Asian F - Part 1 of 2 - Tina and My Sailor Moon Preoccupation

Here's what you missed on Glee: So Mercedes isn't digging dance booty camp and had a totally big fight with Mr. Schue. Emma, Bieste and Artie cast both her and Rachel as Maria in West Side Story, but she quits the play and New Directions and goes to Ms. Corcoran and says she wants to join her new glee club. Mike got an A- and his dad's totally mad, but he gets a part in West Side Story and his mom is totally behind him. Brittany and Rachel both decide to run for student body president. Will brings Emma's parents home for dinner, but it turns out she's embarrassed that they're really racists. And that's what you missed on Glee!

This week’s episode of Glee is a bit of a misnomer. “Asian F” was sold as an introduction into the private life of one Mike Chang, AKA “other Asian” who is an amazing dancer, but just can’t sing . Turns out he’s a superstar, because he also plays on the football team and has a straight “A” average. The “F” in the title refers to an A-minus, which is an exaggeration. I’m Asian, and I didn’t get hell for getting an A-minus on a test score or even a report card, and I turned out fine. Besides, any over-achieving Asian who grew up in North America knows that an “Asian F” is actually a B+. Anything below that is considered grounds for excommunication. But anyway, thanks Glee for trying, but you really should have consulted with me before you went with that detail.

Mike’s story is interesting but not terribly compelling, from a narrative point of view. This is really an hour dedicated to Mercedes’s thwarted ambition. We know it’s going to be a major catfight just by looking at the opening monologue, when they’re in dance booty camp and Tina’s outfit predicts the coming firestorm:

A word on Tina’s sartorial evolution: this is what happens to teenage Asians who try to be non-conformist. There’s a tipping point at which their outfits cease to be cool and instead enter the dreaded Hello Kitty category. It’s usually the unfortunate mixing of loud mismatched prints that gives it away. Looking at Tina’s outfit, one but cannot think that this might be chic on Madonna in 1981 when she was trying to copy Bananarama’s safety-pin couture, but here, it only reminds me of this. But thanks Tina for literally saying we’re going to have a catfight ahead.

But there is calm before the storm. Let’s look at the only mention of Quinn in this episode:

Quinn herself went through a period of rebellion. Her flirtation with the pink hair and safety pins reminded me of Samantha Fox trying to be Madonna trying to be Bananarama, but in 1987. (What is it with me and 80s pop icons this week?). Anyway, she looks fresh-faced and glorious, like a toothpaste commercial from the same era. There is nothing like a dance class to shake up the blues. (Or were her piercings too tight and her chunky boots too heavy to dance in before and metaphorically weighed her down? I’ll never know). It will – or should – be followed up with Rula Lenska’s Alberto V05 ads. Anyone else remember those? No? Then YouTube it. Okay, who’s next?

Here comes Mercedes in workout gear. Clearly she’s not taking this seriously because it’s not the deconstructed sweater that Tina wears or the sweat-friendly outfit Quinn is sporting. Mercedes is sporting what I like to call “faux-gym wear”: outfits that look like they are made for the gym, but because they are bedazzled or not breathable, they get worn everywhere except during actual exercise, because sweat would destroy the detailing. So it’s no surprise that the rehearsal is a total disaster for her and she fights with Mr. Schue.

Meanwhile, in the Schue household, Will asks Emma about her parents. They are headed for marriage, so why not meet the in-laws, right? Emma is evasive about her parents at this point and Schue intends to find out why. While he does this, let’s celebrate her outfit:

THIS is how you do prints without making it a total nightmare: match a bold piece (the skirt) with a contrasting colour on the colour wheel, but only in a solid block. The detail works, too: pay attention to the belt on the skirt. It’s an easy day-to-night transition for her. While this veers dangerously close to Betty Draper’s wardrobe, on Emma it carries itself off much easier because it’s a breezier look on her than it would have been on Betty. Given that Emma is indeed loosening up, it’s good that her outfit appear less constricted as well. Still, I long for the day that she shows up to school dressed as Stevie Nicks, but one can dream.

Also, are those actual glasses, or just a necklace that mimics real spectacles? If that's a necklace, I MUST get one.

Back to Mike Chang. There’s a meeting in the principal’s office where his father laments his son’s “failure” with the A-minus. Or something. Anyway, Figgins mentions Tina’s polluting influence and we catch a glimpse of her in full vampire regalia from before:

Come ON, people. Any self-respecting Goth would have laughed this out of the room. This is not threatening, it’s a Halloween costume. Goths are supposed to have a dangerously sexy edge, not dollar-store brooches. What you have here is a Harajuku girl wannabe stuck in central Ohio, which Tina has been for far too long. I just hope they make her stop Trying So Hard. Top this off with a thoughtful tiara and you’d have my Auntie Ling’s attempt at a Halloween costume. She lives in Macau. That should tell you everything about what’s wrong with this outfit.

By the way, it’s so great to know that Mike Chang has Asian stereotypes for parents. Yay for progress! How come when an idea might sound good as a parody on The Simpsons, it doesn’t work out in Glee? Solution? Revitalize Glee by turning it into a cartoon instead !!!! … but let’s make that the subject of another blog.

So Mercedes and Rachel are in the running to play Maria in McKinley’s version of West Side Story. But I thought we already had auditions last week? How long are they going to drag these out? In any event, Mercedes’s new linebacker boyfriend tells her not to fraternize with the enemy and this brings out a very competitive streak in Mercedes. She not only rocks Jennifer Hudson’s “Spotlight”, she also rocks a new glam image.

While it may look a little much like a cocktail party dress, and in high school one simply doesn’t wear those (unless you’re on Gossip Girl, circa 2008), she looks stunning and classy. The dress cuts her in the right way and her hair brings about a softer image. Clearly, she wants to be a diva. The only problem later on, however, is the attitude that comes with the label. Think of Courtney Love when she got clean and went to the Oscars in 1997.

Tina, meanwhile, has gone onto the other side of the Harajuku fashion phenomenon and was clearly in a hurry to get to the audition that day.

She appears to have worn her Sailor Moon costume but forgot the accessories or the braids.

And we’re back to the McKinley senior class president election campaign. You remember how Brittany S. Pears quit as Kurt’s campaign manager and declared her intention to run for office? Well, it’s clear that Brittany has found a lot of conviction to run for the position, and announced her candidacy in perhaps the biggest set piece of the episode, with Beyonce’s “Run the World (Girls)”.

First off, kudos to Heather Morris on rocking out this number. Who knew she was a belter? Her vocal range might not reach up to Mercedes / Rachel levels, but there’s no denying that Glee has been keeping her as the show’s best-kept secret for far too long. And the outfit, combining a deconstructed varsity jersey, PVC skirt, thigh-high stockings and f***-me boots just screams “high school lesbian superhero”. You will notice Santana has returned to New Directions and is undoubtedly Brit’s biggest supporter. It makes you wonder if she has ambitions to become First Lady to Brit’s President. 

The straps connecting the stockings to the skirt like a leftover from a Siouxsie & the Banshees costume party? Genius. See, Tina? Even though she wasn't going Goth, even a supposed airhead like Brittany knows which details to rock. Even Sue, who makes a minimal appearance in this episode, agrees and was dancing happily along. And it’s so refreshing to see Emma boogie to something:

Love is good. Sex is good. And it certainly brings people out of their gloom / insanity / psychosis. Emma’s cohabitation with Will has done her wonders, as I have never seen her smile so much, so broadly, so freely (only in relation to her usual uptightness) and appreciate things around her. While this outfit still says schoolmarm and bookworm, it’s cut just right to give her a sexy librarian look. All she needs are Tina Fey-style glasses, or that necklace she had earlier in the episode. (By the way, does her overall aesthetic remind anyone else of Lea Thompson in Caroline in the City? No? Okay, it’s just me, then).

Back to work we go! Emma and Coach are in the midst of discussing who would be better as Maria: Mercedes or Rachel? When she’s serious, she rocks out polka dots.

Without seeing the rest of the outfit, since she never stands to full height in it, one can only imagine that the jacket is cut bolero-style and is the missing piece from Tina’s earlier Sailor Moon-light ensemble. They should really make a date to accessorize. And I like that her hair isn’t piled up like it was before and is longer and freer now. It’s a not-so-subtle sign that she’s letting her hair down in every way.

The meeting for the auditions turns serious. Here are Mercedes and Rachel getting the news that there will be a call-back and an official sing-off for the role:

Why does Mercedes wear outfits that contradict her moods, mindsets and personality? In this episode, there’s no love, there’s only an attitude problem and frustration. While I appreciate that she doesn’t get the lion’s share of solos, she really should be more of a trooper. She’s in a glee club, not the Hollywood round of American Idol. Her pendant here clearly indicates that she’s a tiger, a lioness, something fierce! And Rachel’s dresses are now officially becoming more form-fitting and uptight than Emma’s, with that dizzying pattern threatening to strangle her. Rachel: look into jeans, slacks, anything that covers your legs. You’ll get much more wear out of them than if you were to continue wearing dresses all the time. You’re not interning at Vogue, and even Anna Wintour would sniff that you're Trying Too Hard.

In the interim, there’s a lot of durm und strang on Mike’s part on whether to stay in glee club or try out for a part in West Side Story. In the midst of practice, Tina stumbles upon him and expresses her love for him, wearing what appears to be the missing top for the awesome Sailor Moon costume I have been discussing.

Yes, the outfit is age-appropriate because of the capped sleeves. But can I just say that we don’t need to have so many people on the show wearing them. Also, this Sailor Moon costume thing is becoming an obsession with me, fast. Clearly, Halloween is on my mind.

Asian F - Part 2 of 2 - The Communist Gay Fashion Agenda

This just in, in this week’s Glee political news: it appears that gays are Communists, judging from what Kurt’s wearing this week.

As one can see, he’s clearly sporting a co-opted Maoist Youth outfit with matching worker’s hat. You will find Marx & Engels in that satchel he’s carrying.

And then there’s Blaine, who somehow counters his Communist tendencies with … Orville Redenbacher chic.

Also, Blaine’s waving his satchel around saying, “mine’s bigger, bitch!” Nevertheless, I like the fact that they go to school not just dressed, but in full costume (it’s a state of mind, not just clothing), and I resolve to do so more in my daily life.

Back to dance booty camp. Mercedes is being a total nightmare and calls out Schue for favouring Rachel over her, time and time again. Again. Seriously Mercedes: you’re part of a high school glee club. In a year, you’ll be in college and, if you’re lucky, not getting rejected from Disney Cruise ship cabaret auditions. Just deal with it. But alas, did she listen to me when I yelled at my television? No! How come whenever I talk back to my TV while watching my stories, they don’t talk back to me? Seriously, they need live interactive TV more often.

So anyway, it’s clear that Mercedes has become uncooperative and belligerent. She’s the talented one who refuses to suck it up and work well with others, leading to a false sense of entitlement. What happened to being a team player and contributing by simply working with what you have, and not just showing up to complain? Mr. Schue might have expected better from people, and in this day and age, you don’t get gold stars for just doing “enough”, but for going beyond expectations. I appreciate and empathize with her frustrations at not being picked first for every solo, but the “sophisticated” image she wanted to project is beaten down hard by her diva outburst.

This leads us to the true emotional heart of this week’s episode: Mercedes vs. New Directions, not the phony Tiger Mom / Tiger Dad baloney they tried to fling at us with that A-minus what-have-you.  We then get the most spot-on homage in Glee history: the re-enactment of “It’s All Over”, the famed mid-show number in Dreamgirls that leads into “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”.

If you look at the YouTube clip of the performance on the 1982 Tony Awards, you’ll note that this is a great fit. It also exposes Mercedes’s state of mind when Schue tells her that if she leaves rehearsal, she’d be out of New Directions. The lights come up, and she’s all alone. It’s stunning to her to know that New Directions doesn’t revolve around her, and a sobering wake-up call that talent alone may not carry the day. She should remember that when she leaves high school.

Back to clean up the Asian F story thread. Seriously, was this episode ever really about that A-minus? Not quite. In the end, Mike’s mom (who likes chicken feet in her salad according to Tina in season 2) is actually not a monster, but empathetic. And – no surprise – she herself was subject to Tiger Parents’ demands and gave up a dream to dance. While I understand that, I wonder: couldn’t she just have done it on the side, even as a hobby? I must say, however, that she looks very pretty and not at all like the Hello Kitty nightmare Tina sports every day.

I’d also like to point out that Mrs. Chang looks like she’s only about 37 while Mike looks 23, which would mean she probably had him at, what, 14? And here’s where I get smug: we Asians generally look younger than what we are, until we hit age about 60 or 65, in which case aging happens rapidly at any time within a three week cycle. For more information, see this cartoon. I give Glee points for casting Tamlyn Tomita, AKA Waverly from The Joy Luck Club. 

And now, the dueling duet! Who will win the role of Maria?

As you can see, Emma is wearing a variation on the Russian royalty print that has been widely co-opted for their national sporting teams. (The manufacturer is Bosco Sport, I have one of their scarves and they are amazing, and I cannot buy it anywhere outside of Russia! Boo. Just for that, I hate her outfit already). Meanwhile, Mercedes is wearing what appears to be a draped lampshade and Rachel is on her way to confession. Somehow, both outfits work, maybe because they don't detract from the song. Both sing the hell out of “Out Here on My Own”, and the judges cannot decide who will get the part.

Meanwhile, Emma’s got enough on her mind because her parents have arrived for dinner thanks to Will's invitation, as a "surprise" for her. Surprise! For her, the surprise was about as welcome as her period arriving while wearing tight white slacks during a staff meeting. Here’s what she’s wearing when she gets the news, which is a smart but professional look.

Has she loosened up enough to make a trip to a store other than Anthropologie? Either way, I’m enjoying the short fall trench.

Here’s some nonsense that I cannot fathom: apparently, she was embarrassed to introduce Will to her parents because they’re “ginger supremacists.”

????

Apparently they are not only racist, they also coached her on using moist towelettes to wipe off glasses at restaurants where they are served by non-gingers.

WELL, NO WONDER EMMA IS JUST TOTALLY F***** UP.

I talked back to my television again, yelling “THAT IS NOT BELIEVABLE!!!” No one responded. Thank goodness my neighbours on both sides of my apartment are 1) out of the country and 2) deaf, so they couldn’t hear me yell. What’s really strange is that Emma is STILL obsessively cleaning. What, does she think that Mexican servers get inside her house and mess the place up? IS EMMA A WHITE SUPREMACIST? Seriously Glee folks, if you’re going to do pop psychology, at least think of the consequences of your prognosis. I for one like to think of Emma as neurotic, but not a racist.

Elsewhere, that sneaky Commie Gay Kurt is still rocking the Maoist Youth look, dressed on his way to a Mass Games rehearsal for Kim Jong-Il (it's that time of year again, you know!):

Overlooked detail? The wraparound beneath the collar. Where is the top button? Under the collar, of course. Well done. I must look for shirts with this feature now. Otherwise, I cannot help but think of Kurt dressing up to re-enact One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch in his literature class. From now on, I shall think of Chris Colfer as being of Russian descent, and ponder how he sounds in a Russian-dubbed version of the show. На здоровье!

Rachel, meanwhile, suspects something is up. Since he’s a Communist, what’s her response? To run for class president, too, and her political stance would be whatever opportunist party would take her on.

What? It’s not as if she’s talented, rather, she’s clearly deranged and clinging to anything of note that would get her out of Ohio. Do you think she actually gives cares about her fellow students’ well-being? At least Kurt has a platform and political motivations, recognizing that his getting elected would help bring attention to the place of queer teenagers in high school. Britney would apparently be the first female class president of McKinley. Rachel’s motivations reflect only her naked ambition and have no ties to serving the school whatsoever. She reminds me strongly of Reese Witherspoon’s seminal performance in Election but without the pathos, subtlety or character development. Did I mention before that Glee just might be a cartoon?

It’s decision time for the role of Maria, and the judges decide … to split the difference and give them both the role on a rotational basis. It’s a bit of a cop-out, and the problem is that not even Mercedes would be happy with that arrangement. She asks point-blank if any other roles would be split, and when told the answer is no, she declines the role.

How ironic that she wears a necklace that has “love” on it. There’s been no love in this episode, only backbreaking work, competition and heartbreak. And ginger supremacists.

What a tough week for Emma. She’s got whacked-out parents, but she’s relieved that Rachel is agreeing to share the performances so that there’s some equality. See, Mercedes? This is what a professional does: they suck it up, they do what needs to be done for everyone’s benefit, so that everyone’s mutual needs and benefits are met, right? No? Okay then, go join that new club that Idina Menzel’s forming. I’d love to see you join up with that talentless kid with Asperger’s and watch you rip your hair out. That would be a scream. And I’d laugh loud and long.

In the meantime, let’s tell Emma that her flowers are floating away on her dress and … no? That’s on purpose? The dollar-store petals with the weird texture are supposed to look like that? If you say so, but someone’s got to tell her that the plastic doily work on a blouse is not supposed to constitute fashion, it just makes her look as crazy as her parents. (I did also notice that I have done the screencap of what might be her “O” face.)

The final outfit of the episode is completely ridiculous.

Why on earth is she wearing an outfit that matches the French classroom? There’s actually a French flag hanging on a wall that I’ve cropped out, but this is just plain strange. I mean, I never showed up in Spanish 200 wearing a shirt that screams “MADRID”, nor have I gone out with my German friends in a jacket that says “ICH LIEBE DEUTSCHLAND” in rhinestones on it. I have shown up at the Olympics wearing “CANADA” in big letters on my apparel because … well, there’s a time, place and occasion for every outfit, right?

Racial insensitivity aside, the most exciting part of the show was the discovery that Breadsticks delivers. Why can’t we have one in Canada? 

Mini-Recap: Asian F

Here's what you missed on Glee: We finally got to see a bit more of his Mike Chang's character (more, please!) as he struggles to balance grades, football, parents and dancing. Meanwhile, Brittany S. Pierce, Kurt, and Rachel battle for class president, while Rachel and Mercedes battle for the role of Maria. Mercedes decided not to hide her light under a bushel this week: she gave up the part of Maria and a verbal bitchslap of Mr. Schue got her the boot from New Directions (good thing there's another glee club). And we finally got an idea about why Emma is OCD.

Song of the Night: It was fun to see Mike Chang sing "Stay Cool", but I'm giving this one to Mercedes for killing it on "Spotlight" and "It's All Over". 

Brittany Bon Mots: In Brittany's world, there's a "magical poop stealing water chair". 

Best Bieste moment: Bieste was a riot this week. While talking "bramble patches" was amusing, she scored points with me for "I haven't been this torn since I had to sell one of my prize donkeys for gas money. I sold Khloe, but kept Kim."

Melodramatic Rachel Solo: Out Solo'd! Rachel made her best Rachel face on "Out Here on My Own" from Fame, but even she knew Mercedes was better.

Outfit of the Week: How do I choose? Kurt and Blaine in bowties? Rachel's purple mod dress? Tina in shapeless colour? Mercedes in a killer black satin number? Oh heck, let's give it to Brittany for somehow making a leather mini-skirt and sporty thigh highs work in a dance routine.

Tracksuit count: 1

Come back on Friday for the full recap by Ritchie.