Glee: All or Nothing

The Amount of Suspense in This Episode Has Nothing To Do With Regionals!

Frustrations come to a boiling point this week with several dramatic subplots. Ryder demands — rather violently — that Catfish reveals herself. Marley confesses, but it turns out to be (SPOILERS) Unique, who just wanted to get close to someone she liked. Rachel wails through a Celine Dion song for her Big Broadway Callback and sheds a few tears (relief? terror? shame? pride?) to boot, but the Panel O' Judges seems unimpressed. We'll see how that turns out. Some folks at MIT determine that despite popular opinion/probability/possibility Brittney is a genius. She returns to McKinnley with serious 'tude, but it turns out she just has feelings because she's been offered early admission and has to leave immediately. Blah blah, regionals drama, and oh, suddenly regionals are being held at McKinley. The New Directions compete with a so-so lineup of songs, but (spoilers?) take the trophy anyway. Cheering and hugging abound, and then there's a wedding in the choir room.

Rachel's Melodramatic Solo of the Week:

Celine Dion's "Love You More." For a Broadway callback. Really? Reeeeally, Glee? In what universe would they a) let you choose what song to sing for a call back, b) let that song NOT be a showtune, let alone one from the actual show you're auditioning for, and c) have a pennywhistle player on hand to accompany you?

But whatevs, I like the demureness of this Jil Sander dress. This dress says calm, collected, semi-professional — a good dress to audition in. However, if we know one thing about Rachel Berry, it's that short sleeves and above-the-knee hemlines automatically reduce her age by ten years. Rachel is auditioning for Fanny Brice in Funny Girl on Broadway. Adding four inch platforms doesn't add on apparent years, Rachel. Neither does standing slightly pigeon-toed like the models you see in Vogue.

Big Reveal of the Week:

The identity of Catfish/Katie/whatevertheheckisgoingonthere is...

Marley! Looking particularly pretty in neutral tones with a possible snakeskin pattern, and her effortless flowing locks (standard Marley issue). This makes me think of an Urban Outfitters catalogue for July/August or thereabouts. But I like it.

Also, just kidding, Catfish is totally not Marley, it's actually...

...Wade/Unique! She discovered that she had feelings for Ryder, and so posed as a petite blonde in order to get his attention over text. This is Unique's "I'm Sorry" face. As plain as her polo is, girl still has FIERCE eyelashes. I would kill for those lashes.

The confession from Unique is heartfelt enough, but Ryder has no sympathy left, having been totally embarassed in front of everyone. Judgement is swift and harsh, just like it will be right now: Ryder constantly looks like a poorly dressed Ken doll. There, I finally said it.

Unexpected Plot Twist of the Week:

Brittany S. Pierce: Mathematical Super Genius.

Cute giraffe circle scarf, Brit!

Sadly, it was all downhill from there. I'm losing IQ points just looking at this Free People dip-dye skirt and oversized sweater situation. What's the look she's going for?

A coral beret (cute!), an acid wash denim vest with odd pins (mateless earrings?) and a faded graphic tee of the Old Navy/Gap sales bin variety leaves me equally cold.

And we end with this pin-up style updo (NICE!), paired with an Anthropologie feather-print cardigan and a ribbed striped shirt.

Brittany, what? Strange patterns, unusual color combinations, bizarre layers... and underneath it all, an Einstein brain. The thing I love about Brit, though, is how despite everything, no matter who goes and who stays or who dates who, Brittany always always dresses like her fashion advisor is a three year old girl. Still, I'll take the animal hats of seasons yore over this confusion.

Unlike Santana, who always dresses like she's the number one biatch on America's Next Top Model. I lurrrve this sheath dress in black, white polka dots and mint. It's bold and graphic and pop-art-y.

Did I mention I lurve it?

"FINALLY!!!" Moment of the Week:

Obviously Will and Emma ("Wemma?" asks the priest. I like "Wilma" more, personally) finally getting married ughhhhhhhthattookforeverrrrr in the choir room after Regionals.

Emma's hair has been flatironed within an inch of its life... but the lacy dress is all right and her sweet little bouquet is too perfect. Let's hope they can make it last (the marriage, I mean).

Nailbiter of the Week:

I am reeeeeally worried about Blurt. I mean Kaine. I mean Kurt and Blaine. Blaine wants to propose, like, yesterday, and Kurt still thinks they aren't even a couple anymore!? duhWHAT? Does Blaine not know how teen marriages turn out? It's like he doesn't even watch this show.

But boy howdy do these fellas know how to dress! Well, Blaine's is a bit mundane compared to his usual steez, but Kurt looks fabulous! The rusty orange against the subtle blues and maroons of his vest and scarf are amaze. UHMAZE. Also I adore how much lift his hair gets these days. Back in season one, he had the flat-to-the-skull emo sidepart.... and now this! So proud.

Blaine still owns cute sweatervests and adorable satchels, though. I love the bold red and navy for him, even if it does remind me of his Warblers uniform. #preppy

Yawn of the Week:

Regionals. Sigh.

These dresses from the Hoosierdaddies are cute and I'm giving windmill snaps for the boys' red shirts and black suspenders, but they definitely look like an underage wedding party. Or an overly coordinated homecoming court?

The New Directions do a bit better with slightly more classic colors and lines, but the fellas looked so casual next to the girls.

More Asos...

 

I personally think the hemlines of the dresses are too long for most of the girls, but the dresses are a win other than that. And can we talk about Kitty stealing the show with her bombshell bouffant and totally nude lipstick? It was impossible to get a clearer image of her, because girlfriend was busy with her twirls, kicks and hip-bumps. Werq.

Sleeper Agent of the Week:

I don't always think about Sugar Motta when she's not onscreen, but when I do, she's usually wearing gold lame and leopard print.

GASP! Dreams do come true! She legitimately came to school dressed like a 1991 Barbie doll (Beverly Hills Barbie? Rodeo Drive Barbie maybe?) and she knows it.

And then she proved the probability of her true secret identity: Britney and Madonna's secret love child. I can't get over the gold studs and the perfect chignon under that hat. And the biker gloves.

Oh, and also? Sugar spends the entire regionals performance of Icona Pop's "I Love It" in character. As in, like, acting. It's incredible. Observe:

Don't ever change, Sugar Motta.

So that's that for Season 4 of Glee. It was a rough road, you guys. Somewhere along the way, the show started limping along, but hopefully with one more character closer to NYC next year (welcome to MIT, Brittany!), we'll see less of the hallowed halls of McKinnley, and more fab fashion.

Glee: Lights Out

So here's what you missed on Glee: The power went out at McKinley, and apparently these kids carry flashlights and miner's helmets around in their backpacks. Ryder and Kitty bond over their mutual confessions about being molested in the past. The kids do some refreshing a cappella and acoustic numbers for once. Out in New York, Isabelle is back (!!!), and the crew head to the ballet, ball gowns and all. We see mini-Rachel, Kurt and Santana ballerinas, which leads to Santana finally engaging in something other than meddling in other peoples lives (but isn't that what we love most about her?)

Least Likely to do a Fashion Montage

Will... ugh. Seriously, you bore me. It's always just a slight variation of this:

Honestly. It's like you raided your Grandpa's closet. Stop. Please.

Most Likely to Show Her Macaron

Whoah, Santana! Always inappropriate for winter/spring in New York, Santana drags an old chair into the loft in a nearly macaron-baring bandage dress by McQ Alexander McQueen. 

The pattern rocks, as does the cropped leather jacket. This girl has some bitchin' outerwear. Who else could pull this off? I do wonder how she got that chair upstairs though... is there an elevator in the building? She could barely drag it.

Rachel and Kurt are not dressed in their best casualwear to counsel Santana for the umpteenth time. 

Rachel is a bit blah, but I do with I could see her skirt — maybe that would redeem her? Hair and makeup are amazing for lounging around the house, though. I think I would like Kurt's outfit better without the scarf. It seems a little too feminine for him. I must, however, give mad props for matching the mint jeans to the windows.

Best Cameo

SJP, thank god you showed up. 

Isabelle is back, and back with a vengeance! This dress. Oh, this dress is glorious and I wish I could get a better picture of it. It fits her like a glove, and the colors are to die for. I bow down to the master.

Best House Wear

Kurt invites Rachel and Santana to the ballet wearing his most profesh red tie and matching trousers. His pocket square (?) is a little out of control though. I'll give you a pass on that though, Kurt. Rachel decides to match Kurt in her red pleather skirt and while I don't fully approve of that, I'm kind of lusting after Rachel's bird print blouse.

True story — I'm terrified of birds, but I love bird print. On everything. So this black and yellow number is right up my alley (though I would never cook in it).

Santana is, once again, wearing a blousy tank in the early spring in New York. Obvs.

This print is beautiful, though, and the color totally compliments her skin tone. I wish I could have seen the rest of what she's wearing, but alas, we only see from the waist up.

Best Twinsies (and Musical Number)

Obviously the twinsies award goes to Sue and Becky. How does Becky get these matching outfits and know to wear them at the same time as her mentor? Does Sue send them to her and give her a track suit schedule?

I love how this top softens her look. Sue is so sweet with Becky, too — I'm glad she's still hanging around even though she took the fall for Becky in the whole gun incident from the "Shooting Star" episode. Sue continues on to sing a rendition of "Little Girls" from Annie, one of my faves. Did anyone notice how Sue's mother was played by Carol Burnett, and she played Mrs. Hannigan in the movie version of Annie? No? Just me then.

Rachel's Santana's Melodramatic Solo Duet Trio Quartet of the Week

Phew! At the ballet, Kurt, Rachel and Santana show up looking stunning in their designer gear. 

Kurt is wearing a pretty standard tux, but I'm really loving this New York hair he has going on. It should definitely stick around. Rachel's dress is beautiful. Like, fairy princess/Good Witch of the North gorgeous. I'm not entirely sure what the color of the dress is, but the bodice has the perfect amount of bling, and she matches it with a sparkly headband and soft wavy hair. And Santana. I have honestly never seen her look so soft and graceful. The perfect vulnerability metaphor. The cut-out bodice of her Badgley Mischka gown is perfectly on trend, and the draping falls amazingly. I'm in complete awe.

The whole gang, Isabell included, in her fitted black top and satiny cream skirt, sing a haunting rendition of "At the Ballet" from A Chorous Line. I really wish I could have gotten a good picture of her dress, but about 90% of this episode was shot in near darkness...

More Ippolita...

Least Interesting Group of People

I suppose I have to mention the McKinley crew...

So here we have back-to-mod Tina, though her shoes are adorbs (boo...I was so hoping for more steampunk nonsense), grandpa sweater Artie, generic Sam, Blaine (finally, someone bringing it with some style with the color-blocked cardi, rolled jeans, brogues, and straw hat) then back to blah with generic couple Marley and Jake, Cheerio Kitty, Unique looking kinda boring for her, and generic Ryder. Do you think there's some kind of contract that the show has with American Apparel?

Another group shot. I actually really love Tina's dress, for a change. The colors are awesome, and her brogues are fantastic. I wish it had a bit more shape, but I'll take what I can get. Blaine is a dream, as per usual, with his adorable bow tie and mustard trousers.

But check out (the partially obscured) Unique with the bold color combo! Mint and coral with polka dot jeans and camel colored boots — this is my go to when I can get it together to leave the house.

My big surprise of the show is Marley, actually rocking a look that I would wear (two weeks in a row!).

I really wish I could have gotten a better picture of it, but this red bird print (again!!) dress, and jean vest is kind of my jam. I would totally wear this, and probably not look as good. I definitely wouldn't sing as well.

Best Workout Gear

Speaking of things I could never wear...

As we saw with the earlier blouse, royal blue does wonders on Santana. A nice bit of sparkle on the shoulder... lovely. Glad that she's finally getting her stuff together and doing something other than cage dancing/letting strangers grope her for cash.

So what do we think kids? Will Ryder finally meet Katie? Will we ever hear news of Rachel's Funny Girl call back? Will another disaster befall McKinley?

Glee: Mattress

Part 3 of 3: Glee! The Generic Opera

"Rachel photobombs everyone's else's picture anyway."

See what I mean?

Kurt is wearing an art pop/cowboy shirt (who ever thought they'd hear that sentence?) and an expression of disdain at the idea of being in the yearbook.

His hetero heroine Mercedes is kind of rocking it, actually. Her face says war but her cool purple t-shirt says peace — in hair. And let's be honest, everyone else is just cookie cutter versions of themselves. Artie's in an ugly sweater, Puck's in plaid, Finn's wearing a plain white tee and Tina's blacker than my soul.

McKinley High School uniform, male: sweatshirt/gilet over polo/button-down/t-shirt. Can be worn in drab hue of your choice.

Hi, Quinn! I wish we saw more of your plum perfection.

Speaking of perfection, matching a blueberry-coloured headband to your cardi is a beautiful thing, as is Kurt's Sergeant Pepper coat and rockabilly boots. Mercedes' yellow and purple jacket pops the colours in her shirt and the eyeballs right out of my sockets. Kudos.

Artie's bright braces are very on trend at the moment, as are Tina's cobweb leggings. But...is that a hole in her cardigan sleeve? Not fashionable. Never fashionable.

This is not a mattress commercial. This is a very tame orgy and it is creepy as heck.

Will gives the kids a stern talking to, blah blah blah, slept on a free mattress, blah blah blah, amateur choir status revoked. This is the plot of one or all of The Cheetah Girls movies.

Everyone looks suitably underwhelmed, as they should be. Rachel's shirtdress is a pretty berry shade (see what I did there?!) and Quinn's finally wearing a print, thank the Lord! There's lots of greys from the guys and Tina and a 'MERCEDES' necklace from Mercedes. Because we totally forgot what your name was, Marissa.

In the end, they're all in this together. And Rachel is wearing hideous knee socks.

Emma's yearbook photo is much better. Two bows on her blouse is a touch too much, but the sunny yellow is lovely and the floral skirt she wore in "Ballad" is a worthy repeat.

Nothing says power like a polo shirt in school colous.

Or the tracksuit that made you a legend. "Sloppy freakshow babies!"

Glad to see you went for the red tie, William. My advice? If your wife's baby bump turns out to be a cushion, just grin and bear it.

Or twitch your mouth like an underpaid clown. Whatever.

Glee: Guilty Pleasures

So here's what you missed on Glee: nothing. The only possible plot point was Rachel and Brody's break up. Other than that, it was Guilty Pleasure week, with the Glee club confessing their love for Barry Manilow, the Spice Girls (!!!!), Chris Brown (which actually brought up an interesting "separating the artist from their art debate" that I would never have expected from Glee), and Phil Collins.

Only on Glee

Macaroni Art & Boyfriend Pillows. Because what other show would have macaroni art? Courtesy of Sam, obvi.

And filed under Late-Night-Six-Glasses-In-Bad-Decisions: boyfriend pillows. Filed under Good-Sartorial-Choices: Kurt's skull top.

Mike Chang's Replacement

Jake's guilty pleasure was the aforementioned Chris Brown, which he then switched out for a number by (the also stellar at relationships) Bobby Brown. I don't really care what Jake sings, so long as I can watch him dance. Peep the red socks and black Converse. Heart.

Best Dressed

While this week gave us some fun songs (Wham! "Copa Cabana!") the wardrobe was ho-hum. Except Rachel and Santana's sleepwear. I never would have pegged Santana as a polka dot girl, but there she is with PJs worthy of Jessica Day. And how typical of Rachel to wear a satin sleep set. The pink and blue combo is lovely...and those buttons! If Marc Jacobs can send pajamas down the runway...

More Eberjey...

 

Rachel's Melodramatic Solo Duet of the Week

Creep by Radiohead. Typically overwrought emotion and fromage, although props to Rachel for this gorgeous silk combo top which kicked off the song.

Also gorgeous: Brody in a suit. We will miss this.

I was all set to peg Rachel's boatneck full length black dress as completely blah, but then I spotted the gold zipper detail on the neckline and the plunging back. It almost redeemed this rendition of "Creep". Almost.

Sponsor of the week

The ABC Family has their cocktail ring warehouse, Glee has a closet full of American Apparel hoodies in every color under the sun. Except, our gang doesn't look nearly so emaciated and sun-starved as your typical AA model.

Best Sweater

Thanks to Glee I believe that if I move to NYC my wardrobe will become instantly chic and I will wear lots of gorgeous knits and have fab hair. I mean, where is Rachel getting this seemingly endless supply of Helmut Lang sweaters?

Tied for a close second is Unique's fab striped black and white cardi. Further snaps for the top underneath. (Also of note: Marley's attempt at pattern mixing. I'm not sure how it makes me feel. Do I applaud her for trying, or send her back to Patterns 101?)

Tina's 60s dress(es) of the week

Let us count the 60s mod dresses: 1) black and white striped flowers, 2) black and white plaid Rachel Roy, & 3) pop art orange. Dear Glee wardrobe dept: PLEASE give Tina another silhouette! Sure, this is better than the goth pilgrim days, but yawn and stuff.

WTF is Going on Award

'kay, this is not what I meant by a different silhouette. Here we have Tina as Vicky from Small Wonder. First, I had to google Small Wonder. Am still confused. This was beyond strange/pointless, even for Glee.

And oh, hey. I almost didn't see Marley there. How does one wear a striped sweater and still blend into the wall?

Second place goes to the Glee club in a strange collection of Wonder Woman/Hippie/Elvis/Is-This-Supposed-to-be-Abba? ensembles.

Perhaps they're interplanetary ambassadors from a planet where the denizens sing instead of speak? And everyone has an endless supply of costume changes and American Apparel hoodies?

Clear Bra Straps of the Week:

As fellow YKYLF staffer Lauren pointed out a few weeks ago...what's with the clear bra straps? This week we see them on Marley, along with a terrible British accent and sequinned mini dress.

Which brings me to...

Tribute of the Week:

Spice Girls! Unique as Baby Spice (wha??), Kitty as Ginger Spice, Tina as Scary, Marley as Posh (again, wha?!), Brittany as Sporty Spice. The outfits are pretty spot on, from Unique's lacy turquoise dress to Tina's pink leopard. Especially love Marley's chained Jeffrey Campbells.

 

So, will we get any actual plot next week? Will the adults return? Will the wardrobe department put Tina in something other than a 60s dress and will they also discover strapless bras? 

Hopefully the answer is yes to all.

Glee: Hairography

Part 2 of 3: Hairstory

Sometimes, the New Directions can twirl and dip like One Direction. Other times, they need a little help from Mr Schue, who needs a little help himself with dressing like a grown-up.

Honourable mentions go to Rachel and Quinn for dressing like Amish ladies, Mercedes for not dressing like a traffic cone and Kurt, for a bizarre two-tone sweater with an Oxford collar and knee highs with shorts. King McQueen would not approve.

I don’t approve of how toned down it is this week! So much drab green, so much boring blue, and only a plain bowtie from Kurt! Finn and Artie are in block white like they’re about to be dunked in a baptismal tank, and Mercedes, Tina, Puck and the one who’s name I can never remember appear to be attending a funky funeral.

OMG, I just noticed the bow ankle straps on Rachel’s shoes. Grilled Cheesus, take the wheel, I’m off to find me a pair of those.

While we’re on the subject, Rachel makes rather a big transformation this episode, which is a longer time coming every second I have to look at this pinafore made out of a tablecloth.

Wearing fifty shades of pink and looking like a bathmat, Rachel ponders how to get Finn to see her as a woman, not a giant marshmallow in a headband. Goodbye to Rachel B…

…hello to Easy R, the Olive Penderghast of 2009. Even the Pretty Little Liars don’t dress like this, and they’ve got more love interests than Rachel has anklets.

From Emma Stone to Olivia Neutron Bomb (as my mother calls her) — or, more accurately, to Barbra Streisand stuffed into a sausage skin and struggling to be sexy.

No. N-O, no.

After Finn telling her about a conversation with Kurt where he explained his perfect girl was au naturelle, Rachel goes au naturelle and confronts Kurt. Unfortunately, her au naturelle is a floral romper suitable for toddlers.

This is much better, a lilac button-down which flatters Rachel as she should be, not Berry Boop as she shouldn’t. If only she dressed like this all the time…

Perhaps she should hire Kurt as her personal dresser?

That said, Kurt becomes a cross between Van Pelt from Jumanji and Justin Timberlake by adding a fedora to a checked suit and riding boots, multiplying that by a briefcase and coming up with nastiness.

This outfit should be burned.

There’s always something of the macabre about Kurt’s clothing, even this shirt has swords and teeth printed on it like a bad tarot reading. Also, bolo ties are never going to happen.

Whatever this is? Not going to happen either. Cute bowtie, though. Sassy checks.

Sometimes, Kurt confuses high fashion with just plain high, but his foray into plaid is pushing elegant. The shirt is busy, the jacket is bare and the military tailoring is excellent.

Don’t look so innocent, Kurt, we know you sabotaged Rachel. You’ll have to explain why you’re dressed as a young Spock with that obscenely high collar, though.

That’s a much more sensible collar. I wish we’d seen more of this than the other Hummel horrors. I even spy a hint of pink and navy cravat, and the boy usually gives such good cravat.

This is a before picture. It’s relatively fabulous compared to what happens next.

It’s the Jackson…Ten? New Directions whip their hair back and forth to "Hair/Crazy in Love", but Beyonce wouldn’t be caught dead in that ugly waistcoat without a sequin in sight. Hair should be bouncy, butts should be big and colours should be bright.

That’s better! That’s brighter! New Directions see your True Colours shining through, which is why they love you, which is a great closing number.

This song shows it doesn’t matter what you wear, so long as it’s a t-shirt in a pre-approved colour which does absolutely nothing for anyone’s figure.