Showmance - Part 2 of 3 - Nomance

Why Nomance, you may ask, when Will and Terri are married? Because they did sexy times in the bath a la Grey's Anatomy, and Grey's won hands down.

I admit Will Scheuster is something of a hottie, when he's not wearing Joan Rivers' sunglasses. And her cardigan.

Nice face, nice briar patch hair, nice brown leather jacket. He's a little cookie cutter, I'll admit.

Make that a lot cookie cutter. With exactly the same colour combination as the last outfit, Will's only accessory is a slice of pineapple and a mild smattering of chest hair.

He looks good in blue, but I'm literally dying for a pattern. A trim. A strange way of hemming. Anything!

Not a t-shirt and a troll face, and not a grown man performing 'Gold Digger' with backup from a roomful of teenagers with no idea about bros and hos since they come from Ohio. Using Mercedes as Jamie Foxx was an inspired move, however.

Purple and pinstripes! It's too good to be true.

Yep, definitely too good to be true. I can't say that blue and white pinstripes go with such a bold tie, sorry, Will. Maybe you could try a pocket square? And buttoning your top button? And wearing a jacket once in a while?

I take it all back. Anything is better than the piped first name janitor look.

More pinstripes and more pontification from Will when Rachel's saucy performance gets the glee club dialled back to a set list suitable songs.

Now this, I do like. The brown is more of a tan, it's warmer, it doesn't drain him. I also like that he's wearing a slate coloured shirt instead of a blue one, the colours go really well together.

...and then we're back to blue and wide stripes. You see why this is a no show Nomance?

Terri Schue looks pretty in lemon and lace - you'd never guess there's a lying psycho with a hysterical pregnancy underneath those pretty paste buttons, would you?

Especially when she matches her earring to this natty sweater with a deep V and gypsy sleeves. I love the shape of this sweater, it's really unusual, and as ever am all for accessorising.

Vibrant alpine green, very nice indeed. This is how you do cable knit, Rachel Berry. Take notes.

This is what happens when you try to do soapy 'n' sexy without Patrick Dempsey. Updos really suit Terri, she should have them more often, but her crumpled face and expression of consternation don't. Pink fluffy bathrobes are all the rage for sorta pregnant crazies this year, but it's not a colour I'd choose.

This top has a light, summery feel, which I can't really comment on because seasons don't change in Glee, except at Christmas. The dots and red and white make me think of a picnic blanket, but it's a very nicely fitted picnic blanket which could do with some accessories.

Who gave her fire?!

Showmance - Part 3 of 3 - Homance

The Cheerios are judging me for calling them hos.

That is all.

This is a Homance because it's an all female post, which means the fierceness that is Sue Sylvester can have free reign. We start with Adidas tracksuits in candy apple red and sky blue.

Now jet black and snow white. Striking.

Done, and on to my favourite TV redhead (other than Christina Hendricks, of course).

Emma wears these wonderfully odd things, like a beige sweater with a heavy white and blue pattern that almost ressembles shells. I love it, especially the little bow flounces on the collar.

This is how you mix and match. Emma pulls together brown and white with a lighter shade of the former in her skirt, which goes very well with her bright hair colour. Salmon accessories are a daring choice for a ginger, but have the bolder of the two next to her hair leaves Emma chic, classy and non-clashing.

More Juicy Couture...

This is not so good: Saving Private Emma.

This may be my favourite outfit of the episode. In her own subtle way, Emma adds these beautiful statement necklaces to break up a block colour, which I highly recommend. The flower on her necklace carries on in the leaves of her skirt, which is gorgeous.

More Velvet by Graham & Spencer...

Dolly buttons, dolly beads and a whole lot of cute. Can I keep her?

This is wonderful. This is Marie Antoinette goes to the office, Anne Boleyn does work experience. Emma is oh so regal in this plum coloured shirt, complete with ruffled placket. Best of all the pearls and wee owl collar clips. Too kitsch and too sartorially stunning for words.

Ken wears this teal polo and goes on a date with Emma just so she can avoid becoming Will's rebound girl. Right...so he's okay being Emma's rebound guy?

This show is starting to lose its plot, and it's only episode two.