Enough About Eve, 3 of 3 - Everyone Else

And now it’s time for those who didn’t get screentime this week. Before we begin, a moment of silence for the character of Eric. Rendered so inconsequential and useless that he doesn’t even get to make a cameo for breakfast. Olivia may have stolen his chair at the van der Humphrey table, but he has forever stolen our hearts. Or something.

Moving on.

Jenny! Who gets less lines/screentime than the new minions do.

Awww…her bad self is so adorable. You know how she’s all tough and alternative? Because you can see her bra strap.

Oh yeah. Badness. You see, good girls don’t show their bra straps, but Jenny isn’t a good girl. She’s punk. So punk she has waffles at home with the fam on a Sunday morning.

Rock on Jenny, rock on.  And while you’re at it, maybe sew an extra inch on your skirt. Or maybe pick a top that isn’t the colour of the leftover milk from a bowl of Lucky Charms. Just a thought. You are supposed to be the fashion designer of the family.

And that’s all airtime Li’l J got. Better luck next week, kiddo.

On the other hand, we did get to see a bit of Lily. Actress Kelly Rutherford spent the episode making every woman who has ever had a baby feel bad about herself. Baby? What three month old baby?

And that’s her outfit for waffles! Personally, I don’t do satin when I’m eating waffles. I hate trying to explain to my dry cleaner that I got syrup on my top. 

For meeting Vanessa’s mom, also a breakfast date, Lily once again looks stunning.

She also makes a face that says, “Haha. This joke where you wear Vanessa’s clothes to fool me is a funny one.” Of course, that leads to an awkward moment where she realizes that no, these are Gabriela’s own clothes and this woman actually got up this morning and said, “this flowy skirt in the completely different pattern from the flowy top is the perfect outfit for today. Let me just add ten bracelets, two rings and a couple of necklaces. Perfect.” 

I’m sorry to say, but this is what happens when you marry washed up rockers from Brooklyn, Lily.  What also happens is that this guy starts moving his “Welcome Back Kotter” mugs (how delightfully kooky!) and records into your apartment:

Now that is true love. Because that guy in the plaid is moving in to live with this woman:

And she’s totally okay with the fact that he will always look that dorky and schlubby.

My guess is that in public Lily probably acts all modest and says things like, “oh, this old thing? I just threw it on”. But when she’s alone in front of her mirror? Dollars to donuts she says things like, “nailed it yet again Lily van der Woodsen WhateverKlaus’namewas Bass Humphrey. You are a vision.”  And who are we to argue? Except, since that’s sort of the point of this blog, I will say that she could have picked a better bra to go with this dress.

I know. It’s a stretch. But satin isn’t forgiving and she should know better. Next time Lily, I don’t want to see the outline of your bra.

As for the little people on the show, well, here they are.

Carter looks unhappy. Possibly because he’s had to wear the same outfit for the entire third season and the frigging CW couldn’t spring for stupid belt.

Or maybe he’s cranky that he has to go do manual labour in Texas. But my money is on the fact that he didn’t once get to wear a belt.

Minions!

They have names!

Amalia is kind of a lesser Penelope, but with the same fashion sense. Which is why she wore a pink polka dotted hairband with a high necked blue ruffled blouse and a floral print skirt.

Memo to Blair: if you’re going to take over the school, take your minions shopping first. Because while Amalia’s was just kind of sad, Minion number 2 (Sophie) is actually wearing one of your sundresses from the summer:

Not cool Blair. Not cool. 

And Minion Amalia could also use some work on her formal wear. The puckering satin isn’t going to do her hips any favours.

I couldn’t get a good shot of the full dress, but Minion Sophie is about two ruffles short of a Miss J gimmick on ANTM: