Mini-Recap: On My Way

In a Very Very Special Episode of Glee, Karofsky attempts suicide and Quinn gets into a car accident while texting and driving. Sebastian the Warbler tried to deal with a guilty conscience because of cruel things he'd said to Karofsky and make up for being a d-bag, but too little too late. Will trivilizes depression by talking about how he was sad after cheating on a math test and by giving the Irish kid peanut butter for the first time (because Ireland doesn't have such fancy nut butters). New Directions surprises no one with a Regionals win, Quinn is back as a Cheerio, Sue is pregnant and being nice, and Rachel and Finn decide to live in the moment and bump up their wedding date. And that's what you missed on the ABC After School Special Glee!

Schue's Challenge: The focus was on Regionals this week, and the theme was "Inspiration".

Song of the Night: I wanted to say "Stronger", but in the context of this episode it was just uncomfortable. So I'll say Blaine singing "Cough Syrup".

Melodramatic Rachel  Solo of the Week:  She closed out Regionals (and led New Directions to a win) with her take on "Here's To Us" by Halestorm.

Goldblum Gold: "When the judge says, 'does anyone object', we'll all say 'we do' with feeeeeling." (seriously Goldblum. Never leave us). 

Brittany Bon Mot: "I want Lord Tubbington to kick his ecstacy addiction."

Outfit of the Week:  A mini-recap isn't enough space to cover my feelings on teenage weddings, but Rachel's dress was lovely and classic. It'd be even better if she were at least five years older.

Worst Outfit of the Week:  Kurt, I love you, but Imma need you to do something about those giant, stiff collars. Like the one you wore while visiting Karofsky. And no, loaning them to Tina isn't acceptable.

Tracksuit count:  3

Tune in Friday to see who Jill thinks wins the Regionals of style.

Heart - Part 1 of 1 - Most Fav Holiday Eva!

Secret admirers, reverse psychology, broken hearts and a new voice. Ah who doesn't love Valentine's Day? It's Sugar's most fav holiday eva, so daddy dearest throws her a party for her and all her friends. The no-single-people-allowed rule made Artie and Rory fight for Sugar's heart, and with a devious story worthy of Blair Waldorf, Rory won the right to escort Sugar. Someone's none too happy about Santana and Brittany's relationship and has filed a complaint against their public displays of affection. Big bully Karofsky showed he is capable of love when he dressed as a gorilla and surprised Kurt. Rachel and Finn finally announced their engagement and Quinn and Kurt - the only two reasonable gleeks - refused to be a part of their big day. And Blaine got to wear a really cool eye patch. And that's what you missed on Glee!

I don't know what's more sad. The sorry state of all their wardrobes, or the fact that Sugar is now becoming my favorite character. She was on her game this week and her quirkiness most definitely rivals Britt's, but unfortunately her daddy's millions (or maybe billions, if he can buy Ireland) are not going towards enhancing her closet. Girlfran's got something going on over there with the over-sized bow and heart shaped glasses and whatever the heck that thing is hanging from her neck. No wonder why Artie started to fall for her, he's finally found someone who dresses as ooglay as he does!

Oh wait, he already dated Tina and there is no way in hell that anyone dresses worse than Tina. Case in point above. White sailor girl dress with puffy shoulders: would be cute on one of my dolls collecting dust up in my attic. Purple knee highs: so wrong for this outfit. So wrong for any outfit. White (yes, I said white) lace up boots: Heelllll NO babe. We don't wear white after Labor Day, and we don't ever wear what looks like patent leather white lace up army boots after ever.

As for Quinn, I actually like her navy blue dress with white shrug. The red bows are a cute little touch for Valentine's Day, but she looks a little too much like a 1950s housewife.

So we finally got to meet Rachel's dads! I will admit, I expected a little more oomph out of them, but I do love Jeff Goldblum. And I absolutely love that he wore a purple velour suit. He looked very dapper. As did Rachel's other dad in his twill vest and jeans.

I was pleasantly surprised with Rachel's wardrobe this week. Yes, this dress does remind me a little of Carol Brady, but I'm really digging the material, pattern and fit. It doesn't exactly flatter her body, but the super lose fit doesn't maker her look large either, which is a win in my book.

I was torn between the dress above or this one as being my favorite, but I think this one takes the gold.

The plunging v-neck looks awesome on Rachel's petite frame, and the solid blue on top and polka dot pattern on bottom is an adorable combo. And two things give it a great shape: the thin red belt (to adds waist definition), and pleating on the dress (to give a fun overall shape). Too bad Rachel always has to be standing next to this dud. I really fear for what their closet will look like once they get married, and not because of the tiny closet space in NYC apartments either.

Seriously, how many great pieces of outerwear does Rachel own? It really baffles me, since no one at McKinley ever dresses like there's a change in weather. But I'll take it since this red pea coat is beyond devine. She looks like a little Samantha American Girl doll, but not in a bad way. Is that possible? I guess it is.

OK, but Rachel's outfit below was way too heart-attack-tastic for me. I think she's falling into the housewife routine way too quickly.

Well you know, if normal housewives pranced around a grand piano holding hands and singing songs. But I do absolutely love Dad Goldblum's fuchsia sweater paired with his blue slacks. I'm not too keen on Professor Dad's outfit, but his jacket is pretty fun. Fun enough that I'd like to wear it.

Dear Rachel, take off your pants pronto and you'd be one sexy mamasita.

Aaaand another gorgeous red jacket. The over-sized collar and pewter colored round buttons make this look much more sophisticated and a little less Little Red Riding Hood.

Now, let's talk about our girl Sugar and her choices this week. Here's a closer look at the thing that died a-top of Sugar's head.

Sugar, honey, Blair Waldorf is the only one who can pull off wearing headbands with bows the size of Africa. And Serena is the only one who can wear ties and make them look cool. Please try to develop your own sense of style instead of stealing it from our favorite Upper East Siders. Thanks.

Mannnn I want to dance around in a shower of confetti! Even if I have to pay someone to do it for me!

Well hello, Mad Hatter!

And did you go snooping in your grandma's old jewelry box for that necklace? What is that? A bunch of pearls crocheted together? It looks like a pearl bulletin board with all those weird doodads stuck on. Ohmygod it's so hideous. Let's review. Pearls = good. Big pearls = great. A bunch of pearls strung together resembling a suit of armor = priceless, as in there is no price anyone in their right mind would ever pay for that piece of awfulness.

Now, as ridiculous as this next outfit is, Sugar's confident enough to pull off a tiara and if I could wear a tiara in my everyday life I totes would, so I can't knock her too much. And I actually think I would like her dress if I could see the whole thing. I'm just going to pretend like I never saw the ridiculous magenta shrug.

Speaking of rdiculous, Tina, was it really necessary to wear those black and white striped referee socks?

No, it wasn't. And Rory, I know you're not from this country, but here in America we do not roll up our pants as such. And Quinn, are you going square dancing later?

Ok, enough questioning. Mercedes is stunning in this red floor length gown belting out one of the greatest love songs of all time. I feel like in light of recent events, there is nothing I can say here but kudos on a job well done.

I never thought I would find myself saying this, but Mike Chang, you were my... wait for it... best dressed Gleekster of the week. His throw back to the newsies couldn't have come at a better time since the show is coming to broadway next month! (Yes, I already have my tickets!) Mike looked so awesome in this ensemble and he sang so well - I was so proud of how far he's come! Now, if he could only do something about that thing hanging off his arm...

I'm sorry, did I hit my head, pass out and wake up in 1890? Those are the epitome of antique shoes. And I can tell ya that they most likely were not stylish back then either. And what is with the bib on the front of your dress? Tina, get with the times!

Freakin' A, I don't even know which is worse. The hideous white boots worn in the wrong era, or these ridiculous grey and yellow lace ups with bumble bee outfit. Sugar and Tina are fo sho honorary members of the Mad Hatters tea party.

Mike Chang, I really feel like I should hate this outfit but you know what? I really don't! I'm kind of digging the neon yellow pants and bright blue cardigan. Everyone else is just blah, even Kurt. And it takes a lot for him to be blah.

I think Brittany and Sugar need to have a fashion-off. This Chiquita banana thing Britt's got going on upstairs is just plain dumb. I wore headpieces like that for my dance competitions and even at the age of eight knew they weren't meant to be worn by anyone who wasn't carrying a basket of fruit on their head.

Quinn's V-day dress is pretty. I like the fit on her and I can handle the many stripes and colors for about five minutes. Sam looks super spiffy in his black blazer, it's a nice change from his Letterman's jacket that he refuses to take off.

But I just felt so bad for Sam this week, and every song he sang he absolutely killed it. He's so cute that he can wear whatever he'd like. No snark there.

Again with this wearing white business. Quinn, it's apparently not summer so your white summer dress is wildly inappropriate. But your cerulean trench isn't half bad. I don't love it, but it'll do. Mercedes, I don't even know what you're wearing. Is that a shirt knotted at your waist? Or an insanely short cape? Whatever it is I don't like it. Your red pants however, A+.

Arg, more season inappropriateness! I just don't understand why it is so hard for the wardrobe department to put these girls in outfits that fit the season. Quinn looks like she's ready for Easter Sunday. Rachel looks like she's about to go sailing. And Sugar, well, Sugar looks like a Spice Girl, so I guess it doesn't really matter what season it is for her since nothing they wore ever made sense anyway. And I'm pretty sure there's a mouse in Disney World running around with no shoes on.

Brittany's under the sea dress actually is kind of cute. It's not creepy, weird like some of the other animal faced sweaters she's worn. And Mercedes looks smokin' in her pink dress.

Only Kurt could wear a metallic maroon suit and not make it look like he stepped off the set of Grease!

And only Blaine could wear an eye patch, red bow-tie and top-hat and make it look cool and not circus clown creepy.

And together, they make the cutest couple ever! Gah I just LOVE Kurt's outfit, LOVE IT! These two aren't just the model couple, they are models. Work it boys!

Mini-Recap: Heart

It's Valentine's Day! Sugar's buying everyone's love at the rebranded Breadsticks (it's now the Sugar Shack, natch). Dates are required, and suddenly Artie and Irish are fighting over Sugar. Finn and Rachel's engagement is public and Quinn and Kurt are willing to give up their bridesmaids' dresses to be the voice of reason against the teenage wedding. The parents, including Rachel's dads (hi, Jeff Goldblum!), employ reverse psychology to convince the lovebirds not to tie the knot (doesn't work). Someone is complaining about Santana and Brittany k-i-s-s-i-n-g, although not the God Squad. Mercedes isn't making Sam her valentine because she made Shane sad. Kurt has a secret admirer, but it's not Brodway Baby Blaine sending him gorillagrams, it's Karofsky! And that's what you missed on Glee!

Schue's Challenge: The World's Greatest Love Songs

Song of the Night: I'm a sucker for Blaine and the B52s. Love Shack wins.

Melodramatic Rachel Solo of the Week:  Mercedes on an unfortunately timed "I Will Always Love You."

Goldblum Gold: "Honesty, respect, dance. Those are the foundations of the Berry family."

Outfit of the Week:  Mike Chang's ode to Newsies was down right delightful, but I dug Brittany S. Pierce's fish dress.

Worst Outfit of the Week:  While I adored her Lolita heart glasses, the red bow and the tie without a collar was rivalled only by the dirty dreads of Teen Jesus in the God Squad.

Tracksuit count:  No Sue, no tracksuits. I was hoping Adidas made ones with a heart motif.

Tune in Friday for the fashions that Lauren hearts and hates.

The Spanish Teacher - Part 1 of 2 - ¡Estar de Moda!

Episode Synopsis: There's a tenured position open at McKinley High, and Principal Figgins has Sue and Will going head to head AGAIN for the spot. Sue wants to have a baby and start a family once she's got tenure, but Will has the same idea for himself and Emma. The problem is that Sue is a jerk and Will is a terrible Spanish teacher. His frustrations increase when he starts taking night classes to brush up on his Español and meets David Martinez (RICKY MARTIN) the suave night school teacher who harbors a love for singing, dancing, and glee clubs. When David shows the New Directions kids his moves, everyone agrees that Will needs to work a little bit harder at his job. Mercedes is having issues; she wants to be with Sam, but she is still with her big football playin' boyfriend Shane, and doesn't want to hurt anyone. Emma advises Mercedes and Sam to stop talking to one another for a week to see how they really feel. Meanwhile, Emma is getting the brunt of Will's anxiety about tenure, Rachel tells Kurt and Mercedes about Finn's proposal, Kurt yells at Finn for giving up on himself, swim coach Roz Washington calls out Sue on how old and out of touch she is, and everyone realizes how tough the coming months will be as school comes to an end. Aaaand that's what you missed on GLEE!

Just to start us off on a high note, I want to show off how consistently sweet and lovely Emma Pillsbury is. EVERY EPISODE.

Yes, it's prim and proper and old-fashioned sweet, but it's also very current. We all know she shares Quinn's love of Anthropologie and has a personal stash of Kate Spade.

Exhibit B! Kate Spade skirt with a city skyline. BOOM. So adorable and so simple!

This polka dot day dress was absolutely stunning. I often feel that Emma could walk in and out of Katharine Hepburn/Spencer Tracy film with little to no alterations to her current wardrobe. That's classy.

Kurt is just so dapper sometimes I can hardly stand it. I mean, his motivation in the scene is to go convince Finn not to give up on himself before they've even graduated college and THIS is what he wears into the men's weight room: a belted gray sporting jacket, khakis tucked into boots, and a black turtleneck. Beautiful choices, Kurt my man.

Let's take a second to appreciate Brittany's face. Yes. Okay. Now let's move on to Doctor Quinn: Fashionable Woman. She's rocking a very springy look: I love the watercolor tone of the scarf against the khaki jacket, and when she stands up the dress is really unique too.

The piping trim on the jacket matches the red in the dress. Nice touch! Also, I can't say enough how much I love her haircut. Her long locks were so gorgeous, but this short 'do really does it for me. This is a girl who is taking control of her life.

Weirdly enough, I really find myself drawn to Sugar's outfits. The minute she opened her mouth in that first episode I though, "I don't know if I can handle this," but her wardrobe is so interesting and 70's chic. The furry vest and leopard print top is a combo that I might steer clear of, but Sugar Motta is fearless.

Seriously, I'm beginning to wonder if she pilfered her clothes from Jackie's closet on That 70's Show. The tawny jacket is really cute! (Also, I love Sugar's reactions to things. She's making faces to rival La Ricci's Bitchface Collection... but with a less bitchy edge.)

Okay, I love that Mercedes is rocking a super springy pink lip color with a top that matches. On some people I don't really dig the matching lip thing, but on Mercedes? It's classy. Classy like the sequin-lapel tuxedo jacket she's wearing. Awwww yiss.

Also this color blue looks great on her, and I love her hair. Mercedes is confidence personified! Except for the fact that she's in lurve with two guys... ummm....

Let's just take a second and stare at RICKY MARTIN. I mean, David Martinez, the Spanish teacher. Holy cow. The hair. The shoulders. The bod. I'm having flashbacks to the late 90's when he first started making music... yowza.

In accordance with how glorious RICKY MARTIN is, Santana pairs up with him to do Madonna's "La Isla Bonita" while wearing a red, red lip and a sassy black romper... dang girl.

For some reason I sort of want to watch "Selena" now. Is that wrong?

The Spanish Teacher - Part 2 of 2 - ¡Que Mala Suerte!

This week saw the continuation of the Sue Sylvester Track Suit Infinity Loop with the following eye-popping gems:

I will say in Sue's defense that her makeup is considerably softer than what it used to be, and I appreciate the little things.

Bronze-medal Olympian swim coach Roz Washington has it out for Sue. She's even wearing loud windbreakers to compete with Sue's track suits, and she insists on wearing her bronze medal with every outfit, all the time. (Although, I pause to reflect: if I had won an Olympic Medal, would I not be considering wearing it all the time as well???)

Mike Chang, I am concerned about this outfit. The cardigan has white sleeves attached to a green body, and there are elbow patches that are neither color. Then, you have a white henley underneath, which makes the cardigan look like a strange vest instead of a cardigan, and the color you chose for your trousers looks more like the Crayola hue "goldenrod" than casual khaki slacks. I am concerned about this overall because the look is confusing. (And where is Tina Cohen-Chang?? I didn't see her the entire episode.)

What....is happening here?

Hmm. What's this? Artie, your sweater... it's unusual but most of your wardrobe usually is.

 

Oh no. What's that? I though they might be weird phone booths or something, but no. It clearly says "HOTEL." Artie, WHERE did that come from??? I'm pretty sure you just won some kind of insane sweater award, because I am totally flummoxed as to what to say about that pattern.

Mr. Schue, how many times have I had to tell you? Corduroy jackets do not go with black ties. How unfortunate. (It's mystifying to me how in some episodes, Will is totally on top of his game and knows all the words to the hip new songs, but in this instance, he doesn't know any of the words and he's totally overshadowed by Señor Hottie Martinez.)

This is a little better, but still boring. A gray shirt with a black tie and black sweater? While Emma prances around looking like a fairy tale come true? Step up, Will.

Heavens to Murgatroyd. What.

Finn. I know Sam made you all wear bolo ties (and weird shoes) for the number, but it's still a bolo tie and it's awful. Wait. WAIT. Finn, are you wearing a SHORT-SLEEVED button down shirt with a bolo tie? Oh. Oh, Finn... no.

Sam, your new haircut and your adorable passion for Mercedes is almost enough to make me ignore the bolo ties. But not quite enough.

Mmmhmm. This is much better. Casual and brooding.

Normally this kind of blandness would be unacceptable, but considering he's wearing hand-me-downs and donations while his family is still in poverty, I'll give him a pass on this one.

Now go get Mercedes back, you lucky dog you!