Despicable B - Part 2 of 2 - The Used

It's odd to think of Serena as a victim, when, as Gossip Girl, she has more power than just about anyone. Or so the show would like you to believe. Frankly, she's gotten kind of hang-doggish and pathetic, lately.

There's no better way to cheer yourself up than by donning a truly spectacular scarf.



There are no words for how much I covet this.  In fact, Serena has seemingly left trashy chic behind for mere chic.  Losing Dan to Blair has only improved her sartorial success rate.

Her ombre coat is divine on her and forces the question:  "why doesn't Serena wear green more often?"  It really suits her.



And no stilettos or ridiculous platform boots!  Nevermind that Serena's macaron is, for once, appropriately covered in this awesome ensemble.

Of course, such progress was certain to be temporary.  Serena, forced into attending a happy Rhodes family dinner (an oxymoron, to be sure), she drags out the tightest dress she can find.



Her favorite accessories are being crushed and contained in this ridiculously tight bandage dress.



I'm not certain how she even sat in this.  From her expression, even Serena isn't sure.

But yet again, Serena unleashes the full force of an awesome scarf.



That blue leopard print is to die for.

As for her dear sister (half-sister, Serena reminds us), Lola is still lost.



It's a fact that Lola is a beautiful girl.  Why then does she hide it all away in that ugly brown smock and schlumpy blue sweater?  Would it kill her to wear something fitted and attractive?



The answer to that is, yes.  Because unfortunately the direction Lola's headed is distinctly bohemian, and we've already seen the train wreck that is bohemian fashion on this show.  Vanessa's costume jewelry closet, anyone?

The coat isn't a bad color, I guess, but with the olive green fringed bag and that odd navajo print hanging out of it, it just looks sad.  As a blond, doesn't she realize that the brown blouse is doing her no favors?

At the Rhodes dinner, we get confirmation from more than one source that Lola and Serena are related.

Carol and William confirm it, of course, but then Lola also breaks out the sequins.



It's the beginning of a good idea.  Still, even the old gold shade suits her better than the brown and persimmon of earlier, it's still just an ugly dress.  And after weeks of seeing gold party dresses on her, it's time to try another color.

Hey, remember when we though this girl was a Rhodes? Ivy, imposter extroardinaire, has really let herself go.



Good hair, decent makeup, but my god, was her robe the only coat she had left to her name?  Lily is ruthless, apparently.

Speaking of ruthless, it's taken him three seasons, but Rufus has finally realized he's a kept man.



Bless.  He tucks in his plaid shirts now!  That's overriding evidence that he's become a trophy husband.

The good (okay, more like better) news is that he's discovered the existence of barbers in Brooklyn!



This is a discovery he should share with his son, STAT.



Dan's hair is halfway to becoming a full-time regular on the show.  Also, Blair tried telling us that she picked out this outfit.  Do we look that gullible to you?

I didn't think so.



Pretty typical Dan Humphrey semi-formal attire, although it fit right in with the crowd at the literary party. He was wearing a variation of this back when he was with Serena.  Hopefully now there's at least a designer label inside that sport coat.

Designer labels are something as natural to Chuck Bass as Scotch or Asian hookers.  Sorry.  Asian flight attendants.



This windowpane plaid coat makes everything in the world better.  Chuck's pattern mixing, from the stripes in his shirt to the polkadots in his tie to the paisley in his pocketsquare, might single-handedly bring about world peace.

Worst victim of this episode, hands down, is Carol.

Not only is she exposed as that woman who slept with her sister's husband and got pregnant, but she totally wore this black dress to not only prove she was rolling in the dough now, but to entice William back to the fold.  Ew.  Gross.



She's definitely showing the goods that God gave her.



That necklace screams "I'm cheap, and need the police to cart me away now."

The sum value of her wardrobe in this scene is easily quadruple what it was for the entire rest of her appearance combined.  Whatever kind of person Carol is, she definitely knows how to go out with a bang.