thing in the photo is a paper coffee cup. 

The scene reminds me of this past episode- in which Team Beige goes to Cafe Boulud. 

Being cunning is good for Ivy's hair. Her tresses look quite shiny and smooth this week! I also approve of the patterned Torn by Ronny Kobo top. 

Chuck decided to make a faux deal with Ivy. He plans to trick her into giving him the microfilm and using it to hurt Bart. I'm more intrigued by his impressive posture and dapper attire than his machinations against his father. 

While Chuck is focusing on taking down Bart, Bart is working on destroying Nate. In an out of the blue plot twist, we learned that Nate has been cooking The Spectator's books and is under water on his loan. I'm no accountant, but that doesn't sound good. It turns out that Bart backed Nate's loan and wants to use Nate to hurt Chuck. What the Bass family lacks in familial loyalty, they make up for in ability to blackmail. 

I'd comment on their attire, but neither of these gentlemen are wearing anything too exciting. 

Unlike the blackmail plot that has yet to reveal itsefl fully, their boring outfits surprise no one.

Although his world is falling apart, Chuck made a quick appearance at Blair's fashion debut. While he always looks perfectly put together, I think we can see his stress. He is in so much anguish that he has forgotten his signature pop of color. 

Get this man to the men's furnishings and tie department at Barney's! I think a purple pocket square and a shot of whiskey are in order. 

Eventually both Bart and Chuck end up in a room with Ivy who ends up in a polka dot bra (really? Nothing sexier for photos to convince Lily her back from the dead husband is cheating on her?). All three of them fail in their scheming. The real winner is Lily, who gets the microfilm from Rufus and then burns it.

Poor Chuck! He was unsuccessful in his quest to ruin his dad. Poor Nate! He is wearing a hideous shirt and tie combination and is being blackmailed. 

While this entire story line leaves me dazed and confused, my real upset is over Chuck and Blair. I just don't understand why they can't be together. Really GG writers?! You would do that to us? 

Sigh. With only a few episodes left, they better get this figured out. Although with so many new twists to work through, we don't expect a resolution until the last minute. 

Gossip Girl: Save the Last Chance

In the course of one episode, Ivy macks on three different dads: Rufus, William vdW, and Bart. (Although the last one was for pictures only. Less creepy?) She pits Bart and Chuck against each other to see who will win The Implicating Microfilms, but Brooklyn wins when Rufus swipes them and visits Lily to a) hand over said microfilm and b) confirm that Lily is spiking her tea. Lily burns the microfilm, sends Charles into a downward spiral of expensive booze, and renders Ivy unhinged. Shoulda made a copy, sweetheart.

In the B-plot (A-plot? I can't tell anymore.) Blair successfully launches her juniors line, yet measures her success on whether or not she's with Chuck. (She's not. Pacts and whatnot, you know.) To "make it work" and sell the line, she once again solicits Sage's help. B never learns. Which is probably why she once again utters the words, "I missed you S. You're my best friend." And while S is sure that she and Dan are on the path to making sweet, true love, Dan tells Georgina he's actually writing "the Serena Chapter". Is he lying to S? To Georgie? Or maybe to ALL THE PEOPLE?

 

Party du Jour
"B for Waldorf" is launched, and the dons of the five families (aka Mean Girls at the fancy schools) party at the pop-up. This may be the fastest a collection has ever been put together.

Best Quotes
“Lily's been divorced four, five times. Who can keep count?” — Ivy. We hear that.

Best Outfit
While the length of the skirt was dangerously macaron bearing, S and her day-glo colour blocking (accessorized by a striped purse) was a stand out number.

Worst Outfit
S undoes any ground she gained with grown-up formal wear in earlier episodes by breaking out some Barbarella-ish, cleave-tastic, and completely inappropriate wear for the launch of a teen fashion line.

 
Anne will be back on Thursday to try to make sense of Serena's dress and a plot that had little to do with anything that's ever happened on the show. The writers are maybe spiking their own chamomile?

Gossip Girl: Where the Vile Things Are

Part 1 of 2: Old Flames, Old Relationships

In the end we go back to the beginning...right? Apparently so for the UESers. Serena and Dan find their way back to each other (for the hundredth time), while Blair deals with her "dark side", aka the manipulative bitchy side we know and love. With Eleanor back in town, Blair attempts to make amends, but in the end goes back to what she knows best - high school. Lily throws another benefit, only to find Ivy and Rufus have finagled a way to be her co-sponsors, which bodes well for no one. Meanwhile, Chuck continues his investigations into Big Bad Bart, only to have their plans foiled by Ivy, who is not as innocent as she looks. Who am I kidding, when has Ivy ever been innocent?

Things open up with one of my favourite B dresses to date. The feminie cut and print are so perfect. Her hair, however, is not.

Blair's earrings coordinate with her dress AND her lipstick. Obvi. But if you're putting so much time into coordinating your dress, couldn't you spend a few extra minutes on your hair? I know business isn't going well, but I think Blair can still afford a daily blow out at the salon. 

More Dorothy Perkins...

 

My love for this outfit wanes a bit when B covers up that beautiful dress with a metallic tweed coat and a handbag. The Daytime Glitter of the coat may be a bit much, but it's lovely. Although, is that her grandmother's needlepoint on her bag?

No matter, let's take a moment and appreciate how good it is to have Eleanor back, k? The casually draped leopard shawl. The perfect grape-hued handbag in a classic shape. The hair with all it's volume and life. So, so good to have you back, Eleanor. Maybe you can help your daughter with her wardrobe and her 'do.

As further evidence...

There are many things I don't understand in life: price quantity theory, McLuhan, and now, this dress. Actually, it's not a dress - it's a Peter Pilotto top and skirt. The disjointedness of its construction paired with the really strange soundwave print makes me feel like I'm watching a strobe light.

I need to take a moment to steady myself after seeing this dress. 

Things aren't much better north of her neck. B, I'm sure a "tastemaker" like yourself could choose a better headband than a pile of blue rocks.

In fact, I'm pretty sure you know you can do better. Which is why you're going to focus on high school fashions and bring back the adorbs headbands. 

All that aside, I will say that the oh-so-subtle color coordination between mother and daughter is darling. (Although from far away, the pile of rocks have turned into a mutant blue caterpillar about to devour her head. She should watch out for that.)

I hope this mother-daughter brainstorm sesh ends in designs that aren't horrifyingly tasteless. 

I almost can't fault Dan for wearing the same old boring shirt because a) it's probably cashmere and $5000 (I mean, he has a Vespa now) and b) he's pretty much homeless.

Dear Dan, now that you're getting paid, go spend that Vanity Fair check at John Barrett and tame that head of yours (although, it is leaps and bounds better than the small, angry animal that was perched on your head last season). Then head down a few floors to the Armani boutique and get yourself a proper outfit.

Maybe just two or three new shirts. Maybe a jacket. Maybe some colour. We're not saying you need to go all Chuck Bass on us, but we bet you could rock some hipster chic. 

S and Lonely Boy part 23438403 - the true Neverending Story. 

"I guess this is ok now because our parents broke up so technically we're no longer related."

Except, you know, maybe it'd be better for your growth as functioning adults if you didn't keep sleeping with, breaking up with, feuding with, blackmailing your high school boyfriend/girlfriend. Leave it in the past, kids. Leave it in the past. (Also - wasn't she just doing jumpy claps over an engagement to someone else?!? Writers, are you drunk?)

Serena looks like she belongs in a LES walkup (and idea she scoffs at) with her animal print top, chunky necklace, and maroon cardigan. None of which match, obviously.

Not that Serena cares for such things as matching or covering up your cleave at 9am on a Tuesday. Serena is a free spirit. 

But being a free spirit who cares not for social norms doesn't make these geometric Rag and Bone pants ok. In any universe. Especially paired with those brown boots, which are actually super cute.

Those boots are probably sad they had to spend an entire day with those leggings. We understand, boots. We were sad we had to see them during the entire episode. 

I am super obsessed with Nelly Yuki's hair. The ombre is noticeable, but subtle enough that it could be natural - if you lived in California. The rest of us need an expensive stylist to give us this look and that's okay. 

I also love the sculptured necklace. She really has grown up. But the glasses? Have. Got. To. Go. You are either stylish reporter or hipster chic reporter. Choose one. 

Has Eleanor's ring always been like that? Is it just me or is it oddly similar to a certain Duchess'? Her expression is hilarious, while Nelly's is simply, "ugh, I used to be afraid of you?".

With that hair and that dress Nelly, you can own that experssion - you're the only minion who left Neverneverland and grew up. Yale did wonders for you. 

"Excuse me, I'm due for my hourly martini."

We'd drink too if we saw what B was doing to our company. 

Gossip Girl: Where the Vile Things Are

Part 2 of 2: Rivalries and Investigations

Most men limit themselves to one shade of purple, but Chuck goes for all fifty. (Also: what's with the pom-pom? Did he steal one from Serena's dress?)

This is what happens when you spend too much time in Brooklyn with Rufus. You start wearing his plaid and your hair looks like straw. It might be something in the water.

I love Ivy's leather jacket and silk Hemut Lang top. But this hair is just cray. Is this her, "Look at me now, bitches, I'm richer than all y'all" hair? 

Because it says, "I just stepped off the Greyhound and into a fortune" to us. Also, Rufus, are we going hunting when we're done buying all the art? 

Back to that hair - when she put it up I thought it was a second head.

You're not fooling anyone Ivy. You reek of nouveau riche and that's why Lily will win. 

Speaking of Lily, this is what happens when you divorce Rufus. Shiny, glowing, gorgeous hair.

Adding Bass back to your list of names suits you, Lily Rhodes Van der Woodsen Mueller Bass Humphrey Bass. 

Fittingly enough, Lily's Pucci dress could be on the walls of the gallery. And that golf-ball ring could work it in any geology museum display.

Our favourite accessory though? Her look of utter disapproval. She wears it so well and it goes with just about everything. 

She had reason to wear that look. Her art party was hijacked by what is probably the most diverse and un-Lily group of people you will ever meet. Dreads, outfits made of old blankets, cheap suit, and shades.

But mostly, we're wondering about the series of phone calls that led to Fab 5 Freddy having a cameo on a show like Gossip Girl.

Chuck's still wearing the pompom, Lily's dress is ridiculously bejewelled (it probably comes with a warning: do not board a boat), but is so pretty and so very Lily. And despite the small animal attached to the back of her head, I like Ivy's intergalactic space warrior-y dress. 

If you're going to hatch a secret evil plot against Lily, Rufus, Chuck and Chuck's awful hair, you should dress like an evil space warrior. That's how we know you're stylishly up to no good.

I used to think Nate looked good in everything. Until I saw Nate in sweats. (YKYLF Pro Tip: shirtless is always a good look).

I guess it's a change from wearing the exact same damn suit every episode. 

"I'm sorry, I only own the one suit, ok?"

Nate, we really hope you turn the Spectator around and earn some money to buy new suits. Maybe Chuck can float you a loan.