Crazy, Cupid, Love Part 1 of 2: Love, Prenups, No Pants

I think Cupid is drunk. Maybe I'm suffering from Valentine's Day candy overload, but is anyone else having a hard time following the bizarre love triangles on the UES? 

Blair returns from her faux-honeymoon just in time to play matchmaker (and annoy her new royal social secretary, who evidently has a crush on the horrible Prince). Even though she obviously has feelings for Dan, Blair decides to set up Dan and Serena.  Sounds simple right? Nope. After Georgina gets involved, the evening ends with an angry Serena, a hurt Chuck, and Blair and Dan kissing at the world's most ridiculous party (it involves jello shots and plaid skirts).

Nate tries to pursue Lola by throwing a party and hiring her as a waiter. Here's a tip Nate: paying a girl to hang out with you isn't a promising start. The only exciting part of this plot is that Lola and Chivy run into each other and get reacquainted. Will the real Charlotte Rhodes please stand up? Chivster makes a quick getaway back to CeCe's house in the Hamptons, and Lola learns the truth about her doppelganger from Nate. 

I was really worried about Blair and her evil husband, so I am glad that she is back on U.S. soil. Apparently all of her clothing was confiscated by the Border Patrol or the Monegasque police. They stole her couture and left her with this bizarre sweater vest dress. It's just cruel. Blair is already sacrificing to save her family's financial future, why does she have to wear schizophrenic knitwear?

Let's take a closer look with better lighting.

This is even worse than I thought! The bias cut fabric is mauve. Even the adorable pintuck pleating at the collar can't save this situation. 

I would like to take a moment to discuss this "Royal Minder" Estee. Does anyone else think that she looks like Katie Holmes circa Dawson's Creek? J'adore her hunter green wool sheath dress and chic hair.

Why does she look so lovely while B is stuck wearing the remnants of a knitting machine explosion? Not fair Eric Damon. Not fair at all.

Look! Rufus is casually buying Cartier jewelry from his living room. Must be nice. I'll take a Tank Americaine and one of those Love Bracelets. He has really settled in as a wealthy house husband. The fab hair and deep aubergine cashmere zip collar sweater... Yum.  

My favorite part about this scene is not Rufus's laissez-faire attitude or delish wardrobe. I love that the jeweler asked Dan if he was interested in purchasing something. Dan's response was that he didn't have a Valentine for whom to buy jewelry. That's it? I wasn't aware that writing paid that well. Clearly I need to get the number for Dan's book agent. 

I hate that Chuck is so miserable and sad on a holiday celebrating love. I think that he needs to stop focusing on Blair and start thinking about Monkey, his tiny furry Valentine. Happiness is a warm puppy.

This isn't news, but misery looks good on Mr. Bass. He must have an off-sight storage closet filled with wool topcoats, because he is wearing another beautiful one. I love that he paired the classic camel hair coat with leather gloves and a beautiful shirt and tie. Bravo!

Oh Serena. I think that I have an idea why you are in Singlesville this February 14th. Have you ever heard that adage: "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?" Perhaps the tight plaid sweater tunic and tights are not the best choice. While the ensemble doesn't look horrible from this angle, we're about to get real in a minute. Ready? 

Is Opening Ceremony doing a hooker collection? This tunic would work much better if paired with some skinny opaque black cigarette pants and fabulous flats. If Blair is serious about getting Serena and Dan back together, Blair should loan her something a little less revealing.

Or maybe Blair could just set an iPhone reminder for Serena. I think a daily alarm that says "Wear Pants" could be very effective.

Nate is trying to be "bold and charming" by asking Lola out for a V-Day date. I'd say that calling a girl on Valentine's Day morning and asking her out for a last minute date that evening isn't the most "charming" move.

I do appreciate the pale blue and white dress shirt with the straight point collar- all business. But what is with the skinny grey tie? Nate should have gone with a wider tie and a double windsor knot if he wanted to hit is out of the park.

Lola must have read He's Just Not That In To You, because she turned Nate down and hung up on him. I'm with you, girl. Last-minute invites are poor form.

Now let's dissect this outerwear catastrophe. Lola is wearing a double breasted grey wool VEST. Yes, you read that right. Who would mutilate a peacoat by cutting the arms off?

Nate should just date his assistant. She gets better dressed each week.I love this work appropriate floral shift. It is just stunning and really needs to make an appearance in my wardrobe.

Although I love Assistant's outfit, I dislike her taste in parties. Thanks to her tie in with Gossip Girl, she pitched Nate the worst party idea EVER. Her "Come As You Were" party does not seem like my idea of Valentine's Day fun. First of all, who still has their high school uniform laying around? Secondly, explain to me how a pretend high school party is great publicity for The Spectator. The only redeeming factors are that jello shots and spin the bottle are involved.

I love Georgina, but I adore her when she is scheming and pretending to be Gossip Girl.

The hair. The neckline. The chunky gold necklace. Perfection.

Just when I was starting to think that life with Rufus and Lily was getting stale, Charlie showed back up. She always looks so upset and stressed. Girlfriend needs a yoga class. I don't understand what exactly she is doing there or why she wants to talk to Lily, but regardless, her interaction with Rufus yielded my favorite line of the episode- " love and prenups are complicated." True that.

It ain't easy being green. Charlie exemplifies that with an ill fitting wool peacoat mixed with a beautiful bright patterned green scarf.

The fit problems continue once the coat comes off to expose this shiny cream tunic.

Not a good look, unless the goal is to look like a sack of potatoes.

In a twist of fate (Blair's doing), Serena and Dan both ended up in the same romantic restaurant at lunch time. Their eyes met across the room and Dan made the move over to Serena's table (she was still wearing the plaid tunic, so my guess is that he thought he might score a noon time quicky). Blair really laid it on thick by sending over champagne and dessert and planting fake high school sweethearts at the neighboring table.

Sadly, the spark just isn't there. Perhaps Serena needs to cover up her business and Dan needs to release his flowing chest hair? That might alter the balance of power and positively affect the relationship (Yes, I have been watching Dr. Phil).

I adore this photo. Seriously, it just makes me laugh hysterically. My favorite part is that Blair is using opera glasses to spy. 

I really love Chuck. I know that I routinely declare my affection for him but I can't help it. He is one of the best dressed men that I have ever seen.

 

This charcoal suit is perfection when paired with the fuschia and white shirt, blue patterned tie, and magenta pocket square. I heart you Chuck Bass.

Speaking of sexy... Blair is back! I am captivated by the pumpkin colored silk Natori chemise and wrap. Blair's makeup and hair are beautiful. She really looks amazing and dewy.

See that gold thing in her hand? I think it is some kind of magical Princess dust or special Creme De La Mer product that commoners can't purchase.

Comments

[Lucy]

Will be retro recap???