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Friday
Dec212012

Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 1 of 3: Gossip Girl is Dead, and so is Bart

Bart's second death opened the door for Blair's second wedding (featuring #1 better hair than her first, and #2 Meester Chuck), Georgina to find her one true scheming love, and Lily to spend her days blissfully drunk with her first husband. We didn't get the answers to all our questions, but we did get the answer to the biggest of them all: "Who am I?" Well, that one secret Gossip Girl would never tell turned out to be Dan Humphrey. Plot holes, shmot holes. But the YKYLK staffroom is oddly okay about it (some of us called it. Others had thought it was Jenny. We're just glad it wasn't all a Dan Humphrey dream). 

This episode treated us both to flashbacks (Dan's buzz cut! Chuck's scarf!) and a flash-forward wherein Nate has rubbed two brain cells together to become a viable candidate for mayor, Serena has married the man who made her teenage years miserable, and Henry Bass wins all the medals for Best Dressed Child.

 

It took two tries, but they finally did it.

They killed Bart Bass.

If the series wasn't ending, I would say he'd be back to win a 2013 man of the year award. But we'll assume they got him this time. 

 

Unlike Bart's previous death, the family wasn't feeling it. Sure Blair and Chuck had a moment in the alley - but that had more to do with guilt. 

The beaded purse was probably a bit much with that dress from last week, but I'd love to see it on it's own. 

 

The feelings of guilt over Bart's death didn't seem to last too long, as Blair was able to sleep peacefully and keep her purple eye makeup looking perfect. 

 

Unlike the police, former adversary Uncle Jack was able to get back into the country and find them within hours. He did so in style with a tailored grey suit, pink shirt and a full tea service.

He's looking a bit worse for wear these days - a little gaunt wouldn't you say? Maybe a return to New York will be good for his health. 

 

While Chuck and Blair were stuck in last night's clothes, Jack was full of good ideas. Namely this:

I'll give you a moment to squee and collect yourselves.

...

 

Okay on to what's really important: what does Blair Waldorf wear to her second wedding?? Turns out it's the something blue in a stunning Elie Saab. 

Her hair is also back to its former glory. Wearing it down hasn't done B any favours over the past season or two and I get it. Your hair changes. Sometimes it gets oilier. Stars! They're just like us! But when you're Blair Waldorf, you have the luxury of daily access to stylists and sending Dorota to hair styling school. Regardless, wearing it up like this is beautiful. And that's a very grown up version of the headbands she once rocked like a champ. 

 

I know she said this is the perk of a lifelong relationship with Elie Saab, but how the hell did they tailor it to fit so well? I'm no seamstress, but I know this is the kind of tailoring that takes time.

Whatever. She looks amazing and as improbabilities go, this is the least of our concerns. Although, does a lifelong relationship also get you the perk of your dress being your "something borrowed"?

 

Over the past few seasons, the flamboyant Chuck we once knew and loved toned it down. Sure there was purple (there was always purple), but there were so many suits and so much grey. But Chuck heard our cries of boredom and brought it hard for the wedding of 2012. 

A white tux! It will look dated in future wedding photos (if any profesh photos exist. Will they all be on Instagram?), but that's okay! He's Chuck Mothereffing Bass and he can do whatever he pleases. Pale pink shoes? Yes. He's Chuck Bass. A sparkly blue tie to match his brides dress in under an hour? Yes. He's Chuck Bass.

Other dudes can try, but they will never measure up to his style when he puts the effort in.

 

I know the cops are hot on his heels, but I kind of want to tell him to slow his roll just a bit. Because as lovely and a conniving as she can be, he's got a lifetime of this face and these friends to contend with.

This is years of judgement right here, my friends. Eleanor in her leopard print wrap strikes me as a formidable mother-in-law. You'd want to be on her good side at all times. Serena? Well, we all know how those Best Frenemies work. At least Lily will be drunk most of the time, so her well dressed and bejewelled judgement will be easier to handle. But hidden from the picture is Dorota, who'll likely be judgier than all of them combined. Chuck doesn't want to mess with that if he values his ascots. Cross Dorota and suddently the dry cleaner "accidentally" "loses" them. 

 

All my reservations aside, they do make a well dressed pair. 

And I'm sure it's all worth it for this:

You need another squee moment, don't you? 

...

 

Of course, none of this would be what it is without the other high school sweethearts of the UES. S, after reading the unpublished feelings of Humphrey, cancels her flight to LA, gets the girls out on full disply and heads to Dan's new place to confront him.

The coat itself is fine enough, but the Missoni dress? I probably could have given this a Worst Outfit nomination.

It's like she wore a well tailored carpet bag that is doing her décolletage no favours - other than making sure we know she's got some serious cleave action going on. 

 

Now, even if you disagree with me on the dress, I bet we can find common ground on the shoes. What do you think you'd wear with that dress (keeping in mind you've also paired it with a rather plain 3.1 Phillip Lim grey coat)? Maybe a pair of knee high boots? Or a great pair of black pumps? Or some adorable booties? All of those choices would make sense. But this is what S wore.

Yes. Glitter Louboutin stilettos with black tights. A+ for seasonally appropriate hosiery (not usually her strong suit). D- for the out of place daytime glamour. If she knew she was headed to a wedding, maybe. But since she was just headed over for a come to Jesus moment with Gossip Girl Dan, this is an odd choice. I know because I've seen what everyone else wore. 

Sure Georgina wore bondage booties, but they kind of make sense since she's usually wearing a plate of spiky armour. 

 

And what was S greeted with when she headed back to the city? 

God Dan. Enough with the chest hair already. You can be an artiste and slightly less furry. Or at least stop wearing so many damn V-necks. I do like the blazers though. Mostly because I love what is happening here.

I mean, holy crap Dan! What is this? You've got some mad Oscar Wilde steez happening here. Well, you know, considering you're straight, not dead and probably not quite as talented. But steez. Yes. The long burgandy coat with the grey blazer lapels layered over it and the leather satchel make up for all of your other fashion crimes this season. Of the entire series for that matter.

You really went out on a bang Humphrey. Quite literally, considering you were Gossip Girl all this time.

Can't say I saw that one coming. Not even a little bit. Well played, Humphrey. I bet if we went back and re-watched all six seasons, we still wouldn't guess it was you. 

Friday
Dec212012

Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 2 of 3: Plus ça change, plus ç'est la même chose

 

Has anything really changed over the years? I mean, other than than the style of the clothes. Remember waaaay back when Eric was locked in the Ostroff Centre (now the Pedowitz Institute) and Lily's all, "I don't care if it's a Murakami...someone get me a drink." Well, minus the inconveniently suicidal child, Lily still has that attitude and style.

Gorgeous as always, but not really the picture of a woman who just lost her husband for the second time. Although, I guess on your fifth marriage it's more practical than about true love. She does know that she should wear a bit of black to indicate to the media that she cares about Bart's death. I love the black lace top and the giant black earrings. 

And as always, I love her hair.

I do not love anything happening on William vdW here. That coat is the colour of a potato and shaped like a sack. His exile from the UES has done him no favours. I honestly don't know what Lily and Ivy saw in him.

 

Poor Ivy. Despite being the jilted lover, she's looking all kinds of amazing in that red with the structured grey jacket and pattered tights.

But no matter how good she looks these days or how much money she has, she's just not ready for this crowd. Player got played on that one. I guess that explains the weird romance she had with William.

 

Although I'm not sure Georgina is buying that plot line.

Now there is a power couple if ever I saw one. I mean, really. Jack tried to ruin his nephew, was exiled and is now back (only because his brother is dead) to help his nephew get married to avoid the long arm of the law. 

 

And Georgina? Girlfriend personifies scheme.

It's probably ten in the morning and she's already in full body armour. Trusting a woman who dresses in all metallics, all the time, is kind of like trusting that dude with the face tattoos. He might stab you, she might stab you in the back. And you should have seen that coming.

 

How do you accessorize all those spikes and sequins?

Giant. Ass. Jewelry. That's how.

It's funny, we gave Vanessa such a hard time for overdoing it, but we're totally okay with Georgina. Maybe we just appreciate Georgina's moxie more.

 

Speaking of Vanessa, how is she doing these days?

Same old, same old boho self, plus one mid-century modern kitchen. Maybe one or two fewer necklaces, so I can only assume she's been reading YKYLF since leaving to go do whatever it is she did. I can't remember since Dan literally never speaks of his childhood BFF. 

 

On the subject of Brooklyn, when the news of Dan's online treachery broke, Rufus broke out his best trophy husband leftovers for a round of son-shaming.

The cowl neck! Oh how we didn't miss those sweaters. And so many patches! It's like he's going to go hunting with the cast of Downton Abbey. And as always, he accessorizes with a look of righteousness and judginess. 

 

Sage dressed like she's thinking of making a move to Brooklyn. Her brown plaid frumpy dress and chartreuse cardigan are equal parts Early Dan plus Girls hipster-adjacent style.

 

If the series hadn't come to an end, I'd want to send a note to Eric Daman about how we don't need this. Since the teenage troublemaker won't be a part of our lives anymore, I'll give her snaps for her outerwear - she's the winner of that catergory for this episode.

I love the plaid coat and the brown wedge boots. Well done, kiddo. You make your man-child boyfriend so much more interesting.

 

Something he can't do for himself.

Yep. That's Nate. Grey shirt, black tie, no clue. Best moment for him was when he thought it was a good idea to tell the cop his girlfriend is a minor. We've said it before, and we'll say it again: it's a good thing he's pretty.

 

As the truth came out about Gossip Girl, our friends on the UES needed a good, stiff drink.

And wasn't it about time that someone served Dorota?? I think we all enjoyed seeing her order from Jack. She knows who belongs and who doesn't.

 

But the Scooby Gang weren't the only ones surprised. Cameo upon cameo of former minor characters (Lola! Juliet! Agnes! Mayor Bloomberg!) expressed their shock. Our favourite was how Bell and Bilson took the news.

"Gossip Girl is real??" You bet your ass she is, Rachel.

Friday
Dec212012

Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

Part 3 of 3: Ghosts of Christmas Past and Future

Forgive me if I get a little sentiment mixed into my snark. This is our last episode of Gossip Girl. I'm having a bit of a moment.  

Once the YKYLF staff got done fangirling over the wedding and the shock of who Gossip Girl is, we reveled in the flashbacks. We've come so far since Serena rode into Grand Central Station to the sounds of Peter, Bjorn and John

Flashback Serena is actually a lot like current Serena in her sequins, but with a flip phone. And look how young Pilot Episode Serena was! That jacket! With the stripes! I think I started watching the show because of that outfit (and started my spiral into nautical stripes).

 

The flashback filmed for this episode shows how much has been forgotten about S and B. 

I know we're comparing party wear to Constance wear, but I think we can see the inconsistencies. Blair's red lace is lovely, but it's not the over-the-top lovely she used to go for. And that headband? Weaksauce. 

 

But the flashbacks made it easy to see why we fell in love and stayed along for the ride, no matter how ridonk the ride got.

Flashback Nate's got a delightful single argyle going on. Still a lot of blue, but different blues. I wish Future Nate would embrace some sweater wear, but as we'll soon see, this is unlikey. He's accessorized it here with a joint, as Young Nate was wont to do.

 

Lonely Boy's big difference? The hair of course. Hello, buzzcut!

Also, I don't know that Li'l Lonely Boy would have worn a blazer a la Present Day Dan. He'd have gone cardigan or something a little more interesting (like when he had a military inspired jacket moment). He may not have been cool at school, but his style was definitely Brooklyn cool. 

 

And Chuck. Oh Chuck of Christmas Past!

Flashback Chuck almost nails it. The blue popped collar is all wrong, but the artful mixing and matching of patterns, right down to the signature scarf, is the Chuck that won us over. Even in pastels, early season Chuck knew how to mix things up. 

 

Also in the past, we can't forget Little J or the minions.

It was like a cotton candy explosion back then. Totally not the style today, but I still loved their jackets and outerwear and clear disregard for authority since they never really bothered to follow uniform dress codes. 

 

But how does it all end? With misty water coloured memories of the way things used to be? Oh hells no. 

Flash forward bitches! To the land of so many inconceivable things!

 

For starters - the NY Spectator isn't a failing newspaper that no one cares about.

And who is aboard that privately owned plane? 

Whaaaa? 

I think he thinks he's a spy with that metal briefcase. Except. Apparently in the future, Nate is poised to become the youngest mayor of New York City.

I can only assume he's slept with everyone to make this happen. Because as our readers Chloe and Lauren pointed out, there is no way Nate rubbed enough clues together to make it this far in politics or got past his past legal troubles and his tendancy to sleep with EVERYONE (Blair, Serena, Vanessa, Ivy, Jenny, Sage the minor...should I continue?). As Cyrus might say:

 

Oh, but that's not all. Blair and Chuck got busy faster than you can say Kate Middleton. Because this kid exists.

Unsurprisingly, Wee Henry Bass is a dapper fellow. And marriage to Blair/real death of Bart has gotten Chuck off the double breasted grey suit and brought back the ascot.

 

The future does look good on Blair though.

I love it a lot. It's grown up, but still pretty. 

Maybe not for a wedding, but definitely for New Year's. 

 

Future Lily is as lovely as ever, but there's something about Eric that isn't right.

It's as if he's spending all his time in a dive bar in Montauk instead of Sarah Lawrence.

 

Little has changed with Little J in five years. 

The eye makeup isn't as bad, but she's still working super hard to be edgy.

Yeah, I'm not buying this is Future Jenny and Eric. How about you? 

 

The Future Rufus, however... now that is a future Humphrey I buy. 

Super Hipster Rufus! Love the glasses though and the jacket. Rufus should have gotten into this look five years ago. I guess marriage to Lisa Loeb is what did it.

No, we don't understand how that happened either. No, they didn't explain. This is what happens in the GG writers rooms these days. #randomness

 

But they can't hold a candle to my favorite Future Couple - Jackgina! Georgack?

Either way, I see Georgie hasn't let go of sartorial tendancies, what with this Robert Rodriguez dress full body armour.

 

So why are all these Future Selves gathered in the Future Brownstone? 

Looking good in formal grey Dan. And you've tamed the mane of hair. Why so dressed up?

 

What in the what now? They're headed out of the house, right?

No?

Hells bells, Serena. Gold lamé Georges Chakra for a living room wedding? 

You said it, Cyrus. If Serena was going to wear that to the sounds of Florence + the Machine, she's going to do it in the biggest venue with the most people. No matter what Serena says, she's a girl who loves an audience. On the upside, she's got fantastic hair and earrings.

I still don't believe she'd marry Future Dan, but she looks happy, so I'll leave her be.

 

And is Gossip Girl really dead? Or is she haunting a future gang as they navigate the UES?

 

Well, that's a secret she'll never tell.

xoxo

YKYLF

Monday
Dec172012

Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

As the YKYLF staff pours one on the ground for the passing of this once epic series, we take a moment to try and understand the final moments. It's a bit like untangling a ball of yarn after the cat has dragged it under the couch. For starters, we'll never truly understand the feud between Chuck and Bart. And while it took a tip off from a teenage girl to help the police find Chuck, it took Uncle Jack to be the angel of all the fangirl wishes: the union of Chuck and B. Yes, a stylish marriage of convenience took place at the Met to ensure Blair would never testify and that the two could end their silly pact and be together forever and ever and ever. Bart's death not only freed the happy couple, but it also freed Nate from creditors, William from Ivy, Lily from...well...I don't know anymore with Lily. I'm pretty sure she's spiked the tea but good because Bart's second death rolled off her back like someone told her dinner was cancelled. Serena practically turns the plane around to be with Dan after reading his love letter, then they become their own implausible epic love story. And after all the cue cards on the pool table to figure it out, no one saw the truth coming. Not even Bell and Bilson - it was Lonely Boy all along. After all, you're nobody until somebody writes a blog and two best sellers about you.


Five years later, the world is topsy turvy! Nate is not even 30 and people want to vote him mayor! And the NY Spectator is a success! And Blair got pregnant days after the wedding! And Eric van der Woodsen looks kind of like a greasy bar owner from the Hamptons! And Jenny doesn't talk! And Lily is now Lily Rhodes van der Woodsen Mueller Bass Humphrey Bass van der Woodsen! And Rufus is with Lisa Loeb! And Georgina is with Jack! And in the least believable of all these things - Serena and Dan get married in front of only those people in a living room to the same song that closed out Sex and the City. As if.

 

Party du Jour
A marriage of convenience between Chuck and Blair. Why not. It's not the weirdest thing these 22 year olds have ever done. 

 

Best Quotes
"You can't talk to her. She's a minor." - Nate. Still not seeing the error in his ways.

"We can do the same thing we did the last time Bart died." - Lily. Clearly not that bothered about her husband's second death.

"Gossip Girl is dead." - Dan.

 

Best Outfit
I have mixed feelings about it, but you know what? Blair's second wedding dress wins the day. She was lovely in blue and I liked the head piece. 

 

Worst Outfit
I was originally going to hand it to Sage for going full on Girls hipster-adjacent in her brown plaid and frumpy chartreuse cardigan. Yet somehow, I didn't entirely hate it. Not nearly as much as I hated Serena's gold lame living room wedding dress. S couldn't let us go without solidifying her place in the YKYLF Hall of Shame.

 

It's the end of an era here as our namesake show comes to an end, and on Thursday I'll write my final Gossip Girl recap. Sob.

Thursday
Dec132012

Gossip Girl: The Revengers

Part 1 of 2: Out in the Cold

Jesus H. Gossip Girl, what the fresh hell was this shlock you tried to pass off as a penultimate episode to THE ENTIRE FREAKING SERIES? I imagine that by the time they got around to this episode, the GG Writers' Room was covered in paper airplanes and spitballs. "What's that you say, New Writer? A half-baked idea that has nothing to do with the previous six years of the show? Bully! Let's do it!" In sum: The Scooby Gang is still on a kick to frame Bart Bass, who's decided NYC isn't big enough for both he and his son and he tries to have him killed but he fails and he gets nominated for an award and then he dies and DOES ANYONE EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THEY'RE FIGHTING ABOUT? Something about horses? Or hotels? Oh Gossip Girl. How far you have fallen from the days when New York Magazine called you The Greatest Show of Our Time.

 

We open with one of Blair's Audrey Hepburn dreams. This time, it's the lesser-known 1963 flick Charade.

It's a bit startling to see Chuck dressed a la Dan Draper, but a refreshing change from his usual technicolor palette. No me gusta the black hair on B, though. She needs a touch of chestnut.

Also? Audrey Hepburn had some unbelievably tiny arms. We all know Leighton is skinny, but she looks like a normal, non-actress type person compared to Audrey.

 

I particularly enjoyed Bart's turn as the creepy Leopold Gideon, and PS this was totally filmed on the same set as the Waldorf apartment. See the columns? Geez, I watch this show way too much.

 

Après nightmare, Blair bolts up in silk floral print PJs, ready for a day of scheming and plotting. So basically, ready for the average day on Blair Waldorf's calendar.

 

Do you think the Waldorf-Basses meant to coordinate? I wholeheartedly applaud this look, particularly the fierce side-eye they're both giving.

And naturally, Blair's Sonia star print dress. The bold color keeps it from beeing too twee.

 

Yes, that was all enjoyable, but the real fashion standout in this episode was OUTERWEAR! You guys, so many yummy looks. Observe B in her raspberry beret and wool coat with the contrasting wide lapels. Perfection.

 

And Chuck also brings it with this textured white number, complete with coordinating pocket square. As you do.

 

The pockets! I die!

 

Speaking of color-coordinating couples, I see that Sage has caught Blue Fever from Nate. Perhaps she has a homeopathic cure stored away in the Native American-inspired bag. Is that something a Medicine Man would know about?

 

Underneath her cobalt coat is a deep turquoise sweater. The Blue, it's spreading.

I do appreciate the leather accents on the sleeves, even if the sweater in general looks like it'd be incredibly itchy. Gilda Radner once said "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch," but I'll bet Sage doesn't know who Gilda is. Kids today.

 

Oh no! Bart's caught it, too! This is all the evidence I need to affirm that he's been spending too much time with Nate. Good thing he had Nathanial hauled away.

 

Meanwhile, my favorite quasi-couple were apartment shopping. Apparently Dan and his hair have decided to move into this orange-hued "hovel". Georgina's words, not mine. She's bitter because her baby daddy wants to stay in Brooklyn.

 

Or maybe it's just her spiked purse strap and bruise-inducing jewelry that gives her the edge. Remember when she didn't dress like an soap opera villan? Go back and watch a few early episodes for some real lolz.

 

Speaking of villans, I still can't decide if Ivy's on the side of good or evil, but this leather dress is swaying me towards the dark side. No one dresses like this in the daytime unless they're up to no good.

Ugh. Georgina and Ivy back to back is giving me heartburn. We need a breath of fresh air...

 

Why Serena, you look positively lovely! She's sporting a casual braid, a respectable (yet interesting) top, and paperweight earrings like only a Rhodes girl can.

But we pan down and find so, so much busyness below the waist.

Thank you for the test pattern opportunity, Gossip Girl. It appears that my TV is working correctly.

 

Going back to outerwear (because I apparently can't help myself) let's take a sec to drink in the gorgeous colors and textures of S's leather trench and scarf. So autumnal! Yet practical! Is this really our "impervious to cold" Serena who eschews the thermometer in favor of bleeding-edge trends?

 

I'll even let the test pattern tights slide when paired with this trench. Such is the power of a good coat, my friends.

 

BUT! Even that was not her finest moment. At the end of the episode, she sashays out of New York sporting shades of Lily with a neat bun and a to DIE for mulberry coat. She hasn't killed outwear like this since she was actually impersonating Lily in "The Kids Are Not Alright". Outfit of the week right here, folks.

Let's not forget the heavy earrings, plus legs for days:

I'm beginning to understand why Dan can't let go. I'd stalk Serena just for those shoes.