What do you get when you cross Sandra Bernhard, a sketch-ball place in Mexico, a number of revelations so BIG they blow your mind, and not even one swoon worthy article of clothing? The season finale of GCB. Let's take a look below to see what happened down in Texas this week.
Revelation #1: Pastor Tudor hearts Amanda
I mean, duh! I knew this butt-kicking, goody-two-shoes, hunka-hunka burning altar candle, Lord approved, Ken doll wasn't going to stay so pure for long. And it makes sense that Pastor Tudor would fall for Amanda in her angelic white (and beige), I mean she wears it every single gosh darn day of the week! And who could blame Amanda for being completely swept up in the moment when Pastor Tudor has such perfect lips and perfect hair...
Revelation #2: Luke loves Amanda
And I LOVE Cricket's shoes. If thou must take over the world, walk through the desert, or cheat on thy incredibly hot gay husband on an equally hot stallion, then thou MUST wear only the shoe birthed from the serpent thyself.
Revelation #3: Gasp! Someone's discovered Cricket and Blake's big secret!
Was it Cricket flashing her ginormous...bling...in front of Mason's face that tipped him off? I mean, there's plenty of room on her cleavage to display her worldly goods.
Revelation #4: It's the end of the world as we know it.
Could it be true? Does this sexy plaid wearing man actually have an illegitimate child? Let us pray. Dear Lord, please help Carlene in her time of need. Not only is she wearing a hideous orange dress that makes her look like an oompa loompa, and enough crosses to save her from the devil (please take note of her cross bracelet), but her annoying whiney voice and lenghty prayer sessions don't seem to be enough to keep her husband's snake in his pants. Amen.
Revelation #5: Sharon's good for more than her wittiness, she's a super successful business woman to boot!
If thou wants to be most successful in Texas, one must first sell thy company to Cricket, next walk around with a bluetooth and buy a chinchilla coat, dye it blue, attach it to a sheer "robe" and wear it like the Queen thou thinks thy are. Not only does this approach make Sharon look like she has more money than all of Texas, but, you know, it's also really cold down there in the south.
Revelation #6: Beauty cream from Mexico really does work wonders.
Would you look at that! It can even make Heather and Gigi look the same age! From the face, to the hair, to the rockin' bod, I'm seriously confused as to which one of these gals is supposed to be Amanda's mom and which her friend. Unfortunately for Gigi though, her tie-dyed bedazzled dress misses the mark this week. And do not even get me started on those offensive boots. Gigi, I'd pray for you if I could hear myself think through the loudness of your dress.
But hey, sometimes you want your clothes to get noticed before you walk in the door. For those times, here's a handy-dandy shopping guide. If online shopping's not your thing, use your $95,000 credit at Neiman Marcus.
All I have to say is: Dear Lord, please let there be a second season with our hilarious Southern Belles. I'm hooked on this show. From the snappy one liners, to the beautiful eye candy, to the ridiculous plots and even more ridiculous outfits, GCB gets an A from me!
What did you guys think of the first season? Will you be watching if they get picked up for a second?