Glee: Wonder-ful

Here's What You Missed on Glee: Mr. Schue deems it a Wonder-ful week — Rachel got a second callback for Funny Girl, Schue and Emma are slated to get married (second time's the charm), Brittany was accepted into MIT (wut?), and Tina got into vet school. As for the other NYC kids, Santana was nowhere to be seen (boo!) and Kurt developed little rituals as a way of coping with his father's cancer. Kurt heads back to Lima with Mike and Mercedes, who were enlisted by Mr. Shue to help the Glee kids for Sectionals. Remember when Mr. Schue taught the Glee club on his own? Yeah, me neither. Artie got into film school, and Kitty (of all people) was the one who helped Artie realize that it's okay to leave home and pursue your dreams. Oh, and Blaine decided he wanted to marry Kurt. #RachelAndFinnPartTwo

Best Abs

You thought it was Brody, didn't you? But we agree with Rachel — Cassie July's are better. And she probably knows it too, if her plethora of crop tops (the one on the left is by VPL) are anything to go by.

Best Outfit

It's always a treat when the Cheerios are out of uniform, and Kitty does not disappoint in this summery ensemble. So fresh! So adorable! Yet it's not overly matchy. Are you taking notes?

More Wallis...

And the runner up... Artie's lemon yellow hot-air balloon sweater. With a collared shirt underneath, of course. I'm torn between hating the sweater because five-year-old me probably wore a similar one, or absolutely loving it because it is just so freakin' darling.

Actually, all the Glee kids looked pretty darn cute in their performance of Stevie Wonder's "For Once in My Life". I mean, sure, the overall effect is a little Brady Bunch, but the individual looks are genius.

BTW, have you ever noticed the ridiculousness of the custom sets on this show?

Will: Hey, I need a sunny, 1970s set. Can your set guys build it?
Drama Club Sponsor: Sure! Is this for a concert?
Will: No, it's just for one number.
DCS: You're...doing a video? Submitting it for a big contest, maybe?
Will: Nah, it's just for ourselves. We'll be singing to an empty auditorium. No cameras.
DCS: ...

Rachel's Cassandra's Melodramatic Solo of the Week

Rachel's MSotW was replaced by Ms. July's rendition of "Uptight", which was part of a surprisingly sweet NYADA show of support for Rachel. Done in a teeny black number, and fab black t-strap heels, of course. Rachel was in her typical skirt and leotard, with what is quickly becoming her trademark — a cashmere sweater.

Also noteworthy - Rachel in jeans! NYC really is changing her.

Least Compelling Plotline

Mercedes' record deal dramz. Le yawn. Also boring? Her cropped moto jackets and printed tees.

She needs to borrow something from Unique's closet, because girlfriend is killing it. This combination of mint and grape purple is varsity-level.

And those shoes! Rarely is Unique ever in flats, with an enviable collection ranging from the black platforms above to the red ankle boots below.

If she keeps this up, she could totally hang out with the Pretty Little Liars "I wear 3 inches or I wear nothing" club. Hey, speaking of cross-over ideas...

Most Nolan Ross-esque Moment

Artie's double collared shirts. Adorbs, and totally Hamptons-worthy. If only he'd popped the collars as well!

Come to think of it, I can picture Artie moving to NYC and becoming the next villian on Revenge: Film school student by day, The Initiative evil-doer by night. Tell me you see it, too.

Tina's 60s Dress of the Week

Aaaand we're back to mod 60s dresses for T. This confirms that the steampunk was just a passing fancy, although I do love this dress. That zipper detail? Yes.

Most Color-Coordinated

Too matchy? Possibly, but Mike's color-coordination is totally on point. The neon yellow trim of his Marc by Marc Jacobs sweater matches the accents on his tee...and the laces on his sneakers. Respect.

Biggest Neckwear Fan

No, it's not Chuck Bass. Kurt went all-out this episode, pairing a mustard shirt and grey jeans with a purple scarf. I'm assuming that airplane pin is standard Kurt Hummel travel attire.

From scarves to neckerchiefs, Kurt dons a jaunty hat and moss green jeans. I give Kurt snaps for resisting the all-black NYC uniform, as we see with his print shirt, perfectly coordinated with his jeans and copper belt. You stay true to your roots, son!

All-in-all, a stylishly solid episode. Predictions for next week: Rachel gets her first Broadway disappointment, but wears gorgeous sweaters throughout. Kurt continues his love affair with scarves and neckerchiefs, while Blaine still considers marriage. Oh, and Tina will wear a 60s dress.

Glee: Hairography

Part 2 of 3: Hairstory

Sometimes, the New Directions can twirl and dip like One Direction. Other times, they need a little help from Mr Schue, who needs a little help himself with dressing like a grown-up.

Honourable mentions go to Rachel and Quinn for dressing like Amish ladies, Mercedes for not dressing like a traffic cone and Kurt, for a bizarre two-tone sweater with an Oxford collar and knee highs with shorts. King McQueen would not approve.

I don’t approve of how toned down it is this week! So much drab green, so much boring blue, and only a plain bowtie from Kurt! Finn and Artie are in block white like they’re about to be dunked in a baptismal tank, and Mercedes, Tina, Puck and the one who’s name I can never remember appear to be attending a funky funeral.

OMG, I just noticed the bow ankle straps on Rachel’s shoes. Grilled Cheesus, take the wheel, I’m off to find me a pair of those.

While we’re on the subject, Rachel makes rather a big transformation this episode, which is a longer time coming every second I have to look at this pinafore made out of a tablecloth.

Wearing fifty shades of pink and looking like a bathmat, Rachel ponders how to get Finn to see her as a woman, not a giant marshmallow in a headband. Goodbye to Rachel B…

…hello to Easy R, the Olive Penderghast of 2009. Even the Pretty Little Liars don’t dress like this, and they’ve got more love interests than Rachel has anklets.

From Emma Stone to Olivia Neutron Bomb (as my mother calls her) — or, more accurately, to Barbra Streisand stuffed into a sausage skin and struggling to be sexy.

No. N-O, no.

After Finn telling her about a conversation with Kurt where he explained his perfect girl was au naturelle, Rachel goes au naturelle and confronts Kurt. Unfortunately, her au naturelle is a floral romper suitable for toddlers.

This is much better, a lilac button-down which flatters Rachel as she should be, not Berry Boop as she shouldn’t. If only she dressed like this all the time…

Perhaps she should hire Kurt as her personal dresser?

That said, Kurt becomes a cross between Van Pelt from Jumanji and Justin Timberlake by adding a fedora to a checked suit and riding boots, multiplying that by a briefcase and coming up with nastiness.

This outfit should be burned.

There’s always something of the macabre about Kurt’s clothing, even this shirt has swords and teeth printed on it like a bad tarot reading. Also, bolo ties are never going to happen.

Whatever this is? Not going to happen either. Cute bowtie, though. Sassy checks.

Sometimes, Kurt confuses high fashion with just plain high, but his foray into plaid is pushing elegant. The shirt is busy, the jacket is bare and the military tailoring is excellent.

Don’t look so innocent, Kurt, we know you sabotaged Rachel. You’ll have to explain why you’re dressed as a young Spock with that obscenely high collar, though.

That’s a much more sensible collar. I wish we’d seen more of this than the other Hummel horrors. I even spy a hint of pink and navy cravat, and the boy usually gives such good cravat.

This is a before picture. It’s relatively fabulous compared to what happens next.

It’s the Jackson…Ten? New Directions whip their hair back and forth to "Hair/Crazy in Love", but Beyonce wouldn’t be caught dead in that ugly waistcoat without a sequin in sight. Hair should be bouncy, butts should be big and colours should be bright.

That’s better! That’s brighter! New Directions see your True Colours shining through, which is why they love you, which is a great closing number.

This song shows it doesn’t matter what you wear, so long as it’s a t-shirt in a pre-approved colour which does absolutely nothing for anyone’s figure.

Glee: Wheels

Part 1 of 3: Wicked

So, here's what you missed on Glee: the glee club has a bake sale to raise money for a handicap accessible bus to get Artie to Sectionals, but Puck gets the students baked so they'll raise more money to support baby mama Quinn, who's still claiming her baby daddy is Finn. Kurt and Rachel fight over the solo in Defying Gravity (why does no one remember it's a duet?!), but Kurt throws it so his dad will no longer be exposed to ridicule because his son sings at a pitch only bats can hear. Will and I are generally exasperated because Emma isn't around. Let's roll on with the show...

Hi there, Comrade Kurt!

With the release of Anna Karenina and winter trends towards fur, military styles, sharp tailoring, you'd think I'd be more into this outfit, but no. Closing a coat with twine and stealing a hat from Snap, Crackle, Pop or Stalin will never ever be fashionable. Like, ever.

Will is neither impressed with the above nor impressive himself. I question a school which allows its teachers to wear jeans, the same shirts several days in a row and to whip off said shirt mid-song.

Why so blue/bitchy? Because Rachel got the solo?

That's probably because you're dressed as a Victorian orphan in beige and boring white, with a handkerchief around your neck. Is that what happens to a scarf when it dies? Kurt's clothes are also appear to be two sizes too big for him as well as two centuries out of date.

...and this is too far in the other direction. That sweater should only be worn in a prone position while chugging Lucozade because of all the things you did the night before.

Is it an ascot? Is it a forgotten napkin? Does Kurt's shirt somehow clash with his sweater, despite them both being black? Yes to all the above. The bug brooch is horrific and should not be a thing. Bouttonieres on men, yes. Brooches from the black lagoon, no.

I don't know what you're applauding for, Mercedes. Was your makeup gun stuck on "clown" or "five year old" today?

I really hope the skulls as a pattern trend dies out this year (I crack myself up, I really do), but the beige and orange of Kurt's scarf and sweater are cheerful even if the rest of his pseudo-camo deserve a court martial and immediate execution.

Mercedes needs to learn that brights are not always her friend, and that you don't have to match your eyeshadow to everything.

As for Miss Rachel Berry...is there some kind of Saving Private Ryan theme I don't know about? Why is everyone wearing khaki? ANd who in their right mind would pair khaki with pink plaid? She looks like Tom Hanks and Britney Spears had a baby, and I hate it.

I'm just going to assign everyone code names in this picture. From left to right: Mike Chang, the Quinn of Everything, Puck Humphrey, Finn Failure, the Beat Box Jellyfish,  Tom Cruise in Clown Shoes, Tweedledumb and Tweedledrama, Dorothy, my late grandad and Vintage Avril.

I am disgusted by all of you, except Quinn. God save Dianna Agron.

In this carnival of horrors, plaid is making Rachel pooch out. Mercedes is wearing the same shirt I wore as an infant, and Finn is ignoring the fact that puffer vests are for farmers or members of the bomb squad. As for Kurt...GOOD LORD NO. You do not wear capris at the best of times, and you do not wear tartan capris ever.

And your white and black colour scheme up top was going so well.

Rachel seems to have a thing about ill-fitting clothes this week. The pink shirts looks fine, right up until the point when you hit her waistband - that pretty paper bag frill is making her one size above it and one size, kind of like a poorly dressed mermaid with a derp face.

Even Will's concerned. I actually like that brown and gold tie, probably because I don't believe I've seen it before. And what a pretty lamp. Should I just start recapping the furnishings?

Oh God, I may genuinely start recapping the furnishings. What is that polo shirt, Rachel? Are you a tween with a show pony? Do you actually believe baby pink and bold purple go?

This, on the other hand, is lovely. Tie-neck cerise with puff sleeves which are much more charming than twee because of the interesting ruching. Rachel is someone who needs more brights in her life *cough* unlike Mercedes *cough*

If you took blackout curtains, floral curtains and the sewing skills of a blind old woman, you would get this dress. Why/where would you buy this commerically?!

Will, please have a stern word with your students. And stop wearing cardigans: it's not 2010, you're not in a hipster band with 'the' in the name. And iron your shirts!

I don't even know what this is. I think it's insulting to all handicapped people to assume they dress like Artie, are colour blind or wear their hair in pigtails.

Sidenote: braces should go over busts, not around. I did musical theatre, too.

Glee: Wheels

Part 3 of 3: the Will Schuester Follies

"YOU SICKEN ME!"

Sue always expresses my feelings on how badly these kids dress so perfectly.

But sometimes (a lot of the time) I get annoyed even by what Sue wears. This episode, she's dressed like a race car driver mated with orange and lime Tic-Tacs.

From Tic-Tacs to toothpaste - but I actually like this tracksuit. Of her extensive wardrobe, Sue's suits in teal are my favourites. They go nicely with her eyes.

Every woman should have a red dress. In Sue's case, it's a red tracksuit, but no matter - red always adds glamour. I also like the way she seems to have her hair dyed and styled in the past few minutes. A side-sweeping fringe would do her wonders.

Sue's sister with Down's syndrome is one of many heartstring-twanging themes this episode, but foremost of these is Artie's inability to use the schoolbus to get to sectionals. I hope his future is more interesting than his plain shirt and slacks.

Grandpa's sweater vest is better than nothing, in a sort of jazzed up argyle that's almost cool. What are your feelings on short sleeved shirts, YKYLF readers? I can't stand them except in high summer.

The other Glee men think all shirts should be long sleeved all the time, clearly.

Mike and Tina may have exactly the same expression on their faces, but they're poles apart sartorially speaking. Mike, I've said it to Mercedes and I'll say it to you, this is not the eighties, tone down the neon.

Tina, either embrace your early Avril Lavigne-esque style and tart yourself up a bit, or go fully Victorian. Lace and ribbons would do you so many favours compared to frankly ugly green plaid and random lock paraphernalia as accessories.

Green is good for Will, a great change from blue, white and grey. Unfortunately, he blends into the wall so well only his briar patch distinguishes him from the paint. Bad set designer, bad!

I see you're sporting one of TV's stock endless blue shirts, Will. Rolled up sleeves, popped buttons, sky blue tablecloth print, gormless expression...

This textured grey waistcoat is nice, but would be better over something with a bold pattern or at least some pinstripes.

(I wonder if Will ever changes clothes from the waist down).

What have we here? A flash of red t-shirt beneath a white shirt with red patterning?! Matching colours?! A MATCHING CUPCAKE?! This is the most exciting thing to happen to the faculty of McKinley ever.

I'm glad to see Will hasn't forgotten that shirt + jacket = properly dressed.

But a jacket doesn't make up for mistakes like a flat, drab colour on top of another flat, drab colour. You should never wear clothes that match your hair colour either.

Will, you look like a paper bag and I hate you.

Next on 'The Little Show that Couldn't (Dress its Way Out of a Paper Bag)', we have Tina, who is doing surprisingly well in various shades of purple. Her heather grey tee and the lilac streaks in her hair don't quite match her magenta eye shadow, but she tried.

When Tina goes full Lolita, she's adorable. A lace placket and skinny ribbon tie soften her in a way fishnets and chains everywhere can't. She doesn't look primed to decapitate anymore.

Artie clearly agrees with me, look at that face. Look at that mint green sweater vest, you heart throb. Have you been taking tips from Quinn?

To recap: I love Quinn, and all the rest of you really need to pull your socks up - except Rachel. Stop trying to make knee socks happen. THEY AREN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.

Glee: Mash-Up

Part 3 of 3: Cold Shoulder

We start of the part of the recap dedicated to New Directions as a whole with Artie, who is indeniably sporting a Christmas sweater in an episode aired in the autumn.

Minus five points for preemptive knitwear, young man.

Kurt is always such a comfort to me: the contrasting collar of his shirt, the kitsch motif on his tie and the judgey expression really help alleviate my suffering after endless males in polo shirts.

Nothing can ever heal my eyes, though, after a Mercedes Jones number. Neons went out in the eighties, sweetie, and that's where they should stay, and your tacky seventies jewellery should join them. Also, there are shoes other than sneakers. You should invest in some.

A headband from Rachel, yay - which doesn't match anything else she's wearing, boo. Is that a raincoat or a hoodie in that drab shade of lilac, which admittedly compliments her skirt?

It's great to see Puck experimenting with colour, but layering up with Sue's hand-me-downs is a no-no. Why not explore leather jackets, sweaters or do anything else instead?

Will busts a move, which is wildly innapropriate for 2009, and whips off his shirt, which is wildly inappropriate in front of minors. Put your chest hair away, dude, this isn't Brooklyn.

The football guys seem to be into it, anyway. How come they have so little to say and yet experiment so much with colours and layering? Red and white, abstract patterns, piratical stripes and indoor jackets...they're high schoolers after my own heart.

Kurt, Alexander McQueen would give you a high five. I loved the exposed zipper, the tie, the patterned pants and generally red colour scheme. Tina, the same does not apply to you. Do not try and combine stripes in my presence again.

Artie, just because you're lower down than everyone else doesn't mean I'm not disappointed by your lack of effort. Not even a sweater vest today? Mercedes, you're rocking that flat cap. You're rocking that purple. You're not rocking that sweater, though.

Note to everyone who wears such things: no one wants to read your boobs.

Rain mac time! I love Kurt's transparent number with contrast trim, which is itself a contrast to Rachel's granny-esque magenta. Emma looked possibly pregnant in her wedding dress, but Mercedes could be smuggling several people under that poncho. Where are her arms?!

Tina, Artie...you tried? No. Let's face it, you didn't. You bought a dime store Pac-a-Mac and hope it would protect you from both sarcasm and slushies.

Speaking of, it's time to reclaim the slushie - but just so you know, only people who've been slushied can drink them now. Doesn't Kurt look darling? White and cream are unadvisable in the daytime, but what the heck. He looks like Jay Gatsby.

Is Tina wearing a bell pull around her neck? No dice, I'm afraid, and Rachel's blue skirt is shapeless and pointless. I like Puck in khaki, it's very G.I. Joe. Finn's letter jacket covers a mulitude of sins that Mercedes' skirt really should be longer to do the same.

Speaking of, Mercedes also appears to have skinned a rave tiger and is now carrying it around on her back, and Artie is wearing a sweater vest which looks vaguely like a Jackson Pollock but more like nothing at all, really. I prefer the Christmas sweater.

This is Mr Schue before: a C at best, thought two patterns at once is a very bold move for him.

This is Mr Schue after: A plus. Grapealicious.

This episode was prasied by critics for its character development. It should go down in histroy for its fashion faux pas. Either that, or Kurt should take over the wardrobe department.