I Am Unicorn - Part 1 of 3 - This One Time at Dance Camp...

Episode Synopsis: The New Directions’ stage smiles are about to crack because it’s audition season at McKinley High.  Mr. Schuester bequeathed the direction of the musical to Artie, Bieste, and Emma so he could fox trot with his newly formed Booty Camp.  Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine all nail their solos for West Side Story try outs and as if Kurt didn’t have enough on his plate (what with vying for the lead and trying not to break his neck on his homemade jungle gym) he’s decided to audition for another role: senior class president.  And in a largely foreseen (but still dramatic) twist, Shelby Corcoran returns to Lima with baby Beth and lots of purple clothes in tow, hoping that Puck and Quinn will be a part of their baby’s life.  That is, until she sees Franken-Quinn in all of her unwashed, 90s grunge, Smells-Like-Teen-Spirit-esque glory.  And in a not-so-foreseen twist, Quinn returns to normal to convince everyone that she’s perfect for the role of Beth’s mother.  And that’s what you missed on Glee! 

Mr. Schue announces that he’s forming a dance boot camp, aptly named Booty Camp, in order to really whip some of the New Directions into shape for this year’s competitions.  You know what else he needs to whip into shape?  His color palette.  That brown jacket with the gray shirt and gray plaid tie is a monstrosity

Okay, he’s back in his vest.  Phew.  I know most people aren’t fans of his vests, but I kind of dig them.

Booty Camp largely consists of him and Mike showing off—sometimes in slow motion to really rub it in their faces—and then teaching everyone else how to step to the left in tandem with the rest of the group.  This is probably why he needs to wear loose, comfortable clothes from Old Navy.    

YAWN.  I’ll bet you’re wishing there was a vest in this picture now, huh? 

Wish granted.

His not-so-happy campers have decided to use their clothing to express their boredom (Finn and Puck), muscles (Mike), and love for garments found on the boardwalk. Yes, Mercedes, I am talking about you.  Seriously?  A strategically ripped t-shirt with your name spray-painted on the front?.  

As usual, though, I can’t find fault in Kurt and Blaine’s choice of dancewear.  I love that Kurt’s sweater has little bow-tie tassels!  It really is all in the details.  

I Am Unicorn - Part 2 of 3 - The X Factor

Since he’ll have his hands full with Dancing with the New Directions, Mr. Schue left the direction of the musical to Beiste and his ladybird, Emma.  Polos and gym shorts are to Beiste are like what tracksuits are to Sue—what you see is what you’ll get…Sunday-Saturday.  24/7. 

Thankfully, Emma isn’t plagued by that sort of hideous monotony.  I loved her flower sweater at first glance but after staring at it for a while, I can’t help but think that the leaves on the stem vaguely resemble a bra left behind in a dryer that was set on the heavy cycle.  But I do adore those t-strap heels! 

Mr. Schue also decides to make Artie the musical’s student director.  But budding Spielberg or not, those grandpa vests are not doing him any favors.  I do love Rachel’s red, white, blue dress—so preppy and nautical!  And be still, my heart.  Tina’s wearing yellow.  Like, real yellow.  Not an I-wore-my-white-Pilgrim-shirt-so-often-that-it’s-dingy-and-gross-now-yellow, but like a bona fide ROYGBIV yellow. That's color in two different episodes!

As another loyal fan to colors, Emma dons what I’m sure is a way cute sweater that I want for myself.  Artie and Beiste…well.  There they are. 

Emma’s top looks so promising with the stripes and bow at the neckline!  I only wish there was a better shot of it.  And at least Artie switched things up a little with an Aztec-inspired sweater.  

All right, I can only say Emma’s clothes are cute so many times before wanting to abandon this post to go shopping, so just admire it. Study it. Memorize it. And please tell me where I can get one once you’ve figured out where it’s from.

Kurt’s assignment notebook must be full to bursting by now: “Monday morning: agree that Brittany will be my campaign manager.  Adjust sweet birds brooch and remind self never to wear this red-orange and green combo again.”

“Tuesday night: meet with Brit to go over campaign posters.  No time to do hair, wear random captain’s hat.”

I’m sorry; I had to.  She’s wearing a unicorn headband.  With a tail...!!

Generally, Kurt can do no wrong in my eyes.  In this case, however, I would have strongly advised him that if he wants the role of ultra-masculine gang leader, a Streisand song may not be the best choice…and neither would the floral scarf.  Kurt, you’re auditioning for Tony, not Anita.  

You know what else I wouldn’t do if I wanted to present myself as super macho?  Wear feathers in my hair and recite lines from a Shakespearean play.  Only these two would get into full costume for a re-audition.

I really hope there’s more to this outfit that we just didn’t get to see because this look is mildly reminiscent of an ice dancer.  

All right, much better.  We’re back on track.  I love that he’s not afraid of ruffles and that jacket is so slick and cozy looking at the same time. 

Only Kurt (and maybe Mercedes) could make a studded jacket look fabulous.  But, I think when you unleash your inner unicorn, you can make just about anything look fabulous. 

In the midst of his audition and campaign woes, Kurt has to wrestle with the possibility that Blaine might steal the lead from him.   He may also steal the Best Dressed Man on Glee title—how adorable is he?  The whole thing is charming from the slightly askew bowtie, to the suspenders, and to his perpetually perfect coif.  

But Blaine, being the amazing BF that he is, decides not to audition for the lead. What a sweetheart. A sweetheart with a killer sense of style. His audition outfit is perfection and I like that he’s rocking ankle pants.  Bravo!

Rachel…well, when doesn’t she sing dramatic solos on stage in front of people?  Just another day in the life.   I am, though, a huge fan of this dress.  From the pale pink, to the little bow belt, to the delicate buttons down the bodice, and her curly hair—it’s just so sweet and feminine.  

Speaking of which, it’s hard to get more feminine than flowers and while I like this dress, I find it too summery for this time of year. 

But at least she’s not wearing knee socks.  Oh, #%$@.  I jinxed it, didn’t I?

I Am Unicorn - Part 3 of 3 - Baby Blues

Shelby Corcoran makes her return to Ohio when Sugar Motta basically buys her own glee club and hires Shelby as the director.  As annoying as Sugar is, she does have some cute clothes. You can hardly go wrong with a navy blazer.  

I’ve always liked pairing tan with a dark evergreen—it’s so fall.  Except, we could do without the white shirt tied at her navel. 

 

Knowing that Sugar’s a lost cause, Shelby focuses on her baby and her wardrobe.  Well, more so her baby because she must have forgotten that she wore purple the day before.  And the day before that. But at least they’re all great outfits.  Especially that deep mulberry dress she wears when she sings her duet with Rachel.  Gorgeous.

And, to her credit, she does mix things up with a very nice dark teal blouse and pencil skirt.  Very profesh.  Or perhaps Beth spat up on everything else?

Now, who would have thought a year ago that Puck would be better company for an infant than Quinn?  Takes one to know one, I guess.   Obviously, his shirt isn’t exciting, but is it just me or does his mohawk look really fake?   

While Puck’s off making nice with his daughter, Sue enlists Quinn to star in her smear campaign against the arts.  I am really loving her hot pink suit, though.    

 
Okay, everyone, I figured it out.  Quinn and Tina totally switched places over the summer.  Or closets.  Because first all the colorful dresses on Tina and now the uniform black gothic wear on Quinn?  Coincidence?  

Fortunately, there was a breakthrough.  Talk about a one-eighty.  It’s literally a night and day difference.  Not my favorite dress (it's a bit too Little House on the Prairie for me) but a vast, huge, massive improvement. And she looks adorable with short hair!  

 

Fine, so it wasn’t a real breakthrough because we find out that Quinn got it into her head that she’s going to get full custody of Beth.  I’m sorry, excuse me?  That has to be the most harebrained idea ever.  But I guess that’s what happens when you smoke cornstarch in a pipe.  

Mini Recap: I am Unicorn

Here's what you missed on Glee: Brittany and Kurt learn a valuable lesson - they're both unicorns (and that unicorns are ponies who did a good deed). Shelby is back to create a rival glee club for Sugar Motta and to dangle Quinn's baby in her face as bait to turn her back into a good girl. Auditions have started for West Side Story and while Kurt may be a unicorn, he may not be the kind of leading man he wants to be. Everyone else is working on their dance moves. 

Song of the Night: It's a toss up between Kurt on 'I'm the Greatest Star' and Blaine on 'Something Coming.' They really are the perfect couple. 

Brittany Bon Mots: Swag bags called Kurt Hummel's bulging pink fun sack. 

Melodramatic Rachel Solo:  Somewhere There's a Place for Us. Okay, great song. But still so over the top. 

Outfit of the Week: Definitely not the pink dress Rachel wore for her number - so plain! (yeah, I'm hard on Rachel tonight). I can't decide between Kurt's green hunting style jacket with the geese or the striped top with the sailor cap. He does themed outfits so well.

Tracksuit count: 3

Come back on Friday for the full recap by Kristina.