Glee: All or Nothing

The Amount of Suspense in This Episode Has Nothing To Do With Regionals!

Frustrations come to a boiling point this week with several dramatic subplots. Ryder demands — rather violently — that Catfish reveals herself. Marley confesses, but it turns out to be (SPOILERS) Unique, who just wanted to get close to someone she liked. Rachel wails through a Celine Dion song for her Big Broadway Callback and sheds a few tears (relief? terror? shame? pride?) to boot, but the Panel O' Judges seems unimpressed. We'll see how that turns out. Some folks at MIT determine that despite popular opinion/probability/possibility Brittney is a genius. She returns to McKinnley with serious 'tude, but it turns out she just has feelings because she's been offered early admission and has to leave immediately. Blah blah, regionals drama, and oh, suddenly regionals are being held at McKinley. The New Directions compete with a so-so lineup of songs, but (spoilers?) take the trophy anyway. Cheering and hugging abound, and then there's a wedding in the choir room.

Rachel's Melodramatic Solo of the Week:

Celine Dion's "Love You More." For a Broadway callback. Really? Reeeeally, Glee? In what universe would they a) let you choose what song to sing for a call back, b) let that song NOT be a showtune, let alone one from the actual show you're auditioning for, and c) have a pennywhistle player on hand to accompany you?

But whatevs, I like the demureness of this Jil Sander dress. This dress says calm, collected, semi-professional — a good dress to audition in. However, if we know one thing about Rachel Berry, it's that short sleeves and above-the-knee hemlines automatically reduce her age by ten years. Rachel is auditioning for Fanny Brice in Funny Girl on Broadway. Adding four inch platforms doesn't add on apparent years, Rachel. Neither does standing slightly pigeon-toed like the models you see in Vogue.

Big Reveal of the Week:

The identity of Catfish/Katie/whatevertheheckisgoingonthere is...

Marley! Looking particularly pretty in neutral tones with a possible snakeskin pattern, and her effortless flowing locks (standard Marley issue). This makes me think of an Urban Outfitters catalogue for July/August or thereabouts. But I like it.

Also, just kidding, Catfish is totally not Marley, it's actually...

...Wade/Unique! She discovered that she had feelings for Ryder, and so posed as a petite blonde in order to get his attention over text. This is Unique's "I'm Sorry" face. As plain as her polo is, girl still has FIERCE eyelashes. I would kill for those lashes.

The confession from Unique is heartfelt enough, but Ryder has no sympathy left, having been totally embarassed in front of everyone. Judgement is swift and harsh, just like it will be right now: Ryder constantly looks like a poorly dressed Ken doll. There, I finally said it.

Unexpected Plot Twist of the Week:

Brittany S. Pierce: Mathematical Super Genius.

Cute giraffe circle scarf, Brit!

Sadly, it was all downhill from there. I'm losing IQ points just looking at this Free People dip-dye skirt and oversized sweater situation. What's the look she's going for?

A coral beret (cute!), an acid wash denim vest with odd pins (mateless earrings?) and a faded graphic tee of the Old Navy/Gap sales bin variety leaves me equally cold.

And we end with this pin-up style updo (NICE!), paired with an Anthropologie feather-print cardigan and a ribbed striped shirt.

Brittany, what? Strange patterns, unusual color combinations, bizarre layers... and underneath it all, an Einstein brain. The thing I love about Brit, though, is how despite everything, no matter who goes and who stays or who dates who, Brittany always always dresses like her fashion advisor is a three year old girl. Still, I'll take the animal hats of seasons yore over this confusion.

Unlike Santana, who always dresses like she's the number one biatch on America's Next Top Model. I lurrrve this sheath dress in black, white polka dots and mint. It's bold and graphic and pop-art-y.

Did I mention I lurve it?

"FINALLY!!!" Moment of the Week:

Obviously Will and Emma ("Wemma?" asks the priest. I like "Wilma" more, personally) finally getting married ughhhhhhhthattookforeverrrrr in the choir room after Regionals.

Emma's hair has been flatironed within an inch of its life... but the lacy dress is all right and her sweet little bouquet is too perfect. Let's hope they can make it last (the marriage, I mean).

Nailbiter of the Week:

I am reeeeeally worried about Blurt. I mean Kaine. I mean Kurt and Blaine. Blaine wants to propose, like, yesterday, and Kurt still thinks they aren't even a couple anymore!? duhWHAT? Does Blaine not know how teen marriages turn out? It's like he doesn't even watch this show.

But boy howdy do these fellas know how to dress! Well, Blaine's is a bit mundane compared to his usual steez, but Kurt looks fabulous! The rusty orange against the subtle blues and maroons of his vest and scarf are amaze. UHMAZE. Also I adore how much lift his hair gets these days. Back in season one, he had the flat-to-the-skull emo sidepart.... and now this! So proud.

Blaine still owns cute sweatervests and adorable satchels, though. I love the bold red and navy for him, even if it does remind me of his Warblers uniform. #preppy

Yawn of the Week:

Regionals. Sigh.

These dresses from the Hoosierdaddies are cute and I'm giving windmill snaps for the boys' red shirts and black suspenders, but they definitely look like an underage wedding party. Or an overly coordinated homecoming court?

The New Directions do a bit better with slightly more classic colors and lines, but the fellas looked so casual next to the girls.

More Asos...

 

I personally think the hemlines of the dresses are too long for most of the girls, but the dresses are a win other than that. And can we talk about Kitty stealing the show with her bombshell bouffant and totally nude lipstick? It was impossible to get a clearer image of her, because girlfriend was busy with her twirls, kicks and hip-bumps. Werq.

Sleeper Agent of the Week:

I don't always think about Sugar Motta when she's not onscreen, but when I do, she's usually wearing gold lame and leopard print.

GASP! Dreams do come true! She legitimately came to school dressed like a 1991 Barbie doll (Beverly Hills Barbie? Rodeo Drive Barbie maybe?) and she knows it.

And then she proved the probability of her true secret identity: Britney and Madonna's secret love child. I can't get over the gold studs and the perfect chignon under that hat. And the biker gloves.

Oh, and also? Sugar spends the entire regionals performance of Icona Pop's "I Love It" in character. As in, like, acting. It's incredible. Observe:

Don't ever change, Sugar Motta.

So that's that for Season 4 of Glee. It was a rough road, you guys. Somewhere along the way, the show started limping along, but hopefully with one more character closer to NYC next year (welcome to MIT, Brittany!), we'll see less of the hallowed halls of McKinnley, and more fab fashion.

Glee: Guilty Pleasures

So here's what you missed on Glee: nothing. The only possible plot point was Rachel and Brody's break up. Other than that, it was Guilty Pleasure week, with the Glee club confessing their love for Barry Manilow, the Spice Girls (!!!!), Chris Brown (which actually brought up an interesting "separating the artist from their art debate" that I would never have expected from Glee), and Phil Collins.

Only on Glee

Macaroni Art & Boyfriend Pillows. Because what other show would have macaroni art? Courtesy of Sam, obvi.

And filed under Late-Night-Six-Glasses-In-Bad-Decisions: boyfriend pillows. Filed under Good-Sartorial-Choices: Kurt's skull top.

Mike Chang's Replacement

Jake's guilty pleasure was the aforementioned Chris Brown, which he then switched out for a number by (the also stellar at relationships) Bobby Brown. I don't really care what Jake sings, so long as I can watch him dance. Peep the red socks and black Converse. Heart.

Best Dressed

While this week gave us some fun songs (Wham! "Copa Cabana!") the wardrobe was ho-hum. Except Rachel and Santana's sleepwear. I never would have pegged Santana as a polka dot girl, but there she is with PJs worthy of Jessica Day. And how typical of Rachel to wear a satin sleep set. The pink and blue combo is lovely...and those buttons! If Marc Jacobs can send pajamas down the runway...

More Eberjey...

 

Rachel's Melodramatic Solo Duet of the Week

Creep by Radiohead. Typically overwrought emotion and fromage, although props to Rachel for this gorgeous silk combo top which kicked off the song.

Also gorgeous: Brody in a suit. We will miss this.

I was all set to peg Rachel's boatneck full length black dress as completely blah, but then I spotted the gold zipper detail on the neckline and the plunging back. It almost redeemed this rendition of "Creep". Almost.

Sponsor of the week

The ABC Family has their cocktail ring warehouse, Glee has a closet full of American Apparel hoodies in every color under the sun. Except, our gang doesn't look nearly so emaciated and sun-starved as your typical AA model.

Best Sweater

Thanks to Glee I believe that if I move to NYC my wardrobe will become instantly chic and I will wear lots of gorgeous knits and have fab hair. I mean, where is Rachel getting this seemingly endless supply of Helmut Lang sweaters?

Tied for a close second is Unique's fab striped black and white cardi. Further snaps for the top underneath. (Also of note: Marley's attempt at pattern mixing. I'm not sure how it makes me feel. Do I applaud her for trying, or send her back to Patterns 101?)

Tina's 60s dress(es) of the week

Let us count the 60s mod dresses: 1) black and white striped flowers, 2) black and white plaid Rachel Roy, & 3) pop art orange. Dear Glee wardrobe dept: PLEASE give Tina another silhouette! Sure, this is better than the goth pilgrim days, but yawn and stuff.

WTF is Going on Award

'kay, this is not what I meant by a different silhouette. Here we have Tina as Vicky from Small Wonder. First, I had to google Small Wonder. Am still confused. This was beyond strange/pointless, even for Glee.

And oh, hey. I almost didn't see Marley there. How does one wear a striped sweater and still blend into the wall?

Second place goes to the Glee club in a strange collection of Wonder Woman/Hippie/Elvis/Is-This-Supposed-to-be-Abba? ensembles.

Perhaps they're interplanetary ambassadors from a planet where the denizens sing instead of speak? And everyone has an endless supply of costume changes and American Apparel hoodies?

Clear Bra Straps of the Week:

As fellow YKYLF staffer Lauren pointed out a few weeks ago...what's with the clear bra straps? This week we see them on Marley, along with a terrible British accent and sequinned mini dress.

Which brings me to...

Tribute of the Week:

Spice Girls! Unique as Baby Spice (wha??), Kitty as Ginger Spice, Tina as Scary, Marley as Posh (again, wha?!), Brittany as Sporty Spice. The outfits are pretty spot on, from Unique's lacy turquoise dress to Tina's pink leopard. Especially love Marley's chained Jeffrey Campbells.

 

So, will we get any actual plot next week? Will the adults return? Will the wardrobe department put Tina in something other than a 60s dress and will they also discover strapless bras? 

Hopefully the answer is yes to all.

Glee: Hairography

Part 2 of 3: Hairstory

Sometimes, the New Directions can twirl and dip like One Direction. Other times, they need a little help from Mr Schue, who needs a little help himself with dressing like a grown-up.

Honourable mentions go to Rachel and Quinn for dressing like Amish ladies, Mercedes for not dressing like a traffic cone and Kurt, for a bizarre two-tone sweater with an Oxford collar and knee highs with shorts. King McQueen would not approve.

I don’t approve of how toned down it is this week! So much drab green, so much boring blue, and only a plain bowtie from Kurt! Finn and Artie are in block white like they’re about to be dunked in a baptismal tank, and Mercedes, Tina, Puck and the one who’s name I can never remember appear to be attending a funky funeral.

OMG, I just noticed the bow ankle straps on Rachel’s shoes. Grilled Cheesus, take the wheel, I’m off to find me a pair of those.

While we’re on the subject, Rachel makes rather a big transformation this episode, which is a longer time coming every second I have to look at this pinafore made out of a tablecloth.

Wearing fifty shades of pink and looking like a bathmat, Rachel ponders how to get Finn to see her as a woman, not a giant marshmallow in a headband. Goodbye to Rachel B…

…hello to Easy R, the Olive Penderghast of 2009. Even the Pretty Little Liars don’t dress like this, and they’ve got more love interests than Rachel has anklets.

From Emma Stone to Olivia Neutron Bomb (as my mother calls her) — or, more accurately, to Barbra Streisand stuffed into a sausage skin and struggling to be sexy.

No. N-O, no.

After Finn telling her about a conversation with Kurt where he explained his perfect girl was au naturelle, Rachel goes au naturelle and confronts Kurt. Unfortunately, her au naturelle is a floral romper suitable for toddlers.

This is much better, a lilac button-down which flatters Rachel as she should be, not Berry Boop as she shouldn’t. If only she dressed like this all the time…

Perhaps she should hire Kurt as her personal dresser?

That said, Kurt becomes a cross between Van Pelt from Jumanji and Justin Timberlake by adding a fedora to a checked suit and riding boots, multiplying that by a briefcase and coming up with nastiness.

This outfit should be burned.

There’s always something of the macabre about Kurt’s clothing, even this shirt has swords and teeth printed on it like a bad tarot reading. Also, bolo ties are never going to happen.

Whatever this is? Not going to happen either. Cute bowtie, though. Sassy checks.

Sometimes, Kurt confuses high fashion with just plain high, but his foray into plaid is pushing elegant. The shirt is busy, the jacket is bare and the military tailoring is excellent.

Don’t look so innocent, Kurt, we know you sabotaged Rachel. You’ll have to explain why you’re dressed as a young Spock with that obscenely high collar, though.

That’s a much more sensible collar. I wish we’d seen more of this than the other Hummel horrors. I even spy a hint of pink and navy cravat, and the boy usually gives such good cravat.

This is a before picture. It’s relatively fabulous compared to what happens next.

It’s the Jackson…Ten? New Directions whip their hair back and forth to "Hair/Crazy in Love", but Beyonce wouldn’t be caught dead in that ugly waistcoat without a sequin in sight. Hair should be bouncy, butts should be big and colours should be bright.

That’s better! That’s brighter! New Directions see your True Colours shining through, which is why they love you, which is a great closing number.

This song shows it doesn’t matter what you wear, so long as it’s a t-shirt in a pre-approved colour which does absolutely nothing for anyone’s figure.

Glee: Mash-Up

Part 3 of 3: Cold Shoulder

We start of the part of the recap dedicated to New Directions as a whole with Artie, who is indeniably sporting a Christmas sweater in an episode aired in the autumn.

Minus five points for preemptive knitwear, young man.

Kurt is always such a comfort to me: the contrasting collar of his shirt, the kitsch motif on his tie and the judgey expression really help alleviate my suffering after endless males in polo shirts.

Nothing can ever heal my eyes, though, after a Mercedes Jones number. Neons went out in the eighties, sweetie, and that's where they should stay, and your tacky seventies jewellery should join them. Also, there are shoes other than sneakers. You should invest in some.

A headband from Rachel, yay - which doesn't match anything else she's wearing, boo. Is that a raincoat or a hoodie in that drab shade of lilac, which admittedly compliments her skirt?

It's great to see Puck experimenting with colour, but layering up with Sue's hand-me-downs is a no-no. Why not explore leather jackets, sweaters or do anything else instead?

Will busts a move, which is wildly innapropriate for 2009, and whips off his shirt, which is wildly inappropriate in front of minors. Put your chest hair away, dude, this isn't Brooklyn.

The football guys seem to be into it, anyway. How come they have so little to say and yet experiment so much with colours and layering? Red and white, abstract patterns, piratical stripes and indoor jackets...they're high schoolers after my own heart.

Kurt, Alexander McQueen would give you a high five. I loved the exposed zipper, the tie, the patterned pants and generally red colour scheme. Tina, the same does not apply to you. Do not try and combine stripes in my presence again.

Artie, just because you're lower down than everyone else doesn't mean I'm not disappointed by your lack of effort. Not even a sweater vest today? Mercedes, you're rocking that flat cap. You're rocking that purple. You're not rocking that sweater, though.

Note to everyone who wears such things: no one wants to read your boobs.

Rain mac time! I love Kurt's transparent number with contrast trim, which is itself a contrast to Rachel's granny-esque magenta. Emma looked possibly pregnant in her wedding dress, but Mercedes could be smuggling several people under that poncho. Where are her arms?!

Tina, Artie...you tried? No. Let's face it, you didn't. You bought a dime store Pac-a-Mac and hope it would protect you from both sarcasm and slushies.

Speaking of, it's time to reclaim the slushie - but just so you know, only people who've been slushied can drink them now. Doesn't Kurt look darling? White and cream are unadvisable in the daytime, but what the heck. He looks like Jay Gatsby.

Is Tina wearing a bell pull around her neck? No dice, I'm afraid, and Rachel's blue skirt is shapeless and pointless. I like Puck in khaki, it's very G.I. Joe. Finn's letter jacket covers a mulitude of sins that Mercedes' skirt really should be longer to do the same.

Speaking of, Mercedes also appears to have skinned a rave tiger and is now carrying it around on her back, and Artie is wearing a sweater vest which looks vaguely like a Jackson Pollock but more like nothing at all, really. I prefer the Christmas sweater.

This is Mr Schue before: a C at best, thought two patterns at once is a very bold move for him.

This is Mr Schue after: A plus. Grapealicious.

This episode was prasied by critics for its character development. It should go down in histroy for its fashion faux pas. Either that, or Kurt should take over the wardrobe department.

Glee: Glee, Actually

I gotta say, I LOVE Glee dream sequences. Last time, Tina hit her head on the fountain at the mall and hallucinated that everyone had switched roles, and now Artie hallucinates "It's A Wonderful Life" style -- with Rory as the guardian angel showing an alternate timeline where Artie's legs are working and there is no Glee club. Sad! Back in the real world, Burt and Kurt spend some classic Christmas time together in NYC, and Puck and Jake spend a few days in LA before the half-brothers decide to reunite their moms for an awkward family dinner back in Lima. Sam and Brittany are convinced the Mayan Apocalypse is real and decide to GET MARRIED by Coach Bieste (spoiler: it's a fake ceremony), while Marley and her mom are worrying about paying for Marley's therapy sessions and making Christmas happen too. Sue overhears it and she and Becky play secret Santa. The episode ends with the Glee club and Marley singing a thank you to Sue. HAPPY HOLIDAYS Y'ALL!

The Gasp-Out-Loud-And-Then-Groan-In-Annoyance Moment of the Week:
SPOILERS: Kurt's dad has prostate cancer. As Kurt says, "But you already had a heart attack!" Seriously though, Burt Hummel is the sweetest dad ever and I hate that the writers won't leave him alone. This isn't "Grey's Anatomy" for crying out loud! But it's wonderful to see Burt showing Kurt a good time around NYC, and I love the look on Kurt's face when he realizes his Dad has arrived. Dawww.

I love the pop of copper on Kurt's collar and hinted at in his tie. Very festive, yet non-traditional.

Most Sartorially Altered Observation of the Week:
Rachel Berry, y'all. I know this has been kind of a slow transformation for her (if you doubt me, check out our rerun recaps from Season One and compare her makeup and wardrobe to now) but Rachel is definitely wading into glamazon territory now that she's a big bad college girl in New York City.

She still loves knee-high socks, but her hemline has risen and she is flashing a great deal more bare thigh than ever before. I'm not really a fan of her sudden glamour... I'll take the sweet, passionate Ohio Rachel over the empowered, privileged New York Rachel any day. (Side note: I refuse to believe that she and Kurt can afford to heat that loft space enough as to warrant her not wearing tights/pants/layers of any kind with that getup. It's Christmas in New York and it's probably real cold. Don't even play like that.)

More Dogeared...

I did love her direct recreation of Mary from "It's A Wonderful Life" in Artie's dream sequence, though. Right down to the glasses, the hair, and the scream-into-a-dead-faint when Artie tries to grab her to shake her into remembering his version of events. Love that movie.

The Best Seasonal Song of the Week:
I was weirdly endeared to Puck and Jake's duet of a traditional Hanukkah song while joyriding on a golf cart around Paramount studio lots in Hollywood, but then Marley opened her mouth and sang The First Noel... a cappella... to her mother... and I reached for the tissues. It was brief, beautiful, and memorable. Girl got pipes! And it's nice to not have a huge insane cheesy production number for EVERY song in every episode.

Despite poverty and insecurity about self image, Marley remains cute and slightly eclectic in a fringey scarf which sorta matches her skirt in a 70's color palette, topped with a slouchy bluish sweater... It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I like it for some reason. Maybe it's her impeccable chestnut tresses. Maybe it's Maybelline.

For the Christmas miracle, Marley is gifted with this freakin' adorable Benetton sweater (although this exact sweater doesn't seem to be available online). At any rate, I love rainbow argyle AND elbow patches.

Most "Prepared For the Mayan Apocalypse" Moment:
Sam and Brittany are ready-to-roll with the end of the world. And their impromptu "Mayan wedding" -- officiated by Coach Bieste -- is surprisingly serious, with Sam's blue tie and clean suit, and Brittany's sweet white lace and floral garland.

I wonder where this relationship will go, though, now that the Apocalypse didn't happen and they aren't actually married. I have a feeling they're both wondering the same thing... but you have to admit, they're adorably matchy in their color schemes patterned tops. And Brit's adorable Lulu hat! They might not be the quickest draws in Glee club, but they're artists in their own way, n'est-ce pas?

And speaking of "art"...

LEAST Visually Coherent Number of the Week:

"Jingle Bell Rock" from Sam and the Cheerios. Seriously? What what WHAT are you doing. I'm not real fond of this song to begin with, but the rendition is pretty straightforward... except for the inclusion of the Cheerios... dressed as sexy reindeer. The makeup, antlers, furry cuffs and jingle bell sticks are overwhelming... and the choreography is a little bit tasteless. Definitely not the kind of flash mob proposal I'd want, Mayan Apocalypse or no.

MOST Visually Coherent Number of the Week:
"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" sung by the whole gang for Sue Sylvester, who accurately predicts exactly what's about to happen before she even enters the auditorium, that sly fox.

Yes, it looks like a GAP holiday ad. But it's clean and pretty and cliché, which is just how a Glee holiday episode should end. Like Tiny Tim says, "God Bless Us, Everyone!"