Nationals: A Uniquely Good Time!

So here's what you missed on Glee: The kids head to Chicago for Nationals to take on Unique and the rest of Vocal Adrenaline. Mercedes comes down with food poisoning and almost misses the performance. Sue has officially become a gleekster. Rachel royally impresses Carmen Tibideaux and shuts down douchey Jesse. New Directions totes kicked Vocal Adrenaline's arses (even with a star worthy performance by Unique). And oh yea, EMMA AND SCHUE FINALLY DID IT!!!

Rachel's Melodramatic Solo of the Week:
Not only did Rachel have the most kick ass solo this week, she also had the most kick ass hair. Those curls are beyond gorge, and they definitely gave her some sass. Gurl made Celine beyond proud with her rendition of It's All Coming Back To Me Now. It doesn't matter that she looks like Minnie Mouse because Rachel sent chills running through my spine as I reminisced about my young, broody adolescent days where I thought all life's problems could be solved by a Celine Dion song.

How Sue Sees It:
"With Monique down for the count, we are entering the Hunger Games of show choir competition."

Track Suit Sightings: 4

PS: Sue also won the best accessory award with her miniature trophy medal

Brittany Bon Mots: "And plus, my blanket and my pillow fell in the pool. Disaster."

Song of the Week:
It was actually a difficult choice for me this week. Rachel's Celine solo gets my first vote, but since she can't have everything I'm going with Queen's "We Are the Champions" sung for Schue's big Teacher of the Year award! Meat Loaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" was a very close second.

Best Outfit of the Week: No surprise here. It's our little Emma who's not so little anymore, wink, wink. I absolutely love this black and white flowered dress accented with skinny red belt and red t-strapped shoes.

More White House...

She actually reminds me a bit of Bree Van de Kamp... is Emma already turning into a Real Housewife of Lima?

Worst Outfit of the Week:
Kurt, you know how much I adore you and how much I want to be best friends with you. But there is no way I can condone this outfit, I don't even know what the heck is going on with that thing 'round yo neck. You sure as heck ain't working what yo mama gave ya. And if you would just let me be your BFF4EVA&EVA, you would never have to find yourself in public with a whoa blinged out dog collar, that looks like one Michael Jackson's shoulder pads.

Absolute Cutest Couple on the Face of the Planet:

Seriously, what am I going to do next year without Kurt? Blaine better not find someone new because I won't be able to handle that. And Blaine will never find someone who can look totally adorbs with an Elvis 'do.

Celebrity Judge Who We'd Wish Stayed in Jail:

LiLo you were so gosh darn cute in Parent Trap, now instead of being robbed out of awards, you're stealing jewelry because apparently you can't afford to pay. While your dress could have potential, the super shiny, cheap looking material is blinding my eyes way too much to give it a chance.

Sassiest Celeb Judge who Everyone Secretly Wishes Would Blog About Them:

(Especially us here at YKYLF - but only good things of course)

So just in case Perez ever does read our site, I won't say anything bad about his Pepto Bismol blazer or Pee-Wee Herman-esq pants and socks combo.

Choir Member with the Most Kick Ass At-ti-tude:

Work it sistah/brutha! That dress totes hugs in all the right places! You go gurl/bro!

And the Winner is....

Psych! New Directions won obvi, but Vocal Adrenaline takes the cake in the fashion department. I like sparkles.

Most Perplexing Question of the Night: Why does New Directions always get to sing 3 songs when everyone else only gets to sing 2?

Props: Switching It Up Before Nationals

I don't understand why this episode is called "Props." They talk about props like ONCE at the beginning and the rest of it is about other stuff. Whatever. So Tina Cohen-Chang finally stands up and says "NO" to swaying in the background. When everyone jumps on her about being selfish, she calls them out on ignoring her for three years and leaves. Rachel even tries to bring her back with a bribe but not even a cool $50 bill can soothe the injury of Rachel tyrade of self-absorption. When Tina hits her head after falling in the fountain at the mall, she dreams that EVERYONE HAS SWITCHED PLACES and it's all disturbingly fabulous.

When she finally comes to, everyone is back to normal but Tina has a "new perspective" on Rachel's "burden" of being the group star. Sue tries to talk Kurt into dressing in drag for Nationals -- like Unique in Vocal Adrenaline -- but Kurt puts his foot down and says that being gay doesn't necessarily mean he wants to dress like a woman. Bieste finally leaves Cooter -- and stops Puck from making a huge mistake in a fistfight after school with that Dumb Hockey Guy. Now everyone is on their way to Nationals in Chicago (WHAT UP, CHI TOWN!!!) and everyone is ready to go for the gold... we hope...WAIT. Maybe it's called "Props" because it's ALSO about showing appreciation for others and giving credit where it's due. Like, props to Tina for standing up for herself and props to Bieste for leaving Cooter. OHHHH. #AfterSchoolSpecial

Rachel's Melodramatic Solo of the Week:
"I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz

...wait, this is a JASON MRAZ song!??! Holy cats, I thought this was gonna be another Carrie Underwood or Miley Cyrus thing... it was just depressing. Rachel was singing to her own reflection, and the lyrics were about looking into her own eyes. Seriously? Rachel. Seriously? The only marginally redeeming part of this sequence was the Anthropologie dress with little bees on it. I love that dress.

More Kate Spade...

Brittany Bon Mots:

Mercedes as Brittany: "Rachel, after your solo I have to bail Lord Tubbington out of jail. He tried to sell my iPhone for drugs."

Brittany as Britanny: "I'm not totally gay, but I think that trees are born like actual babies, so kicking me out would be kinda mean."

How Sue Sees It:
"We have but one choice left to us. It's time to fight fire with the flaming flames of additional flamey gay fire."

Track Suit Sightings: 7 (one of them was Will as Sue, the rest were all Sue as Sue)

Outfit(s) of the Week:
I gotta say. Having Tina hit her head and then see everyone as switched Freaky Friday-style was AMAZING. And great fun. Therefore, I give you all of the switcheroos.

Artie as Santana!

Santana as Artie!

Tina as Rachel.

Rachel as Tina! TINA AS RACHEL! THE TWILIGHT ZONE!

Mercedes as Brittany, Artie as Santana, Sugar as Quinn and Mike as Teen Jesus.

THIS IS PRICELESS. Puck as Blaine and Finn as Kurt. I can't... get over... It's so... I just...

NEXT STOP: Nationals!!!!

Prom-asaurus: Where You’ll Have a Yabba Dabba Do Time

So here’s what you missed on Glee: Brittany has decreed that everyone shall have a rawr-ing good time at this year’s dinosaur-themed prom. The New Directions are slated to perform at the dance because why outsource the evening’s musical entertainment when you can get it in-house? Everyone’s running for prom queen or king and in a Fiance-of-the-Year move, Finn runs for prom king with his ex-girlfriend instead of being there for his distraught fiancee. The only one not running for high school royalty is Becky, even though she wants it super badly. And her alter-ego is British? Meh, fair enough; so is mine. In the midst of another angsty breakdown, Rachel co-hosts an anti-prom party with Blaine and Kurt that fails miserably. In the end, Becky is crowned the anti-prom queen, Rachel is crowned the legit-prom queen, and surprise! Looks like all the PT with Jar Jar Binks paid off because Quinn can now walk(ish).

Rachel’s Melodramatic Solo of the Week: You know she had to make some sort of dramatic statement, so when Kurt and Blaine crashed what would have/could have been her solo of the week, her melodramatic moment was relegated to one of the fashion variety at the Red Rooster Express.

More Majorica...

How Sue Sees It:
“Advertisers are manipulative alcoholics who use images to play on our emotions.  Haven’t you seen Mad Men?” 

Track Suit Sightings: 3

Song of the Week:
It was slim pickins this week, but it might have to go to “What Makes You Beautiful” because, let’s face it--who here can resist a good boy band?  

 Brittany Bon Mots:
“All hair gel has been banned from the prom.  I’m actually not joking.  Hair gel was not invented until 30 million years after the upper paleolithic stone age.  And frankly, I don’t like the way you look.”

Did someone speak too soon?

Best Outfits:
It’s prom, aka: the Oscars of high school.  And what have we learned after hours of E! Live from the Red Carpet or all that coverage from the Met Gala?  No one cares what the boys are wearing, or who they’re wearing, or if they’ve got a proper bow tie or went rogue with a skinny tie.  The only thing everyone cares about and wants to see is what the girls are wearing.  

Enjoy the obligatory picture of Blaine in all his perfectly attired and immaculately coiffed glory.  Just another day for Mr. Anderson.  

But back to the girls.

I love, love this color on Santana and love even more that she matched her lipstick to her dress.  The fit is glove-like and the combination of the sweetheart and one-shoulder necklines is on-trend.  I also really love that she sang a Selena Gomez song.  

You know what they say: "dress for the job you want, not the job you have." Quinn looks like your Quinn-tessential prom queen with her lilac gown and its flowing skirts. The ruching on her bodice is just enough to keep the dress from falling flat and the diamante straps and waistband add the perfect amount of sparkle so as not to clash with her tiara.  And talk about dressing for the job you want--who cares if you're in a wheelchair? Bring on the sparkly open-toe pumps!

More Badgley Mischka...

It’s obviously a bit unorthodox for a prom dress, but then again, it’s Brittany.  Quite honestly, I wouldn’t have been surprised if she stayed in her Pebbles Flintstones get up.  I’m absolutely in love with the seafoam tulle skirt and and the white tuxedo top (complete with a bow tie!).  The color combination is so refreshing and the jaunty little top hat?  Do I even have to say how much I love that?   

It’s a rare occasion when Mercedes gets her bling right, but it looks like all those misses paid off because this one is a hit.  She looks like a pretty little starburst!  I’m not super digging the random strap zooming across her chest but the color looks great on her and I can’t imagine the last time I saw her with her hair up--she looks so elegant!

Okay, so I lied.  Kurt’s prom look was just as good and yes, I always care about what he wears.  I know some people might think he was a bit too cavalier with his formal wear, but let’s be serious.  It’s high school.  And you have to admit that his anti-prom deconstructed tux with the top hat is way fun.  Plus, he has a boutonniere--that’s about as fancy as it really needs to get. 

Not-So-Best Outfits:

Well, she had to bust out the pilgrim collar--for old time’s sake, you know?  I hope this is a last hurrah sort of situation but to be fair...at least the hideous collar is detachable via the hideous sheer cape.  

This one was definitely a Monet for me.  I liked the dress the instant I saw it, but I think it was the bright lime green that was attractive.  Everything else...too much of a throwback for Rachel, with the little tennis or baseball polka dots and the random green ribbon around the waist.  And sweet heavens, she brought back the white knee socks.  Where were the knee socks when she was prancing about in miniskirts in the middle of February?  And for Pete’s sake, she finished off the whole thing with some sort of ecru/beige/nude ballet flat situation.  But don’t worry, I’ve spared you all the pictures.

At least she had the sense to forgo all that nonsense before prom because I don’t know that Quinn and Santana would have enjoyed forfeiting the crown to someone resembling an overgrown second grader.  And well, if she did, they could have always consoled themselves over Puck’s spiked punch.  

Saturday Night Gleever - That's (not really) the Way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I Like It

In an attempt to not have to put next month’s rent in the proverbial swear jar, we’ll keep this short. Not sweet, though. Mr. Schuester and Rachel have enough sap and goody-two-shoesiness between them I’m surprised we don’t have toothaches or diabetes...except, who would mind a toothache if Emma’s ex, Carl, was your dentist? That’s what I thought. Bring on the cookies.  So...ugh, all right...three of the New Directions seem to have squat direction, but what else is new? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Especially given the song selection is a throwback to disco. Mercedes wants to be famous (who doesn’t?), Brittany posts a sex tape of Santana (let’s be serious, that was a long time coming), and Finn comes within a hairsbreadth of having a complete meltdown. Is this a retro episode I’m covering? See, nothing new. Oh, except Finn threw Rachel and the 7 other people watching Glee for a huge loop when he announced it’s been his lifelong dream to become an actor. Well, unlike their 7pm CDT time slot, that’s awfully convenient. And sort of delusional, don’t you think?

Rachel's Melodramatic Solo of the Week:

As a child that grew up with a disco-loving mother, I don’t totally hate the Bee Gees and I actually really like “How Deep Is Your Love.”  Not crazy with what Rachel did to it, but I imagine she needed to really hammer it into Finn’s head how much she loved him, so she took that ballad and went to town.

Unlike her singing and facial expressions, her dress is much more sedated. I like polka dots as much as the next gal (I’m wearing them right now!), but the whole thing is underwhelming.  A colored belt, shoes, or even that Godforsaken red beret she used to wear would’ve added something.  Gone are the cherished days of Rachel Berry pastel knee socks, argyle skirts, and cableknit cardigans (worn all at the same time, of course) and in its wake is Stepford Berry.

Brittany Bon Mots:

"It’s a bull testicle.  I drove all the way to Spencerville to get it.  They came in a pair but I got hungry on the way home, so...it takes just like a chicken testicle.”

B-T-dubs...W-T-eff is going on with her hair?  She went to Lord Timmington for a haircut, didn’t she?

How Sue Sees It:

"Let's be honest, William.  You've been out of ideas since Madonna week."  

Her solution to the lost souls of New Directions?  A good old, smack-down competition.  Cue the cheesy dance-off, redonk LED dance floor that she just happened to have on hand, and a fight to the death (of their dignities) for a handcrafted polyester suit.  

Track Suit Sightings: 4

Outfit(s) of the Week (feat. Song of the Night)

Best outfit AND best song of the night has to go to one Mercedes Jones.  She was a total powerhouse belting out “Disco Inferno” and she killed it in that red wrap dress.  I loved the ultra feminine ruffles lining the neckline and seam--she should do girly looks more often--and bless her heart, nary a lip print shirt, lip necklace, or some sort of oral-centric accessory in sight.  Plus, it fit her like a glove (and as we all know, fit is everything.  As Bethenny Frankel put it, she’d get her underwear tailored if she could) and the gold platforms and accessories added that touch of disco glam chic. 

 

In what I found to be a way random plot, Wade from Vocal Adrenaline looks for advice from Kurt and Mercedes on whether or not he should perform at their next competition as himself or Unique, his true-self/mini-Andre Leon Talley, complete with a dress and heels. At Sue’s gentle urging, they give him the green light but eventually repent as all us goody two-shoes are wont to do. Of course, it’s too late and Unique makes her debut in a mini flapper dress and Janet Reno-sized glittery platforms.

I’ve got to say, though...he is one pretty lady. The bob-cut wig was super flattering and it seriously took me a minute to realize that it was Wade up there.

I thought Kurt was especially well put together this episode.  Sometimes he can be a little out there with his choices, but I’ll give him this--he’s always interesting.  Take this Sound of Music inspired ensemble.  I'm usually not one for buttoning a shirt at the neck unless a tie or neckerchief is involved, but Porcelain makes it work.  I wonder if there's lederhosen somewhere down there beyond the screen shot...

The whole matchy-matchy situation Kurt’s got going on here was a bit much for the eyes at first glance, but upon further study (as interesting--not boring--outfits often encourage) it grew on me.  Who else but Kurt Hummel would have the stones to wear this, and who else but KH could pull it off?  As much as I adore Blaine’s retro, if-Mad-Men-took-place-in-high-school style, he wouldn’t be able to kill this look as well as his man.  Besides, it looks like it came off the From Scotland With Love catwalk.  Gotta love that.  

Rachel’s hair was getting about as boring as her wardrobe so this loose curls, side part, and swept back bangs affair we’ve got going on here is a much needed refresher.  Now that she’s got her hair out of her eyes, maybe she’ll see that marrying Finn (and the center part) is possibly the biggest mistake ever.    

Who on earth, one may wonder, can make a black and white polyester suit, gold chain, slicked back hair, and a fog machine look so good?  

Blaine Anderson.  That’s it.  Finn can say he’s Tony Manero until he’s blue in the face, but he needs to put that flannel back on because Blaine totally nails it.  I know it’s a costume, but I don’t care...a tailored suit is a tailored suit and that’s all the truth you need in life.  

Glee: Big Brother - The Softer Side of...Sue?

Editor's Note: Hey, Glee? We've about had it with you and your Blossom after school special vibe. We miss the days when you were campy and fun and the plot dictated the music, not the other way around. So until you improve, we're giving you short recaps because we just. Can't. Stand. It.  - Xoxo, YKYLF.

So here’s what you missed on Glee... and since the show has become as lazy as I am sometimes, I'm doing this recap in bullet form:

• It’s Senior Ditch Day! In...April? Does Lima go back to school in July?

• Quinn is now in a wheelchair, and in total denial that she may be a quadriplegic.

• Sue’s baby might have Down syndrome. She has a heart-to-heart with Becky, who gives her an amazing parenting tip: have lots of patience.

• Puck asks Finn to join him in California to launch his pool-cleaning business as the brains behind the operation, at which point my Pavlovian response was to turn to my left, then my right, and then faced the TV with a blank expression that asks, “Are you KIDDING me????”

• Blaine’s brother Cooper Anderson comes to town like a soldier returning from war, or in his case, from being a commercial star, and he criticizes Blaine to the point that Blaine takes a hot steamy angry shower in which his skin glistens like uncut diamonds against a velvet pouch in my dream safety deposit box in a Swiss bank. Ahem. Sorry.

• Not contributing anything to the plot this week are Mr. Schue, Emma, Asian, Other Asian, Mercedes, Trouty Mouth, Irish, Muy picante lesbiana Cheerleader, and Brittany S. Pears. Also, Karofsky was last seen in the hospital bed and I hope he’s working through his issues with a  counselor, because he’s going to need therapy until he’s at least 35.

Rachel's Melodramatic Solo of the Week:

Rachel was surprisingly not given a solo this week, so she had to console herself with a very pretty outfit.

I must say, however, that I’m a little tired of her trying to state her purity via fabric. She’s already had Finn open her box, so every time I see her trying to dress like Emma’s younger sister, it now looks like a Halloween costume, at least in theory.

Not say that she's not entitled to dress however she wants. I only want to know why she is allergic to trousers. The bow is a bit much but at least it is the same color as the rest of the top. The contrast with the black-and-white subtle polka dots (which reminds me of Dippin' Dots, may it rest in peace) makes the top pop out more, but she looks she's on her way to a boozy lunch with Elaine Stritch in the original Broadway version of Company. But hey, at least give the girl something memorable to wear if she’s not given a solo.

Brittany Bon Mots:

Brittany was once again wearing dressed in her cheerleader outfit, but the one line of the night goes to her:

"It’s springtime. I would like to see something give birth." I know the feeling, kiddo. Well, actually, I don't. Unless leftover chocolate bunnies from Easter can give birth. Mmm...chocolate baby bunnies...

Outfit of the Week:

The fashion all-stars of the week go to the fabulous Kurt and Blaine, and the smashing guest star Cooper Anderson. Even Sue’s lady parts are hurting every time he’s around.

Curious, though, that they dressed Cooper all in black/greys/shades thereof. Perhaps he’s trying to become James Franco and be all artsy and mysterious, and just ends up being irritatingly self-righteous and selfish? But since Matt Bomer has now become #1 on my own Freebie Five list, I thought that I should share his goodness with humanity in general. Thank you sweet Glee goddess, for I the gift of Matt Bomer.

By the way, I totally saw that coat on sale at TopMan the other day.

Even Sue is in love with him. Look how happy she looks when he dances! This is how Sue sees it ... or at least Cooper Anderson, this week.

Hold me, I'm frightened! Is this the dawning of a kinder, gentler Sue? (It IS 2012, after all...)

I would also like to post the numerous pictures of Blaine in symmetric-patterned tops with brightly-coloured skinny jeans. Plus, he was the one with the big melodramatic solos this week including a killer cover of “Somebody I Used to Know”.

He is absolutely killing it on a regular basis and I swear if the weather were nicer where I am, I’d walk around the office in these outfits.

At least he's doing better sartorially (if not emotionally) than his boyfriend, Kurt.

Note that while Blaine is dressed like he's in a Gaultier cologne ad circa 1994, that Kurt is channeling Johnny Weir. (Also, how come Kurt and Blaine don't talk about figure skating more often? We need more gays to talk about skating. I'll start: does the fact that Michelle Kwan NEVER won Olympic gold STILL keep you up at night once in a blue moon? No? Just me? Okay, then.)

So what will happen next week, Gleeks? Are you ok with our new short recaps? Or did you still want MORE, despite the fact that this show has become "a less compelling Degrassi with autotune"? (Thanks to YKYLF staffer Amanda for that chestnut.)