Glee: All or Nothing

The Amount of Suspense in This Episode Has Nothing To Do With Regionals!

Frustrations come to a boiling point this week with several dramatic subplots. Ryder demands — rather violently — that Catfish reveals herself. Marley confesses, but it turns out to be (SPOILERS) Unique, who just wanted to get close to someone she liked. Rachel wails through a Celine Dion song for her Big Broadway Callback and sheds a few tears (relief? terror? shame? pride?) to boot, but the Panel O' Judges seems unimpressed. We'll see how that turns out. Some folks at MIT determine that despite popular opinion/probability/possibility Brittney is a genius. She returns to McKinnley with serious 'tude, but it turns out she just has feelings because she's been offered early admission and has to leave immediately. Blah blah, regionals drama, and oh, suddenly regionals are being held at McKinley. The New Directions compete with a so-so lineup of songs, but (spoilers?) take the trophy anyway. Cheering and hugging abound, and then there's a wedding in the choir room.

Rachel's Melodramatic Solo of the Week:

Celine Dion's "Love You More." For a Broadway callback. Really? Reeeeally, Glee? In what universe would they a) let you choose what song to sing for a call back, b) let that song NOT be a showtune, let alone one from the actual show you're auditioning for, and c) have a pennywhistle player on hand to accompany you?

But whatevs, I like the demureness of this Jil Sander dress. This dress says calm, collected, semi-professional — a good dress to audition in. However, if we know one thing about Rachel Berry, it's that short sleeves and above-the-knee hemlines automatically reduce her age by ten years. Rachel is auditioning for Fanny Brice in Funny Girl on Broadway. Adding four inch platforms doesn't add on apparent years, Rachel. Neither does standing slightly pigeon-toed like the models you see in Vogue.

Big Reveal of the Week:

The identity of Catfish/Katie/whatevertheheckisgoingonthere is...

Marley! Looking particularly pretty in neutral tones with a possible snakeskin pattern, and her effortless flowing locks (standard Marley issue). This makes me think of an Urban Outfitters catalogue for July/August or thereabouts. But I like it.

Also, just kidding, Catfish is totally not Marley, it's actually...

...Wade/Unique! She discovered that she had feelings for Ryder, and so posed as a petite blonde in order to get his attention over text. This is Unique's "I'm Sorry" face. As plain as her polo is, girl still has FIERCE eyelashes. I would kill for those lashes.

The confession from Unique is heartfelt enough, but Ryder has no sympathy left, having been totally embarassed in front of everyone. Judgement is swift and harsh, just like it will be right now: Ryder constantly looks like a poorly dressed Ken doll. There, I finally said it.

Unexpected Plot Twist of the Week:

Brittany S. Pierce: Mathematical Super Genius.

Cute giraffe circle scarf, Brit!

Sadly, it was all downhill from there. I'm losing IQ points just looking at this Free People dip-dye skirt and oversized sweater situation. What's the look she's going for?

A coral beret (cute!), an acid wash denim vest with odd pins (mateless earrings?) and a faded graphic tee of the Old Navy/Gap sales bin variety leaves me equally cold.

And we end with this pin-up style updo (NICE!), paired with an Anthropologie feather-print cardigan and a ribbed striped shirt.

Brittany, what? Strange patterns, unusual color combinations, bizarre layers... and underneath it all, an Einstein brain. The thing I love about Brit, though, is how despite everything, no matter who goes and who stays or who dates who, Brittany always always dresses like her fashion advisor is a three year old girl. Still, I'll take the animal hats of seasons yore over this confusion.

Unlike Santana, who always dresses like she's the number one biatch on America's Next Top Model. I lurrrve this sheath dress in black, white polka dots and mint. It's bold and graphic and pop-art-y.

Did I mention I lurve it?

"FINALLY!!!" Moment of the Week:

Obviously Will and Emma ("Wemma?" asks the priest. I like "Wilma" more, personally) finally getting married ughhhhhhhthattookforeverrrrr in the choir room after Regionals.

Emma's hair has been flatironed within an inch of its life... but the lacy dress is all right and her sweet little bouquet is too perfect. Let's hope they can make it last (the marriage, I mean).

Nailbiter of the Week:

I am reeeeeally worried about Blurt. I mean Kaine. I mean Kurt and Blaine. Blaine wants to propose, like, yesterday, and Kurt still thinks they aren't even a couple anymore!? duhWHAT? Does Blaine not know how teen marriages turn out? It's like he doesn't even watch this show.

But boy howdy do these fellas know how to dress! Well, Blaine's is a bit mundane compared to his usual steez, but Kurt looks fabulous! The rusty orange against the subtle blues and maroons of his vest and scarf are amaze. UHMAZE. Also I adore how much lift his hair gets these days. Back in season one, he had the flat-to-the-skull emo sidepart.... and now this! So proud.

Blaine still owns cute sweatervests and adorable satchels, though. I love the bold red and navy for him, even if it does remind me of his Warblers uniform. #preppy

Yawn of the Week:

Regionals. Sigh.

These dresses from the Hoosierdaddies are cute and I'm giving windmill snaps for the boys' red shirts and black suspenders, but they definitely look like an underage wedding party. Or an overly coordinated homecoming court?

The New Directions do a bit better with slightly more classic colors and lines, but the fellas looked so casual next to the girls.

More Asos...

 

I personally think the hemlines of the dresses are too long for most of the girls, but the dresses are a win other than that. And can we talk about Kitty stealing the show with her bombshell bouffant and totally nude lipstick? It was impossible to get a clearer image of her, because girlfriend was busy with her twirls, kicks and hip-bumps. Werq.

Sleeper Agent of the Week:

I don't always think about Sugar Motta when she's not onscreen, but when I do, she's usually wearing gold lame and leopard print.

GASP! Dreams do come true! She legitimately came to school dressed like a 1991 Barbie doll (Beverly Hills Barbie? Rodeo Drive Barbie maybe?) and she knows it.

And then she proved the probability of her true secret identity: Britney and Madonna's secret love child. I can't get over the gold studs and the perfect chignon under that hat. And the biker gloves.

Oh, and also? Sugar spends the entire regionals performance of Icona Pop's "I Love It" in character. As in, like, acting. It's incredible. Observe:

Don't ever change, Sugar Motta.

So that's that for Season 4 of Glee. It was a rough road, you guys. Somewhere along the way, the show started limping along, but hopefully with one more character closer to NYC next year (welcome to MIT, Brittany!), we'll see less of the hallowed halls of McKinnley, and more fab fashion.

Glee: Sectionals

Part 1 of 3: New Directions for Dummies

So, here's what you missed on Glee: Emma puts her wedding on hold so the glee club can go to Sectionals because Will slept on a mattress and now can't go. Finn finds out Puck is the father of Quinn's baby and flakes on Sectionals but shows up after a pep talk from Will, and Puck wants to be with Quinn, but she isn't having any of that. Mercedes is chosen to do the ballad for the competition but then Rachel does it anyway, because Lea Michele's contract said so because Sue leaked the New Directions set list. Will Emma marry Ken? Will those crazy kids win the show choir comp? Will Rachel wear suitable hosiery?

Artie starts us off with some serious colour blocking. This is Chuck Bass, circa season two, the only time in the history of Gossip Girl he ever wore a sweater. Stick with brights, Artie, and you'll go places. Have you considered a matching bowtie? A bottle of Dom?

That sweater vest beats out the usually fabulous Kurt, who is playing it safe (read: boring) in piratical stripes and a trench coat. Are you a pirate-spy for Vocal Adrenaline?

Mercedes is glamorously gauche with too much gold jewellery again, but since there's gold on her t-shirt too, I'm okay with it. The geometric pattern isn't too busy, which is rare for her.

When I first saw Tina's outfit, I was all, 'yay, such pretty curls!' Then I realised she was wearing black armwarmers and pink eyeshadow, plus a cutesy hair clip and grungey accessories. She's like a Southern fried spring roll, dressing outside the realms of normalcy.

Finn also does black, and I like it just about as much as I like him in every other colour. Until there's a tuxedo involved or Kurt makes him over, I'm not interested.

But still, costume consistency is a great thing — it makes me believe these twenty somethings really might actually be Midwest teens. It's great to see Rachel's apron style wrap skirt, since that is something a teenage girl would wear with everything. And the strong blue cardigan with argyle print is surprisingly bold. Snaps for Rachel Berry!

As always, there is only one queen, and that is Quinn. Her braid porn is in fine form, and her simple teal empire line dress and sensible shrug are what young mothers should be wearing: concealing, not revealing, with not a crop top or Daisy Duke in sight.

Her baby daddy Puck smartens up for his rendition of "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" (He doesn't sing it, bee tee dubs, just thinks it). Brown makes his hazel eyes pop, even brown plaid.

Did I mention Finn decides to punish the entire glee club because he's not Quinn's baby daddy? Here he is, returning to the site of all his former shower-singing sins. Letter jacket on, he's ready to think none too deeply and make none too smart decisions.

It's the return of carmine, guys and gals. Thankfully, Rachel's beautiful single-breasted coat is hiding the hideous plaid housedress she has on underneath.

In fact, most of New Directions are rocking the outerwear. Artie's pimped out in a tri-colour puffer, Mercedes is black and yellow (and pink) like the annoying hip hop song of the same name, and Quinn looks angelic in spearmint blue. These guys have really pulled their socks up.

These guys...have not. Tina looks like Edward Scissorhands and Kurt resembles Rihanna on a bad day. Bad beanie choice. In fact, beanies are bad. Don't go there.

As ensemble outfits go, this one's not bad - but it's not spectacular either. Black does work on everyone, but that generic dress shape so often used for bridesmaid dresses leads to a uniboob effect, like a unibrow on the chest.

That said, I Can't Always Get What I Want.

Of course our heroes win the day, and end it with some Kelly Clarkson. I don't remember Kelly wearing so much lavender or knee socks, Rachel, but you're off the hook since you just killed "Don't Rain on My Parade." Mercedes is back on form with a spangly peace sign, and Tina and Artie appear to be wearing matching armwarmers, as well as some more purple.

As for the boys...I would call that safari chic from Kurt, except his shirt/jacket/thing has a nehru collar and it makes no sense. And I'm fairly certain Finn skinned a bear to make that sweater.

Glee: Wonder-ful

Here's What You Missed on Glee: Mr. Schue deems it a Wonder-ful week — Rachel got a second callback for Funny Girl, Schue and Emma are slated to get married (second time's the charm), Brittany was accepted into MIT (wut?), and Tina got into vet school. As for the other NYC kids, Santana was nowhere to be seen (boo!) and Kurt developed little rituals as a way of coping with his father's cancer. Kurt heads back to Lima with Mike and Mercedes, who were enlisted by Mr. Shue to help the Glee kids for Sectionals. Remember when Mr. Schue taught the Glee club on his own? Yeah, me neither. Artie got into film school, and Kitty (of all people) was the one who helped Artie realize that it's okay to leave home and pursue your dreams. Oh, and Blaine decided he wanted to marry Kurt. #RachelAndFinnPartTwo

Best Abs

You thought it was Brody, didn't you? But we agree with Rachel — Cassie July's are better. And she probably knows it too, if her plethora of crop tops (the one on the left is by VPL) are anything to go by.

Best Outfit

It's always a treat when the Cheerios are out of uniform, and Kitty does not disappoint in this summery ensemble. So fresh! So adorable! Yet it's not overly matchy. Are you taking notes?

More Wallis...

And the runner up... Artie's lemon yellow hot-air balloon sweater. With a collared shirt underneath, of course. I'm torn between hating the sweater because five-year-old me probably wore a similar one, or absolutely loving it because it is just so freakin' darling.

Actually, all the Glee kids looked pretty darn cute in their performance of Stevie Wonder's "For Once in My Life". I mean, sure, the overall effect is a little Brady Bunch, but the individual looks are genius.

BTW, have you ever noticed the ridiculousness of the custom sets on this show?

Will: Hey, I need a sunny, 1970s set. Can your set guys build it?
Drama Club Sponsor: Sure! Is this for a concert?
Will: No, it's just for one number.
DCS: You're...doing a video? Submitting it for a big contest, maybe?
Will: Nah, it's just for ourselves. We'll be singing to an empty auditorium. No cameras.
DCS: ...

Rachel's Cassandra's Melodramatic Solo of the Week

Rachel's MSotW was replaced by Ms. July's rendition of "Uptight", which was part of a surprisingly sweet NYADA show of support for Rachel. Done in a teeny black number, and fab black t-strap heels, of course. Rachel was in her typical skirt and leotard, with what is quickly becoming her trademark — a cashmere sweater.

Also noteworthy - Rachel in jeans! NYC really is changing her.

Least Compelling Plotline

Mercedes' record deal dramz. Le yawn. Also boring? Her cropped moto jackets and printed tees.

She needs to borrow something from Unique's closet, because girlfriend is killing it. This combination of mint and grape purple is varsity-level.

And those shoes! Rarely is Unique ever in flats, with an enviable collection ranging from the black platforms above to the red ankle boots below.

If she keeps this up, she could totally hang out with the Pretty Little Liars "I wear 3 inches or I wear nothing" club. Hey, speaking of cross-over ideas...

Most Nolan Ross-esque Moment

Artie's double collared shirts. Adorbs, and totally Hamptons-worthy. If only he'd popped the collars as well!

Come to think of it, I can picture Artie moving to NYC and becoming the next villian on Revenge: Film school student by day, The Initiative evil-doer by night. Tell me you see it, too.

Tina's 60s Dress of the Week

Aaaand we're back to mod 60s dresses for T. This confirms that the steampunk was just a passing fancy, although I do love this dress. That zipper detail? Yes.

Most Color-Coordinated

Too matchy? Possibly, but Mike's color-coordination is totally on point. The neon yellow trim of his Marc by Marc Jacobs sweater matches the accents on his tee...and the laces on his sneakers. Respect.

Biggest Neckwear Fan

No, it's not Chuck Bass. Kurt went all-out this episode, pairing a mustard shirt and grey jeans with a purple scarf. I'm assuming that airplane pin is standard Kurt Hummel travel attire.

From scarves to neckerchiefs, Kurt dons a jaunty hat and moss green jeans. I give Kurt snaps for resisting the all-black NYC uniform, as we see with his print shirt, perfectly coordinated with his jeans and copper belt. You stay true to your roots, son!

All-in-all, a stylishly solid episode. Predictions for next week: Rachel gets her first Broadway disappointment, but wears gorgeous sweaters throughout. Kurt continues his love affair with scarves and neckerchiefs, while Blaine still considers marriage. Oh, and Tina will wear a 60s dress.

Glee: Sweet Dreams

Really and truly, we could have skipped this episode and reviewed the highlights (Rachel auditions for Funny Girl, Finn is in fake college, Marley is now a songwriter) entirely in flashback during a future episode. Or mentioned it in passing. Whatever. This episode was filler, and the only thing that saved it from my DVR's delete button was Rachel-as-Barbara in one of our favorite things ever — DRESS-UP MONTAGE!

Rachel's Melodramatic Song of the Week

It's a tie between 1) a mother-daughter duet of "Next to Me" complete with coordinating purple shirts and grey toppers...

...and 2) Rachel in the audition of her life. I know! She's finally chasing the dream of Fanny Brice in Funny Girl. Proud of you, Rach.

I can't make up my mind about this Maje dress with wrap skirt, though. Is it adorably perfect? Is it too twee? What Would Barbara Wear?

You know the answer to that — she'd wear a hat and a French twist, as Rachel did in this dress-up montage at the top of the show.

You guys, we here at YKYLF can not stress how much we love a good montage. And one that involves leopard print and eyeliner of perfection? Please. I am dying over here.

Said montage led to a glimpse of Little Rachel, and we now have an origin story for her wardrobe from seasons 1-3.

Knee stockings — check. Peter Pan collar — check. A dire need to be evaluated and accepted? If I'm reading the expression on Lil' Rachel's face correctly — check.

But this is Season 4, and Rachel will no longer be trifled with, nor will she dress like a toddler. I'm digging this top — it's got a bit of an 80s vibe with the rando print.

I'm also drawn to this simple blazer and the textured dress it was hiding. Again, we have a bit of an 80s influence in the print.

The shape was pretty cute, too, as blurrily seen here in her Dance of Joy with Kurt.

Oh! Right! Kurt was in this episode, and he wore layers. Observe the graphic top, casually tied scarf, and thin wrap. He's all "I'm too trendy to wear warm clothes, even though I'm actually freezing in this godforsaken loft."

Alas, Kurt had little to do in this episode besides appear in a song-hallucination during Rachel's audition, and then provide a plate of cookies while Rachel waited for the producers to come knocking on her door (or ringing on her iPhone, as the case may be).

Speaking of the producers, all three of these folks look familiar to me, but IMDb is of no help. What say you, YKYLF readers?

How Sue Sees It

She doesn't, what with that whole bringing-a-gun-to-school incident last week. So instead, we have Substitute Sue (aka Roz) who does an admirable job of keeping up the tracksuit tradition while sporting school colors. I mean, it's a bit expected, but how creative can one get with Adidas?

Anyway, peep that mani, perfectly offsetting her medal ribbon. Plus the pop of color, courtesy of her diving watch? I applaud your choice of accessories, Coach Roz.

Least Accurate Depiction of College

So, Finn's tried getting married, going to the Army, teaching high schoolers, and failing all that, has embarked on a new persona — Big Man on Campus!

I know we tend to hate shawl-collar sweaters, but this one doesn't bother me. It's a refreshing alternative to the usual hoodie seen on most college guys.

But back to the campus scene. What? I mean...what? There's no way that The University of Lima (anyone else catch the emphasis on the "The"? Hat tip to The Ohio State) has such an organized and good-looking student body.

Yeah, I'm guessing U of L is a suitcase college where things are earily quiet after 3pm and on weekends. And the likelihood of this many tan and fit bodies in the middle of an Ohio spring = slim/none.

But ya know, this is Hollywood, and in Hollywood, scenes like this play out at all colleges, and guys like Finn easily convince babes to shed their bikini tops and take a whirl on the slip-n-slide...

...and semi-suit up to rock out at frat parties.

BTW, I'm calling it now — Finn and Puck will pledge whatever-Kappa-whatever (Frat Bro #2's shirt is partially obscured, thus I can't make out the letters) and put their Glee Skillz to good use to save the fraternity from whatever ill is about to befall it.

I think I saw that on an episode of GREEK, anyway.

Oh! Right! Puck was in this episode too, as a sort-of-student at U of L (he's auditing a few classes, and no, I don't believe he knows what that means).

Although as he defines it, auditing means playing on the aforementioned slip-n-slide, rocking out at aforementioned frat parties dressed like a rockabilly guitar hero...

...and delivering some realness to Finn. Yes.

It's morning (afternoon?) in the dorm, and the boys are in their rumpled best. Puck thrusts a pink paper at Finn, who dismisses it as merely a warning from a prof for missing a test. Again, what? Was my school just particularly harsh with its sink-or-swim attitude, or are some insitutions this coddling? You guys, I can't tell what's real anymore.

Best Outfit of the Week

Like Rachel's audition outfit, Marley's military-inspired ensemble gave me conflicting feelings. Was it overly matchy? Was she channeling her inner majorette just a tad too much?

But the more I look at it, the more j'adore.

Bonus peep at Marley's cowboy boots (eh...do not like) and Unique's heels. Grrrrrrl...

More Gap...

Did you see Marley's folder in the top pic, in a perfectly matching shade of yellow? The contents of said folder bring me to this week's...

Least Compelling Plotline

Blah, blah Schue wants to sing old songs, the kids don't, Schue gets mad, he overhears their conversation, and relents in the end. I can't believe they spent half the episode on this minutia.

So instead, let's talk about Blaine's knitwear! First, he rallies the troops in a dandy contrasting cardi, followed by a coordinating outfit of the classic plaid-shirt-and-sweater-vest variety. Coach Roz, this is how you nail school colors.

Somewhere in there (again, Least Compelling Plotline) he and Unique decided that On Wednesdays We Wear Stripes. While horizontal stripes are not Unique's friend, I give golf claps for the expert mixing of purples. And I'm standing on my chair and straight-up cheering for Blaine's subdued yet snazzy stripes and yellow pants. It takes a strong man to pull of yellow pants.

Marley's on the knitwear train, too, first in this sweet aqua sweater paired with a pleated skirt and a song in heart. Yeah, lemme bring you up to speed — songwriting is her Thing, and that means we're going to be forced to listen to treated to original songs full of teenaged pathos, because New Directions will be singing one of these gems for regionals.

I suppose such wisdom comes easy to someone wearing an owl sweater.

Whooo wants to hear another song? Not me!

Tina's Latest Costume School Outfit

Remember when Tina was into Pilgrim Goth? And then 60s Mod? Well, her latest sartorial obsession is STEAMPUNK, Y'ALL!

I'm actually super excited for this, and hope it's not a one-episode passing fad attributed to her school-shooting PTSD. Just look at the textures! The accessories! The opportunities for snark!

I mean...she's wearing GOGGLES, for crying out loud!

This group shot is pretty normal, right? You're all "Oh, there's Brittany in her Cherrios uniform, Artie in a vest, Unique looking ladylike, and — OMG WHAT GOGGLES?"

Don't front. If you saw Tina in real life, you'd secretly want to be her.

BTW, Unique, I'm considering that exact pattern for my new stair runner. No lie. Oh, and Mardi Gras beads do not make for good accessories. See your pal Tina, there to your left, for accessorizing tips.

Most Scary Body-Snatching Moment

Here is Will.

Here is Finn.

Here are Will and Finn hugging it out.

NOW TELL ME — when you glance at the face over Jake's shoulder, does it not look like some sort of Will/Finn morph?

The more I look at it, the more unsettling it becomes. Much like this show in general.

Glee: Mattress

Part 3 of 3: Glee! The Generic Opera

"Rachel photobombs everyone's else's picture anyway."

See what I mean?

Kurt is wearing an art pop/cowboy shirt (who ever thought they'd hear that sentence?) and an expression of disdain at the idea of being in the yearbook.

His hetero heroine Mercedes is kind of rocking it, actually. Her face says war but her cool purple t-shirt says peace — in hair. And let's be honest, everyone else is just cookie cutter versions of themselves. Artie's in an ugly sweater, Puck's in plaid, Finn's wearing a plain white tee and Tina's blacker than my soul.

McKinley High School uniform, male: sweatshirt/gilet over polo/button-down/t-shirt. Can be worn in drab hue of your choice.

Hi, Quinn! I wish we saw more of your plum perfection.

Speaking of perfection, matching a blueberry-coloured headband to your cardi is a beautiful thing, as is Kurt's Sergeant Pepper coat and rockabilly boots. Mercedes' yellow and purple jacket pops the colours in her shirt and the eyeballs right out of my sockets. Kudos.

Artie's bright braces are very on trend at the moment, as are Tina's cobweb leggings. But...is that a hole in her cardigan sleeve? Not fashionable. Never fashionable.

This is not a mattress commercial. This is a very tame orgy and it is creepy as heck.

Will gives the kids a stern talking to, blah blah blah, slept on a free mattress, blah blah blah, amateur choir status revoked. This is the plot of one or all of The Cheetah Girls movies.

Everyone looks suitably underwhelmed, as they should be. Rachel's shirtdress is a pretty berry shade (see what I did there?!) and Quinn's finally wearing a print, thank the Lord! There's lots of greys from the guys and Tina and a 'MERCEDES' necklace from Mercedes. Because we totally forgot what your name was, Marissa.

In the end, they're all in this together. And Rachel is wearing hideous knee socks.

Emma's yearbook photo is much better. Two bows on her blouse is a touch too much, but the sunny yellow is lovely and the floral skirt she wore in "Ballad" is a worthy repeat.

Nothing says power like a polo shirt in school colous.

Or the tracksuit that made you a legend. "Sloppy freakshow babies!"

Glad to see you went for the red tie, William. My advice? If your wife's baby bump turns out to be a cushion, just grin and bear it.

Or twitch your mouth like an underpaid clown. Whatever.