Glee: Sectionals

Part 2 of 3: Advanced Placement Passion

Emma certainly looks like a bride, doesn't she? The high, virginal collar, the pretty white embroidery, the seraphic orchids in the background?

...and this is her groom. This is the only picture of him I could get, and he's dressed like a bumblebee.

Who wouldn't choose this face, instead? Admittedly, this face thought a drab grey shirt and a drab grey tie were a good idea, but he's so cute!

I mean, but he's not cute in the slighest! A shirt without a tie is like a broken pencil: pointless. And, deep inside that collarless, charmless brown jacket, I think Will knows that.

Maybe Emma will set him right?

Um...the Emmasaurus Rex looks darling in one of a never-ending supply of tie-necked blouses, beefed up with a bright red coat which somehow doesn't clash with her hair. How?!

Terri turns up for one last hurrah in yet another carmine hue (not salmon, which is strange for her). Her deep cleavage is now only mildly inappropriate, as she's no longer pretending to be pregnant.

Cleavage or no cleavage, Will rushes to Ken and Emma's wedding, not to stop it, but just to be useless and look dapper. A nicely cut suit will do wonders for a man, and this one makes Matthew Morrison not seem scruffy, which is no mean feat. In fact, he's rather handsome.

A refresher course in Emma's beautiful, Audrey Hepburn inspired wedding dress. Sigh.

Then this happens.

Then this happens.

Emma's leaving McKinley forever and Will is somehow alright about it?! Sure, Sue just got suspended and sure, his current shirt/sweater combo makes good use of the beautiful thing that is blue and grey, but that is no excuse for callousness!

Especially when Emma looks so lovely in green and cream, backlit by some enterprising set designer?

Let's get a closer look at that beret, shall we?

Close enough?

Close enough.

Glee: Lights Out

So here's what you missed on Glee: The power went out at McKinley, and apparently these kids carry flashlights and miner's helmets around in their backpacks. Ryder and Kitty bond over their mutual confessions about being molested in the past. The kids do some refreshing a cappella and acoustic numbers for once. Out in New York, Isabelle is back (!!!), and the crew head to the ballet, ball gowns and all. We see mini-Rachel, Kurt and Santana ballerinas, which leads to Santana finally engaging in something other than meddling in other peoples lives (but isn't that what we love most about her?)

Least Likely to do a Fashion Montage

Will... ugh. Seriously, you bore me. It's always just a slight variation of this:

Honestly. It's like you raided your Grandpa's closet. Stop. Please.

Most Likely to Show Her Macaron

Whoah, Santana! Always inappropriate for winter/spring in New York, Santana drags an old chair into the loft in a nearly macaron-baring bandage dress by McQ Alexander McQueen. 

The pattern rocks, as does the cropped leather jacket. This girl has some bitchin' outerwear. Who else could pull this off? I do wonder how she got that chair upstairs though... is there an elevator in the building? She could barely drag it.

Rachel and Kurt are not dressed in their best casualwear to counsel Santana for the umpteenth time. 

Rachel is a bit blah, but I do with I could see her skirt — maybe that would redeem her? Hair and makeup are amazing for lounging around the house, though. I think I would like Kurt's outfit better without the scarf. It seems a little too feminine for him. I must, however, give mad props for matching the mint jeans to the windows.

Best Cameo

SJP, thank god you showed up. 

Isabelle is back, and back with a vengeance! This dress. Oh, this dress is glorious and I wish I could get a better picture of it. It fits her like a glove, and the colors are to die for. I bow down to the master.

Best House Wear

Kurt invites Rachel and Santana to the ballet wearing his most profesh red tie and matching trousers. His pocket square (?) is a little out of control though. I'll give you a pass on that though, Kurt. Rachel decides to match Kurt in her red pleather skirt and while I don't fully approve of that, I'm kind of lusting after Rachel's bird print blouse.

True story — I'm terrified of birds, but I love bird print. On everything. So this black and yellow number is right up my alley (though I would never cook in it).

Santana is, once again, wearing a blousy tank in the early spring in New York. Obvs.

This print is beautiful, though, and the color totally compliments her skin tone. I wish I could have seen the rest of what she's wearing, but alas, we only see from the waist up.

Best Twinsies (and Musical Number)

Obviously the twinsies award goes to Sue and Becky. How does Becky get these matching outfits and know to wear them at the same time as her mentor? Does Sue send them to her and give her a track suit schedule?

I love how this top softens her look. Sue is so sweet with Becky, too — I'm glad she's still hanging around even though she took the fall for Becky in the whole gun incident from the "Shooting Star" episode. Sue continues on to sing a rendition of "Little Girls" from Annie, one of my faves. Did anyone notice how Sue's mother was played by Carol Burnett, and she played Mrs. Hannigan in the movie version of Annie? No? Just me then.

Rachel's Santana's Melodramatic Solo Duet Trio Quartet of the Week

Phew! At the ballet, Kurt, Rachel and Santana show up looking stunning in their designer gear. 

Kurt is wearing a pretty standard tux, but I'm really loving this New York hair he has going on. It should definitely stick around. Rachel's dress is beautiful. Like, fairy princess/Good Witch of the North gorgeous. I'm not entirely sure what the color of the dress is, but the bodice has the perfect amount of bling, and she matches it with a sparkly headband and soft wavy hair. And Santana. I have honestly never seen her look so soft and graceful. The perfect vulnerability metaphor. The cut-out bodice of her Badgley Mischka gown is perfectly on trend, and the draping falls amazingly. I'm in complete awe.

The whole gang, Isabell included, in her fitted black top and satiny cream skirt, sing a haunting rendition of "At the Ballet" from A Chorous Line. I really wish I could have gotten a good picture of her dress, but about 90% of this episode was shot in near darkness...

More Ippolita...

Least Interesting Group of People

I suppose I have to mention the McKinley crew...

So here we have back-to-mod Tina, though her shoes are adorbs (boo...I was so hoping for more steampunk nonsense), grandpa sweater Artie, generic Sam, Blaine (finally, someone bringing it with some style with the color-blocked cardi, rolled jeans, brogues, and straw hat) then back to blah with generic couple Marley and Jake, Cheerio Kitty, Unique looking kinda boring for her, and generic Ryder. Do you think there's some kind of contract that the show has with American Apparel?

Another group shot. I actually really love Tina's dress, for a change. The colors are awesome, and her brogues are fantastic. I wish it had a bit more shape, but I'll take what I can get. Blaine is a dream, as per usual, with his adorable bow tie and mustard trousers.

But check out (the partially obscured) Unique with the bold color combo! Mint and coral with polka dot jeans and camel colored boots — this is my go to when I can get it together to leave the house.

My big surprise of the show is Marley, actually rocking a look that I would wear (two weeks in a row!).

I really wish I could have gotten a better picture of it, but this red bird print (again!!) dress, and jean vest is kind of my jam. I would totally wear this, and probably not look as good. I definitely wouldn't sing as well.

Best Workout Gear

Speaking of things I could never wear...

As we saw with the earlier blouse, royal blue does wonders on Santana. A nice bit of sparkle on the shoulder... lovely. Glad that she's finally getting her stuff together and doing something other than cage dancing/letting strangers grope her for cash.

So what do we think kids? Will Ryder finally meet Katie? Will we ever hear news of Rachel's Funny Girl call back? Will another disaster befall McKinley?

Glee: Mattress

Part 2 of 3: Daddy Pop

Respect, Ken Tanaka. I support any man who wears such brightly coloured polo shirts and if that were all I were judging you on, you'd get Emma and a selection of free bowties too!

Bride-to-be Emma is blue, literally. Luckily for me, she's a gorgeous shade of blue with cute buttons on the sleeves and a complimentary floral brooch.

Blue flowers seem to be a theme, and this is where Emma gets into dangerous territory. Embroidered cardigans are great granny wear, but a pale skirt makes this look more light and summery than Sunset Years Retirement Home.

Sue pops in to poop on everyone's parade by denying the New Directions a place in the yearbook. Her tracksuit isn't anything we haven't seen before, but her expression...

And now, we return to our scheduled programming.

Or not.

Anyway, Will is blue too. And grey. And bland. A Project Runway/Glee crossover cannot come too soon to save him from himself.

When Will's not dressing like an older, poorer, less buff Nate Archibald, he goes in for cardigans and coats in grey and brown and confusion at the way his life turned out.

Hopefully Emma can counsel him about the dullness of his personality, dressed as she is as a darling bud of May in white, spring green and dainty daisy accessories.

Her tending loving therapy prompts Will to wear a brighter shade of blue and a dangerous — for him — red and black striped tie, but nothing dramatic.

That is a dramatic tie. Why? BECAUSE I'VE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE. There are pinstripes and tiny triangles and that is a tie a pharoah would wear, snaps for Mr Schue!

And Mrs Schue, with her bogus belly? Will snatches it out from beneath this frilled purple number, and I would like him more if he'd snatched her shirt off too, and replaced it with a nicely ironed button-down and a moral compass.

'I literally have nothing to wear', by Will Schuester.

This is what recapping your repetitive rear feels like, William.

Glee: Mattress

Part 3 of 3: Glee! The Generic Opera

"Rachel photobombs everyone's else's picture anyway."

See what I mean?

Kurt is wearing an art pop/cowboy shirt (who ever thought they'd hear that sentence?) and an expression of disdain at the idea of being in the yearbook.

His hetero heroine Mercedes is kind of rocking it, actually. Her face says war but her cool purple t-shirt says peace — in hair. And let's be honest, everyone else is just cookie cutter versions of themselves. Artie's in an ugly sweater, Puck's in plaid, Finn's wearing a plain white tee and Tina's blacker than my soul.

McKinley High School uniform, male: sweatshirt/gilet over polo/button-down/t-shirt. Can be worn in drab hue of your choice.

Hi, Quinn! I wish we saw more of your plum perfection.

Speaking of perfection, matching a blueberry-coloured headband to your cardi is a beautiful thing, as is Kurt's Sergeant Pepper coat and rockabilly boots. Mercedes' yellow and purple jacket pops the colours in her shirt and the eyeballs right out of my sockets. Kudos.

Artie's bright braces are very on trend at the moment, as are Tina's cobweb leggings. But...is that a hole in her cardigan sleeve? Not fashionable. Never fashionable.

This is not a mattress commercial. This is a very tame orgy and it is creepy as heck.

Will gives the kids a stern talking to, blah blah blah, slept on a free mattress, blah blah blah, amateur choir status revoked. This is the plot of one or all of The Cheetah Girls movies.

Everyone looks suitably underwhelmed, as they should be. Rachel's shirtdress is a pretty berry shade (see what I did there?!) and Quinn's finally wearing a print, thank the Lord! There's lots of greys from the guys and Tina and a 'MERCEDES' necklace from Mercedes. Because we totally forgot what your name was, Marissa.

In the end, they're all in this together. And Rachel is wearing hideous knee socks.

Emma's yearbook photo is much better. Two bows on her blouse is a touch too much, but the sunny yellow is lovely and the floral skirt she wore in "Ballad" is a worthy repeat.

Nothing says power like a polo shirt in school colous.

Or the tracksuit that made you a legend. "Sloppy freakshow babies!"

Glad to see you went for the red tie, William. My advice? If your wife's baby bump turns out to be a cushion, just grin and bear it.

Or twitch your mouth like an underpaid clown. Whatever.

Glee: Hairography

Part 3 of 3: Willmagine

Dearest darling Emma only appears in one scene this episode, but she doesn’t disappoint in indigo wool which through some miracle doesn’t clash with her hair. Glory be!

Sue Sylvester’s back with a brand old track(suit) in iconic orange-red, trying once again to destroy the the world everyone’s happiness the glee club.

This is one of my preferred tracksuits, but the sense of déjà vu is strong with this one.

And stronger.

And str – wait, what? Could it be a tracksuit we haven’t seen before? That high collar is practically Elizabethan and the piping is very contouring. It’s the Oscar gown of sportswear.

No matter what she wears, Sue looks like Sammy Sane next to Terri. My first clue she’s faking her pregnancy is that while impending motherhood offers benefits such as fantastic cleavage, most women are prouder of their bump than their boobs.

That said, I love the tribal pattern and mix of close and wide decoration on Terri’s kaftan-esque baby-on-board blouse thing. The blend of light and dark hues is lovely.

Terri is doing variations on a tribal theme/cleavage, and this one makes her eyes beyond blue. Either that, or I’m blinded by Puck’s shirt in the background.

When it comes to trying to persuade Quinn she’s a fit mother for her baby, however, Terri falls hard. Those white articles look awfully like leggings, and tights are not pants, and if you can wear those and not have any cellulite showing, I’m not sure you’re real.

I bet poor Jessalyn Gilsig got a cold from the amount of décolleté she had to show daily.

Will sleeping shirtless would improve the show exponentially. Just saying.

Terri doesn’t agree, sadly, since his shirt off would mean her shirt off, so she buys him a car. I don’t understand it either, but apparent car > sex, and Will is so surprised he’s momentarily turned into Nate Archibald. That sweater has a heart pin sewn into the sleeve, I swear.

Now please take you seats for the WS Spring/Summer Show! Tweedy ties and blue button-downs are in this season, especially when paired when a worried expression.

When dreaming up this year’s style profile, we thought, ‘hey, you know what’s never been done before? A pale shirt and a dark tie, that’s what!’ Waistcoat optional, but enjoyable.

Maroon, burgundy and brown with hints of blue and incredulity are about to explode. Add a winning smile if Eve is guest starring and about to steal the show with her blondeness.

Boring is the new interesting! Expand your biceps, not your wardrobe! Wear that same tie you’ve worn a dozen times before!

For best results, don’t bother to do your top button. You’re only a professional.

Textures of burlap sack will give your Will Schuester style a distinctly rustic feel, whether in a leather jacket you stole from Elena Gilbert or a blazer you stole from Goodwill. Of course pink goes with brown. Of course it does.

For when nothing else will do, there’s always that one moody lavender shirt with a well matched olive and black tie which the recapper actually likes. Tease her with it. Make like you might dress yourself better in the future, even though you won’t.

This is how you applaud deaf people, and also those who have pillowcases instead of sleeves.

Who’d you borrow the shirt from, the Hulk?

No refunds will be given if you failed to take any pleasure from any of the pieces in the WS Spring/Summer Collection. Grab a Vitamin Water and tune in next time, when there’ll be more dramedy, pregnancy-related hijinks and poorly ironed collars. Joy!