Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 1 of 3: Gossip Girl is Dead, and so is Bart

Bart's second death opened the door for Blair's second wedding (featuring #1 better hair than her first, and #2 Meester Chuck), Georgina to find her one true scheming love, and Lily to spend her days blissfully drunk with her first husband. We didn't get the answers to all our questions, but we did get the answer to the biggest of them all: "Who am I?" Well, that one secret Gossip Girl would never tell turned out to be Dan Humphrey. Plot holes, shmot holes. But the YKYLK staffroom is oddly okay about it (some of us called it. Others had thought it was Jenny. We're just glad it wasn't all a Dan Humphrey dream). 

This episode treated us both to flashbacks (Dan's buzz cut! Chuck's scarf!) and a flash-forward wherein Nate has rubbed two brain cells together to become a viable candidate for mayor, Serena has married the man who made her teenage years miserable, and Henry Bass wins all the medals for Best Dressed Child.

 

It took two tries, but they finally did it.

They killed Bart Bass.

If the series wasn't ending, I would say he'd be back to win a 2013 man of the year award. But we'll assume they got him this time. 

 

Unlike Bart's previous death, the family wasn't feeling it. Sure Blair and Chuck had a moment in the alley - but that had more to do with guilt. 

The beaded purse was probably a bit much with that dress from last week, but I'd love to see it on it's own. 

 

The feelings of guilt over Bart's death didn't seem to last too long, as Blair was able to sleep peacefully and keep her purple eye makeup looking perfect. 

 

Unlike the police, former adversary Uncle Jack was able to get back into the country and find them within hours. He did so in style with a tailored grey suit, pink shirt and a full tea service.

He's looking a bit worse for wear these days - a little gaunt wouldn't you say? Maybe a return to New York will be good for his health. 

 

While Chuck and Blair were stuck in last night's clothes, Jack was full of good ideas. Namely this:

I'll give you a moment to squee and collect yourselves.

...

 

Okay on to what's really important: what does Blair Waldorf wear to her second wedding?? Turns out it's the something blue in a stunning Elie Saab. 

Her hair is also back to its former glory. Wearing it down hasn't done B any favours over the past season or two and I get it. Your hair changes. Sometimes it gets oilier. Stars! They're just like us! But when you're Blair Waldorf, you have the luxury of daily access to stylists and sending Dorota to hair styling school. Regardless, wearing it up like this is beautiful. And that's a very grown up version of the headbands she once rocked like a champ. 

 

I know she said this is the perk of a lifelong relationship with Elie Saab, but how the hell did they tailor it to fit so well? I'm no seamstress, but I know this is the kind of tailoring that takes time.

Whatever. She looks amazing and as improbabilities go, this is the least of our concerns. Although, does a lifelong relationship also get you the perk of your dress being your "something borrowed"?

 

 

 

Over the past few seasons, the flamboyant Chuck we once knew and loved toned it down. Sure there was purple (there was always purple), but there were so many suits and so much grey. But Chuck heard our cries of boredom and brought it hard for the wedding of 2012. 

A white tux! It will look dated in future wedding photos (if any profesh photos exist. Will they all be on Instagram?), but that's okay! He's Chuck Mothereffing Bass and he can do whatever he pleases. Pale pink shoes? Yes. He's Chuck Bass. A sparkly blue tie to match his brides dress in under an hour? Yes. He's Chuck Bass.

Other dudes can try, but they will never measure up to his style when he puts the effort in.

 

I know the cops are hot on his heels, but I kind of want to tell him to slow his roll just a bit. Because as lovely and a conniving as she can be, he's got a lifetime of this face and these friends to contend with.

This is years of judgement right here, my friends. Eleanor in her leopard print wrap strikes me as a formidable mother-in-law. You'd want to be on her good side at all times. Serena? Well, we all know how those Best Frenemies work. At least Lily will be drunk most of the time, so her well dressed and bejewelled judgement will be easier to handle. But hidden from the picture is Dorota, who'll likely be judgier than all of them combined. Chuck doesn't want to mess with that if he values his ascots. Cross Dorota and suddently the dry cleaner "accidentally" "loses" them. 

 

All my reservations aside, they do make a well dressed pair. 

And I'm sure it's all worth it for this:

You need another squee moment, don't you? 

...

 

Of course, none of this would be what it is without the other high school sweethearts of the UES. S, after reading the unpublished feelings of Humphrey, cancels her flight to LA, gets the girls out on full disply and heads to Dan's new place to confront him.

The coat itself is fine enough, but the Missoni dress? I probably could have given this a Worst Outfit nomination.

It's like she wore a well tailored carpet bag that is doing her décolletage no favours - other than making sure we know she's got some serious cleave action going on. 

 

Now, even if you disagree with me on the dress, I bet we can find common ground on the shoes. What do you think you'd wear with that dress (keeping in mind you've also paired it with a rather plain 3.1 Phillip Lim grey coat)? Maybe a pair of knee high boots? Or a great pair of black pumps? Or some adorable booties? All of those choices would make sense. But this is what S wore.

Yes. Glitter Louboutin stilettos with black tights. A+ for seasonally appropriate hosiery (not usually her strong suit). D- for the out of place daytime glamour. If she knew she was headed to a wedding, maybe. But since she was just headed over for a come to Jesus moment with Gossip Girl Dan, this is an odd choice. I know because I've seen what everyone else wore. 

Sure Georgina wore bondage booties, but they kind of make sense since she's usually wearing a plate of spiky armour. 

 

And what was S greeted with when she headed back to the city? 

God Dan. Enough with the chest hair already. You can be an artiste and slightly less furry. Or at least stop wearing so many damn V-necks. I do like the blazers though. Mostly because I love what is happening here.

I mean, holy crap Dan! What is this? You've got some mad Oscar Wilde steez happening here. Well, you know, considering you're straight, not dead and probably not quite as talented. But steez. Yes. The long burgandy coat with the grey blazer lapels layered over it and the leather satchel make up for all of your other fashion crimes this season. Of the entire series for that matter.

You really went out on a bang Humphrey. Quite literally, considering you were Gossip Girl all this time.

Can't say I saw that one coming. Not even a little bit. Well played, Humphrey. I bet if we went back and re-watched all six seasons, we still wouldn't guess it was you. 

Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 2 of 3: Plus ça change, plus ç'est la même chose

 

Has anything really changed over the years? I mean, other than than the style of the clothes. Remember waaaay back when Eric was locked in the Ostroff Centre (now the Pedowitz Institute) and Lily's all, "I don't care if it's a Murakami...someone get me a drink." Well, minus the inconveniently suicidal child, Lily still has that attitude and style.

Gorgeous as always, but not really the picture of a woman who just lost her husband for the second time. Although, I guess on your fifth marriage it's more practical than about true love. She does know that she should wear a bit of black to indicate to the media that she cares about Bart's death. I love the black lace top and the giant black earrings. 

And as always, I love her hair.

I do not love anything happening on William vdW here. That coat is the colour of a potato and shaped like a sack. His exile from the UES has done him no favours. I honestly don't know what Lily and Ivy saw in him.

 

Poor Ivy. Despite being the jilted lover, she's looking all kinds of amazing in that red with the structured grey jacket and pattered tights.

But no matter how good she looks these days or how much money she has, she's just not ready for this crowd. Player got played on that one. I guess that explains the weird romance she had with William.

 

Although I'm not sure Georgina is buying that plot line.

Now there is a power couple if ever I saw one. I mean, really. Jack tried to ruin his nephew, was exiled and is now back (only because his brother is dead) to help his nephew get married to avoid the long arm of the law. 

 

And Georgina? Girlfriend personifies scheme.

It's probably ten in the morning and she's already in full body armour. Trusting a woman who dresses in all metallics, all the time, is kind of like trusting that dude with the face tattoos. He might stab you, she might stab you in the back. And you should have seen that coming.

 

How do you accessorize all those spikes and sequins?

Giant. Ass. Jewelry. That's how.

It's funny, we gave Vanessa such a hard time for overdoing it, but we're totally okay with Georgina. Maybe we just appreciate Georgina's moxie more.

 

Speaking of Vanessa, how is she doing these days?

Same old, same old boho self, plus one mid-century modern kitchen. Maybe one or two fewer necklaces, so I can only assume she's been reading YKYLF since leaving to go do whatever it is she did. I can't remember since Dan literally never speaks of his childhood BFF. 

 

On the subject of Brooklyn, when the news of Dan's online treachery broke, Rufus broke out his best trophy husband leftovers for a round of son-shaming.

The cowl neck! Oh how we didn't miss those sweaters. And so many patches! It's like he's going to go hunting with the cast of Downton Abbey. And as always, he accessorizes with a look of righteousness and judginess. 

 

Sage dressed like she's thinking of making a move to Brooklyn. Her brown plaid frumpy dress and chartreuse cardigan are equal parts Early Dan plus Girls hipster-adjacent style.

 

If the series hadn't come to an end, I'd want to send a note to Eric Daman about how we don't need this. Since the teenage troublemaker won't be a part of our lives anymore, I'll give her snaps for her outerwear - she's the winner of that catergory for this episode.

I love the plaid coat and the brown wedge boots. Well done, kiddo. You make your man-child boyfriend so much more interesting.

 

Something he can't do for himself.

Yep. That's Nate. Grey shirt, black tie, no clue. Best moment for him was when he thought it was a good idea to tell the cop his girlfriend is a minor. We've said it before, and we'll say it again: it's a good thing he's pretty.

 

As the truth came out about Gossip Girl, our friends on the UES needed a good, stiff drink.

And wasn't it about time that someone served Dorota?? I think we all enjoyed seeing her order from Jack. She knows who belongs and who doesn't.

 

But the Scooby Gang weren't the only ones surprised. Cameo upon cameo of former minor characters (Lola! Juliet! Agnes! Mayor Bloomberg!) expressed their shock. Our favourite was how Bell and Bilson took the news.

"Gossip Girl is real??" You bet your ass she is, Rachel.

Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 3 of 3: Ghosts of Christmas Past and Future

Forgive me if I get a little sentiment mixed into my snark. This is our last episode of Gossip Girl. I'm having a bit of a moment.  

Once the YKYLF staff got done fangirling over the wedding and the shock of who Gossip Girl is, we reveled in the flashbacks. We've come so far since Serena rode into Grand Central Station to the sounds of Peter, Bjorn and John

Flashback Serena is actually a lot like current Serena in her sequins, but with a flip phone. And look how young Pilot Episode Serena was! That jacket! With the stripes! I think I started watching the show because of that outfit (and started my spiral into nautical stripes).

 

The flashback filmed for this episode shows how much has been forgotten about S and B. 

I know we're comparing party wear to Constance wear, but I think we can see the inconsistencies. Blair's red lace is lovely, but it's not the over-the-top lovely she used to go for. And that headband? Weaksauce. 

 

But the flashbacks made it easy to see why we fell in love and stayed along for the ride, no matter how ridonk the ride got.

Flashback Nate's got a delightful single argyle going on. Still a lot of blue, but different blues. I wish Future Nate would embrace some sweater wear, but as we'll soon see, this is unlikey. He's accessorized it here with a joint, as Young Nate was wont to do.

 

Lonely Boy's big difference? The hair of course. Hello, buzzcut!

Also, I don't know that Li'l Lonely Boy would have worn a blazer a la Present Day Dan. He'd have gone cardigan or something a little more interesting (like when he had a military inspired jacket moment). He may not have been cool at school, but his style was definitely Brooklyn cool. 

 

And Chuck. Oh Chuck of Christmas Past!

Flashback Chuck almost nails it. The blue popped collar is all wrong, but the artful mixing and matching of patterns, right down to the signature scarf, is the Chuck that won us over. Even in pastels, early season Chuck knew how to mix things up. 

 

Also in the past, we can't forget Little J or the minions.

It was like a cotton candy explosion back then. Totally not the style today, but I still loved their jackets and outerwear and clear disregard for authority since they never really bothered to follow uniform dress codes. 

 

But how does it all end? With misty water coloured memories of the way things used to be? Oh hells no. 

Flash forward bitches! To the land of so many inconceivable things!

 

For starters — the NY Spectator isn't a failing newspaper that no one cares about.

And who is aboard that privately owned plane? 

Whaaaa? 

I think he thinks he's a spy with that metal briefcase. Except. Apparently in the future, Nate is poised to become the youngest mayor of New York City.

I can only assume he's slept with everyone to make this happen. Because as our readers Chloe and Lauren pointed out, there is no way Nate rubbed enough clues together to make it this far in politics or got past his past legal troubles and his tendancy to sleep with EVERYONE (Blair, Serena, Vanessa, Ivy, Jenny, Sage the minor...should I continue?). As Cyrus might say:

 

Oh, but that's not all. Blair and Chuck got busy faster than you can say Kate Middleton. Because this kid exists.

Unsurprisingly, Wee Henry Bass is a dapper fellow. And marriage to Blair/real death of Bart has gotten Chuck off the double breasted grey suit and brought back the ascot.

 

The future does look good on Blair though.

I love it a lot. It's grown up, but still pretty. 

Maybe not for a wedding, but definitely for New Year's. 

 

Future Lily is as lovely as ever, but there's something about Eric that isn't right.

It's as if he's spending all his time in a dive bar in Montauk instead of Sarah Lawrence.

 

Little has changed with Little J in five years. 

The eye makeup isn't as bad, but she's still working super hard to be edgy.

Yeah, I'm not buying this is Future Jenny and Eric. How about you? 

 

The Future Rufus, however... now that is a future Humphrey I buy. 

Super Hipster Rufus! Love the glasses though and the jacket. Rufus should have gotten into this look five years ago. I guess marriage to Lisa Loeb is what did it.

No, we don't understand how that happened either. No, they didn't explain. This is what happens in the GG writers rooms these days. #randomness

 

But they can't hold a candle to my favorite Future Couple - Jackgina! Georgack?

Either way, I see Georgie hasn't let go of sartorial tendancies, what with this Robert Rodriguez dress full body armour.

 

So why are all these Future Selves gathered in the Future Brownstone? 

Looking good in formal grey Dan. And you've tamed the mane of hair. Why so dressed up?

 

What in the what now? They're headed out of the house, right?

No?

Hells bells, Serena. Gold lamé Georges Chakra for a living room wedding? 

You said it, Cyrus. If Serena was going to wear that to the sounds of Florence + the Machine, she's going to do it in the biggest venue with the most people. No matter what Serena says, she's a girl who loves an audience. On the upside, she's got fantastic hair and earrings.

I still don't believe she'd marry Future Dan, but she looks happy, so I'll leave her be.

 

And is Gossip Girl really dead? Or is she haunting a future gang as they navigate the UES?

 

Well, that's a secret she'll never tell.

xoxo

YKYLF

Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

As the YKYLF staff pours one on the ground for the passing of this once epic series, we take a moment to try and understand the final moments. It's a bit like untangling a ball of yarn after the cat has dragged it under the couch. For starters, we'll never truly understand the feud between Chuck and Bart. And while it took a tip off from a teenage girl to help the police find Chuck, it took Uncle Jack to be the angel of all the fangirl wishes: the union of Chuck and B. Yes, a stylish marriage of convenience took place at the Met to ensure Blair would never testify and that the two could end their silly pact and be together forever and ever and ever. Bart's death not only freed the happy couple, but it also freed Nate from creditors, William from Ivy, Lily from...well...I don't know anymore with Lily. I'm pretty sure she's spiked the tea but good because Bart's second death rolled off her back like someone told her dinner was cancelled. Serena practically turns the plane around to be with Dan after reading his love letter, then they become their own implausible epic love story. And after all the cue cards on the pool table to figure it out, no one saw the truth coming. Not even Bell and Bilson - it was Lonely Boy all along. After all, you're nobody until somebody writes a blog and two best sellers about you.


Five years later, the world is topsy turvy! Nate is not even 30 and people want to vote him mayor! And the NY Spectator is a success! And Blair got pregnant days after the wedding! And Eric van der Woodsen looks kind of like a greasy bar owner from the Hamptons! And Jenny doesn't talk! And Lily is now Lily Rhodes van der Woodsen Mueller Bass Humphrey Bass van der Woodsen! And Rufus is with Lisa Loeb! And Georgina is with Jack! And in the least believable of all these things - Serena and Dan get married in front of only those people in a living room to the same song that closed out Sex and the City. As if.

 

Party du Jour
A marriage of convenience between Chuck and Blair. Why not. It's not the weirdest thing these 22 year olds have ever done. 

 

Best Quotes
"You can't talk to her. She's a minor." - Nate. Still not seeing the error in his ways.

"We can do the same thing we did the last time Bart died." - Lily. Clearly not that bothered about her husband's second death.

"Gossip Girl is dead." - Dan.

 

Best Outfit
I have mixed feelings about it, but you know what? Blair's second wedding dress wins the day. She was lovely in blue and I liked the head piece. 

 

Worst Outfit
I was originally going to hand it to Sage for going full on Girls hipster-adjacent in her brown plaid and frumpy chartreuse cardigan. Yet somehow, I didn't entirely hate it. Not nearly as much as I hated Serena's gold lame living room wedding dress. S couldn't let us go without solidifying her place in the YKYLF Hall of Shame.

 

It's the end of an era here as our namesake show comes to an end, and on Thursday I'll write my final Gossip Girl recap. Sob.

Gossip Girl: The Revengers

Part 1 of 2: Out in the Cold

Jesus H. Gossip Girl, what the fresh hell was this shlock you tried to pass off as a penultimate episode to THE ENTIRE FREAKING SERIES? I imagine that by the time they got around to this episode, the GG Writers' Room was covered in paper airplanes and spitballs. "What's that you say, New Writer? A half-baked idea that has nothing to do with the previous six years of the show? Bully! Let's do it!" In sum: The Scooby Gang is still on a kick to frame Bart Bass, who's decided NYC isn't big enough for both he and his son and he tries to have him killed but he fails and he gets nominated for an award and then he dies and DOES ANYONE EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THEY'RE FIGHTING ABOUT? Something about horses? Or hotels? Oh Gossip Girl. How far you have fallen from the days when New York Magazine called you The Greatest Show of Our Time.

 

We open with one of Blair's Audrey Hepburn dreams. This time, it's the lesser-known 1963 flick Charade.

It's a bit startling to see Chuck dressed a la Dan Draper, but a refreshing change from his usual technicolor palette. No me gusta the black hair on B, though. She needs a touch of chestnut.

Also? Audrey Hepburn had some unbelievably tiny arms. We all know Leighton is skinny, but she looks like a normal, non-actress type person compared to Audrey.

 

I particularly enjoyed Bart's turn as the creepy Leopold Gideon, and PS this was totally filmed on the same set as the Waldorf apartment. See the columns? Geez, I watch this show way too much.

 

Après nightmare, Blair bolts up in silk floral print PJs, ready for a day of scheming and plotting. So basically, ready for the average day on Blair Waldorf's calendar.

 

Do you think the Waldorf-Basses meant to coordinate? I wholeheartedly applaud this look, particularly the fierce side-eye they're both giving.

And naturally, Blair's Sonia star print dress. The bold color keeps it from beeing too twee.

 

Yes, that was all enjoyable, but the real fashion standout in this episode was OUTERWEAR! You guys, so many yummy looks. Observe B in her raspberry beret and wool coat with the contrasting wide lapels. Perfection.

 

And Chuck also brings it with this textured white number, complete with coordinating pocket square. As you do.

 

The pockets! I die!

 

Speaking of color-coordinating couples, I see that Sage has caught Blue Fever from Nate. Perhaps she has a homeopathic cure stored away in the Native American-inspired bag. Is that something a Medicine Man would know about?

 

Underneath her cobalt coat is a deep turquoise sweater. The Blue, it's spreading.

I do appreciate the leather accents on the sleeves, even if the sweater in general looks like it'd be incredibly itchy. Gilda Radner once said "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch," but I'll bet Sage doesn't know who Gilda is. Kids today.

 

Oh no! Bart's caught it, too! This is all the evidence I need to affirm that he's been spending too much time with Nate. Good thing he had Nathanial hauled away.

 

Meanwhile, my favorite quasi-couple were apartment shopping. Apparently Dan and his hair have decided to move into this orange-hued "hovel". Georgina's words, not mine. She's bitter because her baby daddy wants to stay in Brooklyn.

 

Or maybe it's just her spiked purse strap and bruise-inducing jewelry that gives her the edge. Remember when she didn't dress like an soap opera villan? Go back and watch a few early episodes for some real lolz.

 

Speaking of villans, I still can't decide if Ivy's on the side of good or evil, but this leather dress is swaying me towards the dark side. No one dresses like this in the daytime unless they're up to no good.

Ugh. Georgina and Ivy back to back is giving me heartburn. We need a breath of fresh air...

 

Why Serena, you look positively lovely! She's sporting a casual braid, a respectable (yet interesting) top, and paperweight earrings like only a Rhodes girl can.

But we pan down and find so, so much busyness below the waist.

Thank you for the test pattern opportunity, Gossip Girl. It appears that my TV is working correctly.

 

Going back to outerwear (because I apparently can't help myself) let's take a sec to drink in the gorgeous colors and textures of S's leather trench and scarf. So autumnal! Yet practical! Is this really our "impervious to cold" Serena who eschews the thermometer in favor of bleeding-edge trends?

 

I'll even let the test pattern tights slide when paired with this trench. Such is the power of a good coat, my friends.

 

BUT! Even that was not her finest moment. At the end of the episode, she sashays out of New York sporting shades of Lily with a neat bun and a to DIE for mulberry coat. She hasn't killed outwear like this since she was actually impersonating Lily in "The Kids Are Not Alright". Outfit of the week right here, folks.

Let's not forget the heavy earrings, plus legs for days:

I'm beginning to understand why Dan can't let go. I'd stalk Serena just for those shoes.

Gossip Girl: The Revengers

Part 2 of 2: Bart, Bart, He's our Man

If I ever see Georgina in a clothing that's a color other than some variation on black/white, I will die of shock. Luckily, this sequined B&W leopard print jacket (that's a lot of adjectives for one piece of clothing) keeps my heart ticking.

And that steely glare is the best accessory of all. I would squeal with glee if Georgie got her own spinoff. As she said, there's a niche market for schemers for hire. I personally would love to watch Georgina's flourishing startup.

 

Perhaps Blair could be her logistics gal. Who else can source blueprints (tastefully framed, no less) on such short notice?

While I'm digging the color and pattern on her dress, The blocky hem and thick belt cut her into too many sections. Snaps for the detailed sleeves, even if I'm not generally a fan of the cap sleeve. They're hard to pull off, amirite?

 

Blair and Her Bitches en masse. Except, one of these things is not like the other.

We're talking about you, Ivy. Did you not get the memo to accessorize? Do you not know what show you're on?

 

At the hop Bart's "Man of the Year" gala, Serena sports yet another overcoat, although I'm not in love with this one. Olive does nothing for her complexion and the detailing is too militaristic.

Oh, but wait. That whole thing about Byzantine warfare. Ah, well played wardrobe crew. Well played.

 

Beneath the blah is this stunner of a dress. Why why did Serena start dressing tastefully so close to the end? I mean, this is simply lovely! And it makes two (TWO!) nominations from Serena for best outfit. Ten points for glamour without the skeeze.

 

 

Huh, but she still can't part with the messy ponytail. Three points deducted.

 

Apparently, Georgie knows that Bart Bass will stoop to anything, and that includes firearms. In the event of gun shots, her necklace (do you even call it that when it's so huge?) will do nicely as body armor.

 

I'm a fan of rep stripe ties, but Bart just looks so casual here. Receiving a big award (especially when you've been dead most of the year) and having a party thrown in your honor feels like a tuxedo-appropriate occasion.

And oh my Kinkos that was a huge poster. Where does one get something like this? I'll bet Blair knows.

 

Sage realizes this is an occasion to do it up, although I totally agree with GG Editor Lesley-Anne. Girlfriend took a left turn at Sequinville and landed smack in Old Lady Village. Sweetie, save this tunic for when you're in your sixties. It'll wear much better then.

 

So anyways, Bart and Chuck had a fight on the roof, and then Bart died. I just have to wonder - is the finale going to be EIGHT HOURS LONG? Because holy loose ends, you guys.

BTW, do you want to hear my theory on how the show will end? Remember that scene in the pilot where Nate and Chuck snub Dan on the bus? This entire thing has been a revenge fantasy courtesy of Dan Humphrey's lightening-fast imagination. The final scene will be of him, back in the St Jude's uni and buzz cut, stepping off the bus.

I mean, it's no stupider than anything else they've thrown at us, right?

Gossip Girl: The Revengers

Remember when this was a show about wealthy teenagers behaving badly? That's okay, neither do the writers. The gang tries to take Bart down using Byzantine warfare as an inspiration. It turns out you should never get involved in a land war in Asia or use Byzantine warfare against Bart, because he's already on it. He has Nate arrested for fraud, pretend-kidnaps Blair, and the only way to keep them safe is for Chuck to move to Moscow. Of course! Chuck's plane then goes down, yet Bart shows no remorse or concern. So he's gone from generally ruthless to pointlessly evil? Fear not Chuck fans, like any good Bass, the reports of his death are wildly exaggerated and he returns in time to accuse his father of attempted murder. Dan is actually in love with Serena and always has been (at least for this week), but S is running away to LA. His grand move? Convincing Bart he'll say nice things, but then doing the exact opposite! And then sneak the "nice" Serena chapter into her bag. Such a romantic. Sage knows how to comfort Nate through all this - by suggesting he uncover the secret identity of the mysterious community manager who has haunted him since junior high. And in a final confrontation between pere and fils, Bart slips off a skyscraper roof, with Blair and Chuck watching. Talk about a cliffhanger! 

 

Party du Jour
A gala to honour Bart Bass as "New York Real Estate's 2012 Man of the Year". Wasn't he dead for most of 2012? 

 

Best Quotes
A convoluted episode, but so, so many amazing one-liners:

"Now I won't be able to step into the guest bath without thinking about your Geor-gina." Dan being all smart with the word play. 

"Moscow? As in Russia?" Chuck. What? How did you ever run a business? 

"Phone stealing? Seriously? That's the training bra of treachery." Georgina. She would know. 

 

Best Outfit
While her gala coat was kind of frumpy, Serena was downright tasteful. Everything was covered in gorgeous black lace. And then she goes full Lily in the upper half of her travel outfit.  But a shout out to Georgina for being able to wear a necklace that large and not get a neck ache. 

 

Worst Outfit
Sage dresses like a 70 year old nana headed to a Palm Beach New Year's party. And Blair was just a mess of patterns and textures in her gala outfit.

 

It's the penultamite recap of our namesake show, and on Thursday Editor-in-Chief Jen will weigh in one last time on the show that inspired her. 

Gossip Girl: It's Really Complicated

Part 1 of 2 - The Failures

It's turkey time again, which on the UES is synonymous with eating disorders, alcoholism, backstabbing, delusion, and of course, an extra helping of drama. Serena and Dan host their first ever co-dinner, which is either a great idea or a terrible one, depending on the RSVP list. Naturally, S invites her ex, Steven, in a moment of ill-conceived sympathy while grocery shopping, and Steven proves he's totally lame by acting like a mooning high schooler. Meanwhile Dan invites his ex, Blair, who drags along a semi-comotose, mostly-despondent Chuck, who's retreated to the comforts of booze and strippers. At least this time, it's Blair moonlighting as a Pocahontas stripper. Oh wait, that was horrible. Moving on. Sage has concocted some half-baked scheme with Blair to win Nate back, Blair's still scheming to help bring down Bart, and Chuck decides they don't need real evidence, just enough evidence to convince Lily, because her hatred will totally ruin his dad's life. Right. The most important question, though, is whether Dan is still Sweet Lonely Boy or if he's become Bad Boy in Disguise. The less nice "Serena" chapter for Vanity Fair gets published during dinner, which ruins Thanksgiving for everyone and sends him packing to Brooklyn.


As I watched the episode last night, I realized that out of the six Thanksgiving episodes that Gossip Girl has aired, I've written four recaps for YKYLF. I think that must be some kind of record, and as the newly instituted Expert of GG Thanksgiving, it's time to check in and judge their fall fashions. Let's start with the failures because let's face it, those are a hell of a lot more fun.



Rufus, you haven't changed. Or rather, you changed, then you changed back to the exact same aging rocker stick in the mud you were before Lily made you a House Husband. You think she would ever let him wear this god awful black western shirt with snaps and red embroidered roses? Even better, this is one of Rufus' old shirts.  Yes, there is photographic evidence. He wore it back in season one, episode seventeen, "Women on the Verge." Go ahead, check it out. I'll wait.



Another Humphrey with problems of a Van der Woodsen variety is Dan. Yes, he's supposedly cooler and hipper than he used to be, but he's not dressing the part.



The artistically floppy curls are a marginal improvement from the small, angry animal last season, but the crawling chest hair is a major problem. Maybe he should go to Chuck's groomer, as hes eems to have that situation under control. Otherwise, the simple faded red sweater and sport coat aren't a terrible look. Maybe it's me, but he looks just sloppy and uncaring. If you're going to be the new hipster-adjacent writer from Brookly, you've got to dress the part. My theory on all this is he's developed some sort of psychotic personality disorder and this explains his bizarre, un-Lonely Boy behavior. Why else publish that true (but horrible) Serena article, then claim he still loves her? That's got to be it, right? I mean, it's not like we're totally playing in the realm of possible with these kids anymore. 



Georgina, on the other hand, is refreshingly predictable. Never change, you crazy diamond.



You keep your giant sunnies and studded evil ways. The world would not be complete without your particular brand of batshit crazy, which those sunglasses only emphasize. I'm kind of surprised you didn't get mugged in the park for that cray-cray necklace, even if it is fake. I'm sure some other bored yummy mummy would have tried to take you down for that plastic.

 


The exaggerated bug-eye sunglasses do come off sometimes, which makes Georgina look less crazy.  

Unfortunately, even in her slightly improved beaded dress, she acts just as nuts as ever.  This might have even been a high point for her, except the beading is so much.  I could have done without the additional beaded cuffs on the sleeves or the cell phone sized ring, but I have to admit she does look pretty here.



Okay, so Nate's not shirtless, but. . .



You're welcome, anyway. The gun show is almost enough. 

 

Nate has given up the ghost and finally admitted defeat in his war against blue.  



It was too much for him to handle. Bless his heart, so much is. I think we've probably seen a version of this sweater, but unlike Rufus, he escapes detection because his sweater isn't so ugly I can remember it three years later. At least Nate pairs it with a button-up that has some contrast to the unrelenting blue.



Considering this is my last Gossip Girl recap ever, I suppose it's unsurprising that I feel speechless after coming face to face with Serena's Thanksgiving prep outfit.

She had me until the poofy, leather skirt. And your eyes do not decieve you, that is indeed a slip (a Josie Natori Saran Chemise to be exact) underneath. I'm all for fashion experimentation, but I am truly lost here. None of these pieces seem to go together at all, from the cream sweater, to the blue embroidered tank, to the aforementioned skirt. Taken individually, they're nice enough. The sweater and chemise top in particular would have been brilliant with a pair of skinny jeans and boots. But Serena has never been known for brillance.

 



 

This recap would not be complete with a shot of Serena shopping in a grocery store, a sight I'm sure none of us expected to ever see in our lifetimes.

We always assumed that Serena thought food magically came from a caterer. We had no idea she even knew what a grocery store is, let alone how to find one and buy food to be prepared.

Also, that heavy looking scarf is:
1. Not enough to actually keep her warm during winter in NYC.
2. Not long enough to cover up that leather montrosity.


For dinner, Serena sticks to the sweater theme, donning a short, flared sweaterdress with intricate embroidery.



We at YKYLF have harped on Serena for six seasons now, complaining about her ever-shrinking hemlines. So I won't even bother to point out how short her skirt really is, because you already know all about that. Instead, I will mention how beautiful the detailing is. The pattern's a little busy, but the colors are so gorgeous and so gorgeous on Serena. For a change, she really looks lovely.

 

And because we can't miss a shot of Serena in this Anthropologie apron, another first:



Wouldn't want to muss up her pretty dress. Oh wait, Serena doesn't actually cook. We can only assume this is for show, or else her guests are in for a nasty surprise. 

Gossip Girl: It's Really Complicated

Part 2 of 2 - The Successes

As for those steadily improving Gossip Girl characters, the list isn't really a surprising one. By the end of six seasons, you know who can dress and who only gets lucky once in awhile.

Blair finally begins to grow up (sartorially...not emotionally) and, for the first episode in a long time, appears in pants. Specifically, a gorgeous gray tweed pantsuit.



The black detailing at the waist reminds us just how tiny she is, and the burst of blues and purples courtesy of the Gucci blouse is so flattering. Our Thanksgiving wish for her is better hair. What happened? The ghosts of Thanksgivings past tell us it once had volume and lustre. 

I think even Blair knows it to be true. I can only assume that's why the sour face. Or maybe it's because her emotionally distant and drunk true love is being, well, emotionally distant and drunk. 

Despite the hair, it's nice to see a grown-up side of Blair. And since she's still Blair, she finds the perfect accessory in a iridescent flower pin on her lapel.



Unfortunately, all is not so golden.

First, she insists on slipping on this wallpaper-print coat in clashing whites and golds.



This actually looks like a housecoat my grandmother owned in the sixties. She's really dropped the ball on outerwear. It used to be one of her talents. The kind of talent you could take to the bank and add to your LinkedIn profile. Not so much anymore. 


Second, she pulls out one of the most offensive and just plain bizarre outfits she's ever worn on GG. And I mean ever



Whaaaat? Yeah, I don't get it either. I guess she was trying to forcibly jerk (shock?) Chuck out of his Bart-induced scotch haze? The thing is, it's not like Blair doesn't know how to lure Chuck to bed. This was not only unnecessary, it was tacky. And potentially using jewelry Vanessa left behind before she went whrever it is she was exiled. 

But if you think the top is a bit much, take a gander at the full ensemble (yes, there's more). 



Oh yeah. Definitely tacky. Wacky, like Blair, but also missing that important factor of class that we've always associated with her.



Dorota doesn't know what to make of all this.



Us either, Dorota.  But I'm glad to see you broke out your Thanksgiving themed uniform.

 

Sage may be a newbie to our little show, but she's got sophistication in spades, at least for a national holiday.



Let's get to know her a little better. When not debuting, scheming, stripping at fashion shows, dating older men and airing sex tapes at society functions, Sage loves walking the streets of Manhattan in awesome khaki trenches with embroidery details.



Plus, like any self respecting young woman with more money than she knows what to do with, she's busy perfecting the Van der Woodsen talent of Wearing Very Heavy Earrings. This Sage, she's a force to be reckoned with.



Underneath the coat, she's not quite as classy, but still, her evergreen bandage dress is flattering enough, and she managed not to overdo the costume jewerly.



Serena's ex-almost-fiancé Steve is more pathetic than anything else, but he's included here because we feel sorry for him.



One of many (many) to have loved and lost Serena, he seems to be lost and confused. Possibly because he also thought food came from a catering truck. It also seems like he's so confused that he's taken to dressing poorly. The shirt looks bunchy under his coat, like it might not even fit him all that well (in his grief has he lost weight? Because he should know enough to get a fitted shirt) and the camel coat is just plain lazy. Maybe Serena's love is poisonous to the opposite sex -- after all, Dan doesn't seem to faired all that well either. They do say the female of the species is more deadly than the male. 

 

Feeling sorry for himself and generally giving up on life, Chuck is really suffering after losing the evidence to lock his father up once and for all.



Been there, done that. Amirite? I mean, if I had a nickel for every time my step mom tossed the damning microfiche in the fire.... It's no wonder he wishes all the glasses in his penthouse were bottomless. And they possibly are. 

 

He looks marginally better upright (but still with trusty glass in hand). Since this is Chuck, his pajamas are a sumptuous black satin with a subtle maroon trim. Very nice. The man does know how to feel sorry for himself with a touch of class.





Of course, we know how well Chuck cleans up. He's the one character you can count on fairly consistently to look great and event-appropriate, even if he is completely in the bag after two bottles of scotch. Plus, he really knows how to dress for fall.



The brown three-piece suit is gorgeous, and his red bowtie the perfect accompaniment (unless, maybe, we're counting Blair).  Even his hair has finally grown out from his unfortunate incident with the clippers.


Despite being all kinds of underhanded, it's kind of hard to stick Bart Bass in with the losing side.  He's such a perennial winner.



His clothes aren't all that interesting, but for the look he's going for--cold, hard-hearted businessman--he dresses flawlessly. He's even wearing a palette of icy blue and gray, his exterior emphasizing the barren wasteland within. Everything about him exudes power and ice and general hatred for his spawn. 



She might not have made it to the beach as planned, but Lily Rhodes van der Woodsen Mueller Bass Humphrey Bass is usually another high point during the holiday season on Gossip Girl, and this year is no exception.



Not the most fantastic dress she's ever worn, but it fits beautifully and the weft of the fabric adds a little visual interest. Love her gold knot earrings. Small by usual Rhodes girl standards, they're a nice touch. 

 

Definitely a lot more going on with the outfit Lily slips into for dinner.  



There's a lot of sequins on this dress, maybe even more than Serena would dare to wear. Totally what you wear for a meal at home with the kids and not at all at odds with Dan's v-neck and chest hair running wild and free. With the heavy sequins adding a bit of bulk, Lily does need the waist definition that the bow sash gives her, but it's a little incongruous with the top and bottom. We'll give this an A for effort, but not much more. However, the patented giant Lily earrings? How many of us would love access to Lily's spectacular earring collection? Her jewelry box must be the most magical place on earth. 

Gossip Girl: It's Really Complicated

Despite the episode's title, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's really not. Unless you make it so. And our friends on the UES excel at making things really complicated, particularly during the holidays.  B cancels plans for Paris to help S and Lonely Boy throw a feast for friends...and enemies, as it turns out. B turns to teen hellion Sage for help, which leads to S finding Steven and Sage in grocery store. (A place I'm sure none of them knew existed. That is what the help is for.) Speaking of daddy issues, Nate sleeps with a teenager and Chuck drowns his sorrows in a bottle until B shows up dressed in the skimpiest Native-American themed outfit she could find. Dan has apparently written two "Serena chapters" (one naughty, one nice) and tries to decide which he should release. Thankfully, Georgina is around to make sure the chapter with the most entertainment value is published. While S is hurt, Lonely Boy gets on his high horse and rides back to Brooklyn with whatever plan he's been cooking. Rufus gives out advice that no one listens to, Lily changes her mind about which Bass to believe (we'll see how long that lasts. I'm not sure she's to be trusted), buisness associates of Bart's turn up dead, and Bart and Nate continue with their blackmail plot (hands in the air if you just don't care about that one).

 

 Party du Jour
S and Lonely Boy host a Thanksgiving party for the whole gang.

Best Quotes
"Aren't you supposed to be on a white sandy beach where no one pays any capital gains tax?"

"Hey Dan, that was from all of us," said the pots as they called the kettle black as Nate punched Dan. 

Best Outfit
The skirt was short, but S in a fair isle sweater and flippy skirt with boots was adorable. 

Worst Outfit
Blair's culturally insensitive role playing outfit wins, handsdown. I guess it's a good thing she's friends with S again, otherwise, where would she get that outfit on such short notice? While infinitely more modest, the grey pantsuit wasn't much better when it comes to style choices.

 
Only two episodes left! And Bethany gets to be thankful for the last Thanksgiving episode of the series. 

Gossip Girl: Save The Last Chance

Part 1 of 2: The Queen B and The Five Families

I think we need to have a little pow wow with the writers. The end of the series is not the time to start throwing in strange plot twists and weird relationships. Also… microfilm?! Isn't that a touch outdated? Will next week's episode have the cast sending telegraphs and listening to gramophones? I digress… 

Craziness is running rampant on the UES. Serena and Dan appear to be in a committed relationship, but want to "make amends" with all of their frenemies before going public. Serena and Blair become besties (again) and cook up a scheme involving high schoolers (again). At least this scheme ends in Blair's professional success. Dan darts around town asking for forgiveness but he keeps getting in the way of all of the ridiculous scheming going on. Ivy and William vdW are an item and are trying to take Lily down (at the request of Lola). Using the microfilm, Ivy tries to entice Bart and Chuck to turn on Lily. Meanwhile, poor, sweet Nate gets blackmailed by Bart.

 

Look at these love birds! I'm happy that Dan and Serena are back together and I think their twin bed head is adorable. I'm not sure that I understand why they need to "make amends" before going public with their relationship status. But I guess they can't stay in bed all day. 

 

If I were going to go groveling back to a friend whom I have hurt, this is exactly the outfit that I would wear (minus the black bra that you can see through Serena's sweater. But what kind of day would it be if S wasn't drawing attention to the girls?). I like the Joseph color block sweater that she has paired with the T by Alexander Wang inverted neoprene skirt. The piece de resistance is the fabulous striped Fendi handbag. Serena looks ladylike and appropriate. **checks sky for flying pigs**

Pattern mixing is challenging, but Blair does it well with her daytime look. The small scale silver dots on her tie neck blouse play well with the large medallions on her A-line skirt. Topped off with a black cardigan and signature headband… someone is getting her groove back!  

 

 

Nelly Yuki can suck it.  Blair is not the fashion version of a tween (too old to be Queen B and too young to be an established designer). Dorota clearly agrees with me. 

 

What's a Serena and Blair reunion without a good scheme? The two decide to trick Sage into believing that S and Steven are back together in order to drive her into Blair's arms for assistance. It works and Sage agrees to get the heads of the "Five Families" together. Once the private girl's school Dons convene, they agree to attend Blair's fashion debut. 

The B for Waldorf collection debut is a sea of preptastic tartan.  I just love it. 

 

You know what else I love? Blair's Alexander McQueen plaid tiered dress! She accessorizes it well with a red head band, red lip, Louis Vuitton tassel necklaces, and her Christian Louboutin plaid pumps. Coco Chanel once said that you should remove an accessory before leaving the house and I wish that Blair had taken that advice and removed the gold embellished cuff. It distracts from her otherwise amazing look. 

 

And then the Dons show up. Let's ignore Sage's too short skirt paired with boots for a moment. Can we talk about Don Brearley? The Brearley tuition is over $38,000 a year. Surely the school can spring for a stylist to help the girls wear red (their school hue) with a little more prudence. At the very least they might want to rethink their approach to the "colors" section in art class. I'm not sure how coral, red, pale pink, and magenta go together, but she's sure trying with those cray Pretty Polly tights.

Fortunately for Blair, all the Dons love the collection. Fingers crossed that Don Brearley went home with some neutral garments. 

Maybe B could sit her down and give her some advice on colored tights. 

 

I'm glad Nelly Yuki was there to document Blair's success and her impressive use of tartan.  

Suck it, Nelly Yuki. We're Blair fans over here at YKYLF.

 

From this angle, it looks like Serena is offering supportive words to her dear friend Blair. 


But from this angle, we can see that Serena wore her subtle sequined S&M ensemble to the launch of B's junior line. This Peter Pilotto dress is 50 Shades of inappropriate for the occasion. Serena does get fashion points for the high pony and embellished Valentino clutch. Regardless, she still looks like a walking kinky craigslist ad. 

Serena's glittery dominatrix dress seems well-suited to the bedroom. After a long day of amend making, Dan and Serena are ready to relax. Once S leaves to slip into something a little less Barbarella-esque, Dan can unwind with his chest hair baring v-neck and a quick call from Georgina.

Wait. What?

Apparently Dan is actually writing a Serena chapter for his Vanity Fair piece. This relationship is all an act! Dan may have developed an antisocial personality disorder. And I've got a feeling this is going to send S into another spiral of blackmail, drugs, and train rides to upstate New York when she finds out.  

Gossip Girl: Save The Last Chance

Part 2 of 2: Really?!

Evidentially, Bart hid damning evidence about illegal oil deals in the back of Lily's Richard Phillips painting Spectrum.  Bart went all "Library of Congress" on us and stored his scans on microfilm instead of a digital option. The world changed while Bart was pretending to be dead and it doesn't look like he caught up. I bet he still has a first generation iPod. (By the by, how do you mastermind your fake death, but can't hide some frigging microfilm? Really, Bart? Really?)

Anyway. Ivy Dickens! I curse the day you entered the UES! All of your schemes and odd plots twists have exhausted me. I just want to lie down in this nice cozy bed (adorned with graphic black and white needlepoint Jonathan Adler pillows) and avoid processing all of this ridiculousness. 

For weeks we have known that Ivy was in cahoots with someone. It appears that someone is William Van der Woodsen, with whom Ivy is having a secret love affair. These two are trying to take down Lily at the request of their silent partner Lola. I'm just going on record as saying that I think this is completely, officially wackadoo. William can't really love Ivy and be trying to publicly humiliate the mother of his children… right? And how could Ivy be sick of eating waffles every day? It just doesn't add up. 

Although she is grating on my nerves, I do like Ivy's jacket. The shawl collar is on trend and the warm grey color works with her skin tone. The rest of this scene leaves me cold (as does the slight hint of a pinky ring on William's left hand). 

 

While Ivy is trying to persuade Bart and Chuck to turn on Lily, sensible (and potentially drunk) Lily decides to go another route. She heads over to see Rufus and convince him to give her the microfilm. Their conversation is about as boring as their ensembles. This is one big blah blob of brown and beige. It's sad when the cheeriest thing in the photo is a paper coffee cup. 

The scene reminds me of this past episode- in which Team Beige goes to Cafe Boulud. 


Being cunning is good for Ivy's hair. Her tresses look quite shiny and smooth this week! I also approve of the patterned Torn by Ronny Kobo top. 

Chuck decided to make a faux deal with Ivy. He plans to trick her into giving him the microfilm and using it to hurt Bart. I'm more intrigued by his impressive posture and dapper attire than his machinations against his father. 

 

While Chuck is focusing on taking down Bart, Bart is working on destroying Nate. In an out of the blue plot twist, we learned that Nate has been cooking The Spectator's books and is under water on his loan. I'm no accountant, but that doesn't sound good. It turns out that Bart backed Nate's loan and wants to use Nate to hurt Chuck. What the Bass family lacks in familial loyalty, they make up for in ability to blackmail. 

I'd comment on their attire, but neither of these gentlemen are wearing anything too exciting. 

Unlike the blackmail plot that has yet to reveal itsefl fully, their boring outfits surprise no one.


Although his world is falling apart, Chuck made a quick appearance at Blair's fashion debut. While he always looks perfectly put together, I think we can see his stress. He is in so much anguish that he has forgotten his signature pop of color. 

Get this man to the men's furnishings and tie department at Barney's! I think a purple pocket square and a shot of whiskey are in order. 


Eventually both Bart and Chuck end up in a room with Ivy who ends up in a polka dot bra (really? Nothing sexier for photos to convince Lily her back from the dead husband is cheating on her?). All three of them fail in their scheming. The real winner is Lily, who gets the microfilm from Rufus and then burns it.

Poor Chuck! He was unsuccessful in his quest to ruin his dad. Poor Nate! He is wearing a hideous shirt and tie combination and is being blackmailed. 

 

While this entire story line leaves me dazed and confused, my real upset is over Chuck and Blair. I just don't understand why they can't be together. Really GG writers?! You would do that to us? 

Sigh. With only a few episodes left, they better get this figured out. Although with so many new twists to work through, we don't expect a resolution until the last minute. 

Gossip Girl: Save the Last Chance

In the course of one episode, Ivy macks on three different dads: Rufus, William vdW, and Bart. (Although the last one was for pictures only. Less creepy?) She pits Bart and Chuck against each other to see who will win The Implicating Microfilms, but Brooklyn wins when Rufus swipes them and visits Lily to a) hand over said microfilm and b) confirm that Lily is spiking her tea. Lily burns the microfilm, sends Charles into a downward spiral of expensive booze, and renders Ivy unhinged. Shoulda made a copy, sweetheart.

In the B-plot (A-plot? I can't tell anymore.) Blair successfully launches her juniors line, yet measures her success on whether or not she's with Chuck. (She's not. Pacts and whatnot, you know.) To "make it work" and sell the line, she once again solicits Sage's help. B never learns. Which is probably why she once again utters the words, "I missed you S. You're my best friend." And while S is sure that she and Dan are on the path to making sweet, true love, Dan tells Georgina he's actually writing "the Serena Chapter". Is he lying to S? To Georgie? Or maybe to ALL THE PEOPLE?

 

Party du Jour
"B for Waldorf" is launched, and the dons of the five families (aka Mean Girls at the fancy schools) party at the pop-up. This may be the fastest a collection has ever been put together.

Best Quotes
“Lily's been divorced four, five times. Who can keep count?” — Ivy. We hear that.

Best Outfit
While the length of the skirt was dangerously macaron bearing, S and her day-glo colour blocking (accessorized by a striped purse) was a stand out number.

Worst Outfit
S undoes any ground she gained with grown-up formal wear in earlier episodes by breaking out some Barbarella-ish, cleave-tastic, and completely inappropriate wear for the launch of a teen fashion line.

 
Anne will be back on Thursday to try to make sense of Serena's dress and a plot that had little to do with anything that's ever happened on the show. The writers are maybe spiking their own chamomile?

Gossip Girl: Where the Vile Things Are

Part 1 of 2: Old Flames, Old Relationships


In the end we go back to the beginning...right? Apparently so for the UESers. Serena and Dan find their way back to each other (for the hundredth time), while Blair deals with her "dark side", aka the manipulative bitchy side we know and love. With Eleanor back in town, Blair attempts to make amends, but in the end goes back to what she knows best - high school. Lily throws another benefit, only to find Ivy and Rufus have finagled a way to be her co-sponsors, which bodes well for no one. Meanwhile, Chuck continues his investigations into Big Bad Bart, only to have their plans foiled by Ivy, who is not as innocent as she looks. Who am I kidding, when has Ivy ever been innocent?

 

Things open up with one of my favourite B dresses to date. The feminie cut and print are so perfect. Her hair, however, is not.

 

Blair's earrings coordinate with her dress AND her lipstick. Obvi. But if you're putting so much time into coordinating your dress, couldn't you spend a few extra minutes on your hair? I know business isn't going well, but I think Blair can still afford a daily blow out at the salon. 

 

 

 

My love for this outfit wanes a bit when B covers up that beautiful dress with a metallic tweed coat and a handbag. The Daytime Glitter of the coat may be a bit much, but it's lovely. Although, is that her grandmother's needlepoint on her bag?

 

No matter, let's take a moment and appreciate how good it is to have Eleanor back, k? The casually draped leopard shawl. The perfect grape-hued handbag in a classic shape. The hair with all it's volume and life. So, so good to have you back, Eleanor. Maybe you can help your daughter with her wardrobe and her 'do.

As further evidence...

 

There are many things I don't understand in life: price quantity theory, McLuhan, and now, this dress. Actually, it's not a dress - it's a Peter Pilotto top and skirt. The disjointedness of its construction paired with the really strange soundwave print makes me feel like I'm watching a strobe light.

I need to take a moment to steady myself after seeing this dress. 

Things aren't much better north of her neck. B, I'm sure a "tastemaker" like yourself could choose a better headband than a pile of blue rocks.

In fact, I'm pretty sure you know you can do better. Which is why you're going to focus on high school fashions and bring back the adorbs headbands. 

 

All that aside, I will say that the oh-so-subtle color coordination between mother and daughter is darling. (Although from far away, the pile of rocks have turned into a mutant blue caterpillar about to devour her head. She should watch out for that.)

I hope this mother-daughter brainstorm sesh ends in designs that aren't horrifyingly tasteless. 

 

I almost can't fault Dan for wearing the same old boring shirt because a) it's probably cashmere and $5000 (I mean, he has a Vespa now) and b) he's pretty much homeless.

 

Dear Dan, now that you're getting paid, go spend that Vanity Fair check at John Barrett and tame that head of yours (although, it is leaps and bounds better than the small, angry animal that was perched on your head last season). Then head down a few floors to the Armani boutique and get yourself a proper outfit.

Maybe just two or three new shirts. Maybe a jacket. Maybe some colour. We're not saying you need to go all Chuck Bass on us, but we bet you could rock some hipster chic. 

 

S and Lonely Boy part 23438403 - the true Neverending Story. 

 

"I guess this is ok now because our parents broke up so technically we're no longer related."

Except, you know, maybe it'd be better for your growth as functioning adults if you didn't keep sleeping with, breaking up with, feuding with, blackmailing your high school boyfriend/girlfriend. Leave it in the past, kids. Leave it in the past. (Also - wasn't she just doing jumpy claps over an engagement to someone else?!? Writers, are you drunk?)


Serena looks like she belongs in a LES walkup (and idea she scoffs at) with her animal print top, chunky necklace, and maroon cardigan. None of which match, obviously.

 

Not that Serena cares for such things as matching or covering up your cleave at 9am on a Tuesday. Serena is a free spirit. 

 

But being a free spirit who cares not for social norms doesn't make these geometric Rag and Bone pants ok. In any universe. Especially paired with those brown boots, which are actually super cute.

Those boots are probably sad they had to spend an entire day with those leggings. We understand, boots. We were sad we had to see them during the entire episode. 

 

I am super obsessed with Nelly Yuki's hair. The ombre is noticeable, but subtle enough that it could be natural - if you lived in California. The rest of us need an expensive stylist to give us this look and that's okay. 

I also love the sculptured necklace. She really has grown up. But the glasses? Have. Got. To. Go. You are either stylish reporter or hipster chic reporter. Choose one. 

 

Has Eleanor's ring always been like that? Is it just me or is it oddly similar to a certain Duchess'? Her expression is hilarious, while Nelly's is simply, "ugh, I used to be afraid of you?".

With that hair and that dress Nelly, you can own that experssion - you're the only minion who left Neverneverland and grew up. Yale did wonders for you. 

 

"Excuse me, I'm due for my hourly martini."

We'd drink too if we saw what B was doing to our company. 

Gossip Girl: Where the Vile Things Are

Part 2 of 2: Rivalries and Investigations

 

Most men limit themselves to one shade of purple, but Chuck goes for all fifty. (Also: what's with the pom-pom? Did he steal one from Serena's dress?)

 

This is what happens when you spend too much time in Brooklyn with Rufus. You start wearing his plaid and your hair looks like straw. It might be something in the water.

 

I love Ivy's leather jacket and silk Hemut Lang top. But this hair is just cray. Is this her, "Look at me now, bitches, I'm richer than all y'all" hair? 

Because it says, "I just stepped off the Greyhound and into a fortune" to us. Also, Rufus, are we going hunting when we're done buying all the art? 

Back to that hair - when she put it up I thought it was a second head.

You're not fooling anyone Ivy. You reek of nouveau riche and that's why Lily will win. 

 

Speaking of Lily, this is what happens when you divorce Rufus. Shiny, glowing, gorgeous hair.

Adding Bass back to your list of names suits you, Lily Rhodes Van der Woodsen Mueller Bass Humphrey Bass. 

Fittingly enough, Lily's Pucci dress could be on the walls of the gallery. And that golf-ball ring could work it in any geology museum display.

Our favourite accessory though? Her look of utter disapproval. She wears it so well and it goes with just about everything. 

 

She had reason to wear that look. Her art party was hijacked by what is probably the most diverse and un-Lily group of people you will ever meet. Dreads, outfits made of old blankets, cheap suit, and shades.

But mostly, we're wondering about the series of phone calls that led to Fab 5 Freddy having a cameo on a show like Gossip Girl.


Chuck's still wearing the pompom, Lily's dress is ridiculously bejewelled (it probably comes with a warning: do not board a boat), but is so pretty and so very Lily. And despite the small animal attached to the back of her head, I like Ivy's intergalactic space warrior-y dress. 

If you're going to hatch a secret evil plot against Lily, Rufus, Chuck and Chuck's awful hair, you should dress like an evil space warrior. That's how we know you're stylishly up to no good.

 

I used to think Nate looked good in everything. Until I saw Nate in sweats. (YKYLF Pro Tip: shirtless is always a good look).

 

I guess it's a change from wearing the exact same damn suit every episode. 

"I'm sorry, I only own the one suit, ok?"

Nate, we really hope you turn the Spectator around and earn some money to buy new suits. Maybe Chuck can float you a loan. 

Gossip Girl: Where the Vile Things Are

Eleanor Waldorf is back and disappointed with Blair's mean girl attempts to ruin her business. The solution? Bully all the people! Rufus is surprised that no one wants to cross the bridge to his new party and he blames Lily. The solution? Buy all the art! Dan is still crashing on couches across the UES and writing about his friends and being hurt when they get mad at him. S is already over Steven and ready move on from her broken engagement. A convenient elevator malfunction helps her and Dan get a little closer. That can't possibly go wrong.  Bart hid his deepest darkest secrets on the back of a painting that was sold, while Chuck is still trying to uncover the secret that no one else cares about. Except maybe Ivy, who's scheming with a mysterious someone. And B may be on the road to becoming less emotionally stunted as she realizes her strengths don't lie in desigining slutty debutante dresses.

 Party du Jour
It's the battle of the art party: Lily vs Rufus. Whose art will win?!?

Best Quotes
“And you remain a kept man.” — Lily.
Truthsauce, sister. Truthsauce.

"The person no one cares about anymore is you." — Nelly Yuki

Best Outfit
Tough call this week. Before she put on her coat and started carrying an old lady purse, Blair's day dress was totally adorable. 

Worst Outfit
Serena's geometric patterned jeggings were a complete and utter eyesore. 

 

Only four more episodes left! Steph will be back on Thursday to weigh in on which dress was best.

Gossip Girl: Monstrous Ball

Part 1 of 2 - Debs

Because our fave Gossip Girl crew is *literally* incapable of moving beyond high school, this episode's big party is yet another debutante ball - it's Sage's turn to come out, so logically, her father decides that's the night he should propose to Serena. For the first time ever, I truly sympathize with Sage. Can you imagine growing up with a father that's constantly stealing your thunder? Sage and Blair team up, with Blair agreeing to stop the proposal in exchange for Sage debuting in a Waldorf original. Scheming ensues, and a temporary S&B ceasefire ends with the firing of the gun that's been on the Shepherd's bar since the end of last season - Serena and Dan's sex tape. Oh, and Rufus finds out Ivy's loaded but because he never learns, he's totally cool with her lying and manipulating him. Basically, the episode can be summed up thusly: "I can't marry someone who always has another sex tape or hidden agenda or surprise scheme up their sleeve." Unless, of course, you're Blair and Chuck, who are still waiting for Chuck to destroy his dad, because Oedipal complexes always end well.

 

Serena kicks off the episode looking legitimately cute.

Loving the top S, but I can't see what you're wearing on the bottom.

Oh, because you're wearing a headband as a skirt. That makes sense. Anyone else think this is what Serena wears to work out? Because I can see S slowly climbing the StairMaster in this outfit while reading Gossip Girl, oblivious to the gym full of slack-jawed men and fuming women behind her.

 

Ways you can tell a true Rhodes woman: gorgeous blonde hair, remarkably well-calloused livers, and very strong ear lobes.

Fun fact: Serena is actually wearing the Mayan calendar as earrings.

 

As the soon-to-be step-mother of a debutante, Serena opts for the most matronly dress she owns. As a result, she's actually dressed appropriately for a young 20-something who's been attending society functions her whole life. Essentially, she doesn't look like she's charging by the hour.

It's not the most thrilling dress she's worn, fashion-wise, but there's no chance of an uninvited macaron making an appearance. Her cleave is locked, loaded and not at risk of running amok.

 

And, best of all, her hair is groomed. Our little S is all grown up.

Except for the fact that she's kind of mentally and emotionally stunted, but let's focus on the fact that she dressed herself properly, okay?

 

Speaking of being stunted mentally and emotionally, our beloved B is still trying to salvage Waldorf Designs.

I'm so torn on this Jason Wu dresss. Part of me wishes it hit above her knee, but I appreciate the uneven hemline. Still, it kind of looks like Blair's drowning in all that skirt. The shoes are perfection, though, and nothing gives Blair a flush or authoritative walk quite like plotting against S.

 

Blair does not, however, feel nearly as inspired when it comes to being a designer. For a woman who spoke the immortal words "Leggings are not pants," you'd think Blair would be able to create something a little less ... Olivia-Meets-Miss-Havisham.

Of all our Upper East Siders, no one knows how to do demurely sexy better than B. Not to get all ranty here, but I'm going to get all ranty: seriously? They couldn't let Blair be good at this one thing? Did her foray into Waldorf Designs have to be a disaster? With only 12 episodes in this season, it's not like the writers needed that much extra plot. Watching Blair self-destruct socially without ever learning her lesson is fine, but does she have to be incompetent when it comes to the only thing she's ever shown an aptitude for? With Waldorf Designs imploding, this leaves Nate - NATE! - as our only successful Upper East Sider. Nate. That's pretty much like if Billy from Romy and Michele wound up inventing Post-It notes.

 

You know what would make a great demure, sexy, young dress? Something sparkly, with cap sleeves and a boat neck. Maybe a long column dress, perfectly tailored.

Y'know, basically a white version of what Blair wore to the debutante ball. Because, again, this is Blair's wheelhouse.

 

I absolutely love this dress on Blair. It's exactly who Blair should be growing into. And, in classic Blair fashion, it's all about the details on the dress - case in point: the cut out back.

Why, why, WHY is this not a Waldorf original? Why didn't Blair design this dress, instead of the old lady nightgown above or the final product below?

 

 

 

 

Blair's second attempt at designing a dress suitable for a debutante looks an awful lot like the prom dress that Evil Taylor Swift wore in her "You Belong With Me" video.

Maybe if she'd continued the draping down the skirt, it could have been slightly redeemed ... maybe... no. You know what, I'm not making excuses for Mees Blair. And I refuse to believe anyone would buy this except Serena if she were hunting for a demure wedding dress.

 

HOWEVER! I must add some historical perspective for this supposedly "shocking" deb dress. Have we forgotten what Kati Farkas wore to her debut?

YKYLF forgets nothing, Gossip Girl.

 

This silk shmatta exists purely for Sage to remove it, because the Sage strippping stunt never gets old. I'm surprised anyone was scandalized at the debutante ball - you'd think by now they'd be used to Sage whipping off her clothes dramatically.

Also, just me, or does this look like an elaborately decorated lead smock? You know, the kind that you have to wear when you get x-rays, so your eggs don't get nuked.

 

Happy as Blair was for Serena (before she found out about the Serena and Dan sex tape), what are the odds that she would have changed her tune the minute she saw Serena's engagement ring? After all, you know Blair wouldn't stand for a ring half as shiny as her own. And, while finding love should never be a competition, let's be honest - on the Upper East Side, the ring is always a competition.

It's been a while since last we saw Blair's ring in a proper Harry Winston box, so let's flash back to season three for a quick reminder, shall we?

So what do you think, YKYLFers? Whose Harry Winston reigns supreme?

Gossip Girl: Monstrous Ball

Part 2 of 2 - Questionable tailoring (and Chuck)

Apparently Eric Daman didn't have time to hold fittings for the rest of the Gossip Girl crew. It's an episode of poorly cut oufits. Most strikingly, Lily Rhodes van der Woodsen Mueller Bass Humphrey Bass is wearing a dandelion/anemone top that is particularly sad.

And while her ability to wear giant earrings is impressive, I am not a fan of the huge button earrings with the tight hair. It's all too structured and ages her terribly. On the whole, I am not a fan - it's so rare that Lily's outfit is more "miss" than "hit," but this is definitely one of those times.

 

Another lackluster showing from a woman who is normally flawless. The black dress is terribly shapeless on her.

Those earrings, however, are ridiculous and impressive. I love that they coordinate with her super-sparkly clutch. She might have missed her tailoring appointment for the dress, but at least she's got her accessorizing in check.

 

The good news: Georgina's wearing a color. Sure, it's oxblood, which is basically the most evil-sounding pigment you can find, but at least it's not yet another black or grey.

The bad news: I'm pretty sure this was one of her old maternity tops.

 

Georgina's Badgley-Mischka gown was, in classic Georgie fashion, very Dallas. It's a dress that's way too old for her, but because she's just a total lunatic villain, it works for her.

She basically looks like a Disney villain, and for that, I love her.

 

As for our far, far less competent villainess Ivy, she's using her wardrobe to telegraph subtle clues.

How you know Rufus hasn't learned anything during his time spent on the UES: Ivy wears nothing but dark greys - and, in this scene, a snake skin top - and he still is surprised when she lies to him. If someone showed up at my doorstep in this show wearing anything other than bright colors, I'd deadbolt the door.

 

I always feel like Ivy's clothing choices hint at how terrible she is at everything. In this case, the top seems perfectly fine paired with skinny jeans (not the most flattering look for her, but whatever). Then we see the top from behind.

Way, way, way too much exposed back for those skintight jeans. There's no balance to the look.

 

Hold up. Did I say it was fine from the front? I retract that statement because OW. Ivy, honey, this is not a good garment in which to go braless.

 

 

And in case we forgot that Ivy is much too young for Rufus and everything is gross, here's how she opts to hang around the house.

Give her some eyeliner and she's Jenny Humphrey. I do, however, love those socks and would be more than happy to retract everything negative I've ever said about Ivy if she gives them to me. Ivy's still paying people to like her, right?

 

Switching gears, it's nice to see Chuck's renewed devotion to purple since he decided to take down his dad.

Purple in the tie, in the stripes on the shirt, in the pocket square, and possibly even in the suit (it's a very purple grey). I hope we can see Chuck's closet before the series ends, because I have a hunch it looks a lot like Cher's magic closet from Clueless, but a blur of purple.

 

Chuck sticks to traditional for the debutante ball, with a bit of contrast piping on his tux.

You guys, I'm so happy the sides of his hair are growing in quickly. If they were going to let Ed do something that bizarre with his hair, couldn't they work it into the plot? Maybe have him steely-eyed stare at himself in the mirror during a dramatic side-of-head shaving scene?

 

But Chuck isn't the only one who brought it on the boys team this week. I have to say, I'm impressed by Dan. He's ditched the plaids and henleys in favor of nicely tailored suits. Lonely Boy opting for some daytime glamour - who could have seen that one coming?

He still doesn't have the hair situation under control, but at least it's not at the young Billy Crystal levels of last season.

 

Given that Dan's trying to win back Blair, you'd think he'd cobble together something slightly less Brooklyn for the debutante ball.

On the upside, his hair is somewhat under control. However, the light blue shirt and black bowtie just make me think Dan's trying to bring some Gangnam style to his life, and it's not working for me. Although, had this been a PSY-themed episode rather than Frank Ocean, I would have given the whole look a pass.

Gossip Girl: Monstrous Ball

Serena is ready to say yes to the dress and I do to Steven. Unlikely allies are made as Blair teams up with the scheming teen Sage to stop the engagement and save B from her mom's ultimatum, and Chuck teams with Chivy to get Bart to think Lily's in league with him. To no one's surprise, all schemes fail... although Sage proves to be a stellar pick pocket and the meanest of the mean girls when she broadcasts a sex tape of S and Lonely Boy. She really is Georgina's mini-me! Her plan works like a charm and Steven is rethinking marrying someone who's almost his daughter's age (and who is the daughter of someone he slept with). B is once again disappointed by S and S is once again trying to justify her actions. Lonely Boy is still pining for B, but that's never going to happen again. And stuff happens with Rufus, but who's paying attention? 

 

 Party du Jour
The most important day in any young girl's life - her entry into fancy pants society. Which means the gang heads to Sage's Cotillion for scandal in white.

Best Quotes
“Serena's enthusiasm is like the bat signal for bad ideas.” — Blair 

"You don't have boyfriends. You have life rafts." — Lily, in a brief moment of good parenting. 

"You may be legal, but this is way too high school for me." — Nate, in a brief moment of rational thought.

Best Outfit
Blair's cotillion dress and updo were downright delightful. The cut was just perfect and her hair was back to its former glory.

Worst Outfit
While Georgina looked like a reject from an episode of Dallas, Sage's Waldorf original looked like a bad frat party toga. I guess Blair doesn't wear her own designs.

 

Only five more episodes left! Amanda will be back on Thursday. Lucky girl gets the Amy Heckerling episode that's full of formal dresses.

 

Gossip Girl: Portrait of a Lady Alexander

Part 1 of 2: Horses and Schemes

Another Gossip Girl episode, another scandal. This one from Lily, who's slept with Steven, who’s slept with Serena, who’s slept with Nate, who’s slept with Blair, who’s slept with Chuck…I may need a flow chart to keep track. The scandal is reported by the Spectator, which is going down the toilet like everything else Nate does. However, with a little help from snooping Ivy and doctored numbers, perhaps Nate will make something of the mag. Meanwhile, Chuck and Blair lurked in limos and tracked down Lady Alexander (who was not, in fact, a lady), Bart thwarted their plans, and Georgina and Dan held celebutante auditions because Dan needs to upgrade his image. Really, all he needs is a haircut, but the auditions are pointless because apparently Lonely Homeless Boy is looking for true love. His hairy heartache is about as interesting as last season’s Tory Burch flats. And speaking of last season, it looks like we're due for another Chuck-Blair-Dan triangle again. With only six more episodes to go, we're ready to see these scandals explode. 

 

One of my very favourite things about this episode is the inclusion of Equestrian fashion. From extras in standard blazer-jodhpurs-riding boots...

 

To ladies with hats, fascinators, pearls and tweed.

 I could get used to this classy style. It reminds me of the Blair of old. 

 

So many new characters this season! Think we'll ever see Iman again? I adore the little bow pin on her collar, but other than that, there's nothing remarkable about this outfit...or her. Except for the fact that she calls Bart "Uncle Bart," doesn't cower in his presence and exposes story incosistencies. 

Remember when Chuck said Blair was like one of "his dad's Arabians that had been ridden hard and put away wet"? We do, but apparently the writers don't because suddenly Bart's "not into animals". Oopsie. 

 

Out of equestian wear, she shows up in this GORGE wrap dress, accessorized perfectly and with gorgeous curly locks reserved for guest stars. 

How do guests and characters with bit parts get all the good hair? They need to focus that hair styling on Blair's poor head. 

 

If Bart's her "uncle", does that make Chuck her "cousin"? Another flow chart for another day. While we work on it, let's focus on his outfit. Chuck looks a bit like an Easter explosion this episode. It's autumn, Chuckles. Browns and maroons and oxblood. Get on our season's level. I also can't deal with the profusion of patterns - pinstripe, checks, paisleys - mixed with all the pink and green....

Actually, it's so odd it's almost fabulous. It reminds me of the old days when Chuck was the king of artfully mixing patterns. 

 

Like her consort, it seems like B didn't get the fall memo either. But she's forgiven because that ICB skirt is amaze. While her top could fit better, it complements, without being too match-y, and I love the (intended?) foreshadowing by her horse bit headband*. 

*Note: you know you're a YKYLF staffer when you see foreshadowing in accessories.

 

Also completely out of season, her tangerine orange heels are covetable

 

I'd totally forgotten how stunning Lily Rhodes van der Woodsen Mueller Bass Humphrey Bass's wedding dress was. I guess you become good at picking them out after your first eighteen marriages.

 

She is the queen of impeccable, but my ears hurt just from looking at these earrings. 

Probably takes all her finishing school training (or a fourth mimosa) for her to hold her head up with the weight of those earrings. 

 

I'm not going to lie, I spent about forty-five minutes searching Pinterest on how to recreate Lily's hair, to no avail.

Clearly a magician is behind that hair. 

 

Like her magical chigon, Lily's outfits are always so well put together it makes me wonder how the same costume designer could put together Serena's ensembles. I especially adore her Jonathan Saunders dress.

Also? I'm willing to sell my soul for her bag. (P.S. Dear Devil - you know where to find me. Bring the bag and we'll talk).

 

Or maybe I'll settle for Georgina's rockstud Valentino. I could do without the snake-print tank and the jewellery, though.

So, Dan's been crashing at random coffee dates' apartments since he basically alienated everyone he ever knew. And yet he doesn't look more unkempt/scruffy than usual. Hmmm. It's too bad he's always slightly unkempt to begin with.  

 

I refuse to acknowledge Christmas till at least two weeks after Halloween. And I definitely wouldn't accessorize with Christmas lights in November (or ever). And I'm never ever ever getting back together going to wear gold lights with a dozen other necklaces.

That accessorizing is 50 Shades of Vanessa Abrams. One more necklace and Georgina gets an intervention from us. 

 

As for the selection of celebutantes Georgina's chosen for Dan? I've dubbed them Serena 2.0, Sparkles the Junior Real Housewife, and future Politician's wife.

Pro tip: don't try so hard girls. Dan isn't that hard to win over.

 

As for our former Queen B, I don't even know where to begin with her outfit - it was the thing dreams are made of. Her hat was perfect. I loved the perfect pop of colour from her scarf. I've literally been lusting over her perfect Frye boots (I've tried them on five times and it breaks my heart a little every time I give them back). The jacket was perfectly fitted and also completely fitting for the event. B totally went home to change into the perfect outfit that made me forget about her earlier outfit. 

I think I may have overused the word 'perfect'. But just look at this outfit: 

Perfect. 

 

I feel like this random party planning assistant is the Asian-Gossip-Girl version of Ashley from Revenge

The mustard coloured sheath dress! The gorge accessories! If only we'd gotten a glimpse of her shoes, I could have forgotten that Blair's evening apparel existed.

Because despite having done so well earlier in the episode, B had to make like Carmen Miranda and wear a floral explosion Natori robe and green headscarf. 

I can only assume it was a Serena leftover.

I do love her little green-and-red loafers, though. 

I just never thought I'd see B wearing loafers, even if they are perfectly coordinating slippers for around the house.

 

I'm not going to lie, I was kind of hoping Bart would return with something other than striped ties and pinstriped suits. Not sure what I was expecting...maybe some Chuck-ish paisley?

Alas, no luck.