Glee: Naked

To nude or not to nude?

Vulnerability Metaphors Ahoy! Rachel is given a role in a student film that requires a topless scene. Although it will be Artistic and Very Important to the Plot, she argues with herself (special guest: Past Rachel! Complete with knee socks, straight hair and natural makeup!) about her integrity. Kurt disapproves of the role and calls in the troops: Santana and Quinn, who show up to talk some sense into Current Rachel. Meanwhile, Brittany's SAT scores are genius level and Sam's are NOT, so Sam overcompensates by working out like a crazy person. Tina's bright idea for raising money for Regionals consists of a "Men of McKinley" calendar, which Artie is adamantly against. Finn and Sue butt heads, but Finn outfoxes her, the calendar sells like hotcakes, and Marley and Jake each debate about saying the L word to the other (ZOMG!). Also, spoilers: Santana drops a hint about moving to New York... does this mean our favorite sassy beyotch will return to being a regular on the show!? Gawd I hope so. Love her ferocious riffing and her great wardrobe.

Song of the Week:

TIE. Rachel and Rachel singing "Torn." I got a weakness for 90's pop, what can I say... 

No, I don't really miss the knee socks and teeny skirts... but I do miss the fresh-faced look she had way back when. And New Rachel does tend to wear a lot of eyeshadow and relatively unnecessary hooker boots (and A.L.C tops from Barneys. Past Rachel had never even heard of Barneys.) At any rate, one can see the correlation between Skirt Height Then and Skirt Height Now. Rachel has always been in favor of flashing thigh.

I also completely loved Rachel, Quinn and Santana reinventing (seriously though) Sara Bareilles' lady-anthem "Love Song." Oh BOY, did I sing along with this episode... It was really a pleasant change from hating the song selections.

 

Oh, Q and S... I missed your whimsical a-line and bodycon fashionista dresses, respectively. Not to mention your incredible harmonies!

Outfit of the Week:

I know there were a lot of ties this week, but we again have a toss-up between the boys' incredible LACK of clothing (abs alert!) and the Triumphant Return of Fabray and Lopez.

 

I mean, yes. Abs. But also, Santana's moto jacket and hipster scarf! Quinn's sensible skinny belts and printed silk-blend dresses!

Oh, how I've missed you girls.

More Marc by Marc Jacobs...

Weird Mash-up of the Week:

Ummm "Centerfold" and "Hot in Herre"? I'm...confused. Yeah, they're topical, but... uh. Hrmm.

I will say this: I enjoy the semi-boyband attire of the fellas. It's sort of cute in a comical way. And naturally, their "Men of McKinnley" months deserve mention. Well done, boys.

Laugh Out Loud Moment:

Honestly? The goofy-adorable music video style montage of "This is the New Year" (props to the wardrobe crew for the coordinating but not matchy-matchy outfits) totally made me giggle...

...and this shot in particular made me guffaw.

Now that I think of it, Joe posing as a bunny was hilariously perfect.

Warm Fuzzies of the Week:

Freakin' Jake and Marley. Yeah, I 'ship it. They are just too dang cute and their musical chemistry is ON. Dueting "A Thousand Years" would have been melodramatic to the nth degree for Finchel back in the day, but for Jarley (Make?) it just works.

After School Special Moment:

It's a tie between Finn commending Artie on his integrity about wanting to keep his body private and personal, and Blaine showing Sam a video montage of all of their friends talking about how amazing and what a good person Sam is to make him feel better after his test score bomb.

 

It's always nice to see Finn out of his hoodies and rugby shirts, even if it means he's dressed like Young Will Schuster. The colors look nice on him and he doesn't appear to be wearing a Teacher Costume of any kind. Artie still clings to his cardigans and sweater vests, but I'll allow this one on account of it being McKinley school colors.

Sam is similarly in a rut with so much plaid, but the orange and blue is a nice burst of color in a dreary winter. As for Blaine, he's  been much more subdued fashion-wise since parting ways with Kurt. I know it's gray, but this blazer he's wearing is actually a sweater, which I kind of love! Ah, bromances!

Yawn of the Week:

Emma Pilsbury. When do we get Will back? When will they get married? And most importantly, WHEN WILL EMMA START SHOPPING AT ANTHRO AND JCREW AGAIN?! This is bo-ring, y'all.

Glee: Glee, Actually

I gotta say, I LOVE Glee dream sequences. Last time, Tina hit her head on the fountain at the mall and hallucinated that everyone had switched roles, and now Artie hallucinates "It's A Wonderful Life" style -- with Rory as the guardian angel showing an alternate timeline where Artie's legs are working and there is no Glee club. Sad! Back in the real world, Burt and Kurt spend some classic Christmas time together in NYC, and Puck and Jake spend a few days in LA before the half-brothers decide to reunite their moms for an awkward family dinner back in Lima. Sam and Brittany are convinced the Mayan Apocalypse is real and decide to GET MARRIED by Coach Bieste (spoiler: it's a fake ceremony), while Marley and her mom are worrying about paying for Marley's therapy sessions and making Christmas happen too. Sue overhears it and she and Becky play secret Santa. The episode ends with the Glee club and Marley singing a thank you to Sue. HAPPY HOLIDAYS Y'ALL!

The Gasp-Out-Loud-And-Then-Groan-In-Annoyance Moment of the Week:
SPOILERS: Kurt's dad has prostate cancer. As Kurt says, "But you already had a heart attack!" Seriously though, Burt Hummel is the sweetest dad ever and I hate that the writers won't leave him alone. This isn't "Grey's Anatomy" for crying out loud! But it's wonderful to see Burt showing Kurt a good time around NYC, and I love the look on Kurt's face when he realizes his Dad has arrived. Dawww.

I love the pop of copper on Kurt's collar and hinted at in his tie. Very festive, yet non-traditional.

Most Sartorially Altered Observation of the Week:
Rachel Berry, y'all. I know this has been kind of a slow transformation for her (if you doubt me, check out our rerun recaps from Season One and compare her makeup and wardrobe to now) but Rachel is definitely wading into glamazon territory now that she's a big bad college girl in New York City.

She still loves knee-high socks, but her hemline has risen and she is flashing a great deal more bare thigh than ever before. I'm not really a fan of her sudden glamour... I'll take the sweet, passionate Ohio Rachel over the empowered, privileged New York Rachel any day. (Side note: I refuse to believe that she and Kurt can afford to heat that loft space enough as to warrant her not wearing tights/pants/layers of any kind with that getup. It's Christmas in New York and it's probably real cold. Don't even play like that.)

More Dogeared...

I did love her direct recreation of Mary from "It's A Wonderful Life" in Artie's dream sequence, though. Right down to the glasses, the hair, and the scream-into-a-dead-faint when Artie tries to grab her to shake her into remembering his version of events. Love that movie.

The Best Seasonal Song of the Week:
I was weirdly endeared to Puck and Jake's duet of a traditional Hanukkah song while joyriding on a golf cart around Paramount studio lots in Hollywood, but then Marley opened her mouth and sang The First Noel... a cappella... to her mother... and I reached for the tissues. It was brief, beautiful, and memorable. Girl got pipes! And it's nice to not have a huge insane cheesy production number for EVERY song in every episode.

Despite poverty and insecurity about self image, Marley remains cute and slightly eclectic in a fringey scarf which sorta matches her skirt in a 70's color palette, topped with a slouchy bluish sweater... It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I like it for some reason. Maybe it's her impeccable chestnut tresses. Maybe it's Maybelline.

For the Christmas miracle, Marley is gifted with this freakin' adorable Benetton sweater (although this exact sweater doesn't seem to be available online). At any rate, I love rainbow argyle AND elbow patches.

Most "Prepared For the Mayan Apocalypse" Moment:
Sam and Brittany are ready-to-roll with the end of the world. And their impromptu "Mayan wedding" -- officiated by Coach Bieste -- is surprisingly serious, with Sam's blue tie and clean suit, and Brittany's sweet white lace and floral garland.

I wonder where this relationship will go, though, now that the Apocalypse didn't happen and they aren't actually married. I have a feeling they're both wondering the same thing... but you have to admit, they're adorably matchy in their color schemes patterned tops. And Brit's adorable Lulu hat! They might not be the quickest draws in Glee club, but they're artists in their own way, n'est-ce pas?

And speaking of "art"...

LEAST Visually Coherent Number of the Week:

"Jingle Bell Rock" from Sam and the Cheerios. Seriously? What what WHAT are you doing. I'm not real fond of this song to begin with, but the rendition is pretty straightforward... except for the inclusion of the Cheerios... dressed as sexy reindeer. The makeup, antlers, furry cuffs and jingle bell sticks are overwhelming... and the choreography is a little bit tasteless. Definitely not the kind of flash mob proposal I'd want, Mayan Apocalypse or no.

MOST Visually Coherent Number of the Week:
"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" sung by the whole gang for Sue Sylvester, who accurately predicts exactly what's about to happen before she even enters the auditorium, that sly fox.

Yes, it looks like a GAP holiday ad. But it's clean and pretty and cliché, which is just how a Glee holiday episode should end. Like Tiny Tim says, "God Bless Us, Everyone!"

Glee: Dynamic Duets

Blaine is pouring his frustration from the breakup into cosplaying as his alter ego: Nightbird (which, BTW, is a huge ripoff of DC universe hero Nightwing aka Dick Grayson aka the first Robin aka the heartthrob of the Batfamily HELLO). Mr. Shue is off doin' his thang and Finn is in charge -- say quoi?! -- and upon realizing the intensity of the testosterone battle between Ryder and Jake for Marley's affections, Finn gives his assignment: "Dynamic Duets". Kitty picks Marley for a faux-friendship attack, Ryder and Jake discover one another's kryptonite, and Blaine nearly slips over to the Dark Side (aka Dalton) to finish his senior year... but Finn puts his foot down and friendship saaaves the daaaay! But are the New Directions ready for sectionals? Tune in next week: same Glee time, same Glee channel!

The Glee wardrobe crew must have had a ball with this episode. Yes, there were some regular clothes, but as a comic book fan, I was blinded by the costume-y goodness. Thank you Blaine, for founding the McKinley High Superhero Club.

Saving the world school from sweater vests and knee socks!

Melodramatic Solo of the Week:
I know Blaine took this category last time too, but dang. Kelly Clarkson? Backed by the Warblers? Betraying your friends? Ouch, Blaine. Way to go over to the "Dark Side."

Yes, Blaine, it's good to know your Warbler suit still fits... but you're much hotter with the turned up jeans and bow ties. There. I said it.

Song of the Week:
Bizarrely, I feel "Holding Out For A Hero" was the best duet of the episode. Ferocious lady-voices in stellar 80's harmonies is my jam. And the whip choreography was a nice touch, but why didn't Marley have a prop too? Oh, sorry, that's because Kitty was just dressed as Catwoman. I can't even.

Yes, I feel for Marley and her "but I'm just a wallflower!" inner flailings. But the costume is guhross. And what's with assuming that all superhero costumes have to be skintight spandex? Yes, it's common, and yes, it's helpful to have skintight material when in combat, but a lot of superheroes also have heavily padded and armored outfits that are just as hawt as the skimpy ones. Sometimes even hawter. I know it was a ploy to have the show tiptoe around Marley's bulimia, but c'mon. Maybe if the flowers weren't quite so JoAnn Fabrics and the gold spandex were a little more gold and a little less... bleh...

Sam's Best Impression of the Week:
Is this his "thing" now? He does a lot of impressions these days. Only Sam would have a Bane/Tom Hardy minute while wearing a jockstrap.

OOOooooh never mind, dude, you keep on doing those impressions. They're ABSolutely great. Heh.

Boring Top 100 Cover of the Week:
"Some Nights." Listen, guys, I love Fun. I have listened to the album a LOT in the last year, but I gotta tell ya, the New Directions were really stretching to fit this number. Also, they dropped all pretenses of being well dressed, confident teens and went back to Season One Episode One uniforms of red tops and zero style. Yes, they actually look like a high school glee club like this, but it's boring. If I wanted to watch a real high school show choir, I would. (Only I wouldn't, because who does, other than fam and friends?)

Best Outfit of the Week:
Blaine/Nightbird. Purrrrrrrrrr. ....Okay, yes, FINE, I admit it, I'm a nerd and I love hot guys in superhero costumes.

He is hot, he is in a costume, ergo, I love.

Glee: Makeover

Part 1 of 2: Moody Midwest Makeovers

There comes a time in every high-school focused show when the writers rely on the time honoured tradition of a makeover. Sure, Glee has had a few classic makeover episodes, but this week killed it, y’all. So in honor of that, I'm doing this recap old-school style - the way we used to cover Glee before it started sucking. Don't get too used to it. We're still not out of the After School Special woods just yet.

In Ohio, Blaine and Brittany face off in a presidential battle with Artie and Sam as their running mates. Were there makeovers involved? You bet your ass there were. While the kids play political ‘Pygmalion’, Will wrestles with a choice to make a difference for arts education across the country; otherwise known as this year’s boring subplot. On the east coast, Kurt and Rachel seem to be settling into New York City quite nicely. Kurt’s killing it at Vogue.com with the lovely SJP as his mentor, and Rachel gets the makeover of a lifetime in the Vogue Vault. Oh, and Brody totally macks on her right when Finn shows up. Dramz Alert.

Let me begin by presenting the many faces of Blaine Warbler-Anderson. Or is it Anderson-Warbler? I’m sure we all agree that Blaine regularly looks cutes patoots in everything he wears, but I fully support his bow-tie/polo combination. Especially since the polo is just a hair too tight and tucked. Class. The mustard cardigan is toeing in Rachel Berry territory. I’m thinking he should drop that polo underneath and switch it up with a graphic tee. I mean, what 17-year old kid doesn’t own a graphic tee?

Blaine’s presidential garb is a little more professional than I would have thought. You’ll notice the absence of a bow-tie, as well. It’s nice, clean and conservative. Nothing jumping off the page to make you say, “...gurrrrrrllllllll”.

Speaking of his run for presidency, Blaine’s running mate is everyone’s favourite former stripper, Sam. They’re a pretty adorbs dream team, even if Sam is as thick as the product in Blaine’s hair. I think I’ll rename Sam the Bow-Tie Buster, since he convinced Blaine he looked like Orville Redenbacher. Good eye, Straight Sam. Now if only you were just a little bi-curious.

It’d be fairly difficult to beat a team of Blam, especially when one is hammier than an Easter Dinner...

and the other has the same reservations about taking his top off as Courtney Stodden.

On the other side of the race, Brittany convinces Artie to be her running mate to “bridge the human/robot divide” and to “ensure that both students and vending machines will be voting for [them]”. Yes, even though Brittany has become a main character, her little zingers still make me giggle like a 14-year old at a sleepover. And yes, that is two students face deep in each other. Seriously, watch Glee’s background – that’s where the best sight gags are.

For her makeover, Brittany gets all sexy librarian up in this bitch. Personally, I preferred her patriotic dress to the cobalt blue blouse. Whatever, Brittany looks fantastic in blue and thankfully didn’t spend the whole episode in her Cheerios uniform. Sidebar: IT’S THE FOURTH SEASON, LET THE UNIFORMS GO.

Look at that face. You wouldn’t think it’d be capable of delivering the hilarious exchange:

Artie: “So I could be Cheney to your Bush?”
Brittany: “I’d rather be landing strip.”

Brittany’s feather print top is super cute and just another piece of evidence that she looks brilliant in blue. Plus, look at the little piggy earrings! I won’t say that I squee’d over them, but I also won’t say that I didn’t. 

So how does one convey the frustration and trepidation of a teenager about to go through a makeover? By butchering a classic grunge song from Hole! Unless you’ve spent the better part of the early 90s on the bathroom floor of a Four Seasons with mystery bruises on your legs, an eternal case of dry mouth, and raccoon eyes that might as well be tattooed on, you do not have the rage to sing “Celebrity Skin”. 

Artie’s wardrobe was nice and predictable this episode. Sweater vest on top of sweater vest, then a smart looking tie for the debate. Although I have to take some issue with his brown toned vest because I know that boy did not just bring a scoop neck sweater vest into my house. I most definitely was hallucinating during that nightmare.

Could Artie and Sugar be the next power couple? Probably not since he constantly wears patterns inspired by Russian nesting dolls, and Sugar looks like she rolled around in a closet with Liza Minelli. Pearls and fur for daaaaaaaaaaaaaays.

It seems that in Ohio, if you’re over 21 you aren’t allowed to evolve as a fashionable person. OK, Emma is still the cutest little Holly Hobby with a career; who else has floral patterned rubber gloves?! But even the girliest of girls gets over pink at some point. 

Sue is... well... some things probably shouldn’t change. Although, can we just get her an Adidas sponsorship? This hideous sky blue, two-stripe tarp she’s trucking around ruins her shape. Elastic bands on the bottom of a track jacket are your friend, gurl. They’re everyone’s friend.

I’d hate to wake up with Will Schuester’s dilemma every day: do I wear a plaid shirt with a solid tie, or do I wear a solid shirt with a plaid tie? It’s a Sophie’s Choice à la mode, y’all.

But you know who doesn’t need to change? This queen. You stay sassy and classy, Birdie. 

So what’s happening in NYC with Rachel and Kurt? Well, Blaine would have you believe that he and Kurt spend every night together Skyping episode of 'Treme' while wearing adorbs PJs. But we know that ain’t so.

Glee: Britney 2.0

Heeeeeere's what you missed on GLEE:  Brittany goes off the deep end, giving voice-overs out loud, losing her position on the Cheerios, and convincing the club to lip synch during a performance. If the People In Charge Of Acapella Club Competitions find out, New Directions could get banned from competing. OH NOES. Marley thinks bad boy Jake is cute, and Jake shrugs off all attempts to be coaxed back into the Glee Club until he picks a fight in the cafeteria (defending Marley!!!) and Mr. Shue throws him at (surprise!) his half-bro, Puck, who advises that he join Glee club and Learn To Be A Real Man.

Meanwhile in NYC, Kurt and Rachel snag a spacious loft with exposed brick. As you do, when you're a 18-year old character on a TV show. Evil Dance Teacher decides that Rachel has no sex appeal and thus refuses to let her learn the tango, so Rachel employs Brody to help her show Cassie July who's REALLY got sex appeal... but things get out of hand, and then later Brody tries to kiss Rachel and Rachel HAS FEELINGS and doesn't know what to do about the fact that Brody is supermegafoxyawesomehot and Finn hasn't spoken to her in months. A Brody in the hand is worth two the bush, Rachel...

Rachel's Melodramatic Solo of the Week:

I gotta say it. Her rendition of "Oops...I Did It Again" was weak. It had such potential, but instead was utterly whiny. I'm not surprised that Cassie July sat back and was Judgy McJudgemental during the number -- Rachel didn't even really dance so much as posture and gyrate. She flipped her hair once or twice. So.

Anyway, Rach, don't feel bad. I am equally unsexy in general but that doesn't mean I don't get cast. You can still be a B'way diva without being Sex on Legs, girl.

How Sue Sees It:

Sue: "The Cheerios' GPA has dropped three full points. My girls no longer see academic achievement as a worthy goal and yesterday I caught one of them trying to marry a squirrel."

Brittany: "That's because I believe in equal marriage for all land mammals."

Track Suit Count: 2

Song of the Week:

It's a tie between Unique taking lead vocal on "Womanizer" and Marley and Jake's freakin adorable (and unresolved-sexual-tension-laced) mash-up of "Crazy" by Aerosmith with Britney's "You Drive Me Crazy."

I love the Grease-esque bleachers setting of Jake and Marley's down-to-earth flirting sesh, but I also love the way the "Womanizer" sequence is filmed, with them watching Jake bounce from girl to girl throughout the school and then a sassy gym class dance where they tie him up in a tug-of-war rope at the end!

Will Unique show Marley the wonders of a good colorblocked outfit and reinvent her? I'm hoping for a 21st century Sandy Olsson-style makeover.

Tell me about it, stud.

Dance Number of the Week:

Rachel's Big Dance Number was bust in my opinion, so the award goes to Brittany and the Cheerios' opening with "Hold It Against Me." I love the sharp choreography the Cheerios have, and -- be still my high school marching band geek heart! -- they brought in a colorguard corps and used air blades (a modern variation of the traditional colorguard rifles) in their dance routine! MAD PROPS! I love it!

Best Outfit(s) of the Week:

Rachel is embracing her determined independence with a severe dosage of Mary Tyler Moore type cardigans, high-waisted shorts/skirts, and chain-link handbags.

Oh, and berets. Did I mention berets?

I think Rachel has found her new go-to formula: long-sleeve top, short skirt, optional beret.

Worst Outfit of the Week:

Poor Brittany lost her Cheerios uniform when she got fired... and THESE monstrosities came out of the Lost and Found of McKinley High. Oh, the horror!!!

CROCS? Are those Crocs on H. Mo's talented feet? YOU TAKE THOSE CROCS OFF RIGHT NOW!